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Anxiety and socials
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
I don't officially suffer from anxiety, but I do find walking into a room full of strangers under massive pressure (self inflicted) to make a positive first impression, quite nerve-wracking.
My advice would be to contact the organiser and arrange to arrive as they do (ie early). You can then ease yourself in gradually as the group builds up around you.
I'd also encourage you to use all your coping techniques (if that's the right phrase) with the intention of going in there, as opposed to bailing out at the earliest signs.
Not sure how much of a positive this might be for you, but you'll probably find more women then men there (couples show up together, single women turn up, hardly any men will), so it should be a relaxed atmosphere.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find socials, and clubs, extraordinarily difficult. I can't hide that I'm feeling uncomfortable, which most people seem to take as a cue to avoid me like the plague. Even when someone is willing to speak to me, I have a habit of freezing up or just giving very concise, closed answers. The fact that I was raised to mind my own business and not bother people really doesn't help. |
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Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups."
I like this a lot Thankyou  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find socials, and clubs, extraordinarily difficult. I can't hide that I'm feeling uncomfortable, which most people seem to take as a cue to avoid me like the plague. Even when someone is willing to speak to me, I have a habit of freezing up or just giving very concise, closed answers. The fact that I was raised to mind my own business and not bother people really doesn't help."
I'm similar.. fine on my own but rubbish in groups. I say daft things in sheer panic! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't officially suffer from anxiety, but I do find walking into a room full of strangers under massive pressure (self inflicted) to make a positive first impression, quite nerve-wracking.
My advice would be to contact the organiser and arrange to arrive as they do (ie early). You can then ease yourself in gradually as the group builds up around you.
I'd also encourage you to use all your coping techniques (if that's the right phrase) with the intention of going in there, as opposed to bailing out at the earliest signs.
Not sure how much of a positive this might be for you, but you'll probably find more women then men there (couples show up together, single women turn up, hardly any men will), so it should be a relaxed atmosphere.
Good luck. "
Think I'll do that Thankyou I agree it's probably more the arriving into a busy room that will make things stressful. Being first would allow me to catch my breath a little. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like to turn up early, nothing worse than walking into a room full of people already chatting. Also if you can go with people you already know.
Let's hope everyone doesn't have the same plan!!
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not so much now, but I (Mr) spent many years suffering from chronic shyness and anxiety about meeting new people, so totally empathise with how you feel.
If it helps, all the socials I've been to have been full of lovely people, some of whom seemed quite happy to stay on the periphery and listen and smile, and there was no pressure on anyone to "join in" as such.
If you can pluck up the courage to take that first step, I'm sure you'd have a great time.
Good luck! x
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected? "
It was easier than i expected as I suffer with anxiety of meeting new people the way I cope with it is I pretend I’m only meeting one person |
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"Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups.
I like this a lot Thankyou "
Very Welcome!
Also...Not sure how many socials you've been to, but getting to know a few beforehand so you don't go into a group alone is always a bonus.
I like, socials, myself! so if you're ever going to one I'm also attending, let me know....two audacious women entering is always a welcome sight |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups.
I like this a lot Thankyou
Very Welcome!
Also...Not sure how many socials you've been to, but getting to know a few beforehand so you don't go into a group alone is always a bonus.
I like, socials, myself! so if you're ever going to one I'm also attending, let me know....two audacious women entering is always a welcome sight "
None!! Hence the sheer panic.. I've chatted to a few of the guys that I know are going so am not completely blind but the whole group thing is terrifying! |
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"Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups.
I like this a lot Thankyou
Very Welcome!
Also...Not sure how many socials you've been to, but getting to know a few beforehand so you don't go into a group alone is always a bonus.
I like, socials, myself! so if you're ever going to one I'm also attending, let me know....two audacious women entering is always a welcome sight
None!! Hence the sheer panic.. I've chatted to a few of the guys that I know are going so am not completely blind but the whole group thing is terrifying!"
Ooops, can't message you due to filters, but contact me if you like! I love socials! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The first social I went to the host yells my name out and I almost had a panic attack from it but then I calmed down and my anxiety from going died there"
God this would send me into panic too!! |
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"Social anxiety is the one form I don't have. Lucky me!
Not sure how I ever got over it, as I was the shyest kid ever.
My strategy was always to go to a place, and start up chat with the other people hanging around the edges (presumably also shy). You can end up meeting some great people that way, without having to deal with the loud center groups.
I like this a lot Thankyou
Very Welcome!
Also...Not sure how many socials you've been to, but getting to know a few beforehand so you don't go into a group alone is always a bonus.
I like, socials, myself! so if you're ever going to one I'm also attending, let me know....two audacious women entering is always a welcome sight
None!! Hence the sheer panic.. I've chatted to a few of the guys that I know are going so am not completely blind but the whole group thing is terrifying!"
Im sure you will be fine love, just try and be yourself,.try and blank the group situation and think its a one on one experience.
It can be nerve wracking, but once you start chatting you will feel at home..try and stay relaxed love xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.... i used them as a learning curve.
Humans are inherantly clicky, but swingers are potentially less judgemental and more welcoming than most.
Take no shit.... "
In my experience, swingers are worse. Just as unfriendly as vanilla, and far more likely to give you shit about "not making an effort" afterwards. Especially the ones who swear beforehand that they won't let you get stuck in a corner on your own, and then dodge you on the night when you try to say hello. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes.... i used them as a learning curve.
Humans are inherantly clicky, but swingers are potentially less judgemental and more welcoming than most.
Take no shit.... "
Ha ha I won't though slightly scared of what kind of shit I won't take... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected? "
Yes!! And now my social anxiety is so much better now.
I chose someone to message before the event and arranged to meet beforehand having explained my predicament. He was great, we had food and chatted for a couple of hours before. I then had someone to walk in with who had previously been to that social. I had to go outside a couple of times. Everyone was lovely. I even went to the loo on my own, walking through the pub ( not something I found easy normally) and although I could only stay 2 hours I had a really good time. Now I've been to 4 and it really does get easier each time, you get to know faces, make friends so it's not as scary.
I've gone from feeling physically sick, going blotchy, stomach cramps etc etc, to positively looking forward to going.
I believe it's possible to push yourself and at least become partly comfortable in social situations, after all if you never step outside your comfort zone your comfort zone will stay small. I'm not completely cured, I was at a vanilla party the other week and couldn't face going round saying goodbye and just left after explaining to one person.
I've even started visiting clubs.
If you have any questions feel free to pm me.
You can do it, yes it will be uncomfortable but it will get better the next time.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected?
Yes!! And now my social anxiety is so much better now.
I chose someone to message before the event and arranged to meet beforehand having explained my predicament. He was great, we had food and chatted for a couple of hours before. I then had someone to walk in with who had previously been to that social. I had to go outside a couple of times. Everyone was lovely. I even went to the loo on my own, walking through the pub ( not something I found easy normally) and although I could only stay 2 hours I had a really good time. Now I've been to 4 and it really does get easier each time, you get to know faces, make friends so it's not as scary.
I've gone from feeling physically sick, going blotchy, stomach cramps etc etc, to positively looking forward to going.
I believe it's possible to push yourself and at least become partly comfortable in social situations, after all if you never step outside your comfort zone your comfort zone will stay small. I'm not completely cured, I was at a vanilla party the other week and couldn't face going round saying goodbye and just left after explaining to one person.
I've even started visiting clubs.
If you have any questions feel free to pm me.
You can do it, yes it will be uncomfortable but it will get better the next time. "
This is fab to hear I used to be really sociable so determined to get back to not having to overthink everything outside my house. Going to give it my best shot |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chester social I go to, not too far from you. If you want to go I'll happily buddy you while there. Next one is March 2019. "
That's very kind of you Thankyou |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The bogs ! Honestly.. every club I've ever been to I've started chatting to someone is the toilets and made friends from there. Swingers are generally really friendly people. I'm also part of the kink community and they are not very welcoming but swingers are the opposite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.... i used them as a learning curve.
Humans are inherantly clicky, but swingers are potentially less judgemental and more welcoming than most.
Take no shit.... "
I sgree, however your a woman. Single men, or at lezdt myself find it harder to be accepted. I went to yhe Newcastle social and was blanked by couples, and women. Single me were chatty but That really killed it for me. I dont think swingers are friendly with strangers to be honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The bogs ! Honestly.. every club I've ever been to I've started chatting to someone is the toilets and made friends from there. Swingers are generally really friendly people. I'm also part of the kink community and they are not very welcoming but swingers are the opposite. "
Have to disagree. Sorry. |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
I feel socially aqward at times, especially when in large groups, I'm a quite person until I know someone. I have been to two group socials with another fabber, if I hadn't I wouldn't have gone! It was big breath, I've got to go now.
One group social was Ummm not my scene, a real eye opener for me, I felt it was too in your face 'what are you into' 'FaF'. The other was way more relaxed general chat 'a proper social' with friendly people.
Choose your venue wisely and it's great you have offers for people to go with. Good luck OP and enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My first swingers club was le champs .. I was meeting someone and was terrified!! Talking to the people behind the bar made me feel at ease but was really nervous of being approached or investigating the place on my own x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found most swingers are arrogant, and cliquey. Some are ok but in the minority.
At least thats the way ive found them. Clubf and the Newcastle social that is. Single men hsve caused problems and I'm being prejuged in my assessment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My first swingers club was le champs .. I was meeting someone and was terrified!! Talking to the people behind the bar made me feel at ease but was really nervous of being approached or investigating the place on my own x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My first swingers club was le champs .. I was meeting someone and was terrified!! Talking to the people behind the bar made me feel at ease but was really nervous of being approached or investigating the place on my own x"
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected? "
I used to be a real social butterfly and nothing much phased me .. but over the last couple of years I have developed the anxiety thing big time, I've never been to any of the socials/clubs, I always get the impression (rightly or wrongly) that people are judging me, difficult to explain really but I am making a conscious effort to try and get to one of the clubs before Christmas.. Hence my status, I just hope that it works out and I don't turn around and go home again when I get to the door as I am usually a lot of fun within an environment that I know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try finding a friend to go with, or meeting someone else who is going to the social before hand, just for a chat, then you go with them to the event.
You can feel on the outside of a group when its your first time, but remember that your all there for very similar reasons and it is very liberating to meet and chat with people who share your outlook on life.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected? "
I have done a couple of the group socials and found it easier meet up with someone beforehand, even though i had already met some of the attendees anyway..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected?
I used to be a real social butterfly and nothing much phased me .. but over the last couple of years I have developed the anxiety thing big time, I've never been to any of the socials/clubs, I always get the impression (rightly or wrongly) that people are judging me, difficult to explain really but I am making a conscious effort to try and get to one of the clubs before Christmas.. Hence my status, I just hope that it works out and I don't turn around and go home again when I get to the door as I am usually a lot of fun within an environment that I know "
Such a shame  i hope you get to get out there too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try finding a friend to go with, or meeting someone else who is going to the social before hand, just for a chat, then you go with them to the event.
You can feel on the outside of a group when its your first time, but remember that your all there for very similar reasons and it is very liberating to meet and chat with people who share your outlook on life. "
To do well at clubs and socials, go with a friend.
To make friends, go to clubs and socials.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has anyone on here that suffers from anxiety managed to do the group socials?
If so, any advice? Was it easier or harder than expected? "
I am a social butterfly and love mixing and mingling with people so don't have that worry. I go alone and leave alone not a problem.
Recently I was chatting to a very friendly couple at a social and to me they seemed full of confidence. They said they find it difficult and need to have a few drinks to calm the nerves. Not easy for them, but as the evening went on they soon became more comfortable and I could see were enjoying their time. |
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Yes I do get anxious and I have a few Social interaction problems. The social interaction problems have fed the anxiety. Luckily I hide it well. Over the years I have learnt the 'rules' of how to interact with people. As a result I have become more confident and the anxiety has gone down. Most people can't tell apart from those who are really close to me who can spot my ticks when I am uncomfortable. The advise I have is just be brave and get stuck in even when it scares the shit out of you. Ask yourself what is the worse that can happen. The more you expose yourself these situations the better you'll get at dealing with it your way. It's hard but it's way better than letting anxiety holding you back from the things you want to do. |
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By *ogNMuseCouple
over a year ago
Surrey |
"I have found most swingers are arrogant, and cliquey. Some are ok but in the minority.
At least thats the way ive found them. Clubf and the Newcastle social that is. Single men hsve caused problems and I'm being prejuged in my assessment. "
If you think your being pre-judged by everyone, then you aren't exactly going to be seen as friendly and approachable, your going to be defensive, and people will pick up on it.
We always make the effort to chat to new people, and will never not talk to someone just because we might not be interested in playing with them; single males included
I'm (Mr) not known for being the most sociable person in vanilla life, but I've found it so refreshing to meet and chat with so many new likeminded people.
One of the good thing of being a smoker is you'll always find someone to chat to while having a puff, had a great chat about gender fluidity while having a smoke at OP4F
And just remember, it was everyones first time once. Oh and just imagine everyones naked... |
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