FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > No privacy
No privacy
Jump to: Newest in thread
So a few months ago our daughter went to university which was great for us as she has anxiety she rarely goes out meaning we hardly get any time for ourselves.
So when she went to university it ushered in a new chapter in our relationship giving us the freedom and independence that we have not had as parents for over 30 years.
We have dedicated our lives to our kid's and it was nice to think that we can now be ourselves and do what we want.
Well she only lasted about 2 months and is now back home quitting university.
Whilst we support her in every way possible and help her with her anxiety issues.
We are feeling really guilty that we now seem to have less privacy and time to ourselves than ever before.
We rarely get a moment to ourselves and frankly it's really stressing us out.
By the time she goes to bed we are both shattered and as we are both up at 5:45 every day and don't get home until about 6 pm we are usually to knackered to enjoy love making.
Is it wrong to want time to ourselves but how can we do this given her fragile state of mind?
Anyone else have a situation like this or been through it? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Book a hotel or go outside.
We have two grown up children who live at home and work shifts so we are never home alone.
Joint masturbation is very enjoyable for us. Without it we’d be sex free. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The above and seeking medical help is good advice . I come across this on a daily basis in my line of work .
I have a theory on anxiety which I’d rather not air here . But it seems to be on the rise and far more prevalent in today’s society and younger generation.
Good luck  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Oh no! Horrible for all of you.
Is your girl accessing the services she needs too?
Did the uni support her?
Could she apply again next year at a uni closer maybe.
My son suffered anxiety, he is at University in Scotland.
He failed his first year exams, had a breakdown, saying he couldn't cope. We'd lost his Nan and Grandad six months apart in that year.
We got help from the Dr who diagnosed anxiety, she was great and the University were amazing tbf, allowed him back and assured me they'd support him, a big thing for me, as I did not particularly want him to go back while he was ill, as we live 7 hours away, once he knew he had support there he wanted to go back.
Fair play, the uni emailed me once a month to tell me how they were supporting him, and how he was doing.
Only lasted for 3 months as I knew before he did he'd passed the exams he'd previously failed with distinctions.
He is now doing his dissertation, and wants to stay and do his Msc.
He still has his medication, unopened and untouched. He refuses to discard it. Says it's a reminder.
Good luck, I hope you reach an outcome which suits all.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Oh no! Horrible for all of you.
Is your girl accessing the services she needs too?
Did the uni support her?
Could she apply again next year at a uni closer maybe.
My son suffered anxiety, he is at University in Scotland.
He failed his first year exams, had a breakdown, saying he couldn't cope. We'd lost his Nan and Grandad six months apart in that year.
We got help from the Dr who diagnosed anxiety, she was great and the University were amazing tbf, allowed him back and assured me they'd support him, a big thing for me, as I did not particularly want him to go back while he was ill, as we live 7 hours away, once he knew he had support there he wanted to go back.
Fair play, the uni emailed me once a month to tell me how they were supporting him, and how he was doing.
Only lasted for 3 months as I knew before he did he'd passed the exams he'd previously failed with distinctions.
He is now doing his dissertation, and wants to stay and do his Msc.
He still has his medication, unopened and untouched. He refuses to discard it. Says it's a reminder.
Good luck, I hope you reach an outcome which suits all.
"
What a great success story and one that smacks of a young man that has built up “resilience “ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
What a great success story and one that smacks of a young man that has built up “resilience “ "
Resilience in abundance, and the will to not allow it to consume him, or define him. Also he has a Mumma who he knows will fight the four corners of the earth for him, as well as kicking his arse if he needs it.
To say I am proud of him is an understatement, he has tackled those demons and won. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This happened to my son. He had a breakdown and pychosis episode. Too much pressure put on him by the University. He transferred to the OpenUni part time degree and has a decent part time job and is now fully recovered now.
My sons both live with me full time, so I find fun in clubs and in hotels when I go travelling instead of at home |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
What a great success story and one that smacks of a young man that has built up “resilience “
Resilience in abundance, and the will to not allow it to consume him, or define him. Also he has a Mumma who he knows will fight the four corners of the earth for him, as well as kicking his arse if he needs it.
To say I am proud of him is an understatement, he has tackled those demons and won. "
The kicking ass helps .... my daughter was the same .... she’s now studying for her PhD in Forensic Psychology |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The kicking ass helps .... my daughter was the same .... she’s now studying for her PhD in Forensic Psychology "
Wow, good luck to her! My boy is studying Games Development and Maths, he's just finished his first indie game, finished showcasing it across the UK, now he has people willing to fund it, he aims to release it commercially next year.
His dissertation is on graphics and his mentor is the guy responsible for all the CGI in the planet of the apes movie.
Luke was like yeah, he sits drinking coffee playing overwatch all day lol. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
The kicking ass helps .... my daughter was the same .... she’s now studying for her PhD in Forensic Psychology
Wow, good luck to her! My boy is studying Games Development and Maths, he's just finished his first indie game, finished showcasing it across the UK, now he has people willing to fund it, he aims to release it commercially next year.
His dissertation is on graphics and his mentor is the guy responsible for all the CGI in the planet of the apes movie.
Luke was like yeah, he sits drinking coffee playing overwatch all day lol."
Fantastic ,, when are you retiring  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OP are you not able to go to clubs or play with friends at their homes if your own lacks privacy ? "
Cheers for replies.
Y s she is already getting help from GP we sorted that out.
She has actually left university now and back homeas for clubs.
Yeah sure we can but clubs are a bit thin on the ground.
But we are not just talking about play it's more the time we get together as a couple which is practically nil and when we do both shattered.
Obviously her mental health comes before anything else but we need our space. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OP are you not able to go to clubs or play with friends at their homes if your own lacks privacy ?
Cheers for replies.
Y s she is already getting help from GP we sorted that out.
She has actually left university now and back homeas for clubs.
Yeah sure we can but clubs are a bit thin on the ground.
But we are not just talking about play it's more the time we get together as a couple which is practically nil and when we do both shattered.
Obviously her mental health comes before anything else but we need our space."
You do need your space. We made it clear to both our kids that our marital relationship was as important as our relationship with them. I recall the shock on our daughter's face when she was trying to play one of us off against the other and I told her that Mr N and I would stick together and she'd better get used to it  .
Your situation is different of course. Is it possible to talk with your daughter as an adult, explain that you two need private time and discuss how you can achieve it? Is she able to go out alone or with friends? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not an easy situation for you to handle.
When she is settled a bit start to introduce the topic of needing some time to be adults. Then, depending on what she's capable of, either she goes out some evenings or you do.
Then look to have a weekend alone, again either you or her goes away for the weekend.
I can recommend a book for her on cognitive behavioural therapy that a very good psychologist friend recommended for us. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So a few months ago our daughter went to university which was great for us as she has anxiety she rarely goes out meaning we hardly get any time for ourselves.
So when she went to university it ushered in a new chapter in our relationship giving us the freedom and independence that we have not had as parents for over 30 years.
We have dedicated our lives to our kid's and it was nice to think that we can now be ourselves and do what we want.
Well she only lasted about 2 months and is now back home quitting university.
Whilst we support her in every way possible and help her with her anxiety issues.
We are feeling really guilty that we now seem to have less privacy and time to ourselves than ever before.
We rarely get a moment to ourselves and frankly it's really stressing us out.
By the time she goes to bed we are both shattered and as we are both up at 5:45 every day and don't get home until about 6 pm we are usually to knackered to enjoy love making.
Is it wrong to want time to ourselves but how can we do this given her fragile state of mind?
Anyone else have a situation like this or been through it?"
We have 7 children and oldest in last year at uni ( coming home again after graduating next year) we book hotels just for us or when at school, we have gone to bed early and set alarm an hour early just to get morning time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think she needs professional help, contact your GP and look up some helplines on the Internet, good luck to you all. X"
Agreed.
Try Healthy Minds if you have it in your area. Go through your doctor or try their website directly, ask her first.
I overcame my anxiety with them, they helped a lot. Anxiety never fully goes and will always be with you I think, but counselling along with CBT definitely helps. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think she needs professional help, contact your GP and look up some helplines on the Internet, good luck to you all. X
Agreed.
Try Healthy Minds if you have it in your area. Go through your doctor or try their website directly, ask her first.
I overcame my anxiety with them, they helped a lot. Anxiety never fully goes and will always be with you I think, but counselling along with CBT definitely helps. "
Definitely this. I suffer with anxiety and depression, and counselling, CBT and life coaching have all helped. The GP referred counsellor I had was awful, that didn’t help at all, so I went privately through work & the counsellor I got then was amazing.
GP’s aren’t great at supporting mental health issues; make sure you research what services are in your area.
And is there a friend or family member that she could spend time with regularly to give you some space?
Tough situation, good luck! x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago
Camberley/Middleton |
"I think she needs professional help, contact your GP and look up some helplines on the Internet, good luck to you all. X"
Seconded professional help won't harm and anxiety issues can get far worse if undressed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think she needs professional help, contact your GP and look up some helplines on the Internet, good luck to you all. X
Seconded professional help won't harm and anxiety issues can get far worse if undressed. "
We have already done/doing this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh no! Horrible for all of you.
Is your girl accessing the services she needs too?
Did the uni support her?
Could she apply again next year at a uni closer maybe.
My son suffered anxiety, he is at University in Scotland.
He failed his first year exams, had a breakdown, saying he couldn't cope. We'd lost his Nan and Grandad six months apart in that year.
We got help from the Dr who diagnosed anxiety, she was great and the University were amazing tbf, allowed him back and assured me they'd support him, a big thing for me, as I did not particularly want him to go back while he was ill, as we live 7 hours away, once he knew he had support there he wanted to go back.
Fair play, the uni emailed me once a month to tell me how they were supporting him, and how he was doing.
Only lasted for 3 months as I knew before he did he'd passed the exams he'd previously failed with distinctions.
He is now doing his dissertation, and wants to stay and do his Msc.
He still has his medication, unopened and untouched. He refuses to discard it. Says it's a reminder.
Good luck, I hope you reach an outcome which suits all.
"
Reading this just made my morning. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh no! Horrible for all of you.
Is your girl accessing the services she needs too?
Did the uni support her?
Could she apply again next year at a uni closer maybe.
My son suffered anxiety, he is at University in Scotland.
He failed his first year exams, had a breakdown, saying he couldn't cope. We'd lost his Nan and Grandad six months apart in that year.
We got help from the Dr who diagnosed anxiety, she was great and the University were amazing tbf, allowed him back and assured me they'd support him, a big thing for me, as I did not particularly want him to go back while he was ill, as we live 7 hours away, once he knew he had support there he wanted to go back.
Fair play, the uni emailed me once a month to tell me how they were supporting him, and how he was doing.
Only lasted for 3 months as I knew before he did he'd passed the exams he'd previously failed with distinctions.
He is now doing his dissertation, and wants to stay and do his Msc.
He still has his medication, unopened and untouched. He refuses to discard it. Says it's a reminder.
Good luck, I hope you reach an outcome which suits all.
Reading this just made my morning. "
Thank you, to say I'm proud is an understatement, even prouder him messaging me to say he's free to come home from the 13th, so 7 hour roadtrip incoming |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Maybe it's a controversial view but she is an adult now. Surely she understands that you guys have sex? Just put a lock on the bedroom door or curfew her to a room and do the things you'd do (within reason) whether she is in or out. Does it really matter if she knows her parents are getting it on at her age? Sounds like you can't kick her out and you dont want to keep pussy footing around in your own house after years. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
