FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Having doubts
Having doubts
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey guys not sure this is for me mrs here it’s putting me off wanting to even have normal vanilla sex... but mr still wants to do it not sure what to do.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communication is really important here. You and your husband need to sit down and discuss this openly.
If you are being put off even normal activity it will become a vicious downward cycle and that is the last thing you want for your relationship.
You both need to take time out away from the swinging scene and rediscover each other.
Best wishes,
Mistress Amelia x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys not sure this is for me mrs here it’s putting me off wanting to even have normal vanilla sex... but mr still wants to do it not sure what to do.... "
just say ' no ' end of, never go into something you don't really want to do because of someone else
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Mr here. My wife always says “if you need to say a thing, say a thing”. It means however hard it may be, in a relationship you most say anything that’s important to you. As said above, you guys have to talk this through ASAP. That status shows you’re coming at this from different viewpoints. Please chat and work it through. Hopefully you’ll be stronger for it. And don’t do anything you don’t want to do, for anyone x |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
If he put that up in response to how you feel then my first thought I’d “what an utter cunt” but that’s not helpful or constructive. That response just looks like he is emotionally bl*ckmailing you and that sucks.
Number 1... if this isn’t making you happy then you must stop
Number 2... you both need to find a place of agreement that is good for each of you (and our opinions don’t count in that)
Your profile reads like it was your idea by the way, but perhaps if it’s his bisexuality that he’s interested in pursuing you might be happy to allow him to indulge. I had a bi boyfriend for many years and I loved his stories from his fabguys meetings, obviously I wasn’t involved in them.
That might not be for you of course, but it might not be as clear cut as “do it” or “don’t do it”
V x
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By *itzhallMan
over a year ago
birchington |
"If he put that up in response to how you feel then my first thought I’d “what an utter cunt” but that’s not helpful or constructive. That response just looks like he is emotionally bl*ckmailing you and that sucks.
Number 1... if this isn’t making you happy then you must stop
Number 2... you both need to find a place of agreement that is good for each of you (and our opinions don’t count in that)
Your profile reads like it was your idea by the way, but perhaps if it’s his bisexuality that he’s interested in pursuing you might be happy to allow him to indulge. I had a bi boyfriend for many years and I loved his stories from his fabguys meetings, obviously I wasn’t involved in them.
That might not be for you of course, but it might not be as clear cut as “do it” or “don’t do it”
V x
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He writes all the profile don’t get me wrong at the beginning I did enjoy it but for the last few years the menopause has reared it’s ugly head and it just makes me feel dirty and has put me off sex altogether... |
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"If he put that up in response to how you feel then my first thought I’d “what an utter cunt” but that’s not helpful or constructive. That response just looks like he is emotionally bl*ckmailing you and that sucks.
Number 1... if this isn’t making you happy then you must stop
Number 2... you both need to find a place of agreement that is good for each of you (and our opinions don’t count in that)
Your profile reads like it was your idea by the way, but perhaps if it’s his bisexuality that he’s interested in pursuing you might be happy to allow him to indulge. I had a bi boyfriend for many years and I loved his stories from his fabguys meetings, obviously I wasn’t involved in them.
That might not be for you of course, but it might not be as clear cut as “do it” or “don’t do it”
V x
"
.
I agree with the first bit to this completely, he's acting like a spoilt brat. Tbh I would be more than a bit angry and disappointed with his behaviour. No one has the right to pressurise you to do something that you have doubts about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well look at our status mr put that up yesterday say it all really how he feels about it ....."
Talk!
He really needs to listen to how you’re feeling. Putting up status like that is childish and selfish.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody should partake in something they don't feel like or want to .
Even more so just to please a partner.
If the partner loves and respects you they will call it a day .... |
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By *irtySekretsCouple
over a year ago
Filthy Desires Upon Trent |
Bless you. The Menopause can cause a whole lot of emotions. He needs to respect you for that and talk about things. Yes he will feel pissed off that your fun is being on hold but your relationship is more important than a bit of naughty fun xxxx |
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I don't think he has any right to feel "pissed off".... Male entertainment at it's worst.
OP, talk with him.. Explain your feelings. Any half decent man will listen and not pressure you into continuing swinging. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've not seen your status so can't comment on that but from other responses I can assume it wasn't pleasant.
It sounds to me like you're both coming at this from different angles but not communicating - which is a very dangerous place to be and has the potential to lead to even further feelings of isolation and even separation within the relationship.
Communicating is not always easy, I know, particularly when one half isn't open to it, or one half doesn't want to change - but based on this thread alone you need to, and need to remember that communication is about BOTH talking AND listening.
There are no real compromises in a situation where one of you wants to stop this and the other doesn't but if you're able to find any, then be prepared to at least explore them.
Sorry to hear you're going through this and I hope you manage to work it through somehow. |
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We have always said that the minute swinging becomes a reason to have an arguement we stop it completely and reassess what we do and how we do it.
Swinging is great fun when everyone is happy and horny, but don’t feel pressured into doing anything.. tell him he’s being a dick.. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
Ten years ago I was heavily involved in the swinging scene (always as a single female) I used to go to private swingers parties twice a week. In that time, I saw so many things and I offered my shoulder and tissues to SO MANY women who were in tears because they were not enjoying/did not enjoy the scene but were just doing it because they were being coerced by their partners.
I am an extremely jealous person. I don’t think I could ever swing with a partner... I really admire couples whose bond becomes stronger whilst they swing- and I once met a couple whosebond and love was so strong that they left me in awe and almost in tears! (sounds stupid but it really was like that!)
Ideally, you’d be able to talk things through and take a break? I didn’t get to see the status, but holefully your partner will get to understand and put you first before any sex with other people. Or if you are in a position where you could be ok with him playing alone, then let him (I never could) or reassess your relationship and see where to go from here.
My best wishes and a big hug. xx |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Can you ask him to read this thread without him flipping?"
I do hope so. OP, I really think you both need to sit down and talk things through. Maybe hide your profile for a bit while you get things sorted. Re: his status, not a nice thing to do. Good luck hun. Xx |
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"Hey guys not sure this is for me mrs here it’s putting me off wanting to even have normal vanilla sex... but mr still wants to do it not sure what to do.... "
Tell him how you feel and you want to stop tell him it may drive you a part so for the good of your relationship you need to rethink things. |
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"Hey guys not sure this is for me mrs here it’s putting me off wanting to even have normal vanilla sex... but mr still wants to do it not sure what to do.... "
Your status and this thread says it all: I fear you'll be bullied into something you don't want to do.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well look at our status mr put that up yesterday say it all really how he feels about it ....."
Your partner is a twat and a thoughtless cunt. He has no right to pressure you and to make a statement like that public!!! |
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"Well look at our status mr put that up yesterday say it all really how he feels about it ....."
You need to take a step back from it and have a good heart to heart ,if he thinks it will help you marriage he is totally wrong . |
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