FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Fun on our own
Fun on our own
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"Advice please: both looking to play alone, do we both use this profile or set up our own? It's crazy hard to get people to understand that the male half is allowed to play with wife's consent! Thoughts please?" probably easier to keep the same account so both people know exactly what's going on | |||
"Advice please: both looking to play alone, do we both use this profile or set up our own? It's crazy hard to get people to understand that the male half is allowed to play with wife's consent! Thoughts please?" many will think the couple is just a guy anyway | |||
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"I would make separate accounts so your searchable, then have a note on them saying your part of a couple and profile name. " Agree with this, a man seeking meets from a couple's profile will get nowhere. | |||
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"I would make separate accounts so your searchable, then have a note on them saying your part of a couple and profile name. " Exactly this, it will broaden your prospects (hopefully) | |||
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"It's unfortunate that couples who want to swing separately open themselves to a severe imbalance which is inherent in the scene i.e the incredible ease by which the female can get meets compared to the near impossibility of the male to get meets. In my opinion you will need to think out of the box if this imbalance in your swinging relationship (30 fucks to you vs 0 fucks for him) is likely to be a big deal for you both and upset your relationship's equilibrium. You may find a good tactic to be for the female to contact the other woman, either via the couples account or her own account, and explain that she is asking on behalf of her partner. If the asymmetry creates real tensions between you he could see escorts to try and even the deal a bit more. Alternatively, it's not ethical, but he could "cheat" via a site for such things if that helps create a better dynamic for your relationship. Unfortunately the problem here is irresolvable. It comes down to a widespread unwillingness among single women to meet married men *with or without their partner's consent*. This is fair enough and it's unlikely to change any time soon. Single guys don't have the same issue. Hence the massive imbalance swinging separately can bring with it. Good luck "I'm sorry Soulful but that's complete baloney coming from someone not in that situation, and therefore not best placed to comment, not to mention showing a huge amount of naivety. As someone in *exactly* the same set up as the OP, and from having been in a similar mindset to you when first embarking on the separate profiles route myself, I feel a little more qualified to comment. To take each of your points in turn: Yes, there is a "severe imbalance" in pure physical terms of numbers of men to women on the site BUT if you remove the single guys with the wrong attitude, expectations and approach to the site from that equation, then things are a lot more balanced (and that applies equally to single guys and attached with permission guys too). With the right attitude, approach and expectations it's still not easy to get meets, but it's also not impossible either. Suggesting that it's any kind of a competition where both partners have to have an equal number of meets, or that there's any kind of scorecard, is wide of the mark too - it's not about that at all, but about having agreed boundaries which may include frequency of meets, and a whole lot of other stuff besides - yes if one partner has a lot more meets than the other it could lead to resentment, but there's no reason for that imbalance to be the case with the right approach and if the couple are able to communicate clearly (which is the biggest key to this set up above anything else). As for the suggestion that the female half contact any prospective meets on their other half's behalf, that's unlikely to work, most women would immediately have their guard up if contacted by another woman on behalf of their partner, and what would that say about the guy concerned anyway? That he was incapable of communicating for himself for starters!! Trying escorts to "even the deal" - really?!  Again totally wide of the mark when it comes to this kind of relationship and how it works, it's not about a quick fuck, or keeping score at all, far from it. It's about mutually agreeable arrangements, being able to communicate clearly and set and respect boundaries, whilst maintaining a loving relationship to underpin it.
Far from being "irresolvable" as you suggest, with the right attitude, approach and expectations, it's entirely possible for both halves of a couple to meet separately and regularly - yes the male half throws himself into the pool of single male profiles, but with some of the suggestions made on this thread about cross-referencing profiles and being as transparent as possible, along with all the usual things about a decent profile and pictures, attitude and approach, and getting involved in the site in various ways etc etc ad nauseam, it's completely possible for the male half to get meets regularly.
How do I know all this? Because I am the male half of a couple and do get meets, and without blowing my own trumpet too much, could probably have more if I wanted - That's not me showing off, or pretending I'm anything special, or the exception to the rule, because I'm not, I'm just an average looking 53 year old who doesn't expect a thing, have taken time over my profile and pics, and put a level of effort in. | |||
I think it'll obviously cheer the op up to know there are people like you out there. But I still stand by my post as a kind of "wake up and smell the coffee" tonic to your optimism.
For a start, you're right that the whole imbalance of the situation needn't result in a kind of tit for tat relationship... but it might. If a couple decides to meter out their play equally, my experience would suggest that the woman would be able to play that night... then possibly need to go 6-12 months before her partner equalled the score.
Since this is likely to lead to its own frustrations, I made some suggestions. Escorts. Cheating. Etc. The one which most people seem to make is just to give up and let the woman become a hot wife and for the guy to try and get his pleasure from that.
I describe the situation as irresolvable in order to make it clear that no trickery or strategy can circumvent it imo. It simply is the way it is because men have a massively more laissez faire attitude to meeting cheats than women. Out of 100 men/women on here I'd say about 90 guys would meet a cheating wife and all 100 would meet one with consent. Meanwhile I'd suggest only about 10 women would meet a cheating guy and maybe only about 1 more would meet one with consent. That's the source of the imbalance. It's easy to imagine it's unjust, or that women need to be enlightened by teaching them why they should meet married guys. But that way around things is just wrong headed. It's their choice. It is the way it is. The swinging couple simply needs to come to terms with that imo and find their own way to redress the situation.
I'd hazard a guess that your success has come from going to clubs and socials, possibly alone sometimes, and building up friendships from there. If you've been doing that successfully as a couple then the guy may be able to move quickly into solo meets. If not it may take him several months imo before things start bubbling up for him.
Once he has someone another asymmetry may arise. Whilst it's easy for her to find a queue of other guys, the easiest thing for him to do is repeatedly meet the same woman. But this strategy doesn't come without its risks. Whilst she's away fucking her way through strangers, he's getting more entwined with a single woman.
Of course my advice isn't gospel. And as gemini rightly says I'm not in that situation. So please do just take it with a pinch of salt. But that's my opinion on the issue rightly or wrongly. Once again.. Good luck op | |||
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"Hi Gemini I think it'll obviously cheer the op up to know there are people like you out there. But I still stand by my post as a kind of "wake up and smell the coffee" tonic to your optimism.
For a start, you're right that the whole imbalance of the situation needn't result in a kind of tit for tat relationship... but it might. If a couple decides to meter out their play equally, my experience would suggest that the woman would be able to play that night... then possibly need to go 6-12 months before her partner equalled the score.
Since this is likely to lead to its own frustrations, I made some suggestions. Escorts. Cheating. Etc. The one which most people seem to make is just to give up and let the woman become a hot wife and for the guy to try and get his pleasure from that.
I describe the situation as irresolvable in order to make it clear that no trickery or strategy can circumvent it imo. It simply is the way it is because men have a massively more laissez faire attitude to meeting cheats than women. Out of 100 men/women on here I'd say about 90 guys would meet a cheating wife and all 100 would meet one with consent. Meanwhile I'd suggest only about 10 women would meet a cheating guy and maybe only about 1 more would meet one with consent. That's the source of the imbalance. It's easy to imagine it's unjust, or that women need to be enlightened by teaching them why they should meet married guys. But that way around things is just wrong headed. It's their choice. It is the way it is. The swinging couple simply needs to come to terms with that imo and find their own way to redress the situation.
I'd hazard a guess that your success has come from going to clubs and socials, possibly alone sometimes, and building up friendships from there. If you've been doing that successfully as a couple then the guy may be able to move quickly into solo meets. If not it may take him several months imo before things start bubbling up for him.
Once he has someone another asymmetry may arise. Whilst it's easy for her to find a queue of other guys, the easiest thing for him to do is repeatedly meet the same woman. But this strategy doesn't come without its risks. Whilst she's away fucking her way through strangers, he's getting more entwined with a single woman.
Of course my advice isn't gospel. And as gemini rightly says I'm not in that situation. So please do just take it with a pinch of salt. But that's my opinion on the issue rightly or wrongly. Once again.. Good luck op "Again your naivety shines through I'm afraid Soulful and most of what you have said is based on conjecture and "hazarding a guess". For starters it's not optimism on my part, it's reality - it IS possible for someone in the position the OP describes to get meets and I know because I live that reality. 
Ultimately it comes down to the same thing that any guy (single or playing with permission) on here needs to get meets - the right attitude and approach, a well written profile and decent pics and a couple of other factors as well - it really is that simple for most guys, unfortunately a lot expect it to be easy and miss some of the key things that are needed and THAT is why it's hard.
Yes it's easier for ladies to get meets, that's indisputable, but that's if you take a key factor out of the equation - quality!! Factor quality in and take out the guys on the site that have the wrong attitude/approach and it actually is equally a lot more evenly balanced for men and women to get quality meets.
Not sure where your statistics come from with regards to men and women and who they will/won't meet but I'd suggest they are a little wide of the mark if applied to the circumstances the OP describes IF the right approach is adopted and the whole "permission" thing is transparent. I'm not the only "attached with permission" guy here and know of others who have got meets also, but because it's absolutely clear and beyond doubt that I have permission to meet others it's not once been challenged or queried by people I talk to - yes, people may ask me about how it works, or why we decided to go down that route but never once has anyone seen the need to query my permission.
You also appear to lump people that meet with permission in with people who are cheating witb your definition of the difference between men and women and the laissez faire comment - which is completely wrong. So if we're not cheating and it's clear the permission is there why would it make a difference and how would your point be valid anyway?
So there are people out there that will happily meet attached guys who have permission - yes there might be some that won't - but that's no different from the any number of other things that people won't meet you for.
I don't think of anything in terms of "success" either - that would suggest a victory or some kind of bragging - but your "hazard a guess" at the reason I've got meets is completely wrong - I've never been to a club on my own (apart from when I've pre-arranged to meet someone at one), nor have any of my meets arisen from my couples profile here.
As I started off by saying the key to getting meets is the same for any guy regardless of their relationship status - it's about having the right approach, the right attitude, a decent profile/pics, being prepared to make some sort of effort and more than a little patience.
The only difference for an attached guy playing with permission is the need to make it absolutely transparent that he has that permission and that along with the other "single giy" necessities is all the OP needs to at least start off even though nothing is guaranteed | |||
it's good to know it's working for you. I guess I just feel the op needs to temper that with a bit of lowered expectations. I don't think I've met any women on here in the time I've been single who would've met me whilst I was with my ex. Those who do meet married guys with consent also tend to meet cheats. Women can't tell if you're cheating or not. So it doesn't surprise me that the women you've met haven't asked you about that. You'll probably find they would've met you if you didn't have permission either. This pool of women who'll meet cheats is just naturally smaller than the total pool of women on here. And before you get annoyed with my lumping guys with permission in with cheats... that's not me doing that... that's the prevailing attitude of most women on here. Or at least it has been over the years when this issue has arisen on the forums.
I think you're totally right. There is a way of doing it. So don't think I'm trying to have the last word or pick an argument. I think I'm just trying to help the op to realise that they can make it work (as per your posts) but they may want to go into it cautiously and with super low expectations (as per my posts). If an unhealthy imbalance arises maybe revisit if it's working for you
I'm happy to defer to Gemini from here on in | |||
"Cool gemini it's good to know it's working for you. I guess I just feel the op needs to temper that with a bit of lowered expectations. I don't think I've met any women on here in the time I've been single who would've met me whilst I was with my ex. Those who do meet married guys with consent also tend to meet cheats. Women can't tell if you're cheating or not. So it doesn't surprise me that the women you've met haven't asked you about that. You'll probably find they would've met you if you didn't have permission either. This pool of women who'll meet cheats is just naturally smaller than the total pool of women on here. And before you get annoyed with my lumping guys with permission in with cheats... that's not me doing that... that's the prevailing attitude of most women on here. Or at least it has been over the years when this issue has arisen on the forums.
I think you're totally right. There is a way of doing it. So don't think I'm trying to have the last word or pick an argument. I think I'm just trying to help the op to realise that they can make it work (as per your posts) but they may want to go into it cautiously and with super low expectations (as per my posts). If an unhealthy imbalance arises maybe revisit if it's working for you
I'm happy to defer to Gemini from here on in "Of course a correctly set of expectations is key (as I have mentioned several times) but that's the case for ANY guy using the site. I also think you're being incredibly disrespectful to women that will meet someone in my or the OPs position by suggesting that they're the type who would also meet cheats - of those I've met I know that is NOT the case at all!! They have the intelligence and where with all to decide for themselves that things are on the level and are able to do so because it's completely transparent that I have that permission. As for the "prevailing attitude" you refer to - you've obviously been reading different threads to me or have misinterpreted the ones where a guy comes on and *says* he has permission but offers no proof that he does - where that's the case people are rightly sceptical and suspicious - but as my experience and this thread alone has shown with the right elements in place that remove any room for doubt that scepticism and suspicion are removed. The simple fact of the matter is that it's possible to do what the OP is suggesting with the right approach and level of transparency - yes, as I've said several times now, it effectively means the male half going into the pool of single guys, but with the right approach and attitude, along with a decent profile etc that doesn't need to be a limiting factor at all. | |||
