FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Performance anxiety/ stage fright
Performance anxiety/ stage fright
Jump to: Newest in thread
So guy's I'm pretty sure we have all suffered at some point.
However I am after advice from people who have really found it to be an issue and managed to defeat it.
But the situation is this, no matter how much I relax or how horny I feel and trust me I couldn't have been more turned on.
The old fella just won't rise to the occasion.
Despite some serious attention from beautiful ladies he will not respond.
And the more I try to relax and ignore it ,it gets worse.
I can't take Viagra as I suffer from high blood pressure.
So I get to a point of if play is on offer I panic.
The rest of the time it's works very well,if we are in a mfm scenario as I am more of an observer it's fine.
But it's become a real issue and is starting to spoil my experience.
Cheers |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Most issues around erectile function is about our psychological thoughts and how that affects the rise or fall so to speak. It's best to get it checked out by your Gp though first just in case. If it's just psychological then seek out a pst therapist, they concentrate on sexual issues around functioning but it can all be sorted. The problem is that the more we worry the more it stops our performance the more we worry, so it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Talk to someone  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So guy's I'm pretty sure we have all suffered at some point.
However I am after advice from people who have really found it to be an issue and managed to defeat it.
But the situation is this, no matter how much I relax or how horny I feel and trust me I couldn't have been more turned on.
The old fella just won't rise to the occasion.
Despite some serious attention from beautiful ladies he will not respond.
And the more I try to relax and ignore it ,it gets worse.
I can't take Viagra as I suffer from high blood pressure.
So I get to a point of if play is on offer I panic.
The rest of the time it's works very well,if we are in a mfm scenario as I am more of an observer it's fine.
But it's become a real issue and is starting to spoil my experience.
Cheers"
You are right, we all do have some sort of anxiety towards certain things. While to some it may be public speaking to some it could be sex with new partners or strangers. There's a chance it could be a psychological as opposed to a medical issue. There's a chance you make have conditioned your mind to think it will always happen and then, it does. Have you tried meeting people up for a social before the actual straight into act thing? You find you are more naturally relaxed when you consider the sexual partner as someone you know than someone you have to show your sexual prowess. Does this happen even when you have met the same person twice or more? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can't take Viagra as I suffer from high blood pressure."
From: https://www.mayoclinic[dot]org/diseases-conditions/high-blood-pressure/in-depth/high-blood-pressure-and-sex/art-20044209
Even a single episode of erectile dysfunction can cause anxiety. Fears that it will happen again might lead men to avoid sex — and affect the relationship with their sexual partner.
Men should discuss any concerns with their doctor.
Men considering medications for erectile dysfunction should check with their doctor first. It's usually safe to combine the erectile dysfunction drugs sildenafil (Revatio, Viagra), vardenafil (Levitra, Staxyn) and tadalafil (Adcirca, Cialis) with high blood pressure medications.
Taking these drugs with nitrates, taken either regularly for chest pain or in an emergency setting, can cause a dangerous drop in blood pressure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Perhaps you need to make your meets a little more intimate for al involved if that works for you - relaxed mood, lighting, music, wine and no rush. If you're happy with someone joining you both in that sort of unhurried environment it'll probably be cool. Perhaps you could explain to your play partners that you like to take it slow and easy. With the right people and the right atmosphere I'm sure it'll help  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Most issues around erectile function is about our psychological thoughts and how that affects the rise or fall so to speak. It's best to get it checked out by your Gp though first just in case. If it's just psychological then seek out a pst therapist, they concentrate on sexual issues around functioning but it can all be sorted. The problem is that the more we worry the more it stops our performance the more we worry, so it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Talk to someone  "
Ok so I have suffered from this, and this is how I got over it. For me it was overexposure to sex. I became desensitized too it. I found by introducing none sexual stuff into your free time, it made the naughtiness when it happened more special. To the point my erections are now the hardest they have been in years.
Another thing that helps is exploring sensuality for you and whoever it is your having sex with. If your caught up in the main event without any of the build up it can destroy the allure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Yeah, totally agree with the desensitising thing....
...is it a problem with wanking? I realised that gripping too hard when wanking made that seem like the norm. Easing off resolved my difficulty with this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As minnie says. Doctors. They can do blood tests to rule out any underlying problems .. X k
It's works 100% when it's just me and the Mrs"
I was going to ask this. So it's clearly about nerves and perhaps the way you're currently swinging. I don't know if you do the whole thing of contriving a meet, saying hi, then stripping off and fucking but I couldn't do it. It's just too surreal and abrupt. I prefer going on a date and slowly building an authentic sense of connection and a desire to fuck. It just flows so much more naturally... as well as being fucking gorgeous 
So I'd say maybe change how you're swinging or give it a breather. The more you push on a pull door the tighter it'll shut. Just back off and chill until you're so horny you forget it's even an issue |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So guy's I'm pretty sure we have all suffered at some point.
However I am after advice from people who have really found it to be an issue and managed to defeat it.
But the situation is this, no matter how much I relax or how horny I feel and trust me I couldn't have been more turned on.
The old fella just won't rise to the occasion.
Despite some serious attention from beautiful ladies he will not respond.
And the more I try to relax and ignore it ,it gets worse.
I can't take Viagra as I suffer from high blood pressure.
So I get to a point of if play is on offer I panic.
The rest of the time it's works very well,if we are in a mfm scenario as I am more of an observer it's fine.
But it's become a real issue and is starting to spoil my experience.
Cheers"
A good hypnotherapist will be able to help you. Also, a good EFT specialist will be able to help. EFT = Emotional Freedom Technique. You can learn the basics of EFT in about 10 minutes. If you learn EFT you could probably help yourself. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have suffered in the past I find that certain acts work better than other and usually it’s passionate kissing for me it makes me rock hard instantly failing that I have some amazing herbal pills that work very well well enough for a 6+ hour session and then still working the day after  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Mental clutter? Are you truly in the moment at that point or are there other thoughts going on around in you head? It's sounds more mental than physiological."
I'm a terminal overthinker it's my biggest flaw and the more I try to relax and clear my mind the worse it gets.
Having read many of the replies and the kind messages I have received I have been kinda analysing myself and the situationi think I need to be distracted and not so focused on my performance.
So maybe sitting back and watching the others for a bit and concentrate on what they are doing then gradually introduce myself into the play.
Well that's what I am hoping anyway.
I am diabetic also that doesn't help . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
