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Cheating - Should I do it?
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"Am I missing something? Seems to me you being on here kinda answers you own question "Just what I was thinking 
I was also thinking why ask us? Only you can answer this question. Your morals. Your judgement.
V x | |||
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"You do have a choice, you can explain to her how important this is for you and the two of you can decide whether to either have a non-exclusive relationship or to separate so you can find what you each want" This totally Miss | |||
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"Does she know how important sex is to you? Have you actually told her that this is a deal breaker? She probably would get upset but by refusing to discuss it with you she's ignoring the fact that its a problem within your marriage. Three options are open to you. Do nothing and continue as you are. Try to find sex elsewhere behind her back. Sit down, tell her that you aren't prepared to continue how you are. You love her but you aren't happy and you want to work with her to improve things. You need to make it clear that not talking about it is no longer an option. If necessary go to Relate or somewhere like that, alone if she refuses to come with you. Good luck!" Ditto. This user always says/types the right things. (In my humble opinion) | |||
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"Does she know how important sex is to you? Have you actually told her that this is a deal breaker? She probably would get upset but by refusing to discuss it with you she's ignoring the fact that its a problem within your marriage. Three options are open to you. Do nothing and continue as you are. Try to find sex elsewhere behind her back. Sit down, tell her that you aren't prepared to continue how you are. You love her but you aren't happy and you want to work with her to improve things. You need to make it clear that not talking about it is no longer an option. If necessary go to Relate or somewhere like that, alone if she refuses to come with you. Good luck! Ditto. This user always says/types the right things. (In my humble opinion)" Agree ,they are always very reasonable and wise  | |||
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"Cheating should never be an option. Either communicate your feelings or leave. " I respect your views. There's a couple who live near us in their 70s. He has had a couple of massive strokes and is confined to a wheelchair unable to walk or take care of his personal needs. He also has dementia and lung disease. His wife is his full time carer. He goes to respite twice a week. In that time his wife has a man visit her. Should she communicate her feelings or leave? | |||
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"All interesting views. Wife knows how important sex is to a man but still refuses it.I never pushed her into swinging it was something we tried to see if it would waken her interest but it didnt. Thanks for taking the time to comment." Then she's tried and you've tried and it didn't work. So why not have the serious conversation with yourself about how you'd feel to be cheating? Once you've done it you can't turn back time. Some marriages are sexless. It's a reality. How will you feel 10 years from now if nothing changes? I realise my previous comment may sound harsh but cheating isn't something to be taken lightly. It can work. | |||
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"Cheating should never be an option. Either communicate your feelings or leave. I respect your views. There's a couple who live near us in their 70s. He has had a couple of massive strokes and is confined to a wheelchair unable to walk or take care of his personal needs. He also has dementia and lung disease. His wife is his full time carer. He goes to respite twice a week. In that time his wife has a man visit her. Should she communicate her feelings or leave?" If she is happy to care for him in the time he may have left and just has a man in to satisfy her needs then I for one do not see that as wrong. What would it achieve by her telling him even if he fully understood. As I see it she finds little pockets of happiness in what must be a very challenging time  | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" Just tell her what you are going to do | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" This bit dosn't make seance! "Shes not prepared to talk about it" and "Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere" if you don't talk about it haw can you say the latter? | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" As you have already both been swingers and if she knows about your meets its not cheating. | |||
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"Cheating should never be an option. Either communicate your feelings or leave. I respect your views. There's a couple who live near us in their 70s. He has had a couple of massive strokes and is confined to a wheelchair unable to walk or take care of his personal needs. He also has dementia and lung disease. His wife is his full time carer. He goes to respite twice a week. In that time his wife has a man visit her. Should she communicate her feelings or leave? If she is happy to care for him in the time he may have left and just has a man in to satisfy her needs then I for one do not see that as wrong. What would it achieve by her telling him even if he fully understood. As I see it she finds little pockets of happiness in what must be a very challenging time "My point really was it's rarely as easy as talk or leave. Relationships are complicated. | |||
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"Am I missing something? Seems to me you being on here kinda answers you own question "Just reading and haven't looked what others say but I agree with this fabber here. As you've asked for advice I'd say the question I'd ask her is what she feels if you had an affair because that's effectively what youre asking here. Next is you say you've no choice? Is this no choice but to have sex outside or she's left you no choice. Choice is a big thing and sometimes we feel we have no choice so the if it all goes pear shape and she leaves you you can then try to absolve your actions and conscious. Ask her what's her view on Poly relationships. That might be a way to go. Some prefer their partner to only see one other rather than 100. | |||
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"Does she know how important sex is to you? Have you actually told her that this is a deal breaker? She probably would get upset but by refusing to discuss it with you she's ignoring the fact that its a problem within your marriage. Three options are open to you. Do nothing and continue as you are. Try to find sex elsewhere behind her back. Sit down, tell her that you aren't prepared to continue how you are. You love her but you aren't happy and you want to work with her to improve things. You need to make it clear that not talking about it is no longer an option. If necessary go to Relate or somewhere like that, alone if she refuses to come with you. Good luck!" | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" May I ask how old she is? | |||
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"Only you have the answer OP. You will have to deal with the consequences if you cheat and get caught. Question is ...is sex worth losing your wife for?" Yes. | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" You're already having sex elsewhere so not sure what the point of this thread is. | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" Sex is fantastic when done right.If your wife doesn't like sex you need to be asking yourself what you are doing wrong instead of blaming her.Try talking to her. Tell her a sex life is important to you. If she wants to carry on with a sexless relationship tell her it's over. Don't cheat. | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" You are already cheating on her by being on here. | |||
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"I just watched a documentary about people who are asexual which I never heard of as soon as I read this the first thing is she's asexual lol or she's fuvking others so u should do what ever feels is right " Asexual is actually very command as you have seen. I've platonic relationships which if being honest are more fulfilling than my current sexual ones because it's not based on sex. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved..." But you married her knowing all this and I expect you have children too. You know all the answers already to the questions you are asking and I expect you only posted to get some attention and meets. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved... But you married her knowing all this and I expect you have children too. You know all the answers already to the questions you are asking and I expect you only posted to get some attention and meets. "I think the attention & meets think may just be correct... | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved..." Get some counselling for both of you. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved..." You also have the intellectual capacity to make informed decisions about your behaviour and the consequences of it...I seriously have no real moral standpoint on this but if you do cheat on your partner, at least own it as a decision, don't come out with the genetic programming bollocks...you're not prehistoric... | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved... But you married her knowing all this and I expect you have children too. You know all the answers already to the questions you are asking and I expect you only posted to get some attention and meets.
I think the attention & meets think may just be correct... "Especially the casual mention of how he's just too big for her... | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved... But you married her knowing all this and I expect you have children too. You know all the answers already to the questions you are asking and I expect you only posted to get some attention and meets.
I think the attention & meets think may just be correct...
Especially the casual mention of how he's just too big for her..." Yes his pic on the profile could be one of those rubber ones  | |||
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"Cheating is a gamble...to win at gambling you should only stake what you are prepared to lose...it depends very much on how precious your stake is to you..." | |||
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"Well yes of course. You absolutely should cheat on your wife who you apparently love. Why would you not want to destroy the rest of her obviously low self esteem and inability to express how she's really feeling. I recommend buying a brand new wardrobe and get yourself out there, a new personal and pick up younger models, very dirty type ladies who will have no problem in sucking your cock in public, bending over any stationary object for you to blow your load into them. Tell you what....take them home and get your wife to make notes about what SHE should be doing while your fucking them in front of her. Cos that will help your marriage no end, I'm sure your wife who is suffering with some underlying issues will completely understand that you can't live without sex!!!!" Just cuz she doesnt want sex does not mean she has an underlying issue. She may just have no sex drive what so ever. And if that is the case then she shouldnt deny someone the pleasure of sex due to her lack of wanting. Thats like saying dont go on holiday because your other half doesnt like sun. Doesnt mean they have an issue, they just have no desire to sit in the sun. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved..." I find this statement incredibly selfish ... no wonder she doesn't find sex with you enjoyable. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved... But you married her knowing all this and I expect you have children too. You know all the answers already to the questions you are asking and I expect you only posted to get some attention and meets.
I think the attention & meets think may just be correct...
Especially the casual mention of how he's just too big for her...
Yes his pic on the profile could be one of those rubber ones "I didn't look, to be fair... | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved... You also have the intellectual capacity to make informed decisions about your behaviour and the consequences of it...I seriously have no real moral standpoint on this but if you do cheat on your partner, at least own it as a decision, don't come out with the genetic programming bollocks...you're not prehistoric..." | |||
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"I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" It is only cheating if you’re having the best of both worlds - but you’re not. You’re not doubling up on your sex life, just having one. Be discreet, protect your wife from your philandering and be honest about your circumstances with any potential sexual partner. Ok, that’s lit the blue touch paper - stand back and enjoy the fireworks  | |||
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"Affairs Aren’t a good idea. If you go that route it’s a sure way to ruin a relationship. Your better off with your other halves consent asking to have a fuck buddy. " As someone who's been cheated on/been the bit on the side but never cheated on a current partner. Remember this; cross that line and it will become habit forming. | |||
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"Hey Male part of the couple here. This might weird but have you considered trying to find out what might be behind her low libido, without mentioning sex? Sounds daft, but sometimes trying to find out what's up is nearly impossible if you come at it from the "I want more sex" angle. As a guy it's feels very natural and normal to come at this problem from that angle, but I suspect it's probably not going to help her, in fact I imagine if she has a low self esteem it will only make things worse. If you have tried this from lots of different angles my opinion would be don't cheat, it's unfair and not something you do to someone you love. Maybe discuss the idea of you playing away with permission. Failing that you have one seriously shit decision to make... sex or the woman you love. I hope it works out for you "Great post. My advice would be to have an open and honest discussion. If you have a marriage thats worth saving then its worth saving. Best of luck. | |||
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"All interesting views. Wife knows how important sex is to a man but still refuses it.I never pushed her into swinging it was something we tried to see if it would waken her interest but it didnt. Thanks for taking the time to comment." Do you think swinging made it worse? Perhaps affecting her self esteem (if indeed this is the issue)? Could you visit a counsellor to discuss? | |||
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"All interesting views. Wife knows how important sex is to a man but still refuses it.I never pushed her into swinging it was something we tried to see if it would waken her interest but it didnt. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Do you think swinging made it worse? Perhaps affecting her self esteem (if indeed this is the issue)? Could you visit a counsellor to discuss?" I dont think so. She was always paranoid about contracting an std but no she doesnt have low self esteem. Shes tall slim busty. Knows shes attractive to men but with sex porn masturbation or sexy undies even passionate cuddles or kissing she has no interest. Yet loves me to bits and would be heart broken if i left. | |||
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"Sorry there should be an edit button for posts. The two aren't even comparable. You have a legitimate medical reason which makes it impossible by your description for any indeterminacy to take place. Also how do you know what has been agreed upon in the privacy of their own home. Again what do you think communication entails? If you can't be open and honest with your paretner to the point that you can't come to a solution to the issues that are effecting the relationship then LEAVE! Why hurt someone you care for and love by being selfish? "Is it selfish though? Why is her wish to have a sexless marriage more important than his wish to have intimacy? I'm not saying she should have sex just to please him, no way, but if she isn't even willing to talk about it and maybe find a compromise, that just isn't fair in my opinion. | |||
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"Am I missing something? Seems to me you being on here kinda answers you own question " | |||
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"I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!! It is only cheating if you’re having the best of both worlds - but you’re not. You’re not doubling up on your sex life, just having one. Be discreet, protect your wife from your philandering and be honest about your circumstances with any potential sexual partner. Ok, that’s lit the blue touch paper - stand back and enjoy the fireworks "Like this | |||
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"You should sit down and have a serious discussion about it. If you feel sex is an extremely important aspect of a relationship, you need to tell her and put the ball in her court. If she truly, truly loves you but still doesnt want sex, she should let you sleep with other women. Its not fair to deny someone something because one person in the relationship doesnt want it. If she refuses to talk about it, I feel she has a serious lack of respect then towarda you, couples need to listen to one another and their concerns. If youre crying out for sex but she doesnt ever want it, what the heck does she expect you to do, go without it for years on end? Ive read countless stories of women losing their sex drive and allowing their partners to see escorts or other women, as long as they know all the details. Good luck with whatever you decide to do mate, not a nice situation to be in." This | |||
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"Why can't you do without sex? May sound like a moot question but if there is something not fulfilling you that only sex can give it could actually fuck up your relationship. Wanking can fulfil sexual feelings and urges, but if sex gives you something more than wanking and you are thinking about going elsewhere, well hopefully you see my point?" Many people can't live without sex, just look st how many thousands of people are on here looking for it. If one person refuses sex with the other, then they can't be surprised that the other person isn't going to be happy. Surely if the relationship is right then she would want to have sex, if not, why not. If you've tried taking to her about it and she won't discuss it even, then she's effectively pushing you away and rejecting you, which hurts, and not showing you much respect. Then people wonder why their partners start looking elsewhere. | |||
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"She is bored as fuck Probably sick of washing, cooking, ironing, taking care of everybody. Long term relationships kill women's libido. Probably feels exhausted. When married I felt pretty shit " It was the lack of appreciation that did it for me - I had a sexless marriage for years out of choice - if I am not happy with a man then I wouldn't want sex with him. | |||
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"She is bored as fuck Probably sick of washing, cooking, ironing, taking care of everybody. Long term relationships kill women's libido. Probably feels exhausted. When married I felt pretty shit
It was the lack of appreciation that did it for me - I had a sexless marriage for years out of choice - if I am not happy with a man then I wouldn't want sex with him."I didn't go years without sex but pretty much we went from sex every day to nothing when i felt the same way, then we split up. | |||
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"Of course you should, every other person on here is so join the gang and be merry." What a stupid thing to say you might be cheating but we aren't and there's plenty of people on here who aren't | |||
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"Of course you should, every other person on here is so join the gang and be merry. What a stupid thing to say you might be cheating but we aren't and there's plenty of people on here who aren't "Im sure they were being sarcastic with their 'every other person is' post, at least that's how I read it. | |||
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"Communication is everything. Asking a bunch of strangers online what you should do in your relationship is a bit ridiculous as we don’t know the circumstances. You should be talking to your wife. You ask if you should cheat, switch the scenario and imagine finding out your wife cheated on you, think of how that may feel and then ask yourself if you’d want to do that to her. "This exactly ... nicely put Chanelle | |||
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"Of course you should, every other person on here is so join the gang and be merry. What a stupid thing to say you might be cheating but we aren't and there's plenty of people on here who aren't
Im sure they were being sarcastic with their 'every other person is' post, at least that's how I read it."Maybe they were but we didn't read it that way ... | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" Youve been on here over a year, so what really are you talking about? Why not let the poor woman go, definitely better without you. | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" you always have a choice it's all about what results from that choice, conscience is a mute thing you either have one or you don't, if you love somebody surely you respect them? | |||
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"Well yes of course. You absolutely should cheat on your wife who you apparently love. Why would you not want to destroy the rest of her obviously low self esteem and inability to express how she's really feeling. I recommend buying a brand new wardrobe and get yourself out there, a new personal and pick up younger models, very dirty type ladies who will have no problem in sucking your cock in public, bending over any stationary object for you to blow your load into them. Tell you what....take them home and get your wife to make notes about what SHE should be doing while your fucking them in front of her. Cos that will help your marriage no end, I'm sure your wife who is suffering with some underlying issues will completely understand that you can't live without sex!!!!" Is there any story that can't be twisted into how the woman is the victim | |||
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"Why can't you do without sex? May sound like a moot question but if there is something not fulfilling you that only sex can give it could actually fuck up your relationship. Wanking can fulfil sexual feelings and urges, but if sex gives you something more than wanking and you are thinking about going elsewhere, well hopefully you see my point?" This is a good response. You're in a situation that i would never get myself into, but if I did then I'd probably pay a visit to a brothel once a week, twice on a good week. But, reading between the lines, I don't think that would satisfy you. If that's true then it's not just about sex... | |||
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"Why can't you do without sex? May sound like a moot question but if there is something not fulfilling you that only sex can give it could actually fuck up your relationship. Wanking can fulfil sexual feelings and urges, but if sex gives you something more than wanking and you are thinking about going elsewhere, well hopefully you see my point? This is a good response. You're in a situation that i would never get myself into, but if I did then I'd probably pay a visit to a brothel once a week, twice on a good week. But, reading between the lines, I don't think that would satisfy you. If that's true then it's not just about sex..." | |||
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"Why can't you do without sex? May sound like a moot question but if there is something not fulfilling you that only sex can give it could actually fuck up your relationship. Wanking can fulfil sexual feelings and urges, but if sex gives you something more than wanking and you are thinking about going elsewhere, well hopefully you see my point? This is a good response. You're in a situation that i would never get myself into, but if I did then I'd probably pay a visit to a brothel once a week, twice on a good week. But, reading between the lines, I don't think that would satisfy you. If that's true then it's not just about sex..." dies visiting a brothel not count as cheating ?? | |||
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"Why can't you do without sex? May sound like a moot question but if there is something not fulfilling you that only sex can give it could actually fuck up your relationship. Wanking can fulfil sexual feelings and urges, but if sex gives you something more than wanking and you are thinking about going elsewhere, well hopefully you see my point? This is a good response. You're in a situation that i would never get myself into, but if I did then I'd probably pay a visit to a brothel once a week, twice on a good week. But, reading between the lines, I don't think that would satisfy you. If that's true then it's not just about sex... dies visiting a brothel not count as cheating ?? " does even | |||
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"Seems to me you’ve already made up your mind to cheat as you have a profile on here and are meet verified. Is this thread just a pang of conscience hoping that a few people would pat your back in a ‘there there’ fashion and help you condone what you’re doing?" | |||
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"I’m just out of a 30 year marriage. While in the early days we had a healthy sex life, accepting the usual ebb and flow which we can all understand. This changed radically when the kids were born and I was made to feel grateful for an average shag every now and then. Again, I appreciate that raising kids takes its toll. However , it just went on and sex became a chore. I worked hard to provide a lovely home and a great place to raise the boys. I traveled a lot for work and over a period spanning fifteen years , met and had affairs with three gorgeous women. The sex was sensational. The strain was incredible, I fell in love with all three (different times by the way, no overlap) and the heartache of ending was painful- yes, ‘cheating ‘ men hurt also. It didn’t feel like cheating at the time. Of course not as it was thrilling and exciting. It still doesn’t feel like it now, a decade on since the last. I didn’t use hookers, just not for me and I’ve never had a one night stand. I miss all three but have some wonderful memories that will last forever Of course it’s gone on for all time, reading some of the threads on Fab you would think it’s a new thing. Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? So, I accept I’m far from an angel and of course in a perfect world there would be no infidelity. I’m far from being a ‘player’ also. Tin hat on now and sitting in the brace position." Why does cheating sound harsh? That’s exactly what it is. Surely it’s better to admit that’s what you did and move on. It’s like a thief asking not to be called a thief because it’s harsh. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? " Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. | |||
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"Thanks for all your answers. Wife in question is 40 She doesnt like penetration as im big and has never thought of sex as a pleasure since young due to her parents being over protective. Men are geneticly programmed to spread the love as its natures way of ensuring survial of the species. So its very hard to be starved..." Youre not a wild animal, you live in a society, women ensure the survival of the species. If your wife doesnt want sex ( or never has as you imply) then shes not going to get aroused. Your cock isnt outsize, not meant to insult but there really is no reason an aroused woman couldnt easily take you, our vaginas are stretchy tubes. If sex has always been awkward then yes its going to take some work. I had a sexual rennaisance so to speak at 42...im a different woman. If you absolutely want to stay together ( so many people stay together out of guilt, because they just cheat, or for financial reasons ) then maybe look at a 'dont ask, dont tell' arrangement and make sure no sexual partners become long term that might threaten your relationship. Its going to take a LOT of honesty but if it works then it could revitalise your relationship especially if you resent the lack of sex. Resentment/reproach is hell in a relationship. | |||
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"if I am not happy with a man then I wouldn't want sex with him." ...in a nutshell! | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit." Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. " It's possible that she didn't know herself. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . " No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. " Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations " Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. " Is sex an obligation? | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. " So if you poke my eye out does that give me the right to poke yours? Deliberate or accidental...Just a thought.  | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation?" In marriage, yes. It's always been grounds for annulment if you never have sex. Many places would classify it as "constructive abandonment" if you stopped having sex. Most religions would refuse to marry you if you told them that you were never planning to have sex or weren't interested in having children. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. So if you poke my eye out does that give me the right to poke yours? Deliberate or accidental...Just a thought. "Not the same and you know it. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. So if you poke my eye out does that give me the right to poke yours? Deliberate or accidental...Just a thought. "The person who commits the first offence is judged more harshly than the reaction to it. There's a reason relationship breakdown is at an all time high, the delusion of many women there won't be an consequences to not sexually satisfying their partner is a big part of that. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. " You can't possibly know at the start of a marriage if you will be able to meet certain obligations for the entirety of the contract. | |||
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"You have everything you want from her except the intimacy. To me, intimacy is an integral part of a relationship; without it you might as well be brother and sister. My ex withheld sex from me for years (as a punishment for me cheating he says, although I didn't cheat). It was a long time before I eventually gave in and found sex elsewhere. Don't waste years of your life hoping she might want the intimacy you need. Before you do it though, tell her it's what you need and if she doesn't have a reason for not wanting it with you, then you will go elsewhere. " Good points. That's why I said that I didn't think a weekly trip to a brothel would actually satisfy him. I think it's intimacy, rather than sex, he wants. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. You can't possibly know at the start of a marriage if you will be able to meet certain obligations for the entirety of the contract. " Then it might be advisable to discuss what the plan B is, before you sign the contract. Hence why I said 'I would never get in this situation' | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation?" It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. You can't possibly know at the start of a marriage if you will be able to meet certain obligations for the entirety of the contract. Then it might be advisable to discuss what the plan B is, before you sign the contract. Hence why I said 'I would never get in this situation' " I agree or at least keep the channels of communication open throughout the relationship. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation." But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. | |||
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"Are we saying two wrongs make a right? " Wondering the same thing. | |||
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"Are we saying two wrongs make a right? " Don’t think so? | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. " If taken in isolation yes, there is a difference. If a person (lets move this away from women and men, plenty of men choose to stop having sex with their partner) makes a decision to stop having sex with their partner the reason for that choice needs looking at. It boils down to communication in the end, it always does. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. If taken in isolation yes, there is a difference. If a person (lets move this away from women and men, plenty of men choose to stop having sex with their partner) makes a decision to stop having sex with their partner the reason for that choice needs looking at. It boils down to communication in the end, it always does." Quote from the OP: "Shes not prepared to talk about it". So we're past "more communication" being a viable solution. | |||
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"Are we saying two wrongs make a right? Wondering the same thing. " | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. If taken in isolation yes, there is a difference. If a person (lets move this away from women and men, plenty of men choose to stop having sex with their partner) makes a decision to stop having sex with their partner the reason for that choice needs looking at. It boils down to communication in the end, it always does. Quote from the OP: "Shes not prepared to talk about it". So we're past "more communication" being a viable solution. " I'm talking in general. However I've found that people start singing like a canary if faced with an ultimatum the trouble is ultimatums are often issued too far down the line. | |||
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"It’s the very fact that she refuses to talk about it that gets me . How can she love him when she knows what this is doing to him ? It’s beyond me and a situation I would never be in , I value myself way more than to let someone withhold something from me and not even discuss the impact it has on me ." Don't forget we only have one side of the story here. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. If taken in isolation yes, there is a difference. If a person (lets move this away from women and men, plenty of men choose to stop having sex with their partner) makes a decision to stop having sex with their partner the reason for that choice needs looking at. It boils down to communication in the end, it always does. Quote from the OP: "Shes not prepared to talk about it". So we're past "more communication" being a viable solution. I'm talking in general. However I've found that people start singing like a canary if faced with an ultimatum the trouble is ultimatums are often issued too far down the line." I don't think there is any right answer, it's one of those situations you just don't get yourself in. But personally I wouldn't feel guilty about a trip to mary jane rotten crotch. To be honest, I doubt his wife would care and I don't have pity for people that aren't perceptive about basic human nature. | |||
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" Can we come up with another word as ‘cheating’ sounds harsh? Why? It's a fucking harsh thing to do to a partner, kids and wider family. Why sugar coat something like a politician who doesn't want to get caught. The implication of caught means a wrong doing. Some wrongs have far reaching deeper consequences than others. Sugar coating it won't change the consequences one little bit. Cheat. verb 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. She cheated on him by failing to provide part of what makes a marriage. Had she told him that the marriage would be devoid of sex then he would not have entered it. It's possible that she didn't know herself. Irrelevant. Don't enter voluntary life long contracts if you struggle with meeting your obligations. Is sex an obligation? It's an expectation in a long term relationship certainly. I wouldn't say its an oblgation at all times. No reasonable person would expect a man recovering from prostate surgery that left him impotent to have penetrative sex with his partner but I think a level of mutually agreed intimacy within a marriage is an obligation. But there's a huge difference between someone who can't fulfil the obligation and someone who chooses not to. The impotent guy isn't witholding anything and he's still got a tongue, hasn't he. If taken in isolation yes, there is a difference. If a person (lets move this away from women and men, plenty of men choose to stop having sex with their partner) makes a decision to stop having sex with their partner the reason for that choice needs looking at. It boils down to communication in the end, it always does. Quote from the OP: "Shes not prepared to talk about it". So we're past "more communication" being a viable solution. I'm talking in general. However I've found that people start singing like a canary if faced with an ultimatum the trouble is ultimatums are often issued too far down the line. I don't think there is any right answer, it's one of those situations you just don't get yourself in. But personally I wouldn't feel guilty about a trip to mary jane rotten crotch. To be honest, I doubt his wife would care and I don't have pity for people that aren't perceptive about basic human nature. " I think it goes back to people having unrealistic expectations of marriage and whats involved to make it a life long contract. The romantic illusion that's peddled completely ignores basic human nature. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? " How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? " | |||
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"You have everything you want from her except the intimacy. To me, intimacy is an integral part of a relationship; without it you might as well be brother and sister. My ex withheld sex from me for years (as a punishment for me cheating he says, although I didn't cheat). It was a long time before I eventually gave in and found sex elsewhere. Don't waste years of your life hoping she might want the intimacy you need. Before you do it though, tell her it's what you need and if she doesn't have a reason for not wanting it with you, then you will go elsewhere. Good points. That's why I said that I didn't think a weekly trip to a brothel would actually satisfy him. I think it's intimacy, rather than sex, he wants. " Yes, and he may not feel satisfied if he's just having genital contact. It's very hard to be with someone who doesn't want to kiss you, let alone have sex. | |||
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"It’s the very fact that she refuses to talk about it that gets me . How can she love him when she knows what this is doing to him ? It’s beyond me and a situation I would never be in , I value myself way more than to let someone withhold something from me and not even discuss the impact it has on me . Don't forget we only have one side of the story here." Just what I was going to say. We only have the OP’s version. And we all know how people can twist a story to suit their agenda. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? " I have had to decide if sex is a deal breaker for me. I asked questions on he forums here and was honest about feeling like i wanted to cheat because i need sex but talking to other people, as well as my partner, has helped me decide that my partner and our family is more important than sex. I also feel that betrayal is worse than denial. At least with denial you know what he situation is even if you can't force the other person to change. With betrayal one person is out of the loop and there is no trust or relationship built on trust. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? " She's hurting him by denying him the intimacy you give to someone you love. By withholding that intimacy-without valid reason- you are saying I don't love you any more. She has an issue that needs to be addressed as it's not normal behaviour between two people who love each other, in my eyes anyway . | |||
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"I loved my partner and had her on a bit of a pedestal so I was prepared to suppress years of wanting better sex for the sake of being a good parent and partner. I wanked often and watched a lot of porn in that time and it made me feel less of a man to be honest. I felt I was being bullied and belittled much of the time (my kids agreed with this viewpoint) and my partner categorically told me that she didn’t like sex with me as I was too rough (I really wasn’t). The lack of communication between us got worse and I had three affairs and a few one night stands which made me realise that I was desirable but I found juggling the lies really difficult and felt I was betraying her more than she was hurting me. I should have taken the counselling route or left as her self esteem was badly knocked and she lost faith in me, quite rightly, and I hurt her really badly. I don’t believe that we could have had a poly relationship as she wanted to be loved by me and I often think if we had got together for better reasons I might have made her feel more loved and so capable of being more sexual. I’ll never know now but cheating is cheating and there is no excuse that stands up. Man up and take yourself in hand or leave." Why did she not go for counselling? | |||
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"It’s the very fact that she refuses to talk about it that gets me . How can she love him when she knows what this is doing to him ? It’s beyond me and a situation I would never be in , I value myself way more than to let someone withhold something from me and not even discuss the impact it has on me . Don't forget we only have one side of the story here. Just what I was going to say. We only have the OP’s version. And we all know how people can twist a story to suit their agenda. " This is true , but since it’s the only side we will hear , it’s only that we can comment on . | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? She's hurting him by denying him the intimacy you give to someone you love. By withholding that intimacy-without valid reason- you are saying I don't love you any more. She has an issue that needs to be addressed as it's not normal behaviour between two people who love each other, in my eyes anyway . " In my eyes too | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? I have had to decide if sex is a deal breaker for me. I asked questions on he forums here and was honest about feeling like i wanted to cheat because i need sex but talking to other people, as well as my partner, has helped me decide that my partner and our family is more important than sex. I also feel that betrayal is worse than denial. At least with denial you know what he situation is even if you can't force the other person to change. With betrayal one person is out of the loop and there is no trust or relationship built on trust." exactly, can I ask who's answering? | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? I have had to decide if sex is a deal breaker for me. I asked questions on he forums here and was honest about feeling like i wanted to cheat because i need sex but talking to other people, as well as my partner, has helped me decide that my partner and our family is more important than sex. I also feel that betrayal is worse than denial. At least with denial you know what he situation is even if you can't force the other person to change. With betrayal one person is out of the loop and there is no trust or relationship built on trust.exactly, can I ask who's answering? " The female half. My fella doesn't use the account. | |||
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"Following on from an interesting discussion on here I am intrested to hear you thoughts on my situation. I find my wife extremely sexy. We used to swing many years ago but she has never had any real interest in sex. She will give me relief maybe once a month with her hand if i beg. But no intercourse in maybe 18 months! Ive spoken about it but shes just not interested even saying at one point the only way youll get more sex is if you have an affair. She wasnt serious i dont think! We get on well, love each other very much but no sex. Shes not prepared to talk about it and once every cpl of years isnt enough for me. Dare I say its as if she wants me to find it elsewhere? I dont like to cheat but I dont have any other choice. I cant live without sex!!!" Yea you'll be ok, judt don't get caught | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? She's hurting him by denying him the intimacy you give to someone you love. By withholding that intimacy-without valid reason- you are saying I don't love you any more. She has an issue that needs to be addressed as it's not normal behaviour between two people who love each other, in my eyes anyway . " by saying or in this case not saying you don't enjoy sex anymore is not saying you don't love that person anymore, maybe their is an underlying reason halitosis maybe something we don't know or at least aren't aware of that has put her off sex with her husband the Op, the Op admits they still love eachother but he has been here over a year having sexual relations with others but without the knowledge of the partner he loves and who loves him. I don't have a problem with him cheating that is his choice as an adult but as a person that values his relationship with his partner, to him I say you don't love her or respect her because in doing this you can't, be honest talk to her about it and do the honest thing based on that communication | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? " No, I don't really have polite words for how bad your logic is. I'd get forum ban if I tried to express it in the words that come to mind. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? No, I don't really have polite words for how bad your logic is. I'd get forum ban if I tried to express it in the words that come to mind. " Well I don't have the words to entertain your disdain of my words which in my opinion have a good compassionate Base and are purely based on the loyalty that should exist in a loving relationship, sex is sex taken in its lowest Nsa element almost a bodily function and love is an emotion a feeling that for some cannot be surpassed, loyalty is also another untenable factor and in order to be loyal you need to be honest. I think many here certainly see honesty as the only way forward in life and especially here if many people's comments are to be believed. | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? She's hurting him by denying him the intimacy you give to someone you love. By withholding that intimacy-without valid reason- you are saying I don't love you any more. She has an issue that needs to be addressed as it's not normal behaviour between two people who love each other, in my eyes anyway . by saying or in this case not saying you don't enjoy sex anymore is not saying you don't love that person anymore, maybe their is an underlying reason halitosis maybe something we don't know or at least aren't aware of that has put her off sex with her husband the Op, the Op admits they still love eachother but he has been here over a year having sexual relations with others but without the knowledge of the partner he loves and who loves him. I don't have a problem with him cheating that is his choice as an adult but as a person that values his relationship with his partner, to him I say you don't love her or respect her because in doing this you can't, be honest talk to her about it and do the honest thing based on that communication " People who cheat can and do still love and respect their partners, but if their partners are withholding sex, then do they love and respect them? | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? No, I don't really have polite words for how bad your logic is. I'd get forum ban if I tried to express it in the words that come to mind. Well I don't have the words to entertain your disdain of my words which in my opinion have a good compassionate Base and are purely based on the loyalty that should exist in a loving relationship, sex is sex taken in its lowest Nsa element almost a bodily function and love is an emotion a feeling that for some cannot be surpassed, loyalty is also another untenable factor and in order to be loyal you need to be honest. I think many here certainly see honesty as the only way forward in life and especially here if many people's comments are to be believed. " Your expertise in maintaining long term loving relationships was obtained how? | |||
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"What I don’t get is the fact that the op says he loves his wife , despite the fact that she doesn’t want sex with him . There’s no real reason for this , although he alludes to the size of his cock as being an issue . It’s a nice cock , but not so big that it would present an issue to a woman who enjoyed sex . Fact is she doesn’t by the look of things . And that’s the point , as he says , he can’t do without sex . Why should he ? There no way I would be in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex with me . Sex is the one way to share the feelings and desire we have for each other , so I would be questioning how it’s a loving relationship without sex . Sex without love is a completely different thing though . A glorified wank if you like . So cheating may not solve this predicament anyway . No I don't disagree with the Op saying he loves his wife I loved my ex but saying you love her surely means you would be devastated if you hurt her and that for me is the dilemma he has, he's willing to risk that for sex, I wasn't willing to risk that so I left but that in itself had a consequence you can't really win in these situations Why is she indifferent to the hurt she is causing him? How is she hurting him, if you know something isnt of interest to someone but still love a person and they you that's a given, if you choose to do something without consent for over a year that's deception, ok some can't live without sex and some can but a valued relationship with love and respect has a value, I can see his point but as do many ask a question over a year in is this right, no its not, if sex is a deal breaker leave, communicate how you feel and leave, that's the honest thing to do don't you think? She's hurting him by denying him the intimacy you give to someone you love. By withholding that intimacy-without valid reason- you are saying I don't love you any more. She has an issue that needs to be addressed as it's not normal behaviour between two people who love each other, in my eyes anyway . by saying or in this case not saying you don't enjoy sex anymore is not saying you don't love that person anymore, maybe their is an underlying reason halitosis maybe something we don't know or at least aren't aware of that has put her off sex with her husband the Op, the Op admits they still love eachother but he has been here over a year having sexual relations with others but without the knowledge of the partner he loves and who loves him. I don't have a problem with him cheating that is his choice as an adult but as a person that values his relationship with his partner, to him I say you don't love her or respect her because in doing this you can't, be honest talk to her about it and do the honest thing based on that communication People who cheat can and do still love and respect their partners, but if their partners are withholding sex, then do they love and respect them? " The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. | |||
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"Deceit and lies is a weird form of respect. " | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. " So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. " His wife should be assuming that by not fucking him, someone else is. It's frankly idiotic for a woman to expect a man to be celibate. | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. Since you're not married, here's something for the future. Here's a pretty safe assumption to make in a marriage: if you're not fucking your partner, it's probably because someone else is. " Another assumption though still. There are plenty of people who are in sexless marriages that I know of. Yes, it may not be completely fulfilling but people find fulfilment in other ways. But some of these people are happy for sex to play a minor role in their relationship. If the OP is unhappy with the marriage contract which he feels is being breached by her not fulfiling her sexual obligations then break the contract and leave; not tweak the contract to suit. That's my view. | |||
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"Cheating is a gamble...to win at gambling you should only stake what you are prepared to lose...it depends very much on how precious your stake is to you..." I really like the way you put it, it is a gamble! | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. Since you're not married, here's something for the future. Here's a pretty safe assumption to make in a marriage: if you're not fucking your partner, it's probably because someone else is. Another assumption though still. There are plenty of people who are in sexless marriages that I know of. Yes, it may not be completely fulfilling but people find fulfilment in other ways. But some of these people are happy for sex to play a minor role in their relationship. If the OP is unhappy with the marriage contract which he feels is being breached by her not fulfiling her sexual obligations then break the contract and leave; not tweak the contract to suit. That's my view." How is it him who should break the contract when she already has ? If I was him I would be filing for divorce citing her unreasonable behavior as the reason . And that’s my view . | |||
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"Deceit and lies is a weird form of respect. " 100% agree | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. Since you're not married, here's something for the future. Here's a pretty safe assumption to make in a marriage: if you're not fucking your partner, it's probably because someone else is. Another assumption though still. There are plenty of people who are in sexless marriages that I know of. Yes, it may not be completely fulfilling but people find fulfilment in other ways. But some of these people are happy for sex to play a minor role in their relationship. If the OP is unhappy with the marriage contract which he feels is being breached by her not fulfiling her sexual obligations then break the contract and leave; not tweak the contract to suit. That's my view." He may have kids. He may not fancy giving away half is income to a woman who has renegade on their agreement. You're welcome to a different opinion, but you're in the minority. Most people would just cheat. | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. Since you're not married, here's something for the future. Here's a pretty safe assumption to make in a marriage: if you're not fucking your partner, it's probably because someone else is. Another assumption though still. There are plenty of people who are in sexless marriages that I know of. Yes, it may not be completely fulfilling but people find fulfilment in other ways. But some of these people are happy for sex to play a minor role in their relationship. If the OP is unhappy with the marriage contract which he feels is being breached by her not fulfiling her sexual obligations then break the contract and leave; not tweak the contract to suit. That's my view. How is it him who should break the contract when she already has ? If I was him I would be filing for divorce citing her unreasonable behavior as the reason . And that’s my view . " Well if she is happy to go on sexless and he isn't, then he has to act in initiating divorce hasn't he? | |||
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"Some comments on here are making me uneasy...acting as if having sex is a right...." It's by no means 'a right' but when you get married you do actually think that you're going to have a sex life snd share intimacy together, even one of the vows is 'with my body I thee honour'. If one person then turns around and says they no longer want sex, then is the other person just meant to happily accept that and live a life without sex ever again? Sex is a basic human want and need. | |||
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" The nicest version of events I can consider is that she's happy to turn a blind eye to him getting sex elsewhere, but doesn't want to explicitly say that to him. That's actually fairly common in sexless relationships. In that case, she would still love and respect him. But that is the best case scenario I can think of. So is the OP supposed to assume that the wife is happy for him to be unfaithful but she is just reluctant to say it out loud? I am not being obtuse, just trying to get the logic. If this is the suggestion, it is a pretty big assumption to make. Since you're not married, here's something for the future. Here's a pretty safe assumption to make in a marriage: if you're not fucking your partner, it's probably because someone else is. Another assumption though still. There are plenty of people who are in sexless marriages that I know of. Yes, it may not be completely fulfilling but people find fulfilment in other ways. But some of these people are happy for sex to play a minor role in their relationship. If the OP is unhappy with the marriage contract which he feels is being breached by her not fulfiling her sexual obligations then break the contract and leave; not tweak the contract to suit. That's my view. How is it him who should break the contract when she already has ? If I was him I would be filing for divorce citing her unreasonable behavior as the reason . And that’s my view . " Clearly he doesn't want to get divorced. If he did, he would just leave her and he wouldn't be worried about cheating. | |||
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"Some comments on here are making me uneasy...acting as if having sex is a right...." So let’s look at this from another perspective for a moment . I expect you think that denying sex is a right . And in denying sex , a statement is made , and the pain it causes is equally as hurtful as anything that any human can do to another . But that’s alright is it ? I don’t think it’s about seeing sex as a ‘ right ‘ , it’s more about two people in a marriage showing their feelings for each other in a mutually satisfying way . Exactly how that can be possible when one of them is denying sex to the other I fail to see . | |||
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" Some comments on here are making me uneasy...acting as if having sex is a right...." Absolutely agree. Threads like this an be a fantastic filter. Anyone who thinks having sex is a right, isn’t right in the head. Also, attempting to blame the woman for the OPs infedilty doesn’t change the fact he is lying and deceiving the one person that’s supposed to be important to him. That alone breaks the “marriage contract” he made. We don’t know her reasons and if they actually communicate and if it’s what he says it is. What we do know is the OP has been on here a while and has been verified so has cheated already, so the question he’s asking is pointless. | |||
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