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Cuckolding Familly Discretion
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We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter was raised by 2 mums and one dad we were very discreet she knew only love . The sexual side of our 3 sided relationship never touched her life she is 20 now and a very open minded grounded young lady. Children adhust to the surrounding they are raised in so once they are happy so be it . |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us."
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion . |
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Your life, your family but this doesn't sit well with me.
You say your kids see nothing untoward just the odd kiss and handholding. They very probably infer quite a lot from that, kids aren't stupid they pick up on things and draw conclusions. They don't however have the emotional maturity or experience to understand the dynamic or emotional commitment involved in the way you like to play.
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OP - how old are your children. That’s the most important word here.
While you say you take a degree of care and have explained things, the authorities, like it or not have the final word.
If your children are legally children then be prepared to lose them, or put your lifestyle on hold until they’re both 18+
A good friend on here, who I trust without question, told me of people from Fab she knew who recently had their two children removed as they locked them in their rooms while they had ‘special visitors’ at home.
There has to be another way to play without having them in the house. They need to hang with a relative or friends while you do your thing.
That’s my opinion and look forward to hearing from you soon.
MHG |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think locking children in any room is cause enough to have children removed, it’s a fire risk as much as anything as in a house fire they are trapped. But the OP made no mention of locking the kids away, simply that they were in the house.
In regards to the original question. I think it is something you have to be very careful about. Some of the criticism seems to come from peoples opinions that monogamy is the right or normal form of relationship and showing children that not all relationships are that simple is in some way bad. I would disagree with this but it has to be introduced right. Our children are younger but we haven’t played with them in the house since our oldest was a baby and would sleep solid through any play. As soon as they got where they could potentially wake up and walk in our room (as they often do!) we stopped having special friends over. In terms of explaining our lifestyle to them, it is certainly something we would be open about as they develop and get older. We look to teach them about different lifestyles, religions, sexuality etc. In time we will discuss that not all relationships are the same and just because someone says so doesn’t mean it needs to be that way for everyone, some people have relationships with members of the same sex, some people have relationships with multiple partners, some people enjoy things other people don’t. It’s really more conversations we will look to have in their teens and as they start to encounter these things but I believe if they are introduced right and with appropriate background and regards for their emotional and mental development it will only make them more open and grounded, liberal people.
Anyway it’s very late so excuse bad spelling and grammar. Hope that helps. |
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In theory, as long as the kids are safe, you'd think it would be quite straightforward. My kids had sleepovers at friends' houses where the parents were gay, trans, single....all things that would've been considered very controversial not all that long ago.
Kids these days are growing up in era where all varieties of sexuality are considered normal, and I, for one, think that's a good thing. They are not stupid, they know what's going on. I happen to think that it's good for kids to know that relationships can come in all varieties.
I would not be at all adverse to my kids having friends whose parents had an extra friend around....as long as I knew they were safe, and that's the key thing.
Are Mummy's friends one offs, or a standard part of the household? ie, are they there often, or is it just random people appearing? That's what I would be concerned about.
I realize I am not of the "standard variety" though when it comes to judgmental attitudes.
If you know your kids are safe (and can back that up if services come round to check up on them), what you do is your business.
Good luck. The world need to see that relationships come in all sorts of ways. |
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OK, that said, it just reminded me of a case n the USA in the 90's....
A little girl was taken from her home (a random stranger, as I recall) but the parents were swingers. The press picked up on THAT ONLY, and it went on and on.
At the time (I was nowhere near this scene at the time, and just remember thinking what the HECK did that have anything to do with a missing kid?) but.....something to think about. IF anything ever happened in your life, no matter how remote from this life, worth a think as to how things would pan out in the public's perception of you. |
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Like most of our sex life we see no reason to acknowledge what we do to our children.
Would never have a random guy in the house when they are around or even a regular bull.
I cannot imagine a inquisitive child not finding out why the guy was in their home with mum and dad
I imagine the authorities would have a relaxed view of stable poly relationships but thats about different types of families rather than sex.
Guys coming around to be mummy's special friend... that's a safeguarding referral (minimum convo with SW).
Sx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't see it as being a problem as long as they don't see the sexual side of things. People will have their own opinion but really all that matters are your own views OP. Look at it this way if all the people involved are ok with thinks F everyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The kids are used to random strangers coming round and fucking their mum. Their safety or wants don't matter as long as their parents get the sex life they want.  |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion ."
I agree. It must be confusing them about how a marriage is. Have they ever asked their friends if their parents have special friends who mum kisses etc? I’m all up for the cuckolding lifestyle but kids should know about it. |
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OP, reading your profile it sounds like you are inviting new ppl (may be one at a time) to a family home. From a safety point of view, you just need one nutcase (not that there are any on fab!), to make things a nightmare. Whatever you think your selection criteria, it’s naive to think that everyone will play be rules.
Going back a decade or so, I moved locally to a cpl and we were on a LTR. I never visited them when children were around and the cpl had explained to them. Even then it was emotionally difficult for them; the neighbours kids talked and gossiped. Children are very curious at that age; may be its useful for you to talk to the kids about how they feel (I am not saying you don’t do it now). |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
I agree. It must be confusing them about how a marriage is. Have they ever asked their friends if their parents have special friends who mum kisses etc? I’m all up for the cuckolding lifestyle but kids should know about it. "
****shouldnt**** |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just a thought specially picking up on the last comment, we know several single mums who seem to have a string of boyfriends and one night stands coming to the house regularly with little regard for the child’s stability. Is this more/less damaging than it happening in a swinging context? I guess my opinion would be that single parents should at least wait until the relationship is stable before they introduce a new figure but that’s just me and I know it’s not always practical for people in this situation. |
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"I don't see it as being a problem as long as they don't see the sexual side of things. People will have their own opinion but really all that matters are your own views OP. Look at it this way if all the people involved are ok with thinks F everyone else."
F everyone else inclubding her kids? They must be confused af |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
I agree. It must be confusing them about how a marriage is. Have they ever asked their friends if their parents have special friends who mum kisses etc? I’m all up for the cuckolding lifestyle but kids should know about it.
****shouldnt****"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We dont think kissing and holding hands, with what is a stranger to your children around your home is a good thing..what sort of messsge is that sending out to them..your kids should not be around your swinging lifes,no matter how old they are..not to be harsh, but that could be classed as child abuse.. |
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We have young children. Having sex with my partner is bad enough worrying if the kids will walk in!
But there are so many stories of poly relationships now, that it is becoming the norm. So imo if the children are safe, and not exposed to any explicit acts, I don't see the problem.
Personally I prefer clubs to meet my other men and women. Keeps my lifestyle away from my house and friends x |
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My opinion is swinging lifestyle should not involve your children, they will grow up thinking it is the right thing to do and it could affect their future relationships.
Some things should be kept a secret from kids.
Good luck OP. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion ."
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us."
Guess what? People will be judgemental, even in the scene. The scene is not a shared set of values, or a belief system, or even an agreed set of rules. It's just a momentary coincidence of people who, generally, like sex. They don't stop being who they are, and they don't park their attitudes or behaviours at the door for any longer than it takes to get what they want.
That said, you have to accept that it's a fact of life that for every way of bringing up kids, there's someone willing to judge you. If you don;t believe me, visit Mumsnet, which the one of the inner circles of hell when it comes to nasty, vicious and bitter people judging others and asserting that they are right.
If you hang around the bi or queer scene for more than a second, especially in the company of clever people like Kaz, you'll hear the phrase 'internalized biphobia'. It describes people who even thogh they're bi, or queer, accept all the unpleasant descriptions of bi / queer people form the straight community.
It's the same in swinging, even some people who regularly swing believe that monogamous marriage is the gold standard, and that those of use who don't subscribe to that theory are somehow lesser beings. There's something theological in there about accepting we are all just poor sinners who can be redeemed if only we continue to acknowledge the ideal that we fail to met.
How are your kids? If they're fine, then you've probably got it right. If they're not, you can fix it. Ask them how they feel. Ask if anything in their life troubles them. If you need advice about safeguarding stuff, or if you are worried you might have inadvertently crossed a line, talk to a professional.
A final thing. We didn't invent sex. Unconventional relationships have happened for a very long time, and we're still here. Mrs Pike in Dads Army was s funny because it was recognisable- all the audience could think of someone who lived unconventionally with someone they weren't married to. Phillip Larkin was wrong. Your mum and dad don't fuck you up - it's not talking and not seeking professional help that fucks you up.
Carter |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn. "
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us."
I think that's fab,  |
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It’s only a matter of time before one of those nutters bangs your kid. And when I say nutter, that’s a guy who dosnt turn round and walk right out the door when he sees a child when he is on a sex meet. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. "
Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter |
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By *FFB69Woman
over a year ago
Torfaen/Gwent |
Swingers are some of the most judgemental people when it comes to sex. Ironic really.
Saying "kids won't know what a marriage is meant to be"
You're here too. You're swingers too yet you still think a marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman and that's how kids should be raised?
I hold hands, hug and kiss my friends. Male and female. Nothing sexual about it.
They haven't said they're locking their kids in their rooms, that's a completely different thing.
Being a swinger is not a safeguarding issue, honestly I rarely go for the whole "the world is getting more sensitive" bull but this thread is proving me wrong. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter"
Kids will find toys... Vibes, dildos or whatever. Its how we as adults handle it.
My lad is 11yrs old, mature for his age and has a good head on his shoulders... However telling him the purpose of vampire gloves, pinwheels and bits are (what i think) above what he needs to know.
In school they are being taught rudimentals of sex, safe sex, pregnancy. Outside of school to pretend over a certain age they are not looking at porn or masturbating is just ignorant...we all did it..and there are only so many times you can find a crunchy duvet in the wash before you have to discuss it.
In a few years he will be looking at putting his knowledge into practice so i would much rather him feel comfortable enough to approach me and ask questions rather than not.
Aa said we live in a day and age where you can walk in to a centre and see gay pride, an awesome event and fun... So if we are becoming more ok with discussing sexuality with kids lets actually discuss sexuality with them! We are the generation with the power to educate them so they are more open than we are. Not a bad thing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s only a matter of time before one of those nutters bangs your kid. And when I say nutter, that’s a guy who dosnt turn round and walk right out the door when he sees a child when he is on a sex meet. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter
Kids will find toys... Vibes, dildos or whatever. Its how we as adults handle it.
My lad is 11yrs old, mature for his age and has a good head on his shoulders... However telling him the purpose of vampire gloves, pinwheels and bits are (what i think) above what he needs to know.
In school they are being taught rudimentals of sex, safe sex, pregnancy. Outside of school to pretend over a certain age they are not looking at porn or masturbating is just ignorant...we all did it..and there are only so many times you can find a crunchy duvet in the wash before you have to discuss it.
In a few years he will be looking at putting his knowledge into practice so i would much rather him feel comfortable enough to approach me and ask questions rather than not.
Aa said we live in a day and age where you can walk in to a centre and see gay pride, an awesome event and fun... So if we are becoming more ok with discussing sexuality with kids lets actually discuss sexuality with them! We are the generation with the power to educate them so they are more open than we are. Not a bad thing! "
11! When I read that I thought good grief.
But you make a very reasonable point for why kids should be encouraged to be open. You've actually changed my mind a bit. Thank you. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us."
Each to their own is my motto usually, if it troubles you although it might need a private conversation with your teens individually if they are mature enough.
|
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter
Kids will find toys... Vibes, dildos or whatever. Its how we as adults handle it.
My lad is 11yrs old, mature for his age and has a good head on his shoulders... However telling him the purpose of vampire gloves, pinwheels and bits are (what i think) above what he needs to know.
In school they are being taught rudimentals of sex, safe sex, pregnancy. Outside of school to pretend over a certain age they are not looking at porn or masturbating is just ignorant...we all did it..and there are only so many times you can find a crunchy duvet in the wash before you have to discuss it.
In a few years he will be looking at putting his knowledge into practice so i would much rather him feel comfortable enough to approach me and ask questions rather than not.
Aa said we live in a day and age where you can walk in to a centre and see gay pride, an awesome event and fun... So if we are becoming more ok with discussing sexuality with kids lets actually discuss sexuality with them! We are the generation with the power to educate them so they are more open than we are. Not a bad thing!
11! When I read that I thought good grief.
But you make a very reasonable point for why kids should be encouraged to be open. You've actually changed my mind a bit. Thank you. "
Since being open with him he has come to me with personal problems and curiosity about his bits. If its dealt with appropriately then it leaves other channels of communication open.
Dont get me wrong, if i didnt think he was adult enough to handle things i would of pandered it away... So there has to be some judgement done on how mature the kid is. Hes not ready to know dad is a sadist but just likes things different... No doubt when he is older he will either work it out for himself or ask more questions, at that time i will judge and see if he is capable of understanding the topic at hand.
I wont discuss the more intimate side of things with him as somethings should be kept private but if he feels comfortable enough to come up to me and go "Dad, im having problems with my X,y or Z" then at least i can advise rather than him feeling embarresed to say he has an issue. It also means when he comes to me and goes dad is it cool if i like men and women (example of a conversation) he doesnt have to hide it so he can be who he is without worry of judgement
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter
Kids will find toys... Vibes, dildos or whatever. Its how we as adults handle it.
My lad is 11yrs old, mature for his age and has a good head on his shoulders... However telling him the purpose of vampire gloves, pinwheels and bits are (what i think) above what he needs to know.
In school they are being taught rudimentals of sex, safe sex, pregnancy. Outside of school to pretend over a certain age they are not looking at porn or masturbating is just ignorant...we all did it..and there are only so many times you can find a crunchy duvet in the wash before you have to discuss it.
In a few years he will be looking at putting his knowledge into practice so i would much rather him feel comfortable enough to approach me and ask questions rather than not.
Aa said we live in a day and age where you can walk in to a centre and see gay pride, an awesome event and fun... So if we are becoming more ok with discussing sexuality with kids lets actually discuss sexuality with them! We are the generation with the power to educate them so they are more open than we are. Not a bad thing!
11! When I read that I thought good grief.
But you make a very reasonable point for why kids should be encouraged to be open. You've actually changed my mind a bit. Thank you.
Since being open with him he has come to me with personal problems and curiosity about his bits. If its dealt with appropriately then it leaves other channels of communication open.
Dont get me wrong, if i didnt think he was adult enough to handle things i would of pandered it away... So there has to be some judgement done on how mature the kid is. Hes not ready to know dad is a sadist but just likes things different... No doubt when he is older he will either work it out for himself or ask more questions, at that time i will judge and see if he is capable of understanding the topic at hand.
I wont discuss the more intimate side of things with him as somethings should be kept private but if he feels comfortable enough to come up to me and go "Dad, im having problems with my X,y or Z" then at least i can advise rather than him feeling embarresed to say he has an issue. It also means when he comes to me and goes dad is it cool if i like men and women (example of a conversation) he doesnt have to hide it so he can be who he is without worry of judgement
"
I actually wish I'd had parents like you! I mean that in a nice way. He's a lucky kid.  |
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"It’s only a matter of time before one of those nutters bangs your kid. And when I say nutter, that’s a guy who dosnt turn round and walk right out the door when he sees a child when he is on a sex meet. "
That makes it sounds like there are “nutters” and the insinuation that there are pedophiles within the swingers scene.
I’m not saying that there isn’t. But there is in every walk of life.
If this was true then you shouldn’t allow anyone in your house at all through a fear that they could be a “nutter” who will “bang your kid”
|
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion .
Id be interested in those aspects too, in todays day and age were people are open about being bi, gay or other sexual preferences it does leave questions over why some aspects are open and others not so.
My son has been typical and gone through my toys when ive not been in the room and he has asked questions... To which the only thing i said said "Daddy enjoys other aspects of sex and you are to young to understand"... Which he has taken on board but i know down the line more questions will get asked.
So how much info is to much? We can talk to them about safe sex so where is that line drawn.
Kids finding sex toys, asking questions, been told ‘daddy enjoys other aspects of sex’ in my opinion is too much information for a kid and could cause confusion. Not good but it’s only my opinion for what it’s worth. Kids are bombarded with information about sex, and always have been. Do we pretend sex toys don't exist? Are we so wedded to the idea that there is something wicked about sex toys that merely seeing them will somehow corrupt or harm a child? The idea that kids can be insulated from reality is bonkers - it's why we need to positively engage with them and allow them to understand their reactions and experiences.
Carter
Kids will find toys... Vibes, dildos or whatever. Its how we as adults handle it.
My lad is 11yrs old, mature for his age and has a good head on his shoulders... However telling him the purpose of vampire gloves, pinwheels and bits are (what i think) above what he needs to know.
In school they are being taught rudimentals of sex, safe sex, pregnancy. Outside of school to pretend over a certain age they are not looking at porn or masturbating is just ignorant...we all did it..and there are only so many times you can find a crunchy duvet in the wash before you have to discuss it.
In a few years he will be looking at putting his knowledge into practice so i would much rather him feel comfortable enough to approach me and ask questions rather than not.
Aa said we live in a day and age where you can walk in to a centre and see gay pride, an awesome event and fun... So if we are becoming more ok with discussing sexuality with kids lets actually discuss sexuality with them! We are the generation with the power to educate them so they are more open than we are. Not a bad thing!
11! When I read that I thought good grief.
But you make a very reasonable point for why kids should be encouraged to be open. You've actually changed my mind a bit. Thank you.
Since being open with him he has come to me with personal problems and curiosity about his bits. If its dealt with appropriately then it leaves other channels of communication open.
Dont get me wrong, if i didnt think he was adult enough to handle things i would of pandered it away... So there has to be some judgement done on how mature the kid is. Hes not ready to know dad is a sadist but just likes things different... No doubt when he is older he will either work it out for himself or ask more questions, at that time i will judge and see if he is capable of understanding the topic at hand.
I wont discuss the more intimate side of things with him as somethings should be kept private but if he feels comfortable enough to come up to me and go "Dad, im having problems with my X,y or Z" then at least i can advise rather than him feeling embarresed to say he has an issue. It also means when he comes to me and goes dad is it cool if i like men and women (example of a conversation) he doesnt have to hide it so he can be who he is without worry of judgement
I actually wish I'd had parents like you! I mean that in a nice way. He's a lucky kid. "
Thank you, that is the best compliment i have ever received on here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What goes on between consenting adults and that is within the law is nobody elses buisness whether you’re gay, bi or straight etc
But involving you’re kids in you’re lifestyle is just plain wrong because they are not consenting adults. I would also question the type of guy this will attract because any normal guy would walk away at the thought of entering a family own with kids.
You asked for honesty and there it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No harm no foul.
We live in a highly charged sexual society and kids are growing up in it. Doesn't look like anything bad is going wrong. Even outside of swinging, with fuck buddies they have invited me round when the kids are there and either put them to sleep, pass onto relatives or we just be as silent as possible.
For my generation, this all is pretty standard now so I do the see a problem with it.
Hell all my mates co workers and some family know I'm a swinger. |
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Personally whilst I’m open with discussions about sex and sexuality with my teenage daughter I wouldn’t be comfortable having sex meets with children in the house but it’s a choice and if you’re ok with it then it’s your business.
What I do laugh at though is those bandying around words like safeguarding, child abuse and removal of children as they clearly have no clue how hard it is to meet threshold to remove even the most clearly abused children  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ve always had people over to stay. My kids have seen me kissing and hugging them. They’re friends not sex partners. I’m not sure how different the OPs sex partners would appear to her teenage children, but I think all the remarks about safeguarding etc are unnecessary. How does the fact that the OP has sex with them make them a danger to her children? I just don’t see the link at all.
Should we then condemn families who are hospitable and regularly have friends over to stay? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve always had people over to stay. My kids have seen me kissing and hugging them. They’re friends not sex partners. I’m not sure how different the OPs sex partners would appear to her teenage children, but I think all the remarks about safeguarding etc are unnecessary. How does the fact that the OP has sex with them make them a danger to her children? I just don’t see the link at all.
Should we then condemn families who are hospitable and regularly have friends over to stay?"
This is a couple though..they meet strangers at home.. so the stranger is kissing and holding hands with the female of the couple whilst the husband and kids are around ....thats fine..but they is no need to do this infront of the kids eventhough they are teenagers..the swinging life style should not involve them .. |
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"I’ve always had people over to stay. My kids have seen me kissing and hugging them. They’re friends not sex partners. I’m not sure how different the OPs sex partners would appear to her teenage children, but I think all the remarks about safeguarding etc are unnecessary. How does the fact that the OP has sex with them make them a danger to her children? I just don’t see the link at all.
Should we then condemn families who are hospitable and regularly have friends over to stay?
This is a couple though..they meet strangers at home.. so the stranger is kissing and holding hands with the female of the couple whilst the husband and kids are around ....thats fine..but they is no need to do this infront of the kids eventhough they are teenagers..the swinging life style should not involve them .. "
This I totally agree with. There are things kids should not know about including who with and how mum and dad have sex! Also sex toys should be locked away! An ex work colleague once told me her daughter found her glass dildo and took it to school to show her school friends, the teacher was on the ‘phone inviting her in for a meeting about why daughter brought a sex toy to school, she had no idea. Let kids be kids and do what kids do! |
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"I’ve always had people over to stay. My kids have seen me kissing and hugging them. They’re friends not sex partners. I’m not sure how different the OPs sex partners would appear to her teenage children, but I think all the remarks about safeguarding etc are unnecessary. How does the fact that the OP has sex with them make them a danger to her children? I just don’t see the link at all.
Should we then condemn families who are hospitable and regularly have friends over to stay?
This is a couple though..they meet strangers at home.. so the stranger is kissing and holding hands with the female of the couple whilst the husband and kids are around ....thats fine..but they is no need to do this infront of the kids eventhough they are teenagers..the swinging life style should not involve them .. "
Exactly this .
We get a bad enough press as it is .
I don’t agree with the whole safeguarding thing , but if the wife is going to be cuddling and kissing another guy while the kids and their father ( her husband ) is around , it’s just wrong in my eyes .
Society still sees a husband and wife as the parents who should set a good example to their kids . Which part of having a cuck relationship in front of the kids is doing that?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
Personally I think it’s wrong to involve your kids in your swinging lifestyle is any way , but I guess there will be some who think it’s fine .
You say that they are used to ‘mums special friends ‘ staying over , and that they see you holding hands or kissing . Do they ask why Mum is kissing and holding hands with another guy ? If so , what do you tell them ?
Fair play if you’ve been honest and fessed up to them , but surely it’s going to have an impact on the way they see relationships when they start ?
So that’s my honest opinion ."
This is my opinion too. |
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Would like to point out
We have never had any form of sexual activity in front of our now over age of consent kids
The kissing that was mentioned was cheek to cheek not French kissing or snogging.
Any hand holding was as sign of affection and wouldn’t have happened if anyone was uncomfortable.
We are stunned at some of the messages we have received we geniuinly are surprise at some of the abuse we have received.
But thanks for your honesty we guess
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would like to point out
We have never had any form of sexual activity in front of our now over age of consent kids
The kissing that was mentioned was cheek to cheek not French kissing or snogging.
Any hand holding was as sign of affection and wouldn’t have happened if anyone was uncomfortable.
We are stunned at some of the messages we have received we geniuinly are surprise at some of the abuse we have received.
But thanks for your honesty we guess
"
Do you mean abuse via message? Report them.
Some people will agree with you and some won't. Abuse is never ok though. |
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I don't believe there's much in the risk arguments. In the grand scheme of bad parenting decisions, it's a 5/10 in my opinion. We wouldn't encourage it, nor would we storm off in a huff if you told us about it face to face. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would like to point out
We have never had any form of sexual activity in front of our now over age of consent kids
The kissing that was mentioned was cheek to cheek not French kissing or snogging.
Any hand holding was as sign of affection and wouldn’t have happened if anyone was uncomfortable.
We are stunned at some of the messages we have received we geniuinly are surprise at some of the abuse we have received.
But thanks for your honesty we guess
"
Sorry to hear you have received so much abuse over this especially where your over age of consent kids can see far more in public places than you are doing |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Would like to point out
We have never had any form of sexual activity in front of our now over age of consent kids
The kissing that was mentioned was cheek to cheek not French kissing or snogging.
Any hand holding was as sign of affection and wouldn’t have happened if anyone was uncomfortable.
We are stunned at some of the messages we have received we geniuinly are surprise at some of the abuse we have received.
But thanks for your honesty we guess
"
Perhaps elaborating your original post to include these details would have helped.
Kissing cheek to cheek is how you greet people, so that's a non issue.
Bringing different random guys over and saying they are BOTH of your friends rather than "mummy's special friends" would be better put.
You said your kids were teens so they obviously are a lot wiser than you give them credit for.
I have no issue with poly relationships as it's a stable/ constant relationship, but having your bull(s) around your teens and saying that they are mum's special friends is not cool in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sounds just simply unnecessary to allow your children to see it. Im sure your sexual kicks don't have to flaunted infront of them. It's confusing for children and extremely embarrassing and hard to explain to anyone that asks or finds out in the future. |
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Why would you need to describe them as “mummy’s special friend”? That sounds wrong in so many levels in this topic. To then state that kissing and holding hands is only this an that, sounds like your back tracking to diffuse a topic that clearly has split opinions.
I couldn’t for a second see how it can be ok to bring in a 3rd party into the family set up on the level your talking. Having a friend is one thing, but describing them as a special friend sounds like your being open with your (can only presume) young daughters about your sexual exploits. I wonder how their conversations at school go. “Mummy has a special friend who stays the night, while daddy sleeps downstairs” can see the look on the teachers face now.
Personally, I won’t play with a woman who has kids in the house. It’s not fair on them IMO, an the “what ifs” of if they wake up an walk in aren’t something I’d care to want to explain |
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"Why would you need to describe them as “mummy’s special friend”? That sounds wrong in so many levels in this topic. To then state that kissing and holding hands is only this an that, sounds like your back tracking to diffuse a topic that clearly has split opinions.
I couldn’t for a second see how it can be ok to bring in a 3rd party into the family set up on the level your talking. Having a friend is one thing, but describing them as a special friend sounds like your being open with your (can only presume) young daughters about your sexual exploits. I wonder how their conversations at school go. “Mummy has a special friend who stays the night, while daddy sleeps downstairs” can see the look on the teachers face now.
Personally, I won’t play with a woman who has kids in the house. It’s not fair on them IMO, an the “what ifs” of if they wake up an walk in aren’t something I’d care to want to explain "
|
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"Why would you need to describe them as “mummy’s special friend”? That sounds wrong in so many levels in this topic. To then state that kissing and holding hands is only this an that, sounds like your back tracking to diffuse a topic that clearly has split opinions.
I couldn’t for a second see how it can be ok to bring in a 3rd party into the family set up on the level your talking. Having a friend is one thing, but describing them as a special friend sounds like your being open with your (can only presume) young daughters about your sexual exploits. I wonder how their conversations at school go. “Mummy has a special friend who stays the night, while daddy sleeps downstairs” can see the look on the teachers face now.
Personally, I won’t play with a woman who has kids in the house. It’s not fair on them IMO, an the “what ifs” of if they wake up an walk in aren’t something I’d care to want to explain "
If you read the whole thread you will see that the ops daughters are in their mid to late teens. |
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"Would like to point out
We have never had any form of sexual activity in front of our now over age of consent kids
The kissing that was mentioned was cheek to cheek not French kissing or snogging.
Any hand holding was as sign of affection and wouldn’t have happened if anyone was uncomfortable.
We are stunned at some of the messages we have received we geniuinly are surprise at some of the abuse we have received.
But thanks for your honesty we guess
Perhaps elaborating your original post to include these details would have helped.
Kissing cheek to cheek is how you greet people, so that's a non issue.
Bringing different random guys over and saying they are BOTH of your friends rather than "mummy's special friends" would be better put.
You said your kids were teens so they obviously are a lot wiser than you give them credit for.
I have no issue with poly relationships as it's a stable/ constant relationship, but having your bull(s) around your teens and saying that they are mum's special friends is not cool in my opinion."
I'm being 100% biased rather than using any facts here, for a change, but i don't see any difference to a poly relationship. In theory they are more stable. In everything I've witnessed, they are absolutely not. As i say, that's my own bias and I'm sure you know some poly people who are in long term relationships, but most don't last long and some bulls-cuckolds do it long-term too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it needs to be looked at realistically from the teens point of view. We've all been to school and college and all had boyfriends and girlfriends. And our friend, bf's and gf's meet our parents.
I hope I don't offend anykne here but need to be blunt to explain.
Imagine meeting you're boyfriends parents and then realising they constantly have a black guy around too, (Assume he is black from your profile).
Surely they will have to explain. And then words gets out. Around the school or college. It's going to be said..... "Your mum gets fucked by a black guy while your dad watches and joins in" |
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"I think it needs to be looked at realistically from the teens point of view. We've all been to school and college and all had boyfriends and girlfriends. And our friend, bf's and gf's meet our parents.
I hope I don't offend anykne here but need to be blunt to explain.
Imagine meeting you're boyfriends parents and then realising they constantly have a black guy around too, (Assume he is black from your profile).
Surely they will have to explain. And then words gets out. Around the school or college. It's going to be said..... "Your mum gets fucked by a black guy while your dad watches and joins in" "
That the argument they use against gay adoption. The kids at school will rip the piss out of the kid with two dads or say "your dad gets fucked up the ass". But you're for gay adoption aren't you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.Guess what? People will be judgemental, even in the scene. The scene is not a shared set of values, or a belief system, or even an agreed set of rules. It's just a momentary coincidence of people who, generally, like sex. They don't stop being who they are, and they don't park their attitudes or behaviours at the door for any longer than it takes to get what they want.
That said, you have to accept that it's a fact of life that for every way of bringing up kids, there's someone willing to judge you. If you don;t believe me, visit Mumsnet, which the one of the inner circles of hell when it comes to nasty, vicious and bitter people judging others and asserting that they are right.
If you hang around the bi or queer scene for more than a second, especially in the company of clever people like Kaz, you'll hear the phrase 'internalized biphobia'. It describes people who even thogh they're bi, or queer, accept all the unpleasant descriptions of bi / queer people form the straight community.
It's the same in swinging, even some people who regularly swing believe that monogamous marriage is the gold standard, and that those of use who don't subscribe to that theory are somehow lesser beings. There's something theological in there about accepting we are all just poor sinners who can be redeemed if only we continue to acknowledge the ideal that we fail to met.
How are your kids? If they're fine, then you've probably got it right. If they're not, you can fix it. Ask them how they feel. Ask if anything in their life troubles them. If you need advice about safeguarding stuff, or if you are worried you might have inadvertently crossed a line, talk to a professional.
A final thing. We didn't invent sex. Unconventional relationships have happened for a very long time, and we're still here. Mrs Pike in Dads Army was s funny because it was recognisable- all the audience could think of someone who lived unconventionally with someone they weren't married to. Phillip Larkin was wrong. Your mum and dad don't fuck you up - it's not talking and not seeking professional help that fucks you up.
Carter"
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"I think it needs to be looked at realistically from the teens point of view. We've all been to school and college and all had boyfriends and girlfriends. And our friend, bf's and gf's meet our parents.
I hope I don't offend anykne here but need to be blunt to explain.
Imagine meeting you're boyfriends parents and then realising they constantly have a black guy around too, (Assume he is black from your profile).
Surely they will have to explain. And then words gets out. Around the school or college. It's going to be said..... "Your mum gets fucked by a black guy while your dad watches and joins in" "
Why can't they just say he's a family friend 
This situation doesn't sit well with me as I said but some of the suggestions being made in this thread are way over the top.
Lots of people grow up in "interesting" family set ups. It often makes them more interesting adults. It needs a certain emotional maturity to accept cuckolding in a world geared heavily towards monogamy though and I'm not sure young adults have that. Although on reflection seeing happy parents in a loving relationship might have given them that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it needs to be looked at realistically from the teens point of view. We've all been to school and college and all had boyfriends and girlfriends. And our friend, bf's and gf's meet our parents.
I hope I don't offend anykne here but need to be blunt to explain.
Imagine meeting you're boyfriends parents and then realising they constantly have a black guy around too, (Assume he is black from your profile).
Surely they will have to explain. And then words gets out. Around the school or college. It's going to be said..... "Your mum gets fucked by a black guy while your dad watches and joins in"
That the argument they use against gay adoption. The kids at school will rip the piss out of the kid with two dads or say "your dad gets fucked up the ass". But you're for gay adoption aren't you? "
No. |
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I’ve literally just had a realisation regarding my own childhood...
My nan was married to my grandad but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend came with us on family holidays instead of my grandad coming. My nan has been with her boyfriend for 50 odd years.
And only now at 29 years old, and reading this post do I now think it possibly could of been something cuckold related or even swinging related.
Obviously I don’t want to think of my nan in that way particularly as she’s 84 now but good on her if it is
Please don’t assume the kids/teens have any idea that it’s anything like what it is and/or they might take a while for the penny to drop as it has just done for me haha
DB x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve literally just had a realisation regarding my own childhood...
My nan was married to my grandad but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend came with us on family holidays instead of my grandad coming. My nan has been with her boyfriend for 50 odd years.
And only now at 29 years old, and reading this post do I now think it possibly could of been something cuckold related or even swinging related.
Obviously I don’t want to think of my nan in that way particularly as she’s 84 now but good on her if it is
Please don’t assume the kids/teens have any idea that it’s anything like what it is and/or they might take a while for the penny to drop as it has just done for me haha
DB x
"
Can you ask her about him? |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us."
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal. |
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By *ob_2017Man
over a year ago
the last place you look |
"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.Guess what? People will be judgemental, even in the scene. The scene is not a shared set of values, or a belief system, or even an agreed set of rules. It's just a momentary coincidence of people who, generally, like sex. They don't stop being who they are, and they don't park their attitudes or behaviours at the door for any longer than it takes to get what they want.
That said, you have to accept that it's a fact of life that for every way of bringing up kids, there's someone willing to judge you. If you don;t believe me, visit Mumsnet, which the one of the inner circles of hell when it comes to nasty, vicious and bitter people judging others and asserting that they are right.
If you hang around the bi or queer scene for more than a second, especially in the company of clever people like Kaz, you'll hear the phrase 'internalized biphobia'. It describes people who even thogh they're bi, or queer, accept all the unpleasant descriptions of bi / queer people form the straight community.
It's the same in swinging, even some people who regularly swing believe that monogamous marriage is the gold standard, and that those of use who don't subscribe to that theory are somehow lesser beings. There's something theological in there about accepting we are all just poor sinners who can be redeemed if only we continue to acknowledge the ideal that we fail to met.
How are your kids? If they're fine, then you've probably got it right. If they're not, you can fix it. Ask them how they feel. Ask if anything in their life troubles them. If you need advice about safeguarding stuff, or if you are worried you might have inadvertently crossed a line, talk to a professional.
A final thing. We didn't invent sex. Unconventional relationships have happened for a very long time, and we're still here. Mrs Pike in Dads Army was s funny because it was recognisable- all the audience could think of someone who lived unconventionally with someone they weren't married to. Phillip Larkin was wrong. Your mum and dad don't fuck you up - it's not talking and not seeking professional help that fucks you up.
Carter"
|
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal."
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right. |
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"I’ve literally just had a realisation regarding my own childhood...
My nan was married to my grandad but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend came with us on family holidays instead of my grandad coming. My nan has been with her boyfriend for 50 odd years.
And only now at 29 years old, and reading this post do I now think it possibly could of been something cuckold related or even swinging related.
Obviously I don’t want to think of my nan in that way particularly as she’s 84 now but good on her if it is
Please don’t assume the kids/teens have any idea that it’s anything like what it is and/or they might take a while for the penny to drop as it has just done for me haha
DB x
Can you ask her about him? "
God no! I’d be worried about the answer and only because it would be way too much information
In actual fact... she has quite a few male “special” friends that pop in to see her. We’ve always joked she has loads of boyfriends but maybe it wasn’t a joke after all x |
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"I’ve literally just had a realisation regarding my own childhood...
My nan was married to my grandad but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend came with us on family holidays instead of my grandad coming. My nan has been with her boyfriend for 50 odd years.
And only now at 29 years old, and reading this post do I now think it possibly could of been something cuckold related or even swinging related.
Obviously I don’t want to think of my nan in that way particularly as she’s 84 now but good on her if it is
Please don’t assume the kids/teens have any idea that it’s anything like what it is and/or they might take a while for the penny to drop as it has just done for me haha
DB x
Can you ask her about him?
God no! I’d be worried about the answer and only because it would be way too much information
In actual fact... she has quite a few male “special” friends that pop in to see her. We’ve always joked she has loads of boyfriends but maybe it wasn’t a joke after all x"
Loving your gran, she sounds quite the lady |
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Honestly I dont think it's good to have exposed your children to it as it could lead to a warped view relationships to them and affect them in the future. Most teenagers don't want to think about their own parents having sex, let alone know that practically strangers are fucking their mum. I know personally when I was a teenager this would have made me incredibly uncomfortable |
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"Honestly I dont think it's good to have exposed your children to it as it could lead to a warped view relationships to them and affect them in the future. Most teenagers don't want to think about their own parents having sex, let alone know that practically strangers are fucking their mum. I know personally when I was a teenager this would have made me incredibly uncomfortable"
Spot on x |
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People post on the forums asking for advice hoping they will read what they want to hear. With this topic it’s never going to be like that.
I would have been horrified as a young teenager to know my mum had ‘special friends’ like men coming to the house and having sex with her.... |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right. "
A concept poorly understood on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab "
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
|
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
"
Within that marriage, yes. To wave it under the noses of the children, who probably have no appreciation or understanding of the sexual thrill it provides to those two consenting adults? No. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
"
Good luck finding the period of human history where most people actually practiced monogamy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
Within that marriage, yes. To wave it under the noses of the children, who probably have no appreciation or understanding of the sexual thrill it provides to those two consenting adults? No. "
I believe this is being blown out of all proportion in the name of virtue posting.
Given we don't know the full situation, or indeed if the scenario is true....
How many people have vanilla friends over, who might have a few drinks, have a laugh, make little signs of affection between long standing friends then retire to their own beds.
How many people actually pack away their teenage children to relatives in order to have sex in the marital bed with their own partner?
Or how many people regularly farm their kids out so they can enjoy their hedonistic lifestyles?
As is often the case, particularly if there are points to be scored,outrage will stifle debate.
It's the same with bareback threads.
Ooh look at me I'm the perfect swinger and everyone else is wrong / morally corrupt etc.
If issues cannot be discussed, lessons cannot be learnt.
But hey, when you are the perfect swinger, it matters not because you are doing everything correct. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
Within that marriage, yes. To wave it under the noses of the children, who probably have no appreciation or understanding of the sexual thrill it provides to those two consenting adults? No.
I believe this is being blown out of all proportion in the name of virtue posting.
Given we don't know the full situation, or indeed if the scenario is true....
How many people have vanilla friends over, who might have a few drinks, have a laugh, make little signs of affection between long standing friends then retire to their own beds.
How many people actually pack away their teenage children to relatives in order to have sex in the marital bed with their own partner?
Or how many people regularly farm their kids out so they can enjoy their hedonistic lifestyles?
As is often the case, particularly if there are points to be scored,outrage will stifle debate.
It's the same with bareback threads.
Ooh look at me I'm the perfect swinger and everyone else is wrong / morally corrupt etc.
If issues cannot be discussed, lessons cannot be learnt.
But hey, when you are the perfect swinger, it matters not because you are doing everything correct."
Virtue posting to who, exactly? Who do you think I’m trying to impress?
I don’t kiss my friends or hold their hands. I have something I like to call “personal space”. I believe a lot of other people do, too.
I don’t think making love with your long term partner, in your own home is unheard of. Do you think it’s okay to make your children aware of your sexual activity though? For example- by being noisy, by wearing sexualised clothing in front of them etc.
I’m not the perfect anything. I do have strong opinions about what is okay for children to witness and be involved in, and this (the OP) is a big red line for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nothing to be bothered about. Kids are not stupid and usually know anyway. Better you are being honest and they know you two still love each other. Keep going as you are. Wish I lived near. |
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"We have been on the scene for many years (although not met many guys from here thus far)
Because of the nature of our cuckolding wants we often have the guy involved visiting our home overnight sometimes staying at weekends.
Because our now teens are used to “mums special freinds” staying over we have been quite relaxed (obviously nothing untoward in sight) except maybe hand holding or a kiss etc.
We recently discussed this with another couple in the scene and they were disgusted and really judgmental about this.
What do folk here think ... do be honest it has troubled us.
NUMBER ONE: Don't ever be swayed by someone else's moral outrage... who are they to judge YOU. Don't allow someone else's opinion to stop you doing something you like and is legal.
They literally asked us what we think- so invited us to judge them.
Whether or not something is legal, does not make it morally right.
A concept poorly understood on fab
Because extramarital sex with consent is morally acceptable?
Within that marriage, yes. To wave it under the noses of the children, who probably have no appreciation or understanding of the sexual thrill it provides to those two consenting adults? No.
I believe this is being blown out of all proportion in the name of virtue posting.
Given we don't know the full situation, or indeed if the scenario is true....
How many people have vanilla friends over, who might have a few drinks, have a laugh, make little signs of affection between long standing friends then retire to their own beds.
How many people actually pack away their teenage children to relatives in order to have sex in the marital bed with their own partner?
Or how many people regularly farm their kids out so they can enjoy their hedonistic lifestyles?
As is often the case, particularly if there are points to be scored,outrage will stifle debate.
It's the same with bareback threads.
Ooh look at me I'm the perfect swinger and everyone else is wrong / morally corrupt etc.
If issues cannot be discussed, lessons cannot be learnt.
But hey, when you are the perfect swinger, it matters not because you are doing everything correct.
Virtue posting to who, exactly? Who do you think I’m trying to impress?
I don’t kiss my friends or hold their hands. I have something I like to call “personal space”. I believe a lot of other people do, too.
I don’t think making love with your long term partner, in your own home is unheard of. Do you think it’s okay to make your children aware of your sexual activity though? For example- by being noisy, by wearing sexualised clothing in front of them etc.
I’m not the perfect anything. I do have strong opinions about what is okay for children to witness and be involved in, and this (the OP) is a big red line for me. "
Absolutely right , and we fully agree with you on this .
Anyone who thinks it’s ok is not someone we would wish to meet , and to be fair we are amongst the least judgemental on here .
But some things are just wrong , and this is one of them . Every single argument /statement made on the last post which you've answered is irelevent to the op . It uses analogies and examples which bear absolutely no relevance to having ‘Mummy’s special friend over to fuck her ‘ .
No one here is trying to pretend they are the perfect swinger . How would that be possible ?
And as for virtue posting , well it certainly isn’t you guys doing that at all .
There’s nothing wrong with having a fully functioning moral compass , even if you are swingers . |
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"
I’m not the perfect anything. I do have strong opinions about what is okay for children to witness and be involved in, and this (the OP) is a big red line for me.
Absolutely right , and we fully agree with you on this .
Anyone who thinks it’s ok is not someone we would wish to meet , and to be fair we are amongst the least judgemental on here .
But some things are just wrong , and this is one of them . Every single argument /statement made on the last post which you've answered is irelevent to the op . It uses analogies and examples which bear absolutely no relevance to having ‘Mummy’s special friend over to fuck her ‘ .
No one here is trying to pretend they are the perfect swinger . How would that be possible ?
And as for virtue posting , well it certainly isn’t you guys doing that at all .
There’s nothing wrong with having a fully functioning moral compass , even if you are swingers ."
Out of interest, how would you compare it to a poly relationship? |
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"
I’m not the perfect anything. I do have strong opinions about what is okay for children to witness and be involved in, and this (the OP) is a big red line for me.
Absolutely right , and we fully agree with you on this .
Anyone who thinks it’s ok is not someone we would wish to meet , and to be fair we are amongst the least judgemental on here .
But some things are just wrong , and this is one of them . Every single argument /statement made on the last post which you've answered is irelevent to the op . It uses analogies and examples which bear absolutely no relevance to having ‘Mummy’s special friend over to fuck her ‘ .
No one here is trying to pretend they are the perfect swinger . How would that be possible ?
And as for virtue posting , well it certainly isn’t you guys doing that at all .
There’s nothing wrong with having a fully functioning moral compass , even if you are swingers .
Out of interest, how would you compare it to a poly relationship? "
I personally don’t know anyone in a poly relationship who has kids . So I’m unable to make a reasoned comment .
How would you compare it ?
Would you be ok explaining the scenario to your kids ? |
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"
I’m not the perfect anything. I do have strong opinions about what is okay for children to witness and be involved in, and this (the OP) is a big red line for me.
Absolutely right , and we fully agree with you on this .
Anyone who thinks it’s ok is not someone we would wish to meet , and to be fair we are amongst the least judgemental on here .
But some things are just wrong , and this is one of them . Every single argument /statement made on the last post which you've answered is irelevent to the op . It uses analogies and examples which bear absolutely no relevance to having ‘Mummy’s special friend over to fuck her ‘ .
No one here is trying to pretend they are the perfect swinger . How would that be possible ?
And as for virtue posting , well it certainly isn’t you guys doing that at all .
There’s nothing wrong with having a fully functioning moral compass , even if you are swingers .
Out of interest, how would you compare it to a poly relationship?
I personally don’t know anyone in a poly relationship who has kids . So I’m unable to make a reasoned comment .
How would you compare it ?
Would you be ok explaining the scenario to your kids ? "
I would put them on par personally. No it's not something I'd want to explain. |
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By *osheaMan
over a year ago
manchester |
The clue is in the title "family discretion" you are not being discreet you are being the opposite of discreet.
"mums special friend" may work on a 5 year old but not on an 18 year old. They know what you are doing and the fact you are asking the question indicates you are unsure of the influence it is having on your children. In that case why would you take the risk that it may have a negative effect or send the wrong message to them? |
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