FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Outed
Outed
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"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation " It could be worse you could dress like a woman. I think once the cat is out it is too late to get her back in. Why was this person on a swinger's site anyway? What makes them so perfect that they need to fuck your life up? Get screenshots of their profile before they delete it, you might need them as ammo. | |||
"I'm not sure what the best advice is but just in case you aren't aware the forums are public, don't need to be a member to view them so if people know the profile name they might find this thread even if the profile is hidden." thanks but I know the individual very well and he isnt the brightest spark so the forums are beyond him | |||
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"In outing you, they've outed themselves too. If you genuinely don't want to style it out as yes and how is that your business, which I can understand from your situation with your daughter, I'd make private any pics that could be potentially identifiable and state categorically that you've no idea what they're on about. If it saves you trouble on a personal level I see no issue with that. As to the person who spilled - if you genuinely think they had an unthinking or indiscreet moment, then maybe talk to them - I'd do it in person rather than writing if you're going to deny all knowledge though to others. If it was thoughtless rather than malicious, perhaps they could say it was an error and not you after all? " they have, you are right. And I used to think that rule prevent this thing happening but this particular individual has little pride. Whats really odd is he has recently split with his wife due to her choice and he wants her back, so why do this? its rather stupid. They knew exactly what they were doing but I may still try and play on their heartstrings. Tbh I think it is too late to deny now. my best friend has been sent it and he can tell. He himself is very angry for me | |||
"In outing you, they've outed themselves too. If you genuinely don't want to style it out as yes and how is that your business, which I can understand from your situation with your daughter, I'd make private any pics that could be potentially identifiable and state categorically that you've no idea what they're on about. If it saves you trouble on a personal level I see no issue with that. As to the person who spilled - if you genuinely think they had an unthinking or indiscreet moment, then maybe talk to them - I'd do it in person rather than writing if you're going to deny all knowledge though to others. If it was thoughtless rather than malicious, perhaps they could say it was an error and not you after all? they have, you are right. And I used to think that rule prevent this thing happening but this particular individual has little pride. Whats really odd is he has recently split with his wife due to her choice and he wants her back, so why do this? its rather stupid. They knew exactly what they were doing but I may still try and play on their heartstrings. Tbh I think it is too late to deny now. my best friend has been sent it and he can tell. He himself is very angry for me" I’d deny where you can/want. Your friends sounds something of a flake. If a close friend is supportive you coukd always confide and ask for further support in passing out disinformation - ‘oh that, that was X being an idiot as usual and getting it wrong.’ | |||
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"Deny, deny, deny. Then wait 6 months and blow the fucker out of the water with what you know." This. Ultimately as others have said, you have done nothing wrong. Hiding the profile is probably a good thing to do | |||
"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation " This is easy. Hide all pictures and just deny it under whatever pressure you get put. Just flat out deny it. | |||
"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation " just leave you're not obviously cut out for this life anyways at some point you have to show pics and meet people | |||
"Your single ... why worry ... he has a lot more to lose than you Have you asked him if his wife knows he is on here ... If you want just block him or delete your profile and set up another .. Hes being very childish and needs to grow up ." I am so very sorry to hear that this has caused you such distress. What a wanker! Indeed, he seems to have much more to lose than you, and please remember that even though your privacy has been brutally violated, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand that you don't want others to know about this, so yes, keep your profile hidden and deny all knowledge if you really want to keep this to yourself. Your genuine friends won't judge you if you decide to share this aspect of your life with them. I wish I could give you a definitive solution, in the meantime I wish you all the very best. X | |||
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"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation just leave you're not obviously cut out for this life anyways at some point you have to show pics and meet people " Ive met many people and ordinarily have a profile full of photos which most people would not know were me. Unless they knew me really well, as this person does | |||
"Your single ... why worry ... he has a lot more to lose than you Have you asked him if his wife knows he is on here ... If you want just block him or delete your profile and set up another .. Hes being very childish and needs to grow up . I am so very sorry to hear that this has caused you such distress. What a wanker! Indeed, he seems to have much more to lose than you, and please remember that even though your privacy has been brutally violated, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand that you don't want others to know about this, so yes, keep your profile hidden and deny all knowledge if you really want to keep this to yourself. Your genuine friends won't judge you if you decide to share this aspect of your life with them. I wish I could give you a definitive solution, in the meantime I wish you all the very best. X" thank you, it seems I will have to admit to certain people and deny to others | |||
"Deny, deny, deny. Then wait 6 months and blow the fucker out of the water with what you know." This | |||
"Your single ... why worry ... he has a lot more to lose than you Have you asked him if his wife knows he is on here ... If you want just block him or delete your profile and set up another .. Hes being very childish and needs to grow up ." This  | |||
"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation just leave you're not obviously cut out for this life anyways at some point you have to show pics and meet people "  | |||
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"Your single ... why worry ... he has a lot more to lose than you Have you asked him if his wife knows he is on here ... If you want just block him or delete your profile and set up another .. Hes being very childish and needs to grow up . I am so very sorry to hear that this has caused you such distress. What a wanker! Indeed, he seems to have much more to lose than you, and please remember that even though your privacy has been brutally violated, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand that you don't want others to know about this, so yes, keep your profile hidden and deny all knowledge if you really want to keep this to yourself. Your genuine friends won't judge you if you decide to share this aspect of your life with them. I wish I could give you a definitive solution, in the meantime I wish you all the very best. X thank you, it seems I will have to admit to certain people and deny to others" Only admit to the ones you know you can definitely trust. I'd just deny it to everyone. x | |||
"Deny, deny, deny. Then wait 6 months and blow the fucker out of the water with what you know. This" I would agree too you are not doing anything wrong on here its not illegal. But saying that revenge should be sweet and payback a bitch. | |||
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"Hide your profile for a while so no one can compare the pics to you. Someone on Fab has seen you on Fab and is gossiping about it? Hypocritical cunt. If anyone confronts you deny and ask them what makes them think you're a member? Or say yes I am, what the fucks it got to do with you?" This too!! The Shires like that; he’ll soon be distracted by something like snow... Then go wreck a bit of revenge!!! | |||
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"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation just leave you're not obviously cut out for this life anyways at some point you have to show pics and meet people " I do show pics and have met some lovely people but I keep this part of my life private from family and friends. Unfortunately, the taboo around sexually liberated females persists and I do not wish to be judged or defined by the choices I have made. I too would be gutted and angry if someone "outed" me | |||
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"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation just leave you're not obviously cut out for this life anyways at some point you have to show pics and meet people Ive met many people and ordinarily have a profile full of photos which most people would not know were me. Unless they knew me really well, as this person does" ok what your friend did was maybe thoughtless but if you dont want to leave which by sound of it you don't then stop worrying about it, this is life, it's your life and many other people's normal lives people have sex and with more than one partner , people cheat, people go to clubs, people get naked and people have hard ons it's the real world, real people, real places,real time stop being ashamed of it and just carry on as you were  | |||
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"You're today's news. You're tomorrow's chip wrapper. My previous advice still stands." do they still wrap chips in cyber texts | |||
"You're today's news. You're tomorrow's chip wrapper. My previous advice still stands. do they still wrap chips in cyber texts " They do in Oliver's. | |||
"It happened to me by a friend and I denied it, stayed on site and carried on as normal. The twat sent me a text saying he had seen my face on here but I knew he was guessing, he had been told by someone else I was on here. I copied and pasted his text and posted it on his Facebook page, I made a joke of it and said nice try but you still haven’t got me back and I hope this site was a joke and I haven’t outed you. He rang me in bits and apologised." Brilliant.  | |||
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"Having been through this myself ( a 'single' males girlfriend, well he said he was single, found out, took screenshots of my profile and explicit pictures then sent them to my family) all I can advice is to wait for this to blow over. Maybe make all your pictures private for now should. If you know who it is who started this may be tell them how violated and embarrassed it's made you feel. People like to gossip and soon enough the next thing to gossip about will come along and you won't be the focus any more " love this advice, it’s spot on | |||
"It happened to me by a friend and I denied it, stayed on site and carried on as normal. The twat sent me a text saying he had seen my face on here but I knew he was guessing, he had been told by someone else I was on here. I copied and pasted his text and posted it on his Facebook page, I made a joke of it and said nice try but you still haven’t got me back and I hope this site was a joke and I haven’t outed you. He rang me in bits and apologised." Ha ha thats so funny Sorry this happened op Some people are just sad and have to cause drama in others lives Yoy have done the right thing hiding your profile and hopefully it will all blow over Good luck xx | |||
"Having been through this myself ( a 'single' males girlfriend, well he said he was single, found out, took screenshots of my profile and explicit pictures then sent them to my family) all I can advice is to wait for this to blow over. Maybe make all your pictures private for now should. If you know who it is who started this may be tell them how violated and embarrassed it's made you feel. People like to gossip and soon enough the next thing to gossip about will come along and you won't be the focus any more " This | |||
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"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation " He is NOT a friend I would return the favour and out him. | |||
 Most people are more discrete. Maybe make themselves known to you, but not tell anyone else. I only came across someone I knew once and blocked him without mentioning a thing. If you're enjoying the site, why would you leave though. This will have given you a fright I'm sure, but enough to let it ruin your fun? x | |||
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"Firstly, thank you all for the advice. I now know the meaning of the community. I called the individual concerned. He would only admit to sending it to my best friend, and not to others and its the others who have caused the problem. I asked him why he would do it. He wouldn't answer, only to say he had sent it to our mutual friend only. Lies. I said about my daughter. Told him he should know better since he went through a custody battle. In the end I had to say I knew who he has sent it to. Told her this girl is nothing to me other than someone I knew years ago so why tell her? He said he would sort it. By this I think he means speak to the girl he sent it to. I said I am sure she would not want any issues with access to her children and given what I have been made aware of, she would have issues if things came out. But this is none of my business. The final stupid comment was he was't on here 'in that way'. Not sure how many ways you could be on this site? I said I am sure he would not want his wife to know, despite the recent split. I guess I will have to see what happens now. If it does cause me issues, I will not let it lie. Nor will I let it lie if I find the profile has been circulated. again, thanks for everyone's help. " Very welcome OP, glad you got back to us and you are OK xxx | |||
"Firstly, thank you all for the advice. I now know the meaning of the community. I called the individual concerned. He would only admit to sending it to my best friend, and not to others and its the others who have caused the problem. I asked him why he would do it. He wouldn't answer, only to say he had sent it to our mutual friend only. Lies. I said about my daughter. Told him he should know better since he went through a custody battle. In the end I had to say I knew who he has sent it to. Told her this girl is nothing to me other than someone I knew years ago so why tell her? He said he would sort it. By this I think he means speak to the girl he sent it to. I said I am sure she would not want any issues with access to her children and given what I have been made aware of, she would have issues if things came out. But this is none of my business. The final stupid comment was he was't on here 'in that way'. Not sure how many ways you could be on this site? I said I am sure he would not want his wife to know, despite the recent split. I guess I will have to see what happens now. If it does cause me issues, I will not let it lie. Nor will I let it lie if I find the profile has been circulated. again, thanks for everyone's help. " | |||
"Sorry to ask, but I am seeking a little advice. My use of this site has always been a secret. I dont like people knowing a lot about my life, let alone this. The public photos on my profile have never revealed any unique markings. At most, I have showed the lower half of my face so just my lips chin etc. Everything else has been a body shot. I have recently (last 24 hours) found out a long term 'friend' has joined the site, recognised me and outed me to others. I think purely to gossip. One person got it, who then sent it onto their friends and so on. I don't know exact numbers. I am single but the idea of a large number of people who I may know well, or only know a little, being aware I am on here and seeing me naked has caused me a lot of upset. I dont want to see anyone right now as I dont know who knows what. My main concern is that I have a young daughter and the relationship with my ex partner has been difficult. I am not sure what she would say if made aware. What do you do in this situation? My priority is containing it. Do I leave the site, say nothing and wait for the next gossip subject to take over? Do I tell the person involved its upset me and ask them to stop it or do I just take a no tolerance approach and threaten them with ramifications? I don't mean physical violence but the individual concerned really hasn't thought this through in terms of their own situation It could be worse you could dress like a woman. I think once the cat is out it is too late to get her back in. Why was this person on a swinger's site anyway? What makes them so perfect that they need to fuck your life up? Get screenshots of their profile before they delete it, you might need them as ammo." Ok here goes..... To the comment above,I do dress as a woman, and yes I have been outed by a former work colleague, it went around everyone at work including management quicker than a bout of diahorrea!! I had to sack the work colleague because of his serious horseplay on site and despite all the verbal warnings, I had no alternative. It was either my job/reputation or serious health and safety problems!! Anyway, no one said a word about it to my face for about 8-10 months, then while I was having a cigarette with all the lads before starting work one day, one of the lads asked ”what's the sketch of you in a picture, wearing stockings, suspenders, knickers and heels?” Well you can imagine my heart split in two, one part went to the pit of my stomach and the other straight to my mouth, I felt like I had been hit with a brick!! My answer to that question got a laugh out of the other lads. I asked him "what the f**k has it got to do with you and what makes my life so interesting to you?? Even if it were true, I'd do a much better job than any woman you're going to be sleeping with from now on anyway!!" That night I rang one of the managing directors and asked what the f**k has been going on behind my back in the company, and why didn't he or any other management come to me regarding this information?? This person I have a lot of respect for, always have since the day I started there 3.5 years ago!! He was absolutely sound about it all, told me that in no way was I to take any bulls**t from anyone inside the company, or from any external companies we worked alongside!! He assured me my job was safe as I have never affected anyone at work with my actions or private life, I've never brought the company into any disrepute, therefore he also assured me that if anyone harassed, made snide comments or bullied me about it would be dealt with swiftly and removed from the company, no matter how long they'd been serving with them! I went on several different sites working with 20-30 different lads from the company, and only on one occasion did anyone bring it up, and that was a supervisor, who told me that everyone on site from our company knew about my private life and that it was not an issue, and he would always be there if I had any greivances about comments or bullying. My director also told me that if it had to go to court, I would more rights than they would, I think what made him see that I was serious about keeping my private life private, was my response, "I probably do have more rights than all of the staff put together, but all I want is to be treated as equal!!" In the end I had to call the police on the former work colleague, as he then started harrasing me by email, using my address to have junk mail delivered to and email address to sign me up to all sorts of different websites and point check companies. He also sent a glitter bomb to my house while I was working away and covered one of my 6 month old premature twins in glitter, when she was laid on my partner's knee and she opened the letter as it was addressed to me and my company, the baby started coughing and spluttering and when she looked down, the bairn was gasping for air!! She had to pin the bairn down in the bath and use the shower to get as much off her as possible, rushed to A&E to make sure she hadn't inhaled any in to her lungs! Also he sent a picture, which he copied from my profile to my fiance by text or email, can't remember which, asking if I was available!! Ended up seeking advice from solicitors and called the police to see what could be done, he eventually got arrested and charged!! I do know exactly what you're feeling, my advice is do nothing and carry on as normal, don't let some C**T change or take charge of your life, that's your private property and only you can change it when you want to xx | |||
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