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HUNTED BY EX
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Any one got any good way of getting an ex out of your head.
I hate the fact that I'm still in love with my ex even if our relationship was toxic.
Can function like I used to and my mood swings are fucking leathel to the point of antidepressants.
I've tryed the old 'to get over someone you need to get under some one' and it's not touching the sides.
I know I know the only thing that will help is time but right know that sounds crass in the extrema.
And I'm Probubly only righting this to get it out of my head and out there.
Any help even a full lubotomy would help.
P
Xxx |
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Make sure you can't ever see pictures or reminders, that really helps I also reminded myself it's basically my brain lighting up like when you have an addiction, literally don't think about the person, the old keeping busy and distracted helps and yes you will feel better in time. Eventually to the point of not really caring but that took yrs with me, not fun |
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Took me 10 months to get my toxic ex out of my head, and even then i sometimes have 'blips' where i think i miss him.
Thing is, the 'him' i saw was not real, the relationship was lies, and i really have had to focus on that to realise there was no relationship and he was not even real. The real him is not loveable and definitely not capable of loving me, so why would i want that? |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
There are many emotions folk go through following a stressful time.. denial, bargaining, anger , depression and acceptance..
Some Folk take longer than others to go through these emotions and you can revisit them many times before you're finally "over" it . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you I needed that.
I know I fell for the woman I wanted to see but I hope that was the real one and that my love could help us both find each other.
Longer I stay away the longer I start away the longer I realise that was foolish.
Still miss her though with every beat. |
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I'm not blaming you at all but it might be that she fulfilled some need you have and that's why you still miss her?
And with some people, myself included, once you fall in love with someone it can be hard to break that. |
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I think toxic relationships have tbis effect.
Have you any wayvof addressing the issues that made it toxic and understanding what drives you to want something that's clearly not in your best interests? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This I have tried to address and yes she fitted my saver complex to a tee.
No detail will be ever talked about that though.
I have been to one coda meeting and Probubly need to go to more.
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This I have tried to address and yes she fitted my saver complex to a tee.
No detail will be ever talked about that though.
I have been to one coda meeting and Probubly need to go to more.
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The mind is a weird thing. If you've ever had a dream where you're talking to a friend, only they look nothing like your friend, you'll know that the part of the mind to know something is true is separate from the part which deduces something is true based on the evidence.
In a similar way I wonder if there isn't a bonding mechanism in the mind which exists quite separately from being in love. This would allow for situations where the person gets locked into a bond with someone they don't love and there's no reason why they should be bonded to them. It would be a malfunction of sorts.
Listening to friends yearning for abusive partners makes me think something like this must be to blame. There certainly isn't anything enticing or affectionate or self affirming in the relationship any more. It feels like it's more about them. Some kind of malfunction that takes time to overcome. Sorry you're going through this  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you that must have taken some consideration. Have to say it's defiantly some thing wrong with her. And the more I stand back the more I understand that the degradation of our relationship was in part my fault as much as hers.
I new what I was getting into and could not handle it when it got hard. My responses where not helpful and I wish that we could have made it work.
But it was not to be but every thing in me and the pain I feel thinking about it make me wish it had.
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all meet people we think was for us. And when the heart heals you realise it was just rose tinted glasses.
Dont pine, dont look at photos and try to be positive and start again. See friends go out and smile, and when you do start looking never slate the ex off |
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The best advice I can give is, work on yourself. Seek what makes you happy, and I don't just mean sex. Hobbies, self improvement. Make yourself too busy and enjoying life too much to think about her. |
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"Thank you that must have taken some consideration. Have to say it's defiantly some thing wrong with her. And the more I stand back the more I understand that the degradation of our relationship was in part my fault as much as hers.
I new what I was getting into and could not handle it when it got hard. My responses where not helpful and I wish that we could have made it work.
But it was not to be but every thing in me and the pain I feel thinking about it make me wish it had.
Xxx "
I’m guessing by the fact you’re here, sex is an important factor to you.
I’m also guessing that sex with you’re ex ,ticked your boxes?
I’m also guessing that, at the moment you feel like you’ll never find someone who will satisfy you like she did?
I may get shot down for saying this, but I’ve found out the hard way, that the woman who were best at sex, (in my life),were generally the most difficult to have a relationship with. In the end I’d give up trying to turn a bad relationship good and end it, but the memories of the “good” sex would often cloud my judgement, and I’d end up back in bed with them ,and the whole toxic cycle would continue.
A practice tip I’ve used myself, is get an a4 sheet of paper, write 2 columns, 1 pros and 1 cons. Sit down and fill in as many pros and cons you can think of for your ex. Do it honestly, and keep it to hand, read it when you have a weak moment and ask yourself “do I really want that drama in my life?” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you that must have taken some consideration. Have to say it's defiantly some thing wrong with her. And the more I stand back the more I understand that the degradation of our relationship was in part my fault as much as hers.
I new what I was getting into and could not handle it when it got hard. My responses where not helpful and I wish that we could have made it work.
But it was not to be but every thing in me and the pain I feel thinking about it make me wish it had.
Xxx
I’m guessing by the fact you’re here, sex is an important factor to you.
I’m also guessing that sex with you’re ex ,ticked your boxes?
I’m also guessing that, at the moment you feel like you’ll never find someone who will satisfy you like she did?
I may get shot down for saying this, but I’ve found out the hard way, that the woman who were best at sex, (in my life),were generally the most difficult to have a relationship with. In the end I’d give up trying to turn a bad relationship good and end it, but the memories of the “good” sex would often cloud my judgement, and I’d end up back in bed with them ,and the whole toxic cycle would continue.
A practice tip I’ve used myself, is get an a4 sheet of paper, write 2 columns, 1 pros and 1 cons. Sit down and fill in as many pros and cons you can think of for your ex. Do it honestly, and keep it to hand, read it when you have a weak moment and ask yourself “do I really want that drama in my life?”"
This, you've precisely described my feelings towards my ex, as im currently going through a similar situation as the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Find a hobby, maybe start going to the gym and sweat it out if not already.
Sometimes we become so engrossed in our previous partners because we feel confident around them but aren’t the same around anyone else. You are you. Be the best every day and do the best in every day without expecting anything back! Show the real you and don’t let anything hold you back! Wake up in the morning as you take that first breath in, tell your self how lucky you are to be alive an breathing !!
Be fucking you my man !!! Be fucking you !!!
Excuse the French.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Who finished the relationship? If it was her, there is no point hankering after someone who simply does not want to be with you. Take this time in your life to be you..... "
I walked out because I could not handle it any more. But there is no going back with what I've made her go through know. But every one is right I have to grow a pair and put my shit together.
It's OK to regret her loss but know its the only think that could have happened.
Xxx |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
Also remember... If you want a relationship with someone else...? You could be so so much happier with a new partner.... Who remember is already out there living.... Good luck. Don't feel guilty about being upset or confused. You do actually have to admit your regrets and sadness... Once you do that you'll move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The best advice I can give is, work on yourself. Seek what makes you happy, and I don't just mean sex. Hobbies, self improvement. Make yourself too busy and enjoying life too much to think about her. "
This, dude. The pain of heartbreak is unbearable at times, I know, but the only cure I believe in is learning to love yourself, enjoy who you are, get rid of blame for yourself and anyone else and know that the only true source of happiness comes from inside. I have read your replies, you are a sensitive and intelligent man, reflecting on what has happened.
Try to feel rather than think, treat each day anew and, as someone else here said, be your best person, be kind to yourself and know that, in that state, your next relationship will be a beauty. And read books, or at least listen to them, by people who know what it is to hit rock bottom and then to recover and keep developing, Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron and many others. Works for me. Breathe, you will learn from this and your soul will grow. Good luck man. Oh, and if this site gives you the chance, spend some lovely times in the arms of a beautiful woman and take a break from all those thoughts. |
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If you've found a good form of support it usually is a good idea to use that.
I still use mine for issues i have and they help a lot.
