FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Concerned after last nights meet
Concerned after last nights meet
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
You did the right thing.
Hot on the heels of another forum posting about consent, part of consent is “enthusiasm” and if you see a person is not happy then you must stop. You saw it and you reacted entirely properly and that makes you a good person.
The flaws in their relationship are sad and worrying for you but ultimately not your problem to fix.
V x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a very similar experience myself, she just wasn’t up for it for whatever reason, we stopped playing and they offered me a taxi home for my troubles, lovely couple but just wasn’t happening in the moment.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Could be any number of reasons she wasn't comfortable OP and you'll probably never know which I applies so no point beating yourself up about it - just have to chalk it down to experience and know that you did all the right things and absolutely nothing wrong.
Had a similar experience as part of the couples profile I'm also with here - we'd gone to a club and got chatting to a couple in the bar - the lady of the couple said she was nervous but happy to play - we moved to the hot tub to ease into things and then onto the play room.
It very soon became apparent that it was more than nerves at play with the lady and she wasn't at all comfortable while her husband on the other hand was out for all he could get, including grabbing a couple of other women in the hot tub.
Was a very awkward situation being in a club and all I could do was reassure her and not push things - in fact the lady and I ended up not doing a great deal more than kissing and cuddling and eventually things just came to a halt and they left.
A few days later we got a message from the husband's "single guy" profile that was well verified asking to meet us on his own!! 
Checking his profile it soon became apparent that not only was he cheating on his wife, but that he'd lied to us at the club about many things so his wife didn't find out. Needless to say we ignored his message and blocked him.
Felt awful for his wife though but what could we do? She'd obviously been co-erced into going to the club and wasn't at all comfortable but we had no way of contacting her to check she was ok after and even if we did it probably wouldn't have been our place to say anything to her.
Just had to chalk it up to experience for ourselves and learn from it. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy "
I’ve experienced the “I’m not feeling it” with guys, and I’ve politely stopped the games and I’d do the same with a woman, so good on you. Sadly, 9 times out of 10, it’s the male half who calls the ‘correspondence’ shots in sites like this. I much prefer it when I speak to couples where the w o m a n also speaks to me before we meet x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy "
Ive had exactly the same experience but I sensed it a bit earlier all you can do is think you did the right thing mate . |
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"Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy "
Well done for leaving 
Shows what a gent you are and even more do that you are still worrying about it now
Could have been a whole range of reasons she was uncomfortable. Yes of course possible she was being pushed into it by her partner but also could have been that upon meeting she just wasn’t feeling it
I myself have in the past before I found a voice frog too bad saying I’m not feeling it / don’t fancy him enough and gone through with it and regretted.
My other half was so upset that I had put myself through it when he would have told them to go.
Her partner might not have picked up on her discomfort and got angry with you for the wrong reasons.
Obv you could be totally right and he is pushing her.
Don’t beat yourself up , you did the right thing , not much you can do with their relationship issues
Good man |
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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago
Bristol East |
You acted with integrity.
It's clearly troubling you that you may have come across someone who is the victim of an abusive relationship.
If you have no way of contacting her independently to check her wellbeing, I do not see what more you can do.
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What did there other veris say ?
If it was there first meet I'm sure they had nervous feelings and maybe she said I'll try it but then had second thoughts.
Sounds like it was his fantasy more than hers. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy "
. I met a couple in Rios a few months ago who invited me to join them at first the lady was a bit nervous at one stage she said to her partner she was not comfortable with it I offered to go as I was leaving she said it’s not you it’s me I said don’t worry you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to she then asked me to stay which I did.I don’t believe in making some one do something they are not comfortable with you did the right thing. |
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To Op,
Difficult one..... no matter how bad my urge or fit the female...I think I would of done the same.
It has to be a mutual fun exp. If she was a true sub or shy and portraying a role for her partner.Then this should of been made clear to you prior to play.
Lesson learnt perhaps next time a short casual face to face social might be an idea.
I do hope that female was there out choice and not duty or fear.
Have you contacted them since? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good on you for having a conscious OP most guys would carry on for their own befits "
Bit unfair to say most guys. Some may have but judging from the comments on here I doubt most would. |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"Alarm bells should have rung well before hand if you hav'r spent time speaking to her before meeting. "
Totally understand this although the female amongst us has very little interest in conversing/getting involved with setting up a meet. Approving pics and asking my opinion is as far as she wants to get involved. Will just say, she absolutely loves meeting  but totally understand how some would rule us out.
Take our hats off to the, OP, not a good situation that, well handled. If both in a couple aren't singing from the same hymn sheet then they shouldn't be swinging, just our pennies worth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Met a couple last night for the first time after chatting to the guy for a couple of weeks, when I arrived all seemed ok, the lady was a little shy.
As we got down to playing I felt the lady wasn’t comfortable with playing so I said I wasn’t ok with playing unless they were both 100% happy. The guy then got abusive so I grabbed my things and left and put it down to a bad experience, but the more I think about it today I feel very uncomfortable as I feel she is being forced into swinging.
I spoke to a few friends today who say forget about it, but have any of you experienced something similar and what did you do??
Thanks
Andy "
I have had the same in the past. I did the same as you I left. I felt really uncomfortable.
Sadly there is nothing more you can do. It's their relationship.
It may also be that in both our cases normally the woman is into it but wasn't feeling it with us? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes OP, you did 100% the right thing. It sounds like the hubby was getting off on seeing his wife getting played with by another guy, and she was going along with it just to please him.
This is the main reason why I rarely meet couples as I have had a similar experience too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was contacted by a couple a few years ago and we arranged to meet at a pub, he booked a room at premier in next door, but day before she decided she could not do it so cancelled. I said ok np but I've already arranged to go out so will just go to the pub for a drink on my own.
Afternoon of the cancelled meeting day they said they where going to the room anyway as it was already booked and would still meet for a drink. After a few drinks and a nice relaxing chat SHE asked me if I would like to come to their room and said she would go change and txt when ready for us to come up to the room. we had a good time and she loved my tongue put problems came a couple of days later when he kept pestering me for cock pics after a week of him keep asking for cock pics I blocked him |
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I think everything has been said, socials are a must for me, and time to digest and decide if you wanna go further is also key. In the heat of the moment, it might seem right but then later, it doesn’t. I’ve had those meets as well.
Anyway, well played OP, hold your head high. Don’t let it ruin your fun and experiences on this site. |
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Had a similar situation once, where the wife was clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, whilst the husband - who had done all the communicating and arranging - was urging her to 'get on with it'...
....I politely made my excuses and left, with him slamming the door shut behind me - and got a torrent of abuse from him later, accusing me of being a timewaster, etc., etc...
....but was happy to have caught a look in her eyes that had silently said 'thank you' as I was getting up to leave... |
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"She may have not been that into you yes that may have been it, to be honest I would be happy if that was the case."
Presumably they & you knew what each other looked like ie it wasn’t a blind date?
I know if a couple meets another couple very often the females have a phone conversation before meeting to check everybody’s happy & to out the time wasters, perhaps that should have happened albeit it’s a slightly different scenario. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had a similar situation once, where the wife was clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, whilst the husband - who had done all the communicating and arranging - was urging her to 'get on with it'...
....I politely made my excuses and left, with him slamming the door shut behind me - and got a torrent of abuse from him later, accusing me of being a timewaster, etc., etc...
....but was happy to have caught a look in her eyes that had silently said 'thank you' as I was getting up to leave..."
What a gent you are,,as for the husband what a prick!  |
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I too have found myself in a couple of situations where it was clearly being driven by the husband. To me it became obvious during message exchanges and I simply backed away. My successful meets have always followed a social meet first, on one occasion I was invited to go back to their to play immediately - I always wondered what 'signal' passed between husband and wife which gave me the 'green light'! |
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From experience, I have found its usually better if the female partner organises the meet. That way, you can be sure she is consenting, and enthusiastic. And, if in any doubt about her consent at the chat stage, be prepared to walk away. You did the right thing. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
In my past experience (several years ago and nobody from Fab) I saw so many couples where the lady was being coerced to swing against their will...
They agreed to please their partner but when time came to face the music they were terrified. It was very sad to see.
Well done for doing the right thing and leaving. Maybe next time see if you can communicate with the female before meeting? Only the male making the arrangements seems controlling to me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From experience, I have found its usually better if the female partner organises the meet. That way, you can be sure she is consenting, and enthusiastic. And, if in any doubt about her consent at the chat stage, be prepared to walk away. You did the right thing. "
I organize all our meets,she has no interest in the admin side of swinging..she has better things to do she says..in around 25 years of swinging..with no pub or social meets first, I can honestly say we have never had a bad meet .. |
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It can be very difficult to determine from message exchanges what the circumstances actually are - in over half of the meets I've had with couples over the years, all the communicating and arranging has been done solely by the husband/male partner...
....and where the wife/female has been involved in exchanges prior to meeting, it was always by email or texts - where it is, as we all know, impossible to tell who is actually typing...
....fortunately, I've only experienced the one occasion where the wife was obviously being coerced into something she didn't want to do... |
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That's why it's always better to meet at a public place where you can get the feel for the situation...I would of worried if the husband was nasty to her after you'd left but you find that mainly the men who want to swing so it looks like they. Arnt cheating....I see it in clubs the woman is all nicely dolled up but doesn't want her hair getting messed up...clearly not in the swinging mood at all |
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