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Why Swing - Good and Bad reasons

By *yspicysalsa OP Couple over a year ago

London

Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

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By *lik and PaulCouple over a year ago

Flagrante

Assuming you already have a strong relationship then swinging bring additional enjoyment of sex, heightened closeness and it's just great fun. If you haven't got a strong relationship then simply don't do it. Good luck on your journey.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Imagine you're both hippies wildly in love cavorting about in a yurt when a hippy hazed friend stumbles in on you both and instead of stopping you just roll over, laugh, and invite him/her in for a big cuddle. Happy days. Big love. Big sharing. Coming from the source of a beautiful relationship, happy, stable, and sexually open. With you both at the centre of it. Doing it together because it's something you both love doing with and for each other.

Now envisage you're contestants on the Jeremy Kyle show. Your husband is continually lechering after sex with other women and you're clinging onto his trouser belt trying to moderate who he can and can't shag and how far he's allowed to go. Until some random runs across stage screaming "you fucked my man you tart!" and clawing at your hair. In total disarray, your relationship falls into chaos.

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By *cottish guy 555Man over a year ago

London

It's not just about the sex. It's about meeting up with new people, having a laugh and being able to talk freely about everything, especially sex.

If it's not fun then you can just leave it.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

The perceived benefits and negatives will vary according to each person. They don't always become clear until later down the line. Indeed what appears to be a benefit at the start can be a negative later on and vice versa.

One thing I do know is that over analysing it makes it a joyless affair.

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By *aughtycp1Couple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Assuming you already have a strong relationship then swinging bring additional enjoyment of sex, heightened closeness and it's just great fun. If you haven't got a strong relationship then simply don't do it. Good luck on your journey."

I think this describes successful swinging perfectly. It's an exciting adventure you go through together. The key to it is GOOD COMMUNICATION. It's a sexy secret that you can share between you. It definatley brings you closer together.

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By *ap d agde coupleCouple over a year ago

Broadstairs

It’s very good fun , you get to go to party’s , talk to people on holidays, friends everywhere you go it is fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

When we first started out our outlook was to have sex in various different positions. So. Some positions require 3 or 4 people to achieve. Some just the two of us in clubs being watched. Can't imagine we would need a therapist because we want to try a new position in sex, wether it be doggy style, spit roast or having sex in an open area in a club. We have a very strong relationship and if any position wasn't for us we'd talk about it and walk away. To sum it all up communication between the two of you alone is much more important than communication through a third party in our opinion. If you find the negatives are far more overwhelming than the positives you should consider a monogamous relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have a strong relationship and fantastic sex life, but for some reason, after we’ve been to a club, we are extra horny and can’t keep our hands off each other for a good few weeks afterwards, even if we haven’t had any play time at the clubs.

What’s that all about? Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm slightly concerned that you feel you need to see a therapist before embarking on swinging.

You surely should both know whether or not it feels right for you both.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm slightly concerned that you feel you need to see a therapist before embarking on swinging.

You surely should both know whether or not it feels right for you both."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

"
the benefits quite simply certainly for a single guy varied and regular sex, the disadvantages you have to share people you like and for some that's a problem........ Not me I might add

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

"
the benefits quite simply certainly for a single guy varied and regular sex, the disadvantages you have to share people you like and for some that's a problem........ Not me I might add

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

"Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

Sorry, but you have failed at the first hurdle.

You went to a therapist to decide if you should swing?

People tend to get into swinging because they want to explore fantasies etc.... but you decided to ask a stranger?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

The only bad reasons are if you start it to save your relationship, in my opinion it will guarantee to finish it.

Other than that not a, single negative for me.

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By *r and Mrs P SandCouple over a year ago

South West

I only got as far as this and don't need to read any further.. this sums it up (Mrs)

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

The benifits/negatives are very dependant on how you both are as individuals and your dynamic together as a couple. A lot of things are only benifits if your minds are naturally open towards sexual non-monogomy, your relationship is concrete and your minds are free.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

Advantages.

You can try things with 3+ people during sex that you can't with just the two of you.

Its a new friendship / aquantience group. Always nice to be able to have a new circle of friends to socialise with.

Its good fun - if this does not apply to you the definitely stop.

The vast majority of people we have met are lovely lovely people, regardless of whether they are sexually for you.

Disadvantages

If you can't be open about swinging as it would make you a social or family outcast then you have to live a bit of a lie.

Natural sexual contact with more than one person will increase your risk of STDs, this can be mitigated but it is an increased risk.

It can become addictive to some and all sex can become around involving others even if it's just the two of you in bed at home. - make sure you focus on each other as well as enjoying reflections on your last swinging experience or anticipating the next one.

Just some thoughts. Everyone is different.

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By *yspicysalsa OP Couple over a year ago

London

Thanks so much for all the messages, we’ll take it all on board and see where our adventure takes us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a couple it’s easy - You get to share in the pleasure of your partner. It’s intoxicating. It makes you realise you are special together and makes that moment of curling your feet round each other even better at the end of the night.

All the negatives are pretty easy to avoid if you keep talking and are careful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/09/18 22:34:10]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For us it opened our eyes to how diverse sexuality is, I think one of the biggest worries is jealousy, my view I explained with her at the beginning is that there are better individuals at sex for many reasons than I am and their the ones we want, it's OK and completely normal to enjoy something more with some else other than the one you love. Another benefit I have seen is the honesty, before swinging it was like a sexual barrier that is no longer there, honesty is the best policy so talk talk talk and talk some More.

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

"Thanks so much for all the messages, we’ll take it all on board and see where our adventure takes us"

Hope you both have as much fun in this lifestyle as we do. Social side and fun side. Never any expectations and always laid back. Enjoy x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks so much for all the messages, we’ll take it all on board and see where our adventure takes us"

It is an adventure and that’s exactly the right attitude to it.

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By *havenpussycatsCouple over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

Loads of positives from swinging.

We started with a Sat couples night visit to the Vanilla Alternative. Enjoyed it. We didn’t swap with another couple there but enjoyed each other’s company and the atmosphere.

Id just go to a club and see what you think. If not for you it’s a good talking point and only gonna cost you £60 or £70 or whatever with, drinks, entry, petrol and Ann Summers hold ups and all that!

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Hi all, we are new to this and have taken the step of seeing a therapist before we dip our toe’s deeper into this adventure,

We have been given a bit of home work which we’d appreciate your help with.

Can you tell us the benefits and negatives about swinging?

Thanks in advance x

What kind of therapist did you go to see? The "homework" they set you sounds kind of amateur like they don't really know what swinging is and want you to tell them.

Benefits:

- opens up many more possibilities to fully explore your sexuality

- if it works, it'll make you closer and you enable each other to be more sexually fulfilled

Negatives

- It's shunned by society so you'll need to hide it which is annoying and you live in fear of being discovered

- Not everyone is wired for sharing. You won't know until you try, but the worst possible scenario is that one of you likes it, one of you doesn't. There's no going back once Pandora's box is opened.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell Sydney university to gives a message sure they are speaking to your therapist

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By *ysterious-MidnightCouple over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I don't think it's a bad thing that you have gotten some professional advice to help you make your mind up as it's a big step to take and important you consider many things..It's the people who don't through my think things through that encounter problems.

In answer to your question, for us benefits are we get to fulfil some fantasys, we are very open in our desires to the connection deepens, it's good chatting to open minded people without judgement and we still get to be adventurous..No stale sex life here! Negatives...white lies to family and friends, that it is alot of work finding compatible people. Ho

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I don't think it's a bad thing that you have gotten some professional advice to help you make your mind up as it's a big step to take and important you consider many things..It's the people who don't through my think things through that encounter problems.

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x"

I don't think there are many people that could legitimately give professional advice on this subject.

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By *ysterious-MidnightCouple over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x

I don't think there are many people that could legitimately give professional advice on this subject. "

Surely any marriage counsellor, psychotherapist or sex therapist could? Since its all about innate human behaviours and the way in which people interact with one another...probably a comment for OP rather than me tho

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x

I don't think there are many people that could legitimately give professional advice on this subject.

Debatable but in my opinion, no. There's very little academic literature on the subject. Most of them couldn't put aside their personal prejudices to explore it properly, if there was. Plus nobody can tell you in advance how you will react to it, it's possible they could make a confident prediction it wouldn't. But how would you know that wasn't just prejudice? There's no way to confidently predict someone will enjoy with it, most people wouldn't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Surely any marriage counsellor, psychotherapist or sex therapist could? Since its all about innate human behaviours and the way in which people interact with one another...probably a comment for OP rather than me tho"

Think of psychotherapy as less "the manual to how a human mind works" and more "a complete stab in the dark with a wobbly stick of unknown length and trajectory"

Imo the best approach to swinging is to agree to give it a try, set fixed limits, and agree to be entirely forgiving of each other if it doesn't quite work out. The shrink comes after

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By *yspicysalsa OP Couple over a year ago

London

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x

I don't think there are many people that could legitimately give professional advice on this subject.

In terms of credibility, she is a sex therapist and during our first appointment, seemed to imply we’re not the first couple to discuss this with her.

As she has a practice in a prominent part of central London therefore I guess she’s pretty good at her job.

We have our second appointment with her this week and all the comments have been really valuable to us.

So thank you again.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Hope you enjoy yourselves, good luck x

I don't think there are many people that could legitimately give professional advice on this subject.

In terms of credibility, she is a sex therapist and during our first appointment, seemed to imply we’re not the first couple to discuss this with her.

As she has a practice in a prominent part of central London therefore I guess she’s pretty good at her job.

We have our second appointment with her this week and all the comments have been really valuable to us.

So thank you again."

Having been through the process, I'd say that there was nothing she could learn from a book that would give her a perspective equal to a practitioner. It's incredibly complex and as soulfulkinky pointed out, psychology just doesn't have answers in books for this kind of thing. Reality is that his advice was spot on and trial error is the only thing that will give you an answer.

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