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Do you “Settle”
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By *ohnPaul17 OP Man
over a year ago
south Manchester |
Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.
Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.
I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
You had a bite from the forbidden fruit , keep it as a memory for what it was I guarantee you will find someone else one day who surpasses |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.
Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.
I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."
This  |
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Are you saying that you walk away from relationships that offer you the same level of feeling and are considering entering one where you feel less for the other person? If so give yourself time to heal but don't settle for Lambrini if you know you can have champagne. |
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By *ohnPaul17 OP Man
over a year ago
south Manchester |
I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
Personally I don't think you should settle in any aspect of life but least of all in matters of the heart.
If I want to be with someone now they'd have to tick all the boxes. Tried settling and it didn't work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.
Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.
I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."
this is why I think I will now always be by myself. As don't think it's fair on someone else when my heart belongs to someone else |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think anyone should settle, you’ll never be truly happy and you’ll always be looking for the next best thing to fill that void.
I also wouldn’t like to know that a guy I’m dating is trying to compare me or see if I match up to a previous encounter he had, it feels like second best.
Be on your own, by all means go on dates but don’t think too much into them, take them as they are and if you don’t have a good feeling, don’t waste your time on that date again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.
"
So change your lot then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.
So change your lot then"
Some habits i enjoy too much to give up  |
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"I don’t think anyone should settle, you’ll never be truly happy and you’ll always be looking for the next best thing to fill that void.
I also wouldn’t like to know that a guy I’m dating is trying to compare me or see if I match up to a previous encounter he had, it feels like second best.
Be on your own, by all means go on dates but
don’t think too much into them, take them as
they are and if you don’t have a good feeling,
don’t waste your time on that date again. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.
So change your lot then
Some habits i enjoy too much to give up "
Why sound so miserable then? |
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By *ohnPaul17 OP Man
over a year ago
south Manchester |
" this is why I think I will now always be by myself. As don't think it's fair on someone else when my heart belongs to someone else "
That’s exactly how I feel. I believe she was my “one” and I won’t find that again |
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"There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.
"
Never do this your putting out with your vibe that you will settle for less .. always aim high  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
ok.
if you still feel that strong, maybe you should tell her, then if its mutual GREAT if not you can have closure and move on with your life as this isnt good for you.
and NO one should ever settle, if they dont tick your boxes, make you smile 1st thing and last thing and when you think of that person smile and feel happy, then stay single, better to be single and than with someone for the sake of it, as you may hurt the other person in the long run.
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"I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. "
Yes, sorry I misunderstood your post. How soon are you walking away? Sometimes deep feelings take some time to develop.
I don't think anyone should settle, if nothing else it's unfair on the person you've settled for, not to say insulting.
I do think though that if you continually compare one relationship or person to another you will always find shortcomings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go see your gp sounds like you need some advice about falling in love and broken hearts... Fab surgery open
That's the thing with people playing with fire you will get burnt. I have read it and seen it before.
Most never leave the partner
It might have been great
Time to move away
If you can't move on from you past you will never find anything
You can't though think everyone is going to be like what you had.
You need to move on and forget hard but you will never move on if you live in the past. |
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"I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. "
op when you was with this woman what did you do together other than have sex?
My guess is that you have her on some pedastal. You only saw the best bits you didnt do all the boring stuff couples do or argue or see her in her scruffy indoor clothes. What you saw was her always at her best and as it was an affair im assuming the sex was amazing and she never "not wanted it at times that happens in normal relationships. I could be totally off the mark but thats my guess |
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"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
Yes, in the way you've posed the question. You make the logical error of thinking that strong passion at the start of a relationship, will be a solid foundation for one in the long run. I'd strongly disagree. The couples that are posting the most " Oh my boyfriend is so amazing" shit on Facebook are the first to divorce because such energy could never sustain itself long term. |
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"I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. op when you was with this woman what did you do together other than have sex?
My guess is that you have her on some pedastal. You only saw the best bits you didnt do all the boring stuff couples do or argue or see her in her scruffy indoor clothes. What you saw was her always at her best and as it was an affair im assuming the sex was amazing and she never "not wanted it at times that happens in normal relationships. I could be totally off the mark but thats my guess"
Seconded |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally agree that it is better to be alone than 'settle', and that it is insulting to the person being settled for. Start living in the moment OP, let go of what might have been. Affairs, however long, are very adrenaline driven by the 'forbidden fruit' already mentioned, same as one offs, lots of fab sex is adrenaline based. Ongoing fabbing can build the feeling of connection, but it's not the same as love. Real love and commitment works via a whole host of hormones creating longevity. If that's what you want, wait for it, and keep working on it when you find it. Cherish the memories of Miss Nearly-Right, but live today.
Mrs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.
Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.
I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."
Spot on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. "
Afraid to say she was right to do it OP. Sex isn't the only part of a long-term relationship. She may have been going through a rough patch and taking time out with you but always knew her existing relationship was for the long-term. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m going to play devils advocate here and say that by being with someone who was attached you did settle, you were number two, you are worth more and you will find someone for who you are number one. It takes a long time to get over someone when you’ve been in that situation, have some fun while your heart mends, don’t think of commitments just try and enjoy the moment. Time is a healer.  |
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Firstly, there's no such thing as "the one". Secondly, the idea that people with unrealistic expectations of the world maintain a higher standard of happiness by failing to adjust their expectations, is patently false. |
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By *khot1Couple
over a year ago
somewhere over the rainbow |
"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
Would it have been so amazing if you had actually entered a proper relationship with this woman. You tasted the forebidden fruit and hold this woman so high on a pedestal that how could anyone else possibly compete.
That being said u should never settle everyone deserves the right to be truely happy x |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
No you should not settle, it would unfair on both of you, you would never be happy and it would most likely end in disaster. Keep looking you never know the next person you meet might give you the feeling you are searching for. |
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I know how you feel OP as had a same dilemma and it’s very hard to find that connection with another person as we are all different.
Unfortunately I won’t like to offer any advice apart from you need to decide what’s right for you and how you feel.
Sometimes feelings get the better of us and rule our mind but try to take time out from the norm and think long and hard what you want.
Also maybe worth discussing it with someone professionally as they might help your mind.
If we didn’t have feelings then we wouldn’t be human.
Hope you find what you want. |
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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago
nr Letterkenny |
"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
I'd say you need to re evaluate your prior relationship. Another relationship may be a slow burn and it may not be a case of settling for second best. Affairs can be exciting because perhaps you get the see the best of the other person....just some food for thought.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
I'd say you need to re evaluate your prior relationship. Another relationship may be a slow burn and it may not be a case of settling for second best. Affairs can be exciting because perhaps you get the see the best of the other person....just some food for thought.
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"Serious question.......
A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.
Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.
So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "
Absolutely not. Went through something similar and now with somebody equally perfect for me. But with major advantages. |
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