Had a message from someone who described himself (half-jokingly) as ugly. Which would not have been the word I’d have used, looking at him - as I told him. But it did make me think about how harsh our self-judgements can be - maybe getting in with the negative words defensively before anyone can use them against us? I’ve found that being on this site has made me start to rethink (in a good way) ideas I had about what makes a person attractive. And I’m not even talking about the (important) fact that looks don’t make up for negative things in a personality. What makes someone ‘ugly’ seems to me more and more arbitrary - although maybe the culture of ‘Most Fabbed’ photos etc. suggests the opposite - that there are measurable differences between the beautiful people and the rest. On another thread someone spoke about having great fun with someone at a club who she would not have rated from his profile - some people advertise less well maybe? Has anyone else had the feeling that their sense of what makes someone attractive has shifted? Or is ugly always ugly? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I agree with your observations. I will often point out I'm a bit fat and not great looking first. I also use humour to deflect my poor self worth.
We are our own worst critics however some experiences leave us using that as a way to protect ourselves |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Had a message from someone who described himself (half-jokingly) as ugly. Which would not have been the word I’d have used, looking at him - as I told him. But it did make me think about how harsh our self-judgements can be - maybe getting in with the negative words defensively before anyone can use them against us? I’ve found that being on this site has made me start to rethink (in a good way) ideas I had about what makes a person attractive. And I’m not even talking about the (important) fact that looks don’t make up for negative things in a personality. What makes someone ‘ugly’ seems to me more and more arbitrary - although maybe the culture of ‘Most Fabbed’ photos etc. suggests the opposite - that there are measurable differences between the beautiful people and the rest. On another thread someone spoke about having great fun with someone at a club who she would not have rated from his profile - some people advertise less well maybe? Has anyone else had the feeling that their sense of what makes someone attractive has shifted? Or is ugly always ugly? "
I'd say that he doesn't think he's ugly but likes it when women say awwwww you're not ugly.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tbh when I first thought I'd try guys a year ago I was looking into sites to pay; because I thought no guy would want to have sex with me
made a grindr account and was proved wrong very quickly  so I guess to some I'm alright looking; some I get a clear rejection. But we can't please everybody. I've been with guys who think they don't look great and I can't understand how they'd thing that.
We're our own worse critiques |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Rejection is the most common experience in most of the NSA world, so people create their own defense mechanisms as everyone can get chipped away at by some rejection. Considering yourself as a bit off can be one way this is done or may also be a perception gained from experience.
Ugly hints at not attractive, rather than attractive to a fewer number of people to the average. I doubt that anyone is truly ugly to all people.
If people love themselves and appreciate their own attractiveness and qualities then it's a great foundation for others to do so too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
