FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Bottled it!

Bottled it!

By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

Firstly very new to scene. I recently had a social meet with an amazing lady... we got on really well, the hours went quickly and was defo chemistry when kissing etc. We agreed to meet as soon as possible for naughtiness.

Then I basically allowed my insecurities to stop me doing so which frustrated me as she was gorgeous and amazing person. I guess I didn’t want to be a let down. I’m aware this is really pussy and people will have plenty of negative things to say but I feel shit as it just makes me look like a time waster and that wasn’t my intention.

I guess I’m asking is there anyone that’s experienced this and is there a remedy!!

Cheers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Loads of people bottle it, especially when new to swinging. We get people who put their name on the guest list and dont turn up, then months/years later they do come and tell us. Nerves. Its a big thing.

This can be scary, and exciting and thrilling and amazing.

Lots of people get called fakes and timewasters, and there are a fair few.

But tbh as long as you cancelled, or postponed, and not at the last minute then you showed respect.

This lifestyle is alot about trust, and trust starts when we arrange to meet and turn up, trust is broken if you dont do what you say you are going to do, dont tell them and leave them waiting and they feel like shit.

So as long as you told her, dont worry too much and just be honest with people you chat to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Firstly very new to scene. I recently had a social meet with an amazing lady... we got on really well, the hours went quickly and was defo chemistry when kissing etc. We agreed to meet as soon as possible for naughtiness.

I guess I’m asking is there anyone that’s experienced this and is there a remedy!!

Cheers "
maybe she didn't want to meet you for fun, their ya go conscience solved

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are allowed to change our minds ya know!? As long as you let her know and maybe talked about things I am sure she would understand. On the other hand, if you just blanked her and blocked her instead...then that would not ve a good move and you would definitely be deemed a timewaster then.

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"Loads of people bottle it, especially when new to swinging. We get people who put their name on the guest list and dont turn up, then months/years later they do come and tell us. Nerves. Its a big thing.

This can be scary, and exciting and thrilling and amazing.

Lots of people get called fakes and timewasters, and there are a fair few.

But tbh as long as you cancelled, or postponed, and not at the last minute then you showed respect.

So as long as you told her, dont worry too much and just be honest with people you chat to.

Thank you... I’d hate to come across as a time waster and as I said she was everything I wanted to meet totally hot and funny but yeah I did message to explain. Just feel like a right wuss!! Couldn’t get past being a let down.

She is so cool she has seen this post and sent the nicest message. Hope to break my duck one day!!

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"We are allowed to change our minds ya know!? As long as you let her know and maybe talked about things I am sure she would understand. On the other hand, if you just blanked her and blocked her instead...then that would not ve a good move and you would definitely be deemed a timewaster then."

No have total respect for her and messaged to explain, it’s the least she deserved!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've suffered with insecurity and nerves all my life. But I also really, really love sex. So I just pushed myself through it. I've dealt with a bit of rejection, but most of the time meets go extremely well. And the more they do go well, the easier it becomes... the more the nerves disappear.

Remember, you're your own worst critic. We all have that voice inside us telling us we're not good enough. It's about finding the other inner voice to tell that negativity to STFU!

I genuinely felt sad when I read your post. Maybe you should contact her and try to push yourself through it again? She obviously liked you and wanted you.

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By *otwife CoolhubCouple over a year ago

Bathgate

As long as you were honest and treated her with respect you have no worries. “Time waster” is an over used phrase on here. You had a beautiful lady looking to take things further, take that as a positive and don’t let the demons tell you otherwise.

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"I've suffered with insecurity and nerves all my life. But I also really, really love sex. So I just pushed myself through it. I've dealt with a bit of rejection, but most of the time meets go extremely well. And the more they do go well, the easier it becomes... the more the nerves disappear.

Remember, you're your own worst critic. We all have that voice inside us telling us we're not good enough. It's about finding the other inner voice to tell that negativity to STFU!

I genuinely felt sad when I read your post. Maybe you should contact her and try to push yourself through it again? She obviously liked you and wanted you."

Top man... appreciate your words!!!

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"As long as you were honest and treated her with respect you have no worries. “Time waster” is an over used phrase on here. You had a beautiful lady looking to take things further, take that as a positive and don’t let the demons tell you otherwise. "

We’ve spoken since and she has been ace so maybe in the future things can be different. But thank you for your post much appreciated.

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By *ast_jjMan over a year ago

Dublin and London

I certainly wouldn't call you a time waster. Everyone will have nerves but you obviously suffer from them a lot more and to the point that it's stopping you meeting and having fun.

I'd say take it slowly with this lady and try let it happen. Good luck.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

So long as you let her know, that's the main thing.

Personally I wouldn't arrange anything else with you because my time is limited, I'd be worried you'd cancel again.

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"I certainly wouldn't call you a time waster. Everyone will have nerves but you obviously suffer from them a lot more and to the point that it's stopping you meeting and having fun.

I'd say take it slowly with this lady and try let it happen. Good luck.

Thanks mate for the advice!

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"So long as you let her know, that's the main thing.

Personally I wouldn't arrange anything else with you because my time is limited, I'd be worried you'd cancel again. "

I did and we still speak but your point is valid and fair enough. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It was decent that you explained it to her. Usually people just go quiet and you’re left wondering what went wrong xx good on you

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I think you’ve both done the right thing and behaved respectfully to each other. Maybe you could meet up again and just take things slowly. I’ve chatted to guys in similar situations and there’s no point in trying to be the hare when we know the tortoise wins the race.

We all lose confidence at times but if your both prepared to put in some time and effort I’m sure it will be worth it. Go for a date and flirt with each other. See how it goes.

Good luck OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess I’m asking is there anyone that’s experienced this and is there a remedy!!

Cheers "

Bach flower remedies an cbd oil help ease the mind an over thinking.

Sadly it’s like most things, practice makes perfect

Least you let her know first

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By *ickygirl41Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

Remember, you're your own worst critic. We all have that voice inside us telling us we're not good enough. It's about finding the other inner voice to tell that negativity to STFU!

I genuinely felt sad when I read your post. Maybe you should contact her and try to push yourself through it again? She obviously liked you and wanted you."

This definitely

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

Thank you to all.... some really cool people on here... expected more negativity. Let’s see what the future holds, she’s a great person and fit!! keeping in touch which I’m pleased about.

Again thanks all you good people! X

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By *verageguy123Man over a year ago

Selby

Ask her for another social again and go with whatever you feel comfortable with when you’re there

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"Ask her for another social again and go with whatever you feel comfortable with when you’re there"

We are still in touch mate so hopefully I’ll Man up and she will still entertain it!! Thanks for the message mate.

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

Wouldn't worry about it, we've come across so many women that say they want to do this and that, but when it actually comes to it they disappear or go silent x

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The day I don't get nervous and anxious before meeting someone, is the day I need to go UNLOS.

As others have said it's only natural to be nervous, anxious, apprehensive and full of self-doubt and don't forget the other person is probably feeling all that too.

Sometimes you just have to try and put all that to one side - take a deep breath and go for it - you'll probably wonder afterwards what all the fuss was about. I know I do most of the time.

It sounds like this lady is very understanding and would be happy to go at your pace and accept you for you, no matter how things pan out - so just take it slowly, relax and enjoy.

As for people making negative comments they only tend to do that when people come at things negatively which you are obviously not

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"Wouldn't worry about it, we've come across so many women that say they want to do this and that, but when it actually comes to it they disappear or go silent x"

Thanks for the message much appreciated... although just looked at your profile..... posh and necks of fab!!! Bloody hell.... you two are some couple!!! Ha ..( I mean that as a huge compliment)!!

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"The day I don't get nervous and anxious before meeting someone, is the day I need to go UNLOS.

As others have said it's only natural to be nervous, anxious, apprehensive and full of self-doubt and don't forget the other person is probably feeling all that too.

Sometimes you just have to try and put all that to one side - take a deep breath and go for it - you'll probably wonder afterwards what all the fuss was about. I know I do most of the time.

It sounds like this lady is very understanding and would be happy to go at your pace and accept you for you, no matter how things pan out - so just take it slowly, relax and enjoy.

As for people making negative comments they only tend to do that when people come at things negatively which you are obviously not

Thanks for your words mate, like others it’s given me a lot of confidence and feel less of a weirdo!!

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

Cheers mate, even tho you called me a neck, lol

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

"Cheers mate, even tho you called me a neck, lol

Ffs sorry mate!!! ????. Best looking couple I’ve ever seen that’s for sure!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess I’m asking is there anyone that’s experienced this and is there a remedy!!

Cheers "

I dont know whats wrong you mate...honestly I dont get it...?

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By *el1977 OP Man over a year ago

leeds

I guess I’m asking is there anyone that’s experienced this and is there a remedy!!

Cheers

I dont know whats wrong you mate...honestly I dont get it...?"

That’s cool mate you don’t need to, the responses I’ve had on the thread and pm’s did so I guess a lot of people do. As for having something wrong with me.... well no ones perfect fella. Thanks for your thoughts though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Take thibgs slow gave a few socials until you feel comfortable. Ive experienced doubt on dates in the past, due to past experiences with relationahips. Just go at your own pace and do what you feel comfortable. It took me a while to start talking to women again after what i experienced.

But sometimes the best way to get over your insecurities is to face them, thats what i did, and now im better than ever and a hell of a lot more confident in myself!

Best of luck in the future man!

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By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

"Cheers mate, even tho you called me a neck, lol

Ffs sorry mate!!! ????. Best looking couple I’ve ever seen that’s for sure!! "

LOL thanks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We all feel like this..

I’ve bottled it plenty of times because I felt inferior or whatever. The fear of rejection or ridicule is a real one.

Eventually you’ll just find someone that you wanna sleep with so bad you’ll forget it all