FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Married with a dilemma
Married with a dilemma
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *oskar1 OP Man
over a year ago
beckenham |
Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some things are better off left as fantasies. Some of the things you've listed as clouding your vision can be pretty crap and dull in the wrong hands. In your mind they're always amazing. Keep them there  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You say you don't want to hurt her but of course you will hurt her if/when she finds out.
Your profile says you are a genuine guy ?"
He's genuinely a guy  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."
The way I see it you have three option.
Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.
Do nothing about it.
Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.
I'd recommend the third option.
Good luck with your decision. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I can't tell you whether to go ahead or not. I can offer this word of warning, from experience:
If you cheat and it comes out, you won't just be hurting your wife but also your children. You could end up losing their respect and forever damaging your relationship with them.
Is it worth it? Only you can answer that, but I would urge you to give it some serious thought. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"
The way I see it you have three option.
Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.
Do nothing about it.
Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.
I'd recommend the third option.
Good luck with your decision."
Always so sensible.
I'd say that you may find a woman on here in a similar situation to yourself who you may be able to explore with if that's really what you want.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP,your profile shoes you had a verification from a meet 3 years ago. I don't know if that was a play meet then, but if it was only you can tell if you felt guilty and if that guilt haunted / haunts you ? If not you may have a way of justifying to yourself what you may do with people on here in the future, but if it did haunt you guilt is a compound emotion and adding to guilt can become a living hell if you can't come clean and have to live a double life.
I'm certainly not judging you as I can see your dilemma and I was in a sexless marriage myself for years so I know how sexual frustration can effect your life terribly. I'd take my time, ask yourself for a few answers and wouldn't rush into doing anything until your positive you can deal with the stresses it could bring.
Good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."
Talk to your wife.
You may be surprised, perhaps she would be happy for you to have a sex life elsewhere.
We do not know your situation we do not know the medicial/physical reasons you mention.
If she knows you well she may realise you are not happy/content and is at a loss to know what to do.
You may find that when you have talked to your wife you would see it would really hurt her to go ahead and you might decide to drop the idea.
Whatever the result to make swinging work whether together or apart a couple have to discuss the question with each other first |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You run the risk of telling her and she doesn’t want to know and doesn’t want you to see other people. Then what do you do? Would you still do it anyway? Lie to her? If you’re that hooked up on these things you will do it anyway. And if you’re not used to going about things covertly, she will probably find out! Probably cause a lot of upset and she will forgive you and you will promise not to do it again and you will, again and again!
Oops sorry, carried away there talking about my past life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's possible everyone has sexual fantasies and like someone else said,perhaps it's best to leave them as just that...fantasies.
You could do many things,some of which have been discussed,how about asking your wife what her ultimate sexual fantasy is?? then you can open up with yours..
Do you see this as a mid life problem such as; Is this it?
My guess is that many middle aged women and men wonder if there's more to life than a routine and existence that seems flat..
I don't think there is a right way forward but consequences in whichever way you proceed..
Harm minimization??
All the very best to you.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago
Germany / Manchester |
"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?"
Complete agree.
A fantasy can last one night, if you were to be caught, that pain could last a lifetime.
If you’re struggling with this, speak with your wife or seek professional help. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t care what you decide to do but please, don’t declare your love for your wife and your children and then cheat.
Nobody who loves me would EVER do anything so awful to me and I would never do that to them because that’s not love. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a cpl.
We don't meet anyone m f ir cpl that we think may be cheating on anyone else.
We have had the eife of a former play mate banging on the front door at 3am accusing us of ruining her marriage. Waking our Kids and neighbours.
Never again.
Tell her how you feel.
Go from there.
If you decide to do it anyway behind her back show a little respect make it clear on your profile your cheating. So those you meet can make an informed decision |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."
Everytime you feel the urge, have a wank. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t care what you decide to do but please, don’t declare your love for your wife and your children and then cheat.
Nobody who loves me would EVER do anything so awful to me and I would never do that to them because that’s not love. "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."
If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.
The reality is that as a single man, you've got less than a 1% chance of properly experiencing swinging. Your fall back is therefore casual sex and you'll probably find that if you value your time more than the minimum wage, it's more efficient just to pay for it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.
If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.
The reality is that as a single man, you've got less than a 1% chance of properly experiencing swinging. Your fall back is therefore casual sex and you'll probably find that if you value your time more than the minimum wage, it's more efficient just to pay for it. "
How would you have planned ahead in the situation the OP finds himself in? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.
If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.
The reality is that as a single man, you've got less than a 1% chance of properly experiencing swinging. Your fall back is therefore casual sex and you'll probably find that if you value your time more than the minimum wage, it's more efficient just to pay for it.
How would you have planned ahead in the situation the OP finds himself in?"
The OP "always had this interest" but married someone who can't even understand "why you would want to". Not a situation i would ever find myself, since I've been upfront about wanting to swing before committing to any relationship since my early twenties. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Please don't do it. Even if you think she doesn't know...it will affect her....the secret visits to Fab, secret texting, the faked appointments/late nights at the office/gym/evening classes or whatever excuse you use if you get to meet someone. It will all affect your home life and marriage even if she doesn't figure out what you're doing.
Just don't. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.
The way I see it you have three option.
Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.
Do nothing about it.
Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.
I'd recommend the third option.
Good luck with your decision."
I never had the courage to discuss with my wife the things I thought we could try to enhance our sex life. I wish I had. Now we're separated and I don't know if this could have helped,. But it's possible.
Don't make my mistake. Talk to her. Ask her if she's ever thought about doing anything a bit different. I think Ann summers do a board game called monogamy, which may be worth a look.
If you're anything like me, going behind her back will make you feel terrible for doing it.
I'm happy for you to contact me privately of you want to talk about it.
Good luck,
R. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't"
OP - Look at what you just said 'i love my wife' - really? you wanna go fuck other women behind her back.
Man up, tell her how you feel - she will either pack your bags for you, join in with you, or give you her blessing.
At least thats honest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?
Does any single guy ever get a quick shag on here!
Yeah they do  "
They certainly do... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.
The way I see it you have three option.
Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.
Do nothing about it.
Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.
I'd recommend the third option.
Good luck with your decision."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.
The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.
I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'
Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.
I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.
It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.
Everytime you feel the urge, have a wank. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm in a similar situation, without the medical or physical reasons.
My wife knew about my feelings before we got married bought a house and had kids etc and there was even a promise from her to explore it together.
Since then we have a completely sexless marriage but a strong relationship.
Her knowing my desires doesn't make a difference and the lack of sex is really affecting me. You will feel awful cheating, but definitely have an honest chat. She will make her own mind up in the end but there's some things you can try that might improve your chances. PM me and I'd love to chat with you more.
Such a difficult thing to discuss with the one you love. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
