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Fab Translator
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For women reading guys profile...
Average = Fat
Stocky = Really Fat
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Can't Accomodate = Married
Silouette Profile = Married
No pics due to high profile job
= Married
No verifications = mutant
For men reading women's profile ...
BBW = Loves Gregs
Curvy = Fat
Fabulous = Fat
Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For women reading guys profile...
Average = Fat
Stocky = Really Fat
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Can't Accomodate = Married
Silouette Profile = Married
No pics due to high profile job
= Married
No verifications = mutant
For men reading women's profile ...
BBW = Loves Gregs more of a dorringtons fan myself lol
Curvy = Fat
Fabulous = Fat
Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit
"
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"For women reading guys profile...
Average = Fat
Stocky = Really Fat
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Can't Accomodate = Married
Silouette Profile = Married
No pics due to high profile job
= Married
No verifications = mutant
For men reading women's profile ...
BBW = Loves Gregs
Curvy = Fat
Fabulous = Fat
Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit
"
I do live in the country.... spooky  |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"For women reading guys profile...
Average = Fat
Stocky = Really Fat
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Can't Accomodate = Married
Silouette Profile = Married
No pics due to high profile job
= Married
No verifications = mutant
For men reading women's profile ...
BBW = Loves Gregs more of a dorringtons fan myself lol
Curvy = Fat
Fabulous = Fat
Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit
"
Women reading men's profile...
Well endowed..... smaller than average..
Very well endowed average...
Very very well endowed liar...
Men reading women's
40ish ..................... 49
Please send abuse to the OP....  |
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"For women reading guys profile...
Average = Fat
Stocky = Really Fat
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Can't Accomodate = Married
Silouette Profile = Married
No pics due to high profile job
= Married
No verifications = mutant
For men reading women's profile ...
BBW = Loves Gregs
Curvy = Fat
Fabulous = Fat
Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs
Athletic = Just out of Rehab
Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit
"
If you're married, fat and love greggs why didn't you just say that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.
Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.
Loves giving oral = male.
Enjoys sex = male.
Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".
Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.
Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.
Loves giving oral = male.
Enjoys sex = male.
Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".
Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole "
Oh I don't know tho... at three days old doughnuts are getting kinda scratchy
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Okay I have enbraced more of your suggestions into my profile,do you think I am being too honest now?
I am looking for someone who likes a chat and a laugh, who appreciates the subtler pleasures in life.
NB I am also married,fat,love Gregs and very very well endowed!
Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol
what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.
Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.
Loves giving oral = male.
Enjoys sex = male.
Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".
Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole
Oh I don't know tho... at three days old doughnuts are getting kinda scratchy
Wolf
"
I can't find doughnuts under interests, I was going to delete it from my preferences, I'm not that racy...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol
what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"
supose thats reflective of ur own lol...depends what the OP wants to show on his profile does it not???- ur webcam verify doesnt give me great comfort lol...but heyy...who knows eh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol
what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"
Personally I thought the op was written tongue firmly in cheek! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok guys have taken your advice,please see my revised profile!!
"
Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole |
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"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol
what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option
Personally I thought the op was written tongue firmly in cheek! "
So did I. I am amazed anybody took it as a serious thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol
what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"
Doughnut "lover" spotted. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Reliable = Unreliable
Hates rude people = deletes messages without reading
Will not meet without phone or cam first = never meets
Looking for single bi female = Definitely NOT looking for single bi female. Hubby put that bit on.
Happy to meet socially first = will bring condoms to the meet.
Not fussy = why won't anyone meet meeeeee??? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just been contacted by Gregs they are happy to sponsor me and are delivering 100 fresh and 100 3 day old doughnuts.
I won't manage all the 3 day old one's so any desperadoes that need a hole............
Don't be shy now!! |
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'In 40's = 49
'Adventurous' = screws anything that moves!
'Athletic' (women) flat chested.
'Athletic' (men) Owns two pairs of trainers and gos out in jogging bottoms
'Average looking' = Ugly
'Free spirit' = fucked up ex/junkie
'Out going' = Loud and annoying at parties.
'Emotionally secure' = on medication
'Open minded' = Desperate for anything
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Brilliant!!
Safe sex only = only with people off here but it's ok to bareback with the local pub pickup
Reliable = will turn up.....about half an hour late
Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse
Non pushy = sits there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move
I'm going to have some more wine and think up some more! Ms |
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Ha!
Sociable=fanny like a clown's pocket
Serious side=depressive
Looking to make friends=clingy
Good listener=painfully shy
Enjoys the social side=no mates
Dipping my toe in=if I don't fancy u I have an opt out clause
Pics of blokes in tight undies with rolled up sock=knob |
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"Ha!
Sociable=fanny like a clown's pocket
Serious side=depressive
Looking to make friends=clingy
Good listener=painfully shy
Enjoys the social side=no mates
Dipping my toe in=if I don't fancy u I have an opt out clause
Pics of blokes in tight undies with rolled up sock=knob"
|
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Experienced in the swinging scene=arranged a meet, once (came in me pants)
Considered attractive=by mum, hairy Aunty Agnes and the woman in Greggs
Fun to be with=laughs nervously at ANYTHING
Can't accommodate=lives with wife/mum
Wants to push boundaries=supressessed
Synical-moi??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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want elusive bi-female=
hubby scares em off cos hes a pervy scary fuckin fudhole and shouts shows yer tits and cunt while he chats to the female on cams when the wifes in bed and makes up some story that the elusive bi-fem was a snooty cow and wanted to play with him alone but he wasnt having it at all.cos he loves his wife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"want elusive bi-female=
hubby scares em off cos hes a pervy scary fuckin fudhole and shouts shows yer tits and cunt while he chats to the female on cams when the wifes in bed and makes up some story that the elusive bi-fem was a snooty cow and wanted to play with him alone but he wasnt having it at all.cos he loves his wife"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looks and smells good = there was a cheap shirt on offer next to the Lynx isle at Asda. Never play on first meet=if I dont fancy you in person im feckin off. Prefer to have a few drinks and some good conversation= ive just split up with me ex n need a night out on the piss. Seeking fuck buddy for quality not quantity meets= I can meet who I want but you aint allowed too. Joined 8months ago with no verifies or photo= I am a man send me your cock pics pls lads. I only ever meet at clubs one club in particular= I have shares there and takings are down. Love socials = I have no real friends. Cpl for outdoor fun and role play= hi its husband here she has no feckin idea im arranging these meets really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bubbly = Fat knacker that sits eating chocolates while watching Jeremy Kyle.
Sociable = Anything for a piss up as long as its not at their place.
Open minded = Will poke their cock in anything from a polo mint to a yawning donkey sized chuff!
Mature = Getting on and will anyone suck their cock (when all is dark, a mouth is a mouth)
Experienced = Got a fanny like a yawning donkey or a cock like a wotsit, through over use.
Happily married = My Mrs has turned into a fatty and swinging is the only way I can shag better bird without raising suspicion.
Safe sex = Make sure the doors locked.
Discretion assured = As soon as I've chucked me filthy love custard on your face and your eyes are closed I'm gonna take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Likes to dress to please = lady has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque.
I'm guilty of that one!! Ms "
Pmsl, seriously funny as fuck that one! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always smells good = wears so much aftershave it peels my nail varnish off
Chatty = only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob
Loves to wear high heels = shorter than 5'5"
Guilty again!! Ms |
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"Bubbly = Fat knacker that sits eating chocolates while watching Jeremy Kyle.
Sociable = Anything for a piss up as long as its not at their place.
Open minded = Will poke their cock in anything from a polo mint to a yawning donkey sized chuff!
Mature = Getting on and will anyone suck their cock (when all is dark, a mouth is a mouth)
Experienced = Got a fanny like a yawning donkey or a cock like a wotsit, through over use.
Happily married = My Mrs has turned into a fatty and swinging is the only way I can shag better bird without raising suspicion.
Safe sex = Make sure the doors locked.
Discretion assured = As soon as I've chucked me filthy love custard on your face and your eyes are closed I'm gonna take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
"
Love those! Brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Brilliant!!
Safe sex only = only with people off here but it's ok to bareback with the local pub pickup
Reliable = will turn up.....about half an hour late
Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse
Non pushy = sits there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move
I'm going to have some more wine and think up some more! Ms "
Chinese mouse |
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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago
London |
Open minded male = bi male but daren't say it on the profile
Proffessionel couple = fork lift driver and admin assistant
Pictures of wife asleep, taken from the back when she's not looking = need a shag if I get reply i think I can persuade her
Scan of polaroid = our children have grown up since this photo was taken |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Straight = will shag a TV as long as she's convincing
Fantasises about mature ladies = has been wanking over the bra pages of his mam's Freemans catalogue since he was 12
Professional = accountant who would love to stick his knob in the office cleaner as long as no one else finds out about it
Proffesional = accounts clerk who aspires to be an accountant (see above)
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"Straight = will shag a TV as long as she's convincing
Fantasises about mature ladies = has been wanking over the bra pages of his mam's Freemans catalogue since he was 12
Professional = accountant who would love to stick his knob in the office cleaner as long as no one else finds out about it
Proffesional = accounts clerk who aspires to be an accountant (see above)
"
Professional business woman = Sells Avon
Professional businessman = Makes a living from buying and selling 150 quids worth of shit at car boot sales once a fortnight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Enjoys the finer things in life = Everything you see in the back ground of my pics is bought on plastic and my cards are ultra maxed out, come and look at it all before the bailiffs take it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cant meet at short notice - need an excuse to tell the wife why im going out, oh and can we meet in the back of my car as I havent booked anything just in case she said no and made me stay in!
x |
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'seeking men aged 19-35 for meets' = the first two 40 somethings on the verified genuine profile immediately below must have been real crocapigs to warrant knocking six or seven years off the top end.
If this keeps up it'll be men aged 19-19 for comic book swaps in a month or so. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice guys.
New profile is working wonders from all the tips!
"
Now that's what I call entertainment!!
Anyone who has got this far has to read this profile, if you are the slightest bit incontinent break out the Tenaladies and brace yourself!!!
Seriously guys I was pissing myself at your profile right up until I remembered I work at the Chinese Mouse Cock measuring Facility!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice guys.
New profile is working wonders from all the tips!
"
Question guys, pretty much the last line of your profile says:-
"We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to martial issues."
I have to ask, "martial" issues? There was a war? Somebody got invaded? Unexpected squaddies?
Or did you mean marital issues? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pic of guy in army/fireman uniform = all womane fancy a squaddie/fireman so I dont need a profile/personality."
pmsl...funny how the uniform is never Traffic warden! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like to be clean and tidy "down below" = I wash my bits weekly but am to repressed to use any "rude" words.
Meet at yours = well you can see the squalor I live in in the background of my photos. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice guys.
New profile is working wonders from all the tips!
"
Cracking Profile! Was just about to send a friend request when I realised you were more than a 10 minute drive away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks guys,
Glad you had a giggle.
Sorry, We've gone back to being (sort of) normal again - Got too many nutters that took it seriously!
"
I wish i had copied it now....made me really laugh out loud.
I could have put in my private notes for a rainy day lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For those that missed it....
"
Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!
Adam now sports a fat hairy beer belly and his hair has gone totally grey. He is a professional fork lift driver with a smaller than average cock. He own two pairs of trainers and goes out in jogging bottoms and sweaty t-shirts for meetings as he's an athletic kinda guy, but a crap shag and hung like a chinese mouse. He has been wanking over the bra pages of his mum's Freemans catalogue since he was 12. He will shag a Tranny as long as she's convincing and as soon as he has chucked his "filthy love custard" on your face and your eyes are closed, he'll take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
Natasha is a flat chested, clingy, depressive with a fanny like a wizards sleeve who deletes your well crafted personal messages without reading them. She has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque because she's a bit of a fat knacker that sits eating chocolate while watching Jeremy Kyle most days. Say's she is Bisexual but really only wants to get oral sex and is looking for a good husband and the only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob.
We can both be either a bit loud and annoying at parties or sit there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move due to being a pair of fucked up ex junkies, we are normally ok on medication (when we remember to take it).
We are considered attractive by our mums and the woman in Gregg's and will attend anything for a piss up as long as its not at our place. We think anything apart from missionary with the lights off is a bit "racy" for us and arranged a meeting once that was far from successful as Fred came in his pants.
We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.
If you like what you see then get in touch!
xx
"
Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.
Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.
Loves giving oral = male.
Enjoys sex = male.
Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".
Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole "
PMSL Love the doughnut one...... Wonders if thats how they get the glaze on them!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For those that missed it....
Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!
Adam now sports a fat hairy beer belly and his hair has gone totally grey. He is a professional fork lift driver with a smaller than average cock. He own two pairs of trainers and goes out in jogging bottoms and sweaty t-shirts for meetings as he's an athletic kinda guy, but a crap shag and hung like a chinese mouse. He has been wanking over the bra pages of his mum's Freemans catalogue since he was 12. He will shag a Tranny as long as she's convincing and as soon as he has chucked his "filthy love custard" on your face and your eyes are closed, he'll take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
Natasha is a flat chested, clingy, depressive with a fanny like a wizards sleeve who deletes your well crafted personal messages without reading them. She has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque because she's a bit of a fat knacker that sits eating chocolate while watching Jeremy Kyle most days. Say's she is Bisexual but really only wants to get oral sex and is looking for a good husband and the only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob.
We can both be either a bit loud and annoying at parties or sit there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move due to being a pair of fucked up ex junkies, we are normally ok on medication (when we remember to take it).
We are considered attractive by our mums and the woman in Gregg's and will attend anything for a piss up as long as its not at our place. We think anything apart from missionary with the lights off is a bit "racy" for us and arranged a meeting once that was far from successful as Fred came in his pants.
We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.
If you like what you see then get in touch!
xx
Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version.... "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.
Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.
Loves giving oral = male.
Enjoys sex = male.
Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".
Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole
PMSL Love the doughnut one...... Wonders if thats how they get the glaze on them!!! "
Make not to self to give the Krispy Kreme counter a wide berth in Tesco |
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"Okay I have enbraced more of your suggestions into my profile,do you think I am being too honest now?
I am looking for someone who likes a chat and a laugh, who appreciates the subtler pleasures in life.
NB I am also married,fat,love Gregs and very very well endowed!
Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole.
"
Oh dear - better hide my cock ring doughnut photo... |
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By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
"For those that missed it....
Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!
Adam now sports a fat hairy beer belly and his hair has gone totally grey. He is a professional fork lift driver with a smaller than average cock. He own two pairs of trainers and goes out in jogging bottoms and sweaty t-shirts for meetings as he's an athletic kinda guy, but a crap shag and hung like a chinese mouse. He has been wanking over the bra pages of his mum's Freemans catalogue since he was 12. He will shag a Tranny as long as she's convincing and as soon as he has chucked his "filthy love custard" on your face and your eyes are closed, he'll take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
Natasha is a flat chested, clingy, depressive with a fanny like a wizards sleeve who deletes your well crafted personal messages without reading them. She has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque because she's a bit of a fat knacker that sits eating chocolate while watching Jeremy Kyle most days. Say's she is Bisexual but really only wants to get oral sex and is looking for a good husband and the only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob.
We can both be either a bit loud and annoying at parties or sit there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move due to being a pair of fucked up ex junkies, we are normally ok on medication (when we remember to take it).
We are considered attractive by our mums and the woman in Gregg's and will attend anything for a piss up as long as its not at our place. We think anything apart from missionary with the lights off is a bit "racy" for us and arranged a meeting once that was far from successful as Fred came in his pants.
We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.
If you like what you see then get in touch!
xx
Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version.... "
I notice you changed the spelling mistake |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Discrete cannot spell and have no idea what discreet means"
The words discrete and discreet are pronounced in the same way and share the same origin but they do not mean the same thing. Discrete means‘ separate’, as in a finite number of discrete categories; , while discreet means‘ careful and circumspect’, as in you can rely on him to be discreet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Experienced = Lady has a fanny that looks and sounds like a snorting horse when she flops her legs open. Male has a cock that looks like a choritzo sausage, neither are fussy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Average = 0-4"
WE = 4-6"
VWE = 6-7"
Hi = will you fuck me
Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me
Stunning pics = will you fuck me
Great profile = will you fuck me
I'm new here = will you fuck me
Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me
Where are you = will you fuck me
What are you in to = will you fuck me
Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Average = 0-4"
WE = 4-6"
VWE = 6-7"
Hi = will you fuck me
Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me
Stunning pics = will you fuck me
Great profile = will you fuck me
I'm new here = will you fuck me
Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me
Where are you = will you fuck me
What are you in to = will you fuck me
Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"
Guilty on all counts |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Average = 0-4"
WE = 4-6"
VWE = 6-7"
Hi = will you fuck me
Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me
Stunning pics = will you fuck me
Great profile = will you fuck me
I'm new here = will you fuck me
Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me
Where are you = will you fuck me
What are you in to = will you fuck me
Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"
This is far too close to the truth! Very good! |
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"Average = 0-4"
WE = 4-6"
VWE = 6-7"
Hi = will you fuck me
Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me
Stunning pics = will you fuck me
Great profile = will you fuck me
I'm new here = will you fuck me
Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck
m
Where are you = will you fuck me
What are you in to = will you fuck me
Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"
Lol xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tag Team = Giant Haystacks & Big Daddy are gonna be knocking on your door
(him)
...ermmmm mrs has just nipped out to the ermmm garage, ermm i mean shops, ermmm make that trading standards.
(her) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For those that missed it....
Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!
Adam now sports a fat hairy beer belly and his hair has gone totally grey. He is a professional fork lift driver with a smaller than average cock. He own two pairs of trainers and goes out in jogging bottoms and sweaty t-shirts for meetings as he's an athletic kinda guy, but a crap shag and hung like a chinese mouse. He has been wanking over the bra pages of his mum's Freemans catalogue since he was 12. He will shag a Tranny as long as she's convincing and as soon as he has chucked his "filthy love custard" on your face and your eyes are closed, he'll take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.
Natasha is a flat chested, clingy, depressive with a fanny like a wizards sleeve who deletes your well crafted personal messages without reading them. She has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque because she's a bit of a fat knacker that sits eating chocolate while watching Jeremy Kyle most days. Say's she is Bisexual but really only wants to get oral sex and is looking for a good husband and the only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob.
We can both be either a bit loud and annoying at parties or sit there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move due to being a pair of fucked up ex junkies, we are normally ok on medication (when we remember to take it).
We are considered attractive by our mums and the woman in Gregg's and will attend anything for a piss up as long as its not at our place. We think anything apart from missionary with the lights off is a bit "racy" for us and arranged a meeting once that was far from successful as Fred came in his pants.
We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.
If you like what you see then get in touch!
xx
Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version.... "
Have you had much luck with that profile then? |
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