"After going to several clubs as a couple with my ex, I went to my first club as a single guy last night. I picked wisely. A very friendly and nice club I'd liked from before... for a soft landing. Having been on the other side of the equation, I also went with zero expectations of play... literally just to socialise and enjoy others company. Readers should be aware that I'm not really into clubs. So I didn't even venture into the playrooms. Nor did I in any way push to have any kind of sexual encounter. I just went to socialise and party. So this post won't cover any of that kind of stuff.
So how was the experience?
Firstly I've got to say everyone was super friendly and nice to me. I picked wisely. But I'd hazard a guess that most swinging clubs are similarly friendly environments. People are just there to have fun. If you're friendly and vanilla then nobody is going to have a go at you for anything. A couple of times I chatted to women who had been abandoned by partners. When they returned there was never any animosity. But that was probably because I was immediately inclusive of them too and not trying to be sexual.
Perhaps I lucked out but I never once felt my attention was unwelcome. There were women who evaded eye contact with me and that told me not to approach them. Which I'm totally fine with. Why chat to someone who's not into you when someone else is? Remember also that my attention wasn't pushy or sexual. So that maybe why nobody had a problem talking to me.
There's no doubt about it that entering a room full of couples is utterly daunting. They're all deep in conversation with each other and no matter where you look it seems the only way to chat to someone is to rudely butt in. My solution to this was to warm up by chatting to all the other single guys there. I'm as straight as it gets... and I'm guessing some of the guys weren't... but they never misconstrued my chatting with them as expressing sexual interest. Perhaps again as I wasn't acting that way.
This was a good ploy for getting over approach anxiety that I got off pick up videos. Chat to anyone... even the person behind the bar. Just get in a chatty mood and build from there. Later in the night, more relaxed in a room with people who weren't all strangers now, situations began to occur where I felt I could approach couples. Maybe they looked at me and that eye contact gave me a way in or maybe I just felt emboldened, they looked friendly and weren't deeply engrossed in each other, so I just plonked myself down next to them. In most cases I focused on the guy first. To be honest that's purely because I'm still a bit shy about chatting to beautiful female strangers. But it seemed to work well. I never once retreated off into a corner to hide. Even when I was an utter lemon standing by myself I just tried to relax and maybe see if anyone was open to me joining their conversation. The key with these things is not to be too hard on yourself and don't let that niggly "oh my god you're standing alone no one wants to talk to you" negativity get to you. The moment will pass if you look for a way out. Similarly, if you feel like sitting down... sit down near a bunch of people. Somewhere where it wouldn't be too odd if you eventually joined the discussion. All this might be obvious to some guys. But it's not always obvious and it's often easier said than done.
When it comes down to it my view of the best approach of the single male at a club is that they are merely there, socialising, and available. I don't think you need to be overtly sexual, although others may disagree. I think it's enough that you're friendly, attractive, and available. This kind of no pressure approach allows anyone who's interested in you to come over and pick you off the shelf. Towards the end of my time in the club I was getting looks from a few couples which suggested an attraction. But I had to leave early (1:30 am) and was quite happy not to explore that. Indeed, as I left it looked like I was heading to a playroom and one of those couples followed me. So perhaps they were a bit disappointed when I exited instead.
All in all... these places are friendly relaxed places. So, even though you may be shy or suffer from approach anxiety, they're great places to try and overcome those things and just chat to people. They are really daunting and scary for a guy who is not used to mingling in social situations with couples. But they're also a friendly place to try and overcome that scariness. There's no need to be overtly sexual and suggestive of that. Your mere presence there is suggestive enough.
If nothing comes from it don't get neurotic about it. Any networking event can be a dud or great. So just keep going back. One day you'll catch someone's eye. I don't think I did particularly well. There were lots of really attractive women there who I just didn't have the balls to talk to. So there's definite room for improvement on my side. But I'm proud that I went and I didn't just hide in a corner. I'm glad I pushed myself.
Personally, from a dating point of view, I think clubs do me no favours whatsoever. I'm not enough interested in swinging for that to be a common ground to chat about. This rids me of the small talk element which is so useful in approaching strangers. If I was out dancing I could dance with them. If I was at a class I could share my views with them. These situations give me massive aids with which to approach even the most beautiful women and strike up a more interesting dynamic which, for me, is lacking in clubs. But that's only because I'm not really a swinger.
With this in mind, there is no doubt about it... the most successful single men at these clubs are the characterful party men. I'm a quieter slightly shy man compared to that. But I'm a fairly cool nice guy who's confident enough to mix and be social so I suspect if I just kept on going back and got to know some regulars I'd relax into it more and could become a bit more gregarious and emboldened amongst friends.
I guess this is a thread where other single guys can post their views and advice on going to a club. This was purely my point of view. I hope it's been helpful to someone out there  Good luck  "
As a woman who does go to the odd club, it was wonderful to read observations from a male point of view. It was very enlightening and it was appreciated.
Seeing the same situation from a different point of view such as going over to chat to other single men made me realise that men as well as women can be nervous human beings. I will say that nowadays when I see men huddled together in conversation in a corner, I would assume that they were looking for aggressive tactics on how to chase and hunt down women, which now in hindsight could be rather stereotypical. I would not really have crossed my mind that there maybe a confidence boosting moment. Stereotypes are made to be broken, and I will say that this one was shattered quite effectively by your post.
Thank you once again, and to all those men out there please keep posting your experiences. It is most helpful.
Well, I found it helpful...
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I can see why you get followed 
But you're absolutely right. It's very unattractive 
Thanks biology for fucking up my chances! 
But it's something guys can overcome by building confidence. Clubs could be a great place to get some of that practice in imo 
Maybe smiling, and telling me his name would have been a better start. Some men can be very pushy.
Just a pleasant chatty conversation with anyone and everyone is the best approach. 