FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > When will her mojo return
When will her mojo return
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We had our first meet last summer, after many years of talking about it and fun leading up to that day. It was a horny meet and I thought she was a converted hotwife and would be up for more. She was initially but a huge change affected our family life, literally changed everything. That with the fact her doctor changed the pill she was on has killed her libido. I have tried everything you can think of, apart from arranging a meet without her knowledge. It's driving me crazy, I can play alone but I've not set up my own profile in anticipation her mood will change. I guess it's been since our second child, she's an amazing mother but I need my slutwife back again lol. Any advice will be appreciated  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to her...Listen and really listen. Don't pressure her, and respect her wishes.
I was in a relationship with a guy who loved cross dressing and bondage.
I hated it, made my skin crawl and despite knowing how I felt He pressured me. I talked, he never listened. Once we'd ironed out the issues he'd go back to same old.
Not fair on either of us.
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
How old is your second child? Woman can take a while to recover after childbirth. Have you spoken to her about why she's currently not feeling it? She's the only one who can answer that. Maybe she just doesn't want to be involved anymore. Also, won't she see this post? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk to her...Listen and really listen. Don't pressure her, and respect her wishes.
I was in a relationship with a guy who loved cross dressing and bondage.
I hated it, made my skin crawl and despite knowing how I felt He pressured me. I talked, he never listened. Once we'd ironed out the issues he'd go back to same old.
Not fair on either of us.
"
Oh right that's not good, especially if he knew it wasn't for you. Thing is I know she is up for this lifestyle, it's just the dramatic change in her in general. She used to send me videos of her fucking herself while talking about fucking other people. Women too 
I'm being as patient as I can, we still have good sex regularly but I'm a horny fucker and need that extra kink |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How old is your second child? Woman can take a while to recover after childbirth. Have you spoken to her about why she's currently not feeling it? She's the only one who can answer that. Maybe she just doesn't want to be involved anymore. Also, won't she see this post? "
2 years old. Yes I understand that and it was a complicated birth. It took a while before things got back on track then. I personally think it's a combination of the pill change and the atomic bomb in our family life that happened a month after our meet. Oh yes haha she will probably see this but she knows I can't exactly talk to my mum about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only she can answer your questions, perhaps once was enough and she has no interest in repeating.
If you are insistent on having your kink satisfied, then it may be at the cost of your family. Only you can decide if it's worth it, but pressuring a partner into something doesn't bode well for a relationship. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"Only she can answer your questions, perhaps once was enough and she has no interest in repeating.
If you are insistent on having your kink satisfied, then it may be at the cost of your family. Only you can decide if it's worth it, but pressuring a partner into something doesn't bode well for a relationship."
This! I'd suggest she talk to her GP about alternative contraception. I do agree that it can affect libido, any changes in my pills send mine all over the place. But most importantly,you need to talk to her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Only she can answer your questions, perhaps once was enough and she has no interest in repeating.
If you are insistent on having your kink satisfied, then it may be at the cost of your family. Only you can decide if it's worth it, but pressuring a partner into something doesn't bode well for a relationship."
I understand. Hopefully it is just a phase and I will just have to be more patient haha. Thanks for the advice ladies |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Only she can answer your questions, perhaps once was enough and she has no interest in repeating.
If you are insistent on having your kink satisfied, then it may be at the cost of your family. Only you can decide if it's worth it, but pressuring a partner into something doesn't bode well for a relationship.
This! I'd suggest she talk to her GP about alternative contraception. I do agree that it can affect libido, any changes in my pills send mine all over the place. But most importantly,you need to talk to her. "
I suggested that weeks ago, her reasons for changing was due to her previous pill being a high risk of illness. But I looked up the brand of mini pill she's on now and that doesn't have good feedback from other women. Yes the talking bit is of great importance, I think we need a date night as the kids prevent that sort of talk  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is lots of kinks out there that dont involve other people you know. Sometimes I'm amazed how vanilla swinging is.
If you still have a sex life be careful you don't make this a bigger issue than it needs to be. There is more to life than swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are blaming the pill for her lack of interest, yet say you still have regular good sex together, so how can you say her libido is low.
From your initial post, it sounds to me as if she "gave in" to that first meet after years of pressuring on your side. And now here you are doing the same when it would appear she has other priorities
Perhaps I'm wrong, but that's my reading on the situation, and I would be seriously questioning the future of my relationship if my partner was behaving in this way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on the a mini pill and it can kill your libido. Definitely worth talking to the Doctor. Consider alternative like a coil with an implant in it. Communication is definitely vital though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are blaming the pill for her lack of interest, yet say you still have regular good sex together, so how can you say her libido is low.
From your initial post, it sounds to me as if she "gave in" to that first meet after years of pressuring on your side. And now here you are doing the same when it would appear she has other priorities
Perhaps I'm wrong, but that's my reading on the situation, and I would be seriously questioning the future of my relationship if my partner was behaving in this way."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah we still have sex regularly but nothing like what it was say a year ago. We've been together 19 years so I think I know her well enough lol. Appreciate the advice, I'll drop the subject for a while and leave it to her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe she as just decided that the lifestyle is not for her after all..the worse thing you can do is pressurise her (not that We are saying you are).. I would just go with the flow and see how things go with her and maybe leave the subject alone for a while and revisit it at a later date |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe she as just decided that the lifestyle is not for her after all..the worse thing you can do is pressurise her (not that We are saying you are).. I would just go with the flow and see how things go with her and maybe leave the subject alone for a while and revisit it at a later date"
I'll talk to her again about the mini pill, but I won't mention swinging unless she does. Guess I've struggled to understand why she just switched off. She was a nympho after our 1st child haha. Hey ho that's life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe she as just decided that the lifestyle is not for her after all..the worse thing you can do is pressurise her (not that We are saying you are).. I would just go with the flow and see how things go with her and maybe leave the subject alone for a while and revisit it at a later date
I'll talk to her again about the mini pill, but I won't mention swinging unless she does. Guess I've struggled to understand why she just switched off. She was a nympho after our 1st child haha. Hey ho that's life "
I know this is off topic..but that disclaimer in your profile takes up more space than your actual profile text.. there are loads of threads regarding them in the forums..they usles and unenforceable and actually put a lot of folks of from contacting you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are blaming the pill for her lack of interest, yet say you still have regular good sex together, so how can you say her libido is low.
From your initial post, it sounds to me as if she "gave in" to that first meet after years of pressuring on your side. And now here you are doing the same when it would appear she has other priorities
Perhaps I'm wrong, but that's my reading on the situation, and I would be seriously questioning the future of my relationship if my partner was behaving in this way.
"
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This was exactly us. We had a very active and kinky sexlife both just the two of us and swinging.
After the birth of our child we took a break for obvious reasons but I just never got my mojo back. I lost all my body confidence and the contraceptive implant killed any sexual desire.
We rarely had sex just us, I mean I didn't indulge in solo fun, let alone any group scenarios!
I would suggest gently talking to her about it although not putting pressure on her because I know how unreceptive I was to it!
It wasn't until I came off all hormonal contraceptives (so I'd def suggest a GP visit) that things got back on track. Hubby also then orchestrated some sexy fun with my best friend and then we started exploring hotwifing for the first time and things have been amazing ever since!
My sex drive is through the roof now. I'm always horny and completely insatiable!
Hopefully with a bit of time to get over the issues your lady will be back to the woman you know and love! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This was exactly us. We had a very active and kinky sexlife both just the two of us and swinging.
After the birth of our child we took a break for obvious reasons but I just never got my mojo back. I lost all my body confidence and the contraceptive implant killed any sexual desire.
We rarely had sex just us, I mean I didn't indulge in solo fun, let alone any group scenarios!
I would suggest gently talking to her about it although not putting pressure on her because I know how unreceptive I was to it!
It wasn't until I came off all hormonal contraceptives (so I'd def suggest a GP visit) that things got back on track. Hubby also then orchestrated some sexy fun with my best friend and then we started exploring hotwifing for the first time and things have been amazing ever since!
My sex drive is through the roof now. I'm always horny and completely insatiable!
Hopefully with a bit of time to get over the issues your lady will be back to the woman you know and love!"
Thank you. A reply from someone who understands rather than judgemental digs.
The pill is the main issue in my opinion, but then again I could do a lot more to ease the situation. I hope her desires and passion for life return as yours did, thanks again |
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"This was exactly us. We had a very active and kinky sexlife both just the two of us and swinging.
After the birth of our child we took a break for obvious reasons but I just never got my mojo back. I lost all my body confidence and the contraceptive implant killed any sexual desire.
We rarely had sex just us, I mean I didn't indulge in solo fun, let alone any group scenarios!
I would suggest gently talking to her about it although not putting pressure on her because I know how unreceptive I was to it!
It wasn't until I came off all hormonal contraceptives (so I'd def suggest a GP visit) that things got back on track. Hubby also then orchestrated some sexy fun with my best friend and then we started exploring hotwifing for the first time and things have been amazing ever since!
My sex drive is through the roof now. I'm always horny and completely insatiable!
Hopefully with a bit of time to get over the issues your lady will be back to the woman you know and love!
Thank you. A reply from someone who understands rather than judgemental digs.
The pill is the main issue in my opinion, but then again I could do a lot more to ease the situation. I hope her desires and passion for life return as yours did, thanks again "
You're welcome. I just know my hubby was in your exact position feeling the same.
I'd definitely try and get that contraception sorted. Does your partner recognise this is affecting her? I'm sure you'll get back on track, even if it's meeting in the middle! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This was exactly us. We had a very active and kinky sexlife both just the two of us and swinging.
After the birth of our child we took a break for obvious reasons but I just never got my mojo back. I lost all my body confidence and the contraceptive implant killed any sexual desire.
We rarely had sex just us, I mean I didn't indulge in solo fun, let alone any group scenarios!
I would suggest gently talking to her about it although not putting pressure on her because I know how unreceptive I was to it!
It wasn't until I came off all hormonal contraceptives (so I'd def suggest a GP visit) that things got back on track. Hubby also then orchestrated some sexy fun with my best friend and then we started exploring hotwifing for the first time and things have been amazing ever since!
My sex drive is through the roof now. I'm always horny and completely insatiable!
Hopefully with a bit of time to get over the issues your lady will be back to the woman you know and love!
Thank you. A reply from someone who understands rather than judgemental digs.
The pill is the main issue in my opinion, but then again I could do a lot more to ease the situation. I hope her desires and passion for life return as yours did, thanks again "
What judgmental digs have there been OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This was exactly us. We had a very active and kinky sexlife both just the two of us and swinging.
After the birth of our child we took a break for obvious reasons but I just never got my mojo back. I lost all my body confidence and the contraceptive implant killed any sexual desire.
We rarely had sex just us, I mean I didn't indulge in solo fun, let alone any group scenarios!
I would suggest gently talking to her about it although not putting pressure on her because I know how unreceptive I was to it!
It wasn't until I came off all hormonal contraceptives (so I'd def suggest a GP visit) that things got back on track. Hubby also then orchestrated some sexy fun with my best friend and then we started exploring hotwifing for the first time and things have been amazing ever since!
My sex drive is through the roof now. I'm always horny and completely insatiable!
Hopefully with a bit of time to get over the issues your lady will be back to the woman you know and love!
Thank you. A reply from someone who understands rather than judgemental digs.
The pill is the main issue in my opinion, but then again I could do a lot more to ease the situation. I hope her desires and passion for life return as yours did, thanks again
You're welcome. I just know my hubby was in your exact position feeling the same.
I'd definitely try and get that contraception sorted. Does your partner recognise this is affecting her? I'm sure you'll get back on track, even if it's meeting in the middle!"
She does but at the same time she read bad stuff about her old pill. I've suggested having the snip although I'm not exactly keen to do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Judgemental digs? You asked for help people have gave you an opinion, the opinions might not be what you were hoping, if you cant take opinions then dont ask for advice on a forum |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, does your wife see it as a problem, if she does, maybe she should go back to her GP.  "
She does, we just spoke about it again and she will go see her GP. As it's not just her libido that's been hit, can't blame it all on the pill though as life in general has been a rollercoaster lately |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"OP, does your wife see it as a problem, if she does, maybe she should go back to her GP.
She does, we just spoke about it again and she will go see her GP. As it's not just her libido that's been hit, can't blame it all on the pill though as life in general has been a rollercoaster lately "
Ah, bless her, so as you know, all sorts of things can affect your libido, been there, so I know. Hope she gets on ok at GP's. |
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OP if you are not planning to have more kids then get the snip! Man up and take some responsibility for family planning. Lots of married men have the snip. Wifey will not have issues with the pill if you take responsibility!
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP if you are not planning to have more kids then get the snip! Man up and take some responsibility for family planning. Lots of married men have the snip. Wifey will not have issues with the pill if you take responsibility!
"
Point taken haha, was just looking it up before I read your comment. Stomach is churning now but my friend had the procedure and said it's fine. Bit sore after but worth it. So maybe that is the way forward |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"OP if you are not planning to have more kids then get the snip! Man up and take some responsibility for family planning. Lots of married men have the snip. Wifey will not have issues with the pill if you take responsibility!
Point taken haha, was just looking it up before I read your comment. Stomach is churning now but my friend had the procedure and said it's fine. Bit sore after but worth it. So maybe that is the way forward "
Hubby had this many years ago, with no problem, sounds like a plan, but something you need to discuss with your wife |
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"OP if you are not planning to have more kids then get the snip! Man up and take some responsibility for family planning. Lots of married men have the snip. Wifey will not have issues with the pill if you take responsibility!
Point taken haha, was just looking it up before I read your comment. Stomach is churning now but my friend had the procedure and said it's fine. Bit sore after but worth it. So maybe that is the way forward "
Speak to your wife about that too, see if it is an option. You will probably be sore after but lots of men have it done. Maybe ask on the forums of men’s experience of it. It’s something to consider as the pill may not be feasible long term for your wife if she has other health issues. I’m not a doctor but discuss it with her and your GP then decide what you both want. I would also put the swinging side to one side for now until she expresses interest in it. Last thing she needs is pressure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a difficult situation for you to be in OP, very frustrating and no easy answer.
However, you sound like you do appreciate how she feels and you're prepared to be patient. I hope it all works out for you in the end and you both get what you want and are happy with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"May I ask what the 'atomic bomb' is/was you mentioned earlier...."
I'd rather pm but can't because I'm being a cheapskate lol. Not currently a site supporter so can't let you know privately |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a difficult situation for you to be in OP, very frustrating and no easy answer.
However, you sound like you do appreciate how she feels and you're prepared to be patient. I hope it all works out for you in the end and you both get what you want and are happy with."
We've been through so much so all this is nothing in comparison. Just my selfishness for wanting to see her be naughty with others again
Thank you, good things come to those who wait as they say |
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By *ucy83SOWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
Op, I struggled for years with hormonal contraceptives, I’d suggest she maybe looks into a copper coil/iud I have one and I’ve never looked back and 100% reversibility if you wanted more children at a later stage.
You might also enjoy checking hercstrungs for her too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely get the snip. As women we go through periods, pregnancy and childbirth as well as dealing with the side effects from hormonal birth control, having a coil or implant is really very uncomfortable and then we also have the have smear tests.
My husband said the only pain from his vasectomy was the injections to numb him (but it was only a little prick . ) He said it really wasn't that bad and he felt a little bruised for up to a week afterwards but nothing major.
Not only will your partner benefit for you doing this but hopefully you will too.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Haha she said no snip just yet as she may want more babies soon 
My reply was stop taking that crap pill and let's fuck loads, she said she will do handstands and I can poke it down with my tongue 
Progress  |
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By *ucy83SOWoman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"Definitely get the snip. As women we go through periods, pregnancy and childbirth as well as dealing with the side effects from hormonal birth control, having a coil or implant is really very uncomfortable and then we also have the have smear tests.
My husband said the only pain from his vasectomy was the injections to numb him (but it was only a little prick . ) He said it really wasn't that bad and he felt a little bruised for up to a week afterwards but nothing major.
Not only will your partner benefit for you doing this but hopefully you will too.
Good luck. "
I have to disagree with the coil being uncomfortable. Apart from slight uncomfort when it’s fitted I don’t even know it’s there & this is my 2nd one.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm really not sure this is the best place to come for advice! You can only tell us your perspective. Your wife has her story too.
It could be contraceptive related, loss of interest in swinging, increased focus on family building, concern about self-image and many other things.
You need to have a gentle talk with her (probably over a period of time) and perhaps seek help from your GP or other specialist if needs be.
In my experience these things are quite complex and we must all accept that how we feel can change at different times in our life. As a partner of someone we love we also have to adapt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Judgemental digs? You asked for help people have gave you an opinion, the opinions might not be what you were hoping, if you cant take opinions then dont ask for advice on a forum"
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