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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So as always this is not based on any one thing or aimed at anyone. It simply comes from my mind not switching off at 2am in the morning.
It seems so easy to come online and label yourself a Dom, but is it truely that easy, just because you give yourself that title.
Simply because you can order someone to suck your cock, you own a black shirt and leather trousers and you may even own a cane or two does not make you a Dom.
Yes I will admit image, toys and even being able to give orders can be part of the overall package of being a Dom but on their own they dont make you a Dom.
So I suppose we need to define what makes a good Dominant.
So first of all is being a Dom nature or nurture.
To me its a bit of both, I think some people are naturally Alpha males or Alpha Females but without learning the skills of Domination they would simply be dominant people.
These skills are like any other, in the right enviroment and given the right tutors anyone can learn them. But just like any other lessons it comes down to how receptive the person is to learning them.
Now the natural Alpha Male/Female part of someone helps them be more suited to taking on a Dominant role than someone who is not a Alpha.
So what are the characteristics should we tell newbies to look out for when looking for a Dominant within the lifestyle.
For me a good Dominant should have a strong sense of ethics, be honest and should be respectful of others no matter their position in life.
In addition i feel a good Dominant should also possesses the very qualities of a normal descent person. Those of kindness, consideration, politeness, empathy, sympathy.
There is also a need for Confidence not Arrogance (there is a big difference)
Both confident and arrogant Doms have a strong belief in their own abilities. Those with confidence can easily overcome fears and uncertaint but also take ownership of their mistakes and learn from them. Arrogant people usually view themselves as superior and never admit their mistakes
As there are many skills to the art of domination a good Dominant tends to show a eagerness to learn, to grow and to understand that they are on a journey, just as much as a submissive is when entering the life style.
A common mistake that some Doms make is the idea that you have to be Domineering. They are easy to spot, as their attitude is brash and rude, their tone frequently crass and their treatment of submissives is generally negative and oppressive.
A Dominant controls their submissive not by being overbearing or through the use of threats or by belittling another, but rather by working on a more subtle level, influencing their thoughts, desires, needs and hopes – and through the simple action of showing they care for them.
They take responsibility for their submissive always being empathic towards them and sympathetic to their needs, knowing that for a submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.
Indeed, it is fair to say that the good Dominant is guided by their empathy towards their submissive and is able to step away from the dynamic and be supportive of their submissive when needed.
A good Dominant will instil trust and actively encourages communication. They do this by listen to their submissive and learn about them, their needs, hopes and desires. They also understand the importance of ongoing communication asall relationships grow and altee over time.
Certainly, the good Dominant will work to avoid emotional harm and/or seek to rectify matters where such may occur, however unintended.
And finally a good Dominant is a Dominant driven by love. |
