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Showing bi interest
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Talking to friends about club nights, couples suggest it’s sometimes tricky to know how to show bi interest, even at a designated bi-night. Although less of an issue for bi-curious females than bi-curious males maybe? There’s the feeling that even politely asking might be taken the wrong way. Or a reluctance to be seen to ‘make the first move’. For first timers or those who are exploring something new it can feel quite daunting. Is that other fabbers’ experience? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talking to friends about club nights, couples suggest it’s sometimes tricky to know how to show bi interest, even at a designated bi-night. Although less of an issue for bi-curious females than bi-curious males maybe? There’s the feeling that even politely asking might be taken the wrong way. Or a reluctance to be seen to ‘make the first move’. For first timers or those who are exploring something new it can feel quite daunting. Is that other fabbers’ experience?"
It’s this reason that Chameleons in darlaston try to ensure they only admit bi males to their bi nights.
The idea is that you can show an interest in any guy without fear of him getting cross because he’s straight. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
To be honest at the Bi Nights I've been to at VA (which I know you also attend OP) it's generally been fairly clear who is bi (and now Spicy has tightened it further so only openly bi can attend that night - whilst starting another night for bi friendly people - there should be no ambiguity).
There is still however the possibility for awkwardness around boundaries though - as we know there appear to be varying levels of bi males and it can be a minefield.
Outside of designated Bi Nights though I tend to err on the side of assuming someone isn't bi unless they give a strong indication they are - that knowing look, prior discussion, even just bolding it out and asking "Are you bi?" |
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"To be honest at the Bi Nights I've been to at VA (which I know you also attend OP) it's generally been fairly clear who is bi (and now Spicy has tightened it further so only openly bi can attend that night - whilst starting another night for bi friendly people - there should be no ambiguity).
There is still however the possibility for awkwardness around boundaries though - as we know there appear to be varying levels of bi males and it can be a minefield.
Outside of designated Bi Nights though I tend to err on the side of assuming someone isn't bi unless they give a strong indication they are - that knowing look, prior discussion, even just bolding it out and asking "Are you bi?""
Yes, the great thing about the VA night is that there’s care taken with the guest list - you’re absolutely right. And I’ve found that chatting to people online before the night has also broken the ice a bit. It’s a great night.
It feels like one of the issues is ‘will this guy (and it does seem to be mainly a guy thing?) react badly if I/we suggest bi play’ - and another is how a couple make the move from observing to showing interest in taking part when one of them (again generally the guy)feels quite stressed - though excited - at taking what feels like a big leap. I’ve had a couple of ‘if only...’ chats after a night, where someone says they nearly took the plunge but didn’t quite. I’m quite relaxed about asking (and getting whatever reaction!) but I know for some others the first steps can be nerve-wracking. Whatever can make it more relaxed and open for people to make the contact they want feels a good thing. It sounds like you handle all that really well, which is great. I think I sometimes under-estimate how big a deal that first time can be, even in a safe and supportive environment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe we should all go back to the hanky in the pocket code of years gone by
Not sure where we’d put our hankies when in the play areas though... (maybe don’t answer that!)"
It could be inserted in ones poo-foo with the words "pull tab before operating item"
That would make it very clear  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe we should all go back to the hanky in the pocket code of years gone by
Not sure where we’d put our hankies when in the play areas though... (maybe don’t answer that!)"
in your "tea towel" holder  |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
I think wristbands are a beter option. Like the hankey code there is still the option for left vs right for receivers/givers. With current silicone technology all the old variations could be revived to indicate specific interests but this may lead to some having virtual sleeves due to their diversity of desires. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"To be honest at the Bi Nights I've been to at VA (which I know you also attend OP) it's generally been fairly clear who is bi (and now Spicy has tightened it further so only openly bi can attend that night - whilst starting another night for bi friendly people - there should be no ambiguity).
There is still however the possibility for awkwardness around boundaries though - as we know there appear to be varying levels of bi males and it can be a minefield.
Outside of designated Bi Nights though I tend to err on the side of assuming someone isn't bi unless they give a strong indication they are - that knowing look, prior discussion, even just bolding it out and asking "Are you bi?"
Yes, the great thing about the VA night is that there’s care taken with the guest list - you’re absolutely right. And I’ve found that chatting to people online before the night has also broken the ice a bit. It’s a great night.
It feels like one of the issues is ‘will this guy (and it does seem to be mainly a guy thing?) react badly if I/we suggest bi play’ - and another is how a couple make the move from observing to showing interest in taking part when one of them (again generally the guy)feels quite stressed - though excited - at taking what feels like a big leap. I’ve had a couple of ‘if only...’ chats after a night, where someone says they nearly took the plunge but didn’t quite. I’m quite relaxed about asking (and getting whatever reaction!) but I know for some others the first steps can be nerve-wracking. Whatever can make it more relaxed and open for people to make the contact they want feels a good thing. It sounds like you handle all that really well, which is great. I think I sometimes under-estimate how big a deal that first time can be, even in a safe and supportive environment."
I hear you completely - the "if only" thing can apply to non-bi things too though and have been there many times in the past. Think it comes down to confidence and how outgoing you are, which are both incredibly useful when attending clubs, and of you don't have that ability to be a social butterfly and just talk to anyone it can be frustrating - especially when you dissect things the next day.
Add bisexual uncertainty into that and the frustration increases. I'm certainly not wary or even unsure of my sexuality in that respect, and have embraced that side of it fully and completely. I'm not the most outgoing or confident person either though, so just tend to go with the flow and accept circumstances, which may have mean I've missed out in the past, and probably will do in future  |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
For anyone not familiar with the hankey code the following is a (simplified, I have taken one out to avoid Fab ToS issues) table nicked of Wikipedia:
Colour/Meaning
Black/S&M
Blue (Dark)/Anal sex
Blue (Light)/Oral sex
Brown/Scat
Grey/Bondage
Orange/Anything goes
Purple/Piercing
Red/Fisting
Yellow/Watersports
Many of the other 'codes' are more complex and can contradict each other. Worn in the left rear pocket shows interest in the givers role whilst right shows interest in receiving. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"For anyone not familiar with the hankey code the following is a (simplified, I have taken one out to avoid Fab ToS issues) table nicked of Wikipedia:
Colour/Meaning
Black/S&M
Blue (Dark)/Anal sex
Blue (Light)/Oral sex
Brown/Scat
Grey/Bondage
Orange/Anything goes
Purple/Piercing
Red/Fisting
Yellow/Watersports
Many of the other 'codes' are more complex and can contradict each other. Worn in the left rear pocket shows interest in the givers role whilst right shows interest in receiving."
Blimey I'd look like one of those magicians tricks with the never ending stream of hankies if I adopted that code!! |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
I have set one of my normally friends only pics to public to show what I am on about.
This one has a Pride silicone band which indicates bisexual and then the dark blue corded band for an interest in anal. Both are worn on the right wrist as on the rare occasions I am looking for a meet with a single man I tend to be looking to bottom. |
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But would some bicurious folk be reluctant to wear such an identifying wristband? I’ve been in situations where the public play has been straight and only once things got private did the guy (in this case) feel ready to express what he desired... |
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Guess that’s the beauty of the va bi nights really as for me it allowed me to feel totoally comfortable on how I could act etc.
In a different setting I guess it’s so difficult as there does seem to still be that bi guy stigma attached to play, should we or shouldn’t we bring it up (pun intended) |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
To be honest while bi male play is still frowned on at most clubs on anything other than designated Bi Nights the issue in that environment isn't going to occur unless the club has private rooms - and on designated Bi Nights the question is more about what level of bi activity is of interest.
Perhaps one day the barriers will come down and there will be no need for designated Bi Nights and then things like wristbands will be more relevant for those that choose to wear them.  |
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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago
Over the roundabout and then turn right. |
"To be honest while bi male play is still frowned on at most clubs on anything other than designated Bi Nights the issue in that environment isn't going to occur unless the club has private rooms - and on designated Bi Nights the question is more about what level of bi activity is of interest.
Perhaps one day the barriers will come down and there will be no need for designated Bi Nights and then things like wristbands will be more relevant for those that choose to wear them. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For anyone not familiar with the hankey code the following is a (simplified, I have taken one out to avoid Fab ToS issues) table nicked of Wikipedia:
Colour/Meaning
Black/S&M
Blue (Dark)/Anal sex
Blue (Light)/Oral sex
Brown/Scat
Grey/Bondage
Orange/Anything goes
Purple/Piercing
Red/Fisting
Yellow/Watersports
Many of the other 'codes' are more complex and can contradict each other. Worn in the left rear pocket shows interest in the givers role whilst right shows interest in receiving."
I think in some areas of some clubs you'd find it very difficult to distinguish between those colours particularly under black or red lighting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To be honest at the Bi Nights I've been to at VA (which I know you also attend OP) it's generally been fairly clear who is bi (and now Spicy has tightened it further so only openly bi can attend that night - whilst starting another night for bi friendly people - there should be no ambiguity).
There is still however the possibility for awkwardness around boundaries though - as we know there appear to be varying levels of bi males and it can be a minefield.
Outside of designated Bi Nights though I tend to err on the side of assuming someone isn't bi unless they give a strong indication they are - that knowing look, prior discussion, even just bolding it out and asking "Are you bi?"
Yes, the great thing about the VA night is that there’s care taken with the guest list - you’re absolutely right. And I’ve found that chatting to people online before the night has also broken the ice a bit. It’s a great night.
It feels like one of the issues is ‘will this guy (and it does seem to be mainly a guy thing?) react badly if I/we suggest bi play’ - and another is how a couple make the move from observing to showing interest in taking part when one of them (again generally the guy)feels quite stressed - though excited - at taking what feels like a big leap. I’ve had a couple of ‘if only...’ chats after a night, where someone says they nearly took the plunge but didn’t quite. I’m quite relaxed about asking (and getting whatever reaction!) but I know for some others the first steps can be nerve-wracking. Whatever can make it more relaxed and open for people to make the contact they want feels a good thing. It sounds like you handle all that really well, which is great. I think I sometimes under-estimate how big a deal that first time can be, even in a safe and supportive environment.
I hear you completely - the "if only" thing can apply to non-bi things too though and have been there many times in the past. Think it comes down to confidence and how outgoing you are, which are both incredibly useful when attending clubs, and of you don't have that ability to be a social butterfly and just talk to anyone it can be frustrating - especially when you dissect things the next day.
Add bisexual uncertainty into that and the frustration increases. I'm certainly not wary or even unsure of my sexuality in that respect, and have embraced that side of it fully and completely. I'm not the most outgoing or confident person either though, so just tend to go with the flow and accept circumstances, which may have mean I've missed out in the past, and probably will do in future "
I'm exaxtly the same!
Always 'want to' be more forward, but too shy to ask! Haha |
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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago
Over the roundabout and then turn right. |
On a bi night at any club the majority of people are expected to be bi or at the very least bi friendly. Given these circumstances surely a more forward approach (verbally) can do no harm. There is no better time to bring up the subject of bi play. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"On a bi night at any club the majority of people are expected to be bi or at the very least bi friendly. Given these circumstances surely a more forward approach (verbally) can do no harm. There is no better time to bring up the subject of bi play. "
VA's excellent Bi Night has recently announced that it's first Friday of the month night will now be for those who are bi regardless of gender, which should remove any ambiguity - they then have another night on the third Friday of the month to cater to bi and bi friendly |
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