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Anyone in a poly relationship
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By *easing_two OP Couple
over a year ago
Bristol, Thornbury |
Hi T here.
I'm interested to know if there is anyone on here in a poly relationship?
I want to find out more about it and how you go about it?
Hubby is open to the idea but has strong restrictions which I'm not sure would work for a true poly relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in a poly relationship and there's a myriad of different ways to do poly. It's only wrong if it make all involved unhappy.
There's a useful starter site called More Than Two which has some helpful stuff on there. There's Polyamory UK and there are polyamory meetups in some of the larger cities. |
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Me and my gf are in some sort of poly relationship.
We are both currently divorcing our spouses, however. Those feelings will always be there won't they.
She quite happily has a relationship with me as bf and her husband. We both have different things to offer and both know about each other. We have even played together once. I know that in time their relationship may die down but while she is still happy with him I'm more than happy for them to continue their relationship.
Message me.if you've got any queries and I'll try and help any way I can.
Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Poly is something you both have to agree to and understand what you're willing to do and let your partner, it's not really a good sign if you're already thinking the rules are too strict. Open communication is the most absolute key thing when being poly. |
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I am in a poly relationship and have been for a number of years. There was 4 of us but now 3.
If your looking for others make sure that the person you bring in has as much rights as you and your partner do. Otherwise you just become a unicorn hunter and singles and others will avoid you loke the plague. No one wants to be second best in a relationship.
I also +1 the more then two sites. Some Damn good reading. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We was 2 year ago.
Mrs was seeing someone for regular fun only which turned into nights out and stop overs. Lasted 10 months the 3 of us. Everyone has to agree and be happy.
It can work.  |
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There is a thriving Bristol poly scene...PM me if you wish to know more about that specifically.
I happen to run the London poly meetup and London poly coffee, and am part of the team who run Polyday. I can also offer anyone interest links to poly resources online if you like.
I've identified as poly for around 8 years, am currently in two serious relationships - a marriage of 20 years and a lady to whom I will be handfasted in a couple of months. I also have some play partners who are close friends.
There are many different ways to do poly, the main thing is that it involves the knowledge and consent of all involved - that means all partners and their partners too. It tends to work best with few restrictions, but do remember that what seems like a strict boundary now can change and evolve in time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. Husband has had a girlfriend for the last 2 years, we both love her very much and I enjoy joining in occasionally but they do spend non sexual time together as well, dinner, shopping, movies etc.
Over the years I've also had regular boyfriend's who've been a very welcome addition to our relationship. As long as everyone is aware of what's going on its great. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am married but I would love a poly relationship but I just don't think he would. I'm back on here in secret and it's killing me. I want to bring it up but just don't know how. |
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"I am married but I would love a poly relationship but I just don't think he would. I'm back on here in secret and it's killing me. I want to bring it up but just don't know how. "
There is only really one way, and it's direct but gentle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am married but I would love a poly relationship but I just don't think he would. I'm back on here in secret and it's killing me. I want to bring it up but just don't know how.
There is only really one way, and it's direct but gentle. "
Looooooooool I think telling him is easier then going on a site and getting dick secretly ! Honesty is the best policy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hubby wouldn’t mind, imnot100% sure yet. But I’d find it hot. The thing that holds us back is the kids noticing and asking questions. That’s why we play at clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me and my gf are in some sort of poly relationship.
We are both currently divorcing our spouses, however. Those feelings will always be there won't they.
She quite happily has a relationship with me as bf and her husband. We both have different things to offer and both know about each other. We have even played together once. I know that in time their relationship may die down but while she is still happy with him I'm more than happy for them to continue their relationship.
Message me.if you've got any queries and I'll try and help any way I can.
Good luck OP"
I am T's girlfriend we have been together for 1o months now.
I have been with my hubby 8 years.
I love them both very much they are 2 completely different relationships and I get what I need from both partners.
My children my dad and other family members know I'm in a relationship with both no one has a problem with it.
My hubby is hoping down the line he can find someone too, the same way I have T.
I don't speak for T but I'm sure he would say he's happy with just me for now and the odd play in clubs x
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"Me and my gf are in some sort of poly relationship.
We are both currently divorcing our spouses, however. Those feelings will always be there won't they.
She quite happily has a relationship with me as bf and her husband. We both have different things to offer and both know about each other. We have even played together once. I know that in time their relationship may die down but while she is still happy with him I'm more than happy for them to continue their relationship.
Message me.if you've got any queries and I'll try and help any way I can.
Good luck OP
I am T's girlfriend we have been together for 1o months now.
I have been with my hubby 8 years.
I love them both very much they are 2 completely different relationships and I get what I need from both partners.
My children my dad and other family members know I'm in a relationship with both no one has a problem with it.
My hubby is hoping down the line he can find someone too, the same way I have T.
I don't speak for T but I'm sure he would say he's happy with just me for now and the odd play in clubs x
"
Correct    |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi T here.
I'm interested to know if there is anyone on here in a poly relationship?
I want to find out more about it and how you go about it?
Hubby is open to the idea but has strong restrictions which I'm not sure would work for a true poly relationship."
Entering one atm. It takes time as with any relationship.
Check out a few recent poly posts that might be of interest.large collection of interested people in them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My last relationship was poly. One thing I would be careful of is if there are rules set. With my ex, we had an unspoken agreement that we would only mention things that made us feel uncomfortable. Turns out we were both ok with most things. However, the only issues we had were from other people getting attached or by bad mouthing one of us to the other.
Not for everyone and you have to be real secure. If someone that I really loved was open to it but had lots of conditions, I would definitely quiz them to make sure they are fully ok with this sort of thing |
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By *easing_two OP Couple
over a year ago
Bristol, Thornbury |
"I am married but I would love a poly relationship but I just don't think he would. I'm back on here in secret and it's killing me. I want to bring it up but just don't know how.
There is only really one way, and it's direct but gentle.
Looooooooool I think telling him is easier then going on a site and getting dick secretly ! Honesty is the best policy! "
She is not here secretly. I am here too. There is two of us here |
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By *olygodCouple
over a year ago
sandy |
We identify as poly. I think it means many different things to different people. For us the important ingredients are honesty, communication and respecting boundaries so that everyone feels comfortable.
S x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do believe I’m poly. My husband isn’t, but he’s happy for me to pursue that. I dabbled with it, but I’m not sure I really have time for something more frequent.
Mrs |
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Interesting thread - I had a relationship over. A couple of years with a hotwife - she had a husband and a couple of lovers (of which a I was one). We went on dates, dinner, cinema, very much boyfriend/girlfriend etc - just that she was married. She was not a swinger at all - but a lady who liked several different sorts of male relationships in her life. The whole thing was very erotic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We would be interested in a girlfriend, however the situation is very difficult to find. We are also concerned as to how the logistics would work."
Logistics differ in each setup. Some are comfortable with the 3rd person nearby or in same place ( which us where the origin comes from) Others are happy with a poly relationship but not to meet with the 3rd person. It's all about the dynamics and expectations between the diferent parties. Honesty and communication is paramount for a poly to work. |
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Everything I came here to say has been said by _bsinthe_boy  he is wiiiiiise!
Also thirding the "More Than Two" resource. I have the book.
But yeah, being poly is often misunderstood, especially as I've read the words "properly poly" in this thread.
As _bsinthe_boy said - there are A Bunch of different ways to do it.
I recently became poly with my partner, and had to explain some of the different iterations. He definitely thought I just wanted to bang other people when I first mentioned it though. Lol.
But yeah, read up, communicate (with everyone involved), it will take time, but if it's what you all want, it'll be worth the work (like any relationship).
Good luck! |
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"Everything I came here to say has been said by _bsinthe_boy he is wiiiiiise!
Also thirding the "More Than Two" resource. I have the book.
But yeah, being poly is often misunderstood, especially as I've read the words "properly poly" in this thread.
As _bsinthe_boy said - there are A Bunch of different ways to do it.
I recently became poly with my partner, and had to explain some of the different iterations. He definitely thought I just wanted to bang other people when I first mentioned it though. Lol.
But yeah, read up, communicate (with everyone involved), it will take time, but if it's what you all want, it'll be worth the work (like any relationship).
Good luck! "
Unfortunately due to the few media articles often focusing on the sexual aspect only, people are sometimes under the impression that "being poly" is about banging lots of other people. There's also the misconception that "being poly" means a (usually white, 20 or early 30s) male-female couple looking for their third.
Do read more than two, it is a mine of great information. |
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I would love to date a poly couple and see where it heads, i like the honesty most and the fact that every person has to be truly considerate to one another. Love can be so fluid as can our sexual desires.
I think for it to work all parties have to have that tendancy inside them towards it. It should be easy in a place like london but i just don't know where to start! |
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"We (three of us) are in a Poly relationship x
It’s works incredibly well for us especially as “hubby” has an insatiable sexdrive!!!!!"
I was wondering when you would pop up. I watch your profile with interest. In a good way. You do seem to have the perfect poly relationship. We're hopping that our paths cross one day and we get to meet you.
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Myself and my partner both identify as poly. He's had a poly relationship in the past with a previous partner. I ve never experienced one for real but would love to. As we re both bi we re happy for either a male or female partner. Are there any poly dating sites?? We live in a small village it's difficult to meet others let alone someone who is poly. |
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By *easing_two OP Couple
over a year ago
Bristol, Thornbury |
"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common. "
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs) |
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)"
I cannot recommend 'more than two' too highly. But in a nutshell there are many ways of being poly. A lot of people I know identify as solo poly, which means they don't live with any partners but do have several deep, long standing romantic and sexual relationships. I'm married but my wife and I don't usually date the same person, we don't search for a third. I have a girlfriend and she has a couple of love interests.
There are many more ways, hierarchical, non-hierarchical, relationship anarchy and others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)
I cannot recommend 'more than two' too highly. But in a nutshell there are many ways of being poly. A lot of people I know identify as solo poly, which means they don't live with any partners but do have several deep, long standing romantic and sexual relationships. I'm married but my wife and I don't usually date the same person, we don't search for a third. I have a girlfriend and she has a couple of love interests.
There are many more ways, hierarchical, non-hierarchical, relationship anarchy and others. "
What you say is correct with 'diferent' however I think this is where many are getting the wrong idea and don't see much difference between poly and fwb. Many in fab and clearly even in this thread dont grasp that there isnt enough of a distinction being made. The key words are COMMITMENT and RELATIONSHIP. Poly is a relationship involving love, a deep commitment and responsibility by the parties involved.
Unless this is what people are looking then please do not confuse it with fwb/fb because it is not.
Hope that helps some on here. |
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)"
As others have said, couple+third is only one iteration.
Around 90% of my friends are poly, and here are some of the paradigms I've seen (all "connections" mentioned here are fully realised relationships, but they are defined themselves, I'm not *that* nosey lol. So they may be purely romantic, no sex, romantic and sexual, or less romantic, more sexual.) (also no real names obvs lol):
1.
My friend Alex lives with their partner Benny.
Alex also dates Charlie (Benny does not).
Charlie has their own 3 other partners, one of whom currently lives with them.
Benny currently does not have any other partners, and has Alex as their only partner.
2. My friends Andy and Bry are dating and living together.
My friends Chris and Danny are also dating and living together.
However, Andy is also dating both Chris and Danny, and Danny is also dating Andy and Bry.
(Chris and Bry are not dating one another)
(This one: it helps if you imagine 4 dots in a square, and they are joined by 4 lines to make a square, with one additional diagonal line between Andy and Danny)
These are just 2 examples of more complex polycules. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)
I cannot recommend 'more than two' too highly. But in a nutshell there are many ways of being poly. A lot of people I know identify as solo poly, which means they don't live with any partners but do have several deep, long standing romantic and sexual relationships. I'm married but my wife and I don't usually date the same person, we don't search for a third. I have a girlfriend and she has a couple of love interests.
There are many more ways, hierarchical, non-hierarchical, relationship anarchy and others.
What you say is correct with 'diferent' however I think this is where many are getting the wrong idea and don't see much difference between poly and fwb. Many in fab and clearly even in this thread dont grasp that there isnt enough of a distinction being made. The key words are COMMITMENT and RELATIONSHIP. Poly is a relationship involving love, a deep commitment and responsibility by the parties involved.
Unless this is what people are looking then please do not confuse it with fwb/fb because it is not.
Hope that helps some on here."
You see I think the keywords are love or feelings, and that can take place with or without long term commitment, and can take place whether that relationship is labelled as FWB, boyfriend/girlfriend, or lover. The word polyamory sort of means multi-love, I think? I consider myself to be potentially polyamorous. But I see that as a sliding scale. I would not be prepared to have a second life commitment. But I enjoy having lovers who I have feelings for, and in which there is a commitment to see each other.
Mrs |
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"We (three of us) are in a Poly relationship x
It’s works incredibly well for us especially as “hubby” has an insatiable sexdrive!!!!!
I was wondering when you would pop up. I watch your profile with interest. In a good way. You do seem to have the perfect poly relationship. We're hopping that our paths cross one day and we get to meet you.
"
Hi,
Thank you for the compliment x
Tonight, the girls are out watching a Westend show together and I'm on childcare duties.
Friday I will be out with sub, Sat will be DIY at her house during the day then out in the evening.
Sunday will probably a family dinner all together.
We never planned for the Poly element of our relationship (any of us!), it just kind of happened but it would have fallen apart if we didn't have very strong commitments to openness and honesty - these, in our view are an absolute must.
Polyamory is way more than just sex to us, it truly is now a way of life including holidays, wider family commitments and a bit of DIY! I always seem to have a few jobs to do at both "homes".
As for our paths crossing, let us know some dates.
Hubby/Sir
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)
As others have said, couple+third is only one iteration.
Around 90% of my friends are poly, and here are some of the paradigms I've seen (all "connections" mentioned here are fully realised relationships, but they are defined themselves, I'm not *that* nosey lol. So they may be purely romantic, no sex, romantic and sexual, or less romantic, more sexual.) (also no real names obvs lol):
1.
My friend Alex lives with their partner Benny.
Alex also dates Charlie (Benny does not).
Charlie has their own 3 other partners, one of whom currently lives with them.
Benny currently does not have any other partners, and has Alex as their only partner.
2. My friends Andy and Bry are dating and living together.
My friends Chris and Danny are also dating and living together.
However, Andy is also dating both Chris and Danny, and Danny is also dating Andy and Bry.
(Chris and Bry are not dating one another)
(This one: it helps if you imagine 4 dots in a square, and they are joined by 4 lines to make a square, with one additional diagonal line between Andy and Danny)
These are just 2 examples of more complex polycules. "
Sounds like a GCSE exam question ... What is Chris and Alex's relationship?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From what I'm reading here it seems that there are people in poly relationships but who also swing with others? This probably isn't typical but just reflects that some poly couples/individuals have come on this site ... |
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"From what I'm reading here it seems that there are people in poly relationships but who also swing with others? This probably isn't typical but just reflects that some poly couples/individuals have come on this site ... "
Some people arrive at poly via swinging and continue to swing. I've attended swingers clubs with both my romantic partners, looking for casual fun. Sometimes we all split off separately, sometimes two of us seek people to play with. |
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"Remember there are many ways of practicing poly. A third person joining n existing couple is just one of those, and far from the most common.
Im very interested to know the other types of poly relationship. (Perhaps naive but I haven't come across any other types yet) I'm here to learn so any information is good.
T (mrs)
As others have said, couple+third is only one iteration.
Around 90% of my friends are poly, and here are some of the paradigms I've seen (all "connections" mentioned here are fully realised relationships, but they are defined themselves, I'm not *that* nosey lol. So they may be purely romantic, no sex, romantic and sexual, or less romantic, more sexual.) (also no real names obvs lol):
1.
My friend Alex lives with their partner Benny.
Alex also dates Charlie (Benny does not).
Charlie has their own 3 other partners, one of whom currently lives with them.
Benny currently does not have any other partners, and has Alex as their only partner.
2. My friends Andy and Bry are dating and living together.
My friends Chris and Danny are also dating and living together.
However, Andy is also dating both Chris and Danny, and Danny is also dating Andy and Bry.
(Chris and Bry are not dating one another)
(This one: it helps if you imagine 4 dots in a square, and they are joined by 4 lines to make a square, with one additional diagonal line between Andy and Danny)
These are just 2 examples of more complex polycules.
Sounds like a GCSE exam question ... What is Chris and Alex's relationship?!!"
Nothing, they don't know each other. They are from two different situations. Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A very interesting and thought provoking post.
As a singleton I cant imagine being in a poly relationship... hell its been that long I cant even imagine a single relationship |
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By *rMisterMan
over a year ago
Near the Wall |
I was in a relationship several years ago, before starting swinging. She always told me that she liked women. As she's from south America, her friend came for few days and stayed with us. I never suspected anything and the first night of her arrival, we took her out for a diner out, my my friend was unusually touchy and displayed PDA when her friend was looking. Now my Spanish is very bad couldn't understand most of what they were saying. That night after a blow job she told out of blue that she is going to get her friend. Before I overcome my surprise she went out and both came. We played together and I was exhausted, they were at it for 2 more hours. I noticed that they have 2 identical tattoos. As she was doing few shifts mostly at night I used to get texts suggesting that she encourages us to play joking often to save some for her. I used to come from work often when they are at it and join Sadly it lasted only 3 months her friend went back home and a year later her studies finished and she went back.
It's a great set up if all involved are up for it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting thread - I had a relationship over. A couple of years with a hotwife - she had a husband and a couple of lovers (of which a I was one). We went on dates, dinner, cinema, very much boyfriend/girlfriend etc - just that she was married. She was not a swinger at all - but a lady who liked several different sorts of male relationships in her life. The whole thing was very erotic"
Sounds amazing but how did she find the time?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Posting to keep an eye on this very interesting thread. I identify as pan and as a couple we have talked through many different scenarios in our relationship, poly resonates with us as something we'd like to possibly explore in the future.
Peach x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was in a relationship I was very interested in polyamory. Now I'm single I'm not so sure. I think it's much more delicious a prospect seeking a third member than being the third member. Having said that, I could see the attraction of a genuine ffm love triangle, each of us equals, single, exploring, interwoven. Yes. That could be gorgeous |
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"When I was in a relationship I was very interested in polyamory. Now I'm single I'm not so sure. I think it's much more delicious a prospect seeking a third member than being the third member. Having said that, I could see the attraction of a genuine ffm love triangle, each of us equals, single, exploring, interwoven. Yes. That could be gorgeous "
Remember that poly is not about couples seeking thirds....there are myriad ways of being polyamorous of which a triad is just one. And yes, often the "third" doesn't feel equal when in a relationship with a long established couple. It can work if everyone realises there are four relationships all of which require nurture. |
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