FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Not sure on the problem?
Not sure on the problem?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I see alot of status messages of women saying there are no 'decent guys' in the local area but when i send them a kind friendly message it gets deleted.
Now i have no idea what the problem is? I dont bother asking tho generic messages i just try and start a conversation like you would in person but it just gets rejected and theirs no reply. i dont do a follow up message because i get that they aren't interested.
This happens alot though so how are you meant to get better at messaging if people dont provide any feedback or atleast just be nice about it all..
I mean i understand that women have to put up with alot of messages and with that they dont have time to reply to everyone. But i still feel you shouldn't really be bitching and moaning about all the bad when people are still trying to be nice to you.
am i a mug for thinking being genuine kind and friendly is the wrong way to be on this site?
Thanks for any advice! i dont have a clue what to do other than block the women that seem to be to negative. cant be arsed seeing this on here as well as other social medias
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I forgot to mention im not trying to be self entitled or anything here i just want to know if im doing something wrong? or is there anyway i can approach the matter better! thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Now i have no idea what the problem is? I dont bother asking tho generic messages i just try and start a conversation like you would in person but it just gets rejected
"
The messages your sending, are they 'hi,how are you?' type messges?....if yes, then how very dull and no wonder they get deleted.
These woman you speak of wont know your not the same as all the other men they're moaning about. So why should they reply to you?
Another thing to consider is some people dont like the 'white knight' approach. We woman dont need saving.
Poppy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see alot of status messages of women saying there are no 'decent guys' in the local area but when i send them a kind friendly message it gets deleted.
Now i have no idea what the problem is? I dont bother asking tho generic messages i just try and start a conversation like you would in person but it just gets rejected and theirs no reply. i dont do a follow up message because i get that they aren't interested.
This happens alot though so how are you meant to get better at messaging if people dont provide any feedback or atleast just be nice about it all..
I mean i understand that women have to put up with alot of messages and with that they dont have time to reply to everyone. But i still feel you shouldn't really be bitching and moaning about all the bad when people are still trying to be nice to you.
am i a mug for thinking being genuine kind and friendly is the wrong way to be on this site?
Thanks for any advice! i dont have a clue what to do other than block the women that seem to be to negative. cant be arsed seeing this on here as well as other social medias
"
you're not a mug but the reality is some women just do not have time to reply ,you can even be friend a woman they like you and even share their kik but still rarely reply to you ,its life here you'll get used to it  |
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Nothing much wrong with the profile. Demographics are your enemy. There are around fifteen men to every woman on here.
You gave had one meet and appear to have another on Sunday. That's better going than most men. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Now i have no idea what the problem is? I dont bother asking tho generic messages i just try and start a conversation like you would in person but it just gets rejected
The messages your sending, are they 'hi,how are you?' type messges?....if yes, then how very dull and no wonder they get deleted.
These woman you speak of wont know your not the same as all the other men they're moaning about. So why should they reply to you?
Another thing to consider is some people dont like the 'white knight' approach. We woman dont need saving.
Poppy"
I mentioned i avoid the generic messages such as 'hi how are you' i just try and say something more relevant based on there profile.
If women colour people all the same how is anyone meant to get anywhere?
i think white knight approach is rather out of context to what i am saying. I am just trying to start a conversation with an icebreaker, thats hardly the same as 'saving' as you put it. The approach just seems like i am being put in a negative zone before anything begins? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nothing much wrong with the profile. Demographics are your enemy. There are around fifteen men to every woman on here.
You gave had one meet and appear to have another on Sunday. That's better going than most men. "
Thank you! aslong as im not doing anything outlandishly wrong then thats ok. I am patient with this place. its all about the right time and right moment. but sometimes i just get a little disheartened when i try.
thank you for the other nice comments as well everyone. i appreciate them  |
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"Nothing much wrong with the profile. Demographics are your enemy. There are around fifteen men to every woman on here.
You gave had one meet and appear to have another on Sunday. That's better going than most men.
Thank you! aslong as im not doing anything outlandishly wrong then thats ok. I am patient with this place. its all about the right time and right moment. but sometimes i just get a little disheartened when i try.
thank you for the other nice comments as well everyone. i appreciate them "
Because of the demographics, if you get 2 replies to every 20 messages sent you are doing better than average.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No being genuine kind and friendly is the right approach, but it’s not enough on its own. IMO sex appeal and the ability to excite sexually are probably the most important ingredients for success on a site like this. How you demonstrate that I don’t know. Some men are very good are showing that in their profile, others may be better at showing that in person, and some men don’t really have the gift of sex appeal and therefore probably won’t really very well on a swingers site. When women say there are no decent men, they probably mean there are no men that they would want to play with.
Mrs |
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It doesn't just happen to single guys. You could read their profile and send a message reflecting you have taken the time to do so etc and they may well still choose to delete/read but not reply/block you. Think it depends on which way the wind is blowing that day 
Many think single guys are time wasters, we've found that to be the case with everyone on here at some point. It's a lottery. Stick to your approach or head to a club, easier to make an impression in person too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will get shot down in flames for saying this but a lot of ladies seem to love getting the attention of guys. Must be a ego thing but do not give up yes are a lot of vain shallow ladies on here but do not lose heart as are a lot more caring and amazing ladies who will reply and chat with you just chill and do not take it to heart |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will get shot down in flames for saying this but a lot of ladies seem to love getting the attention of guys. Must be a ego thing but do not give up yes are a lot of vain shallow ladies on here but do not lose heart as are a lot more caring and amazing ladies who will reply and chat with you just chill and do not take it to heart "
Not sure how you work that out. If the ladies love the attention of the guys then why would they block them and not reply? It does not make a lady shallow or vain because she doesn't want to meet a particular member. We are not porn stars or sex workers x
As I,m sure you know men far outweigh females on Fab. Most people have lives outside of Fab and like me are time limited in meets.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will get shot down in flames for saying this but a lot of ladies seem to love getting the attention of guys. Must be a ego thing but do not give up yes are a lot of vain shallow ladies on here but do not lose heart as are a lot more caring and amazing ladies who will reply and chat with you just chill and do not take it to heart
Not sure how you work that out. If the ladies love the attention of the guys then why would they block them and not reply? It does not make a lady shallow or vain because she doesn't want to meet a particular member. We are not porn stars or sex workers x
As I,m sure you know men far outweigh females on Fab. Most people have lives outside of Fab and like me are time limited in meets.. "
I am not saying that all ladies are shallow and vain on here but i have read some profiles and you can tell that think they are super models and any male that is not a male model is not worthy of even getting a reply and i am waiting the the comments that i am bitter not at all.I want a lady who likes me for my personality not how I look  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though "
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like |
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like "
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time. |
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like "
Yup. Just like out in the real world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like "
Possibly but this is a site where people meet for sex, the physical act of sex where there needs to be attraction. I wouldn't meet someone I didn't fancy for sex. That said, I need to click with the person but looks are the first thing you see on here and therefore the first thing you judge a person on rightly or wrongly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time."
 This exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like "
Physical attraction is usually the starting point in a relationship that is predominantly sex based. A sexy fun personality is also good and can often trump looks. Given that I’m not looking for a lifelong partber I’m less fussed about whether there are nice and kind, although those are useful qualities to have.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly"
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self "
Are you talking to me or _ransguy ? You wouldn't be interested in me as I'm a bloke  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like "
You fuck people you are not attracted to? I would hate to think someone that didn't find me attractive had fucked me anyway! Also a crap personality is not forgiven for a pretty face and not every pretty face with a great personalty is attractive to everyone either! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self "
Why the fuck would anyone want to fuck someone they didn't find attractive??
You may think you have a fantastic personality but if a woman doesn't find you physically attractive she probably isn't going to fuck you.
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self "
So you'd fuck anyone as long as they had a nice personality? So even if they really weren't attractive to you you'd just imagine you were with someone else to keep your cock hard and fuck them anyway? Seriously?
I'll try to explain this as simply as possible.
To have sex I need to feel horny, to feel horny I need to be turned on, to be turned on I need to be looking at someone who turns me on, to turn me on they need to look like someone I would find attractive. A nice personality doesn't suddenly turn a moose into a stag. 
And by the way Kim Kardashian is a vane bitch, I thought you were after personality... and why would I want to go look in a mirror, the guys I'm attracted to aren't in a mirror... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self "
I think you need to be on the "would you change you username" thread as you are not easy going at all...you obviously don't care about peoples explainations as to why looks are important...TO EVERYBODY! Even including you! You would rather just see the negative as I am assuming you view yourself as not good looking enough maybe? But tbh...you could be the best looking bloke on here, but if you mirror your crappy opinions about yourself on others and making it like they are horrible people, then you should expect to do badly with women on here and in the real world! Like I said...just because some aren't attracted to you it does not make you ugly. Alot of women are attracted to Brad Pitt... I can see he is a good looking guy...but I do not find him attractive...if you cannot understand how people are about attraction then that is your problem, not theirs right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I fuck with the lights on so I like to be attracted to the guy in sleeping with. If that makes me vain and shallow then so be it.
Funny how the men are allowed to be attracted to the ladies they message but if a lady doesn't reply to them because they don't find them attractive then they're vain and shallow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though
Its the way of the world looks seem to be more important than what the person is like
Well, yes, or for some people pretty equal. It does make me chuckle the people who find this surprising.
I'm looking for a fella for sex, now, do I a) meet a guy I find attractive and turns me on, or b) meet a guy that does nothing for me at all, but he's oh so sweet with a lovely personality, I'd better have sex with him even though I have no attraction to him at all?
I don't tend to fuck in the dark, so what a guy looks like is actually pretty important.
If there's no attraction there's no point wasting each other's time.
This exactly
With you attitude even if you were Kim Kardashian i would never want to meet you now had you better not go find a mirror to look in to as admire your self "
With your attitude I doubt she's missing out on anything |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah, i get the numbers ratio thing and i get that you may not be attracted.
all i really wanted to know if i was doing something wrong or not..
i dont feel self entitled to deserve a reply. all i wanted to know was if there was a problem with the way i was going about things. like people have mentioned previously i attempt to do things the same way i do at a bar.
and thanks for being honest towards my profile. i appreciate it |
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Being a 'descent guy' is only part of the picture. It's a buyers market and even in a sea of dicks just being decent guy alone does not entital you to anything. Do you think your the only 'decent guy' on FAB? You need to be intresting, hold good conversation and there needs to be attraction. Just being a decent guy is not a unique selling point that you have over the other 1000s of men on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh, I would not engage with you as, as lovely and wonderfully genuine etc you may be, I am not attracted to you. I hope you don't take that wrongly and think it means that I think you're not good looking or I think i am too good for you, as alot of guys seem to on here, as that is not the case! It is just the laws of attraction. That is only why I wouldn't reply though "
very nicely put basically you can't appeal to all of the people all of the time |
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OP just carry on sending the messages based on the ladies profile. Try not to get too down about not receiving replies as this will be due to the amount of messages they get. When my profile was public I could easily receive 600 messages a day, imagine a lady reading these every day, very difficult.
You seem like a nice chap, success will happen eventually just don’t lose heart.
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Your profile is not bad, you haven't got any of the major mistakes that would make you an instant ignore for me.
Ie. You do have a profile pic, instead of a black silhouette.
You have a face pic, you are not bad looking at all. Your other pic gives a hint at your masculinity, is amusing, but still leaves space for me to imagine and get a nice surprise when I get your shorts off.
Good, you don't have a cock pic! Too many men think that 50 pictures of their cock will somehow make me horny, when in fact they make me aware that either they have little to be proud of, or are so huge I wince at the thought of going near it!
I would have liked to see a few more pictures, maybe varied situations showing you doing the things you enjoy - sports, or walking, or sun bathing, or whatever weird interesting hobby you have. Periodically changing a few pics, changing your profile pic.
I like to see someone with a name, not just an initial. Of course I understand it most probably won't be your real name, use a nickname. It gives me something to hang onto the picture in my mind, makes you more real to say hello to. And helps me find your profile again if I decide to come back after looking at a dozen others.
Things that have worked for me, as a transgirl, are not necessarily going to work for you. I have found that regular postings in the forums, about some of the things I am passionate about, have increased my visibility some. Chatting on camera in the chat rooms has helped. I update my status regularly. I stay in contact with people I've met, provided that they want me to (I'm not a mad stalker!).
Tbh, if you had interest in transgirls, and started conversation with me, you would most likely get at least as far as a social meet... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a 'descent guy' is only part of the picture. It's a buyers market and even in a sea of dicks just being decent guy alone does not entital you to anything. Do you think your the only 'decent guy' on FAB? You need to be intresting, hold good conversation and there needs to be attraction. Just being a decent guy is not a unique selling point that you have over the other 1000s of men on fab."
What the OP was saying is that a lot of women are saying they can’t find a decent guy on Fab. If that is the case I can understand why the OP may have thought him being ‘decent’ is his USP. Our personal experience of Fab is that there are plenty of decent guys (albeit in more reasonable ratios once the dross has been removed). And if I were a single lady I’d have even more choice of decent guys. In short I’m saying it’s not that bad out there for women and couples.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for the feedback!
i will see what pics i can add in.
im trying be abit more active on the Northern swingers chat area. hopefully that will offer some opportunities down the line.
i am fortunate to keep in contact with the couple who verified me. they are wonderful and we get to play atleast once a month :D
but yes thank you for your opinions. they are gladly accepted! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP just carry on sending the messages based on the ladies profile. Try not to get too down about not receiving replies as this will be due to the amount of messages they get. When my profile was public I could easily receive 600 messages a day, imagine a lady reading these every day, very difficult.
You seem like a nice chap, success will happen eventually just don’t lose heart.
"
Thank you i try to be |
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