FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is he just TOO nice?
Is he just TOO nice?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
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By *emel9Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
"
Make sure you don't see them all the time, and that you meet others still...if you are a swinger that is.
If you do it too exclusively then of course it appears to be more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
"
I've come to accept that women who want a relationship won't change their minds just because you've been clear that you don't want one. It goes in one nostril and out the left ear during orgasm. For them, they are in a relationship with you the minute they have you between their legs and that is because they probably were raised to believe that relationships are based on being used by the men in their lives.
There's nothing you can do to change that but here's what your friend can do...He mentions concern that he's sending mixed messages. While this doesn't negate what he's clearly told these women, it might be useful to explore how own unexpressed needs from these women because this will inevitable seep through in ways he may not perceive. Is he wanting to feel closeness and love but without commitment and only when it's convenient? Is he filling an emotional void with sex? Does he want to possess these women and therefore seduces them and enjoys the ride and thrill of being wanted by them.. the way he looks at them, kisses them, touches them. How much of his life and dreams he's sharing with them. His passion. Is he a love junkie.
None of this makes him guilty or bad, it just helps to reflect inward about how this might be received by others, women he's involved with sexually. What you think is completely hidden is often detected by others in some shape or form.
It's already tough for many women to make clean breaks but tougher when you're pushing and pulling at the same time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've come across a few men that seem to think because I've fucked them I've wanted a relationship with them. "
Me too. In his case it's more definite than that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
I've come to accept that women who want a relationship won't change their minds just because you've been clear that you don't want one. It goes in one nostril and out the left ear during orgasm. For them, they are in a relationship with you the minute they have you between their legs and that is because they probably were raised to believe that relationships are based on being used by the men in their lives.
There's nothing you can do to change that but here's what your friend can do...He mentions concern that he's sending mixed messages. While this doesn't negate what he's clearly told these women, it might be useful to explore how own unexpressed needs from these women because this will inevitable seep through in ways he may not perceive. Is he wanting to feel closeness and love but without commitment and only when it's convenient? Is he filling an emotional void with sex? Does he want to possess these women and therefore seduces them and enjoys the ride and thrill of being wanted by them.. the way he looks at them, kisses them, touches them. How much of his life and dreams he's sharing with them. His passion. Is he a love junkie.
None of this makes him guilty or bad, it just helps to reflect inward about how this might be received by others, women he's involved with sexually. What you think is completely hidden is often detected by others in some shape or form.
It's already tough for many women to make clean breaks but tougher when you're pushing and pulling at the same time. "
There's bits of this I hate and bits that are really interesting. Thanks |
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No idea if this applies to your friend however some men say all sorts when sex is on the cards. They use language that can be ambiguous, flatter, cuddle, express physical affection and generally give off a loving vibe. A woman who is after more will interpret unspoken communication in a way that suits their agenda.
There isn't a kind way to keep things on a fb basis, only an open, honest statement of intent way. Probably needs repeating quite often too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm blunt with all my meets. I don't want any more than sex. Some get it and I've seen them multiple times because we have totally separate lives apart from when we meet for sex. Others don't get it and I stop meeting them. It actually is quite easy to do if you're very blunt how it's going to work from the get go. People may think that makes me heartless but I think it cuts out any room for doubt. We all know where we stand so there are no surprises. I'm not a bitch about it, just forthright.
So yes. It sounds like he's being too nice for allowing the situation to develop. |
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
"
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No idea if this applies to your friend however some men say all sorts when sex is on the cards. They use language that can be ambiguous, flatter, cuddle, express physical affection and generally give off a loving vibe. A woman who is after more will interpret unspoken communication in a way that suits their agenda.
There isn't a kind way to keep things on a fb basis, only an open, honest statement of intent way. Probably needs repeating quite often too.
"
I think he's very straightforward. Not a cuddles and flattery kind of guy (he wouldn't be my mate otherwise). I think it's a good point about the repetition tho. |
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that? "
It isn't but when sex is on offer some men find it difficult to walk away. They then find themselves entangled in a situation and can't see how they've given out mixed messages by continuing with an arrangement that's changed from the original agreement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The problem with FWB is when you become friends and have sex, people get closer and the more in your lives they become (both ways) the more emotions can happen
this is why i like FB personally |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that? "
Because no one would say it outright. They hint, push boundaries and have significant conversations with mutual friends... |
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"No idea if this applies to your friend however some men say all sorts when sex is on the cards. They use language that can be ambiguous, flatter, cuddle, express physical affection and generally give off a loving vibe. A woman who is after more will interpret unspoken communication in a way that suits their agenda.
There isn't a kind way to keep things on a fb basis, only an open, honest statement of intent way. Probably needs repeating quite often too.
I think he's very straightforward. Not a cuddles and flattery kind of guy (he wouldn't be my mate otherwise). I think it's a good point about the repetition tho."
If its happened more than once he's the common denominator. Are you just mates or mates with benefits? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that?
It isn't but when sex is on offer some men find it difficult to walk away. They then find themselves entangled in a situation and can't see how they've given out mixed messages by continuing with an arrangement that's changed from the original agreement."
Good analysis. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that?
Because no one would say it outright. They hint, push boundaries and have significant conversations with mutual friends..."
And that's where the problem is. Like I said. Be blunt. It doesn't help anyone by not stating things outright. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No idea if this applies to your friend however some men say all sorts when sex is on the cards. They use language that can be ambiguous, flatter, cuddle, express physical affection and generally give off a loving vibe. A woman who is after more will interpret unspoken communication in a way that suits their agenda.
There isn't a kind way to keep things on a fb basis, only an open, honest statement of intent way. Probably needs repeating quite often too.
I think he's very straightforward. Not a cuddles and flattery kind of guy (he wouldn't be my mate otherwise). I think it's a good point about the repetition tho.
If its happened more than once he's the common denominator. Are you just mates or mates with benefits? "
Mates. I remember the benefits being very good tho'. |
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"No idea if this applies to your friend however some men say all sorts when sex is on the cards. They use language that can be ambiguous, flatter, cuddle, express physical affection and generally give off a loving vibe. A woman who is after more will interpret unspoken communication in a way that suits their agenda.
There isn't a kind way to keep things on a fb basis, only an open, honest statement of intent way. Probably needs repeating quite often too.
I think he's very straightforward. Not a cuddles and flattery kind of guy (he wouldn't be my mate otherwise). I think it's a good point about the repetition tho.
If its happened more than once he's the common denominator. Are you just mates or mates with benefits?
Mates. I remember the benefits being very good tho'."
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that?
It isn't but when sex is on offer some men find it difficult to walk away. They then find themselves entangled in a situation and can't see how they've given out mixed messages by continuing with an arrangement that's changed from the original agreement."
I agree that where good sex is on offer, men find it hard to give up. I call it penile dementia 
But the advice still holds. If a woman says she wants a relationship and he doesn't he has to walk away. If he carries on he has no one but himself to blame for ensuing complications. |
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that?
It isn't but when sex is on offer some men find it difficult to walk away. They then find themselves entangled in a situation and can't see how they've given out mixed messages by continuing with an arrangement that's changed from the original agreement.
I agree that where good sex is on offer, men find it hard to give up. I call it penile dementia
But the advice still holds. If a woman says she wants a relationship and he doesn't he has to walk away. If he carries on he has no one but himself to blame for ensuing complications. "
Lol at penile dementia.
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
He should say right at the start he is not looking for a relationship and if at any point the woman says she wants a relationship he should politely tell her their desires are not compatible and stop seeing her.
Why is it any more difficult than that?
It isn't but when sex is on offer some men find it difficult to walk away. They then find themselves entangled in a situation and can't see how they've given out mixed messages by continuing with an arrangement that's changed from the original agreement.
I agree that where good sex is on offer, men find it hard to give up. I call it penile dementia
But the advice still holds. If a woman says she wants a relationship and he doesn't he has to walk away. If he carries on he has no one but himself to blame for ensuing complications.
Lol at penile dementia.
"
I got that from the Biz Profanisaurus. Penile dementia was defined as a disease suffered my men, it's symptoms being the forgetting that one has a wife and children when spotting an attractive young woman in a short skirt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe he could ask them how their dating lives are going or how other meets are going that way hes indicating hes not jealous and can encourage her/them to meet others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I’d take it as a compliment that women like him enough to consider more. Yes it is a pain but if they are both single there is always going to the risk that one may develop feelings no matter how open you are about the boundaries.
Not saying they are right to do so, but I would have thought he could have seen the signs and headed it off at the pass so to speak
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's he saying to them? He could be overdoing it on the compliments. Women in general are fools for flattery. The words you use are very important. "
I couldn't agree more
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think to a degree if a woman is looking for more than fwb or develops feelings for an existing fwb we can sometimes read little signs that aren't there... it's entirely possible that your friend is t doing anything at all to lead them on.
I'm looking for more which is why I stopped looking for a fwb and now only have NSA sex as one offs, usually in clubs. Saves all the awkwardness of catching 'the feels' |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think to a degree if a woman is looking for more than fwb or develops feelings for an existing fwb we can sometimes read little signs that aren't there... it's entirely possible that your friend is t doing anything at all to lead them on.
I'm looking for more which is why I stopped looking for a fwb and now only have NSA sex as one offs, usually in clubs. Saves all the awkwardness of catching 'the feels' "
That's very disciplined of you. I'm not sure many people on here take responsibility for managing their own emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think to a degree if a woman is looking for more than fwb or develops feelings for an existing fwb we can sometimes read little signs that aren't there... it's entirely possible that your friend is t doing anything at all to lead them on.
I'm looking for more which is why I stopped looking for a fwb and now only have NSA sex as one offs, usually in clubs. Saves all the awkwardness of catching 'the feels'
That's very disciplined of you. I'm not sure many people on here take responsibility for managing their own emotions. "
I have to, I've cried over too many poor decisions to not learn from them |
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"I think to a degree if a woman is looking for more than fwb or develops feelings for an existing fwb we can sometimes read little signs that aren't there... it's entirely possible that your friend is t doing anything at all to lead them on.
I'm looking for more which is why I stopped looking for a fwb and now only have NSA sex as one offs, usually in clubs. Saves all the awkwardness of catching 'the feels' "
Totally agree with you! I think is outrageous someone described that a woman , have a guy btw their legs and they believe they are in relationship ! Oh my goddess! That guy must to have a golden dick ! I am clear what I am looking for and who I am looking for ! I don't do on off either, only in the clubs ! That a fabulous thing otherwise I was in a relationship every time I would meet ! This kind of situation happen to males and females ! Mostly because people are not clear enough and they give mix signals . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Are you just mates or mates with benefits?
Mates. I remember the benefits being very good tho'."
And there is your answer. He is a nice bloke who ****s well. Of course they want more and don't want to share.
He just needs to push back if they try to get closer. Many will walk away, some will accept this as mutually convenient and they will turn in to FWB's.
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"What's he saying to them? He could be overdoing it on the compliments. Women in general are fools for flattery. The words you use are very important. "
In my experience *some* women and men are fools for flattery. |
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When the 'so how come you're on Fab' question comes up, I always say that I'm not looking for a relationship and that this is better than meeting someone in vanilla life as Fab enables you to be so much more up front from the start.
Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc. "
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho. |
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Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc.
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho."
You might be right. Certainly there seems to be some people who are joining maybe to look for someone to swing with as a couple - although perhaps some are saying they're after more thinking it will draw people in?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc.
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho.
You might be right. Certainly there seems to be some people who are joining maybe to look for someone to swing with as a couple - although perhaps some are saying they're after more thinking it will draw people in?? "
Yeah. There's definitely a few of those players about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc.
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho."
This!
I've just recently had a barrage of abuse off a guy who I had literally messaged three or four times because I didn't answer right away. I explained that I have a social life, a boyfriend and that he wasn't the only person I was in conversation with. He went on to say that he wouldn't want to meet with someone who is fucking the whole site as he is only after that "one special person" 
So yes, I agree that some see this site as more of a dating site than a swingers one. |
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
I've come to accept that women who want a relationship won't change their minds just because you've been clear that you don't want one. It goes in one nostril and out the left ear during orgasm. For them, they are in a relationship with you the minute they have you between their legs and that is because they probably were raised to believe that relationships are based on being used by the men in their lives.
There's nothing you can do to change that but here's what your friend can do...He mentions concern that he's sending mixed messages. While this doesn't negate what he's clearly told these women, it might be useful to explore how own unexpressed needs from these women because this will inevitable seep through in ways he may not perceive. Is he wanting to feel closeness and love but without commitment and only when it's convenient? Is he filling an emotional void with sex? Does he want to possess these women and therefore seduces them and enjoys the ride and thrill of being wanted by them.. the way he looks at them, kisses them, touches them. How much of his life and dreams he's sharing with them. His passion. Is he a love junkie.
None of this makes him guilty or bad, it just helps to reflect inward about how this might be received by others, women he's involved with sexually. What you think is completely hidden is often detected by others in some shape or form.
It's already tough for many women to make clean breaks but tougher when you're pushing and pulling at the same time. "
An excellent, well thought out reply |
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"
Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc.
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho.
This!
I've just recently had a barrage of abuse off a guy who I had literally messaged three or four times because I didn't answer right away. I explained that I have a social life, a boyfriend and that he wasn't the only person I was in conversation with. He went on to say that he wouldn't want to meet with someone who is fucking the whole site as he is only after that "one special person"
So yes, I agree that some see this site as more of a dating site than a swingers one."
I'm so glad you've posted that - I had some really unpleasant messages off someone I had a meet arranged with because I received a verification the day before - after going on cam, in chat and talking about bikes 
Apparently I'd had enough fun by the looks of it and he wasn't having me meet him the day after I got verified by someone else. A lucky escape really but (annoyingly) it did make me feel bad at the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking for a friend, genuinely.
A lovely male fab friend is getting really fed up with things on here. He is looking for FWB type arrangements but seems to keep getting entangled with women keen to make it more. He says he has tried to be clear that he's not looking for a relationship but he's really worried now as it's happened a couple of times and he thinks he's giving off the wrong signals.
To my knowledge he isn't buying them roses, champagne and taking them out for romantic dinners.
How do you kindly manage expectations when you meet someone you like, the sex is great and you enjoy their company but you don't want it to go further than friends with benefits?
"
Sex is known to give off hormones that attract you to the person physically and mentally and fwb isn’t for everyone. If the women can’t keep that under control and stay nsa then they shouldn’t be having nsa sex they should just stick to vanilla dating or 1 off meets
I know this doesn’t help your friend but I hope all works out for him  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've just recently had a barrage of abuse off a guy who I had literally messaged three or four times because I didn't answer right away. I explained that I have a social life, a boyfriend and that he wasn't the only person I was in conversation with. He went on to say that he wouldn't want to meet with someone who is fucking the whole site as he is only after that "one special person"
So yes, I agree that some see this site as more of a dating site than a swingers one.
I'm so glad you've posted that - I had some really unpleasant messages off someone I had a meet arranged with because I received a verification the day before - after going on cam, in chat and talking about bikes
Apparently I'd had enough fun by the looks of it and he wasn't having me meet him the day after I got verified by someone else. A lucky escape really but (annoyingly) it did make me feel bad at the time. "
Well who can compete with sexy bike cam fun....
I hope you are ok. People on here can be brutal when it doesn't go exactly as they want. And lucky escape. If s guy talking about bikes was too much competition, how much fun would he have been! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sex is known to give off hormones that attract you to the person physically and mentally and fwb isn’t for everyone. If the women can’t keep that under control and stay nsa then they shouldn’t be having nsa sex they should just stick to vanilla dating or 1 off meets
I know this doesn’t help your friend but I hope all works out for him "
Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since coming back to the site, I've noticed a lot more men talking about meeting that one special woman etc.
Interesting. As a side note I wonder if dating sites have been so busy trying to copy Tinder's functionality that they've actually stopped working as a forum to chat and get to know people for proper dates and turned into quick hookup sites. Would bring some people to fab who are looking to build more of a connection before they f&@k. Not convinced this argument holds much weight tho.
This!
I've just recently had a barrage of abuse off a guy who I had literally messaged three or four times because I didn't answer right away. I explained that I have a social life, a boyfriend and that he wasn't the only person I was in conversation with. He went on to say that he wouldn't want to meet with someone who is fucking the whole site as he is only after that "one special person"
So yes, I agree that some see this site as more of a dating site than a swingers one.
I'm so glad you've posted that - I had some really unpleasant messages off someone I had a meet arranged with because I received a verification the day before - after going on cam, in chat and talking about bikes
Apparently I'd had enough fun by the looks of it and he wasn't having me meet him the day after I got verified by someone else. A lucky escape really but (annoyingly) it did make me feel bad at the time. "
Yes I feel your pain. I was livid by what he said but then I guess it was him with the problem and really people like that shouldn't really be on a swinging website...
OP I do agree with the comments about women becoming attached after sex and falling for compliments... I think they are on the wrong site personally as you really have to seperate your emotions from the sexual fun. Maybe they are here looking for something more and hiding that fact?
Feel for your friend really and interested to know how he has managed to do it more than once! His sex must be on fire |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's why I prefer one off meets. Not asking stuff about work private lives etc. Not interested in knowing someone's life story etc this all just amplifies feelings to another .
Once you start meeting people regularly, well it's more like casual dating with no deep commitment. Very few people imo are able to spend multiple meets and not start to develop an emotive bond .
Those that can though are often then branded as mechanical or cold hearted just using people for sex etc. I know as I am one of those people .
I am in all favour of blunt honesty I think your pal just needs to be more blunt and sack the person off they get needy / wanting more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately it happens.
I think men are more able to separate sex/fwb and a relationship. I've had a couple of those arrangements end due to feelings being caught. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately it happens.
I think men are more able to separate sex/fwb and a relationship. I've had a couple of those arrangements end due to feelings being caught. "
other way round for me.
i can separate the two no issues but i had a few that fell for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe it’s his picking process. Some people can’t separate sex and love. He needs someone who can put it in a box, and doesn’t want more. But he needs to manage his/their expectations too. |
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