Hi guys,
We’ve been having a discussion about code words and how to get out of situations you don’t want to be in when in clubs and whatnot. We’ve both been on the scene a while but only been a couple for a short time. We both like clubs but we’re struggling with how to let the other know if we’re interested/not interested in a particular couple or single man once we’re in a conversation with them. How do you guys get around this situation without being blatant or rude about it? We’re both quite confident and would be very firm if we were in danger or something but for those times when you don’t want to offend or be really obvious, we’re a bit clueless. |
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A simple 'no thanks' as most clubs will tell new members that a polite no is polite no, or if already playing a polite 'stop I/we are not comfortable'
If any one takes offence at this then it their issue not yours! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we are in a situation that one of us is uncomfortable then we just say something from the past, you remind me of someone, or this reminds me of a certain time, that's the trigger line...if one is not happy mention something from the past. ..we find it works |
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"If we are in a situation that one of us is uncomfortable then we just say something from the past, you remind me of someone, or this reminds me of a certain time, that's the trigger line...if one is not happy mention something from the past. ..we find it works "
That’s not a bad idea at all! Thanks x |
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Eye contact here too. We've been together a long time so we find we tend to know what the other is thinking just from body language or eye contact.
You could use non-verbal signals like a leg or arm squeeze as well. Someone enters the play room - 1 squeeze for 'I want to play' ... 2 for 'no thanks'. Or touching a part of the body. Scratch your nose means you want out of there.
It's just a case of keeping your signals simple and obvious so you don't have to do a long string of passwords and funny handshakes to get your meaning across  |
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This doesn't happen often as we can usually tell from each others non-verbal cues that one of us isn't feeling it but when that doesn't work we usually just whisper something into the other's ear and then we can make a polite excuse. |
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"This doesn't happen often as we can usually tell from each others non-verbal cues that one of us isn't feeling it but when that doesn't work we usually just whisper something into the other's ear and then we can make a polite excuse. "
We can normally tell from non verbal communication too. Otherwise we have an agreement that we never say yes to anyone until we have had an opportunity to talk privately to each other. I don't think code words etc are a good idea, it leads to ambiguity and mistaken interpretation of signals. Much better for one or the other to ask for a brief moment alone then return to the people and tell them "no thank you" or " yes please". |
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Some really good ideas, thanks. We’re good with a straight “no thanks” in the appropriate situation, it’s more me gauging whether my partner wants to play or not and he with me without appearing rude to whoever we’re talking to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If speaking to people in clubs etc We generally know just by each other's body language but we squeeze each others hand so that means yes to who ever we are talking to so we both know for sure its what we want ....if one of us doesn't squeeze then we just say no thankyou and move on . Xx |
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We use eye contact too, and do a subtle wink, to each other if we like them. If the other doesn't wink, it's a 'no'.
But we both tend to know anyway, or we approach people who we have agreed we both like. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
The regular squeeze and I discussed it when we started going to the occasional club together and he came up with the idea of us using nicknames for each other we would never normally say in a 'let's not offend but I need to get out of this situation right now' kind of way. We've never needed to use it but as a subtle way of slipping a codeword in without shouting 'thimble' or something I thought that was a pretty good idea. |
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"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer."
If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion. |
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By *egin551Couple
over a year ago
south west ! |
"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer.
If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion."
Oh believe me we’ve used that as well.
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"We use our middle names for situations we don’t want to be in also we both have a ‘help’ word that we only know about, just in case someone doesn’t take no for an answer.
If someone doesn't take no for an answer we don't have a help word we have a very loud "fuck off" word that immediately alerts our partner. I don't think those sort of people are deserving of discretion.
Oh believe me we’ve used that as well.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we’re asked if we want to go to a room neither of us will say yes until we’ve looked into each other’s eyes or even said ‘do we?’
If we don’t we say ‘sorry’ and add a not just now. Or we’ve just played and need a rest or whatever.
If we sense an invite coming we don’t want we say we’re thirsty, going to go to the bar. Something like that. |
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By *irty130Couple
over a year ago
Bristol Area |
Saying something that only your partner would know that you would never usually say, but in normal conversation. Like someone said above - using a cutesy nickname or middle name to address your partner. We have something like this - but it's actually not that! |
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By *errysMan
over a year ago
milton keynes and kent |
I love it when (usually in a group situation) one half says ooh i need a drink (being the code phrase) and some smart arse bloke jumps in and offers up a drink.
When this happens the look on the face of the one who said it is such a picture. lol
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Whichever one of us isn’t interested just says I need the toilet and wanders off. Other generally says me too and follows. No one can argue with that and it gets you straight out of the situation . |
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"We use eye contact too, and do a subtle wink, to each other if we like them. If the other doesn't wink, it's a 'no'.
But we both tend to know anyway, or we approach people who we have agreed we both like."
You gorgeous couple could give us a subtle wink anytime x |
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We know what each other likes and can tell straight away if anyone who shows an interest is/are not for us. We simply make polite small talk and say let's have a walk around. Then politely leave saying see you around. We never really speak to anyone longer than 5 mins if we're not interested. After all we can chat socially in a pub. We're at the club for a reason, to look for playmates.  |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
After being together nearly 30 years we pretty well know each others likes and dislikes so very little communication is required but we do have a few buzz words for those very few occasions when it is not obvious.
After which we simply say 'no thank you' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi guys,
We’ve been having a discussion about code words and how to get out of situations you don’t want to be in when in clubs and whatnot. We’ve both been on the scene a while but only been a couple for a short time. We both like clubs but we’re struggling with how to let the other know if we’re interested/not interested in a particular couple or single man once we’re in a conversation with them. How do you guys get around this situation without being blatant or rude about it? We’re both quite confident and would be very firm if we were in danger or something but for those times when you don’t want to offend or be really obvious, we’re a bit clueless. "
If it's a no from either of you, just give your partners knee a touch or squeeze. Just looks like an affectionate moment. Then towards the end, thank them for the chat and just say you're now off to mingle and chat more with others. |
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