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Dominant or Dom
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
"
Aye? Why do you need others to tell you how to run your sex life?
You're a grown man
You do what you like |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite  "
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
"
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile. |
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"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
"
As this is the case I wouldn't bother mentioning it.
To be 'A Dominant' you would need knowledge on the subject and an interest. To have a Dominant character you don't. If you have no interest in the former then there's no point mentioning the later. |
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Its not exactly something you can just jump straight into .you need to learn the true meaning of bdsm .get along to munches .meet like minded people . go to demonstrations and clubs .see if it really is you .you can't see something and say hey that's me or I want to do that .its not exactly an overnight transformation .it takes time to develop . there are many varied aspects to the world of domination |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile."
Why exactly? |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?"
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink. |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Own a sub?!  think you need to do some reading around the subject.
The best way will evolve naturally "
I get what you mean and have gougled it
but it was the boundaries between dominant and Dom which I found hard to understand |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Own a sub?! think you need to do some reading around the subject.
The best way will evolve naturally
I get what you mean and have gougled it
but it was the boundaries between dominant and Dom which I found hard to understand "
Being sexually dominant is not the same as having a dominant personality. You think you have that latter, it sounds like you're not interested in the former. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not exactly something you can just jump straight into .you need to learn the true meaning of bdsm .get along to munches .meet like minded people . go to demonstrations and clubs .see if it really is you .you can't see something and say hey that's me or I want to do that .its not exactly an overnight transformation .it takes time to develop . there are many varied aspects to the world of domination "
 so true
I said earlier OP about reading up on the subject. I thought it would be much easier than it is in reality. I’ve found out that I’m a sensual dominant if indeed I am dominant at all. What I mean by that is I feel different with different people some I can be dominant with others I struggle. You’ve got to find what works for you and it could be a long journey |
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"Own a sub?! think you need to do some reading around the subject.
The best way will evolve naturally
I get what you mean and have gougled it
but it was the boundaries between dominant and Dom which I found hard to understand "
Dom is just slang for Dominant.
But 'a Dominant' is far more the having a Dominant character.
Being a Dominant or Domme is a way of life that takes time, knowledge research and understanding. Have a Dominant character is just that, a character trait. The is a whole world of difference. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Its not exactly something you can just jump straight into .you need to learn the true meaning of bdsm .get along to munches .meet like minded people . go to demonstrations and clubs .see if it really is you .you can't see something and say hey that's me or I want to do that .its not exactly an overnight transformation .it takes time to develop . there are many varied aspects to the world of domination
so true
I said earlier OP about reading up on the subject. I thought it would be much easier than it is in reality. I’ve found out that I’m a sensual dominant if indeed I am dominant at all. What I mean by that is I feel different with different people some I can be dominant with others I struggle. You’ve got to find what works for you and it could be a long journey "
A sensual dominant is someone who doesn't do pain/aggression/violence/etc and focuses entirely on pleasure instead. It's not about feeling different about different people, which I would imagine describes pretty much everyone. |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
As this is the case I wouldn't bother mentioning it.
To be 'A Dominant' you would need knowledge on the subject and an interest. To have a Dominant character you don't. If you have no interest in the former then there's no point mentioning the later."
Great thank you that explains it clearly |
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"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink."
I disgree. I,for one, adore kink and BDSM and have read 50 shades and seen the first film and they both made my skin crawl at all of the misconceptions and flaws. They were far from erotic. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink.
I disgree. I,for one, adore kink and BDSM and have read 50 shades and seen the first film and they both made my skin crawl at all of the misconceptions and flaws. They were far from erotic."
I didn't say "everyone who likes Bdsm likes 50sog", so I don't know what you're disagreeing with. |
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"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink.
I disgree. I,for one, adore kink and BDSM and have read 50 shades and seen the first film and they both made my skin crawl at all of the misconceptions and flaws. They were far from erotic."
Still wouldn't mind the dungeon though   |
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"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink.
I disgree. I,for one, adore kink and BDSM and have read 50 shades and seen the first film and they both made my skin crawl at all of the misconceptions and flaws. They were far from erotic.
I didn't say "everyone who likes Bdsm likes 50sog", so I don't know what you're disagreeing with."
I disagree with your statement that people who found 50 shades erotic are likely to be into kink/BDSM. I think those who are into them seriously would and do feel the same as me. |
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"Another one who thinks he's dom after watching 50 shades of shite
Sorry I think you’re barking up the wrong tree I’ve no interest in Shades or the people who find it erotic simply asking for advise from people who have a little knowledge of something I don’t
If you're not into the people who find 50 shades erotic then you certainly shouldn't write it on your profile.
Why exactly?
Because most people will read "dominant" as someone who is into Bdsm and kink. And people who find fifty shades erotic are likely to be into Bdsm and kink.
I disgree. I,for one, adore kink and BDSM and have read 50 shades and seen the first film and they both made my skin crawl at all of the misconceptions and flaws. They were far from erotic.
Still wouldn't mind the dungeon though "
Oh yes. I'm with you on that one  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Own a sub?! think you need to do some reading around the subject.
The best way will evolve naturally
I get what you mean and have gougled it
but it was the boundaries between dominant and Dom which I found hard to understand "
There isnt one Dom is an Abbreviation of Dominant broadly speaking with some nuances when your into the bdsm life style
Please by god do more research into the term and what in entales and the subtleties it encorporates before trying to "own" anyone or indeed even think about finding a sub
A little knowledge is dangerous.
A little knowledge combined with an ego and a hard on can be bloody catastrophic
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
Thanks for some of your help on here it once the forun had got away from the usual keyboard warriors I managed to find out what I needed to know
I’m sorry I couldn’t reply to all the useful comments as I’m having s problem with reply and quote without reading glasses
If I’ve got this right from you guys I wouldn’t look silly saying I’m a dominant character but I should no way use the word Dom
I’ll do a little re jig on my profile and post a thread asking for profile advice in order to get the cheap shots from the Shades brigade lol
Thanks once again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"IF you're not into Bdsm, I wouldn't personally mention dominance on your profile."
???? I love dom guys not all dom guys are into bdsm just as not all sub women are into bdsm ????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wasnt there another thread like this recently about the difference between being submissive and being a sub? My take on it is you can have a dominant or submissive personality in sex and enjoy it without being into any kink or bdsm. Like a dominant man taking the lead in the bedroom, and a submissive woman enjoying that. If you feel this is you then great, but advise you make clear what you mean on your profile as people will assume you mean dominant as in being 'a dom' and bdsm/kink involved.
If you do feel you are developing an interest in kink then you are doing the write thing, asking questions, researching it. But one step at a time. Read up, go to clubs and watch demonstrations etc. You cant jump into being a 'dom' and 'owning' someone. That takes a knowledge you dont have yet to keep everyone safe. Like everything else it takes learning. Oh and dont be put off by anyone saying "if you have to ask, you aren't dom" or belittling you for being new and uneducated in the lifestyle. Everyone has to start somewhere and in my opinion asking questions about it all is a damn good start. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.'
Blue Pill is the guy who is in control in the bedroom. It may be rough sex or consensually showing who is the master in the bedroom. Which if it works for you and the others be happy but be clear in your profile of what you are providing.
The red pill is something else.
Here is a good place to start or the other threads on here on bdsm.
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/714395
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/713566
There those in the lifestyle who give good advice and some are on your thread. Have a look for their contributions on the issue and decide which pill is right for you. There are no promises either way. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not exactly something you can just jump straight into .you need to learn the true meaning of bdsm .get along to munches .meet like minded people . go to demonstrations and clubs .see if it really is you .you can't see something and say hey that's me or I want to do that .its not exactly an overnight transformation .it takes time to develop . there are many varied aspects to the world of domination
so true
I said earlier OP about reading up on the subject. I thought it would be much easier than it is in reality. I’ve found out that I’m a sensual dominant if indeed I am dominant at all. What I mean by that is I feel different with different people some I can be dominant with others I struggle. You’ve got to find what works for you and it could be a long journey
A sensual dominant is someone who doesn't do pain/aggression/violence/etc and focuses entirely on pleasure instead. It's not about feeling different about different people, which I would imagine describes pretty much everyone."
I understand what you’re trying to say but I’m putely explaining myself not the std bdsm definition!!
I do act differently with different people or I can give pain if that person enjoys and wants it however for me personally I’m a sensual dominant if I am indeed Domme (some would say I’m not, others would!) |
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Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant. |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"'You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.'
Blue Pill is the guy who is in control in the bedroom. It may be rough sex or consensually showing who is the master in the bedroom. Which if it works for you and the others be happy but be clear in your profile of what you are providing.
The red pill is something else.
Here is a good place to start or the other threads on here on bdsm.
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/714395
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/713566
There those in the lifestyle who give good advice and some are on your thread. Have a look for their contributions on the issue and decide which pill is right for you. There are no promises either way. Good luck."
Thanks well put I will read up on it but given the advice on here my choice would be the blue button as I reckon there’s a lot of responsibility on your shoulders if you choose the red one |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Wasnt there another thread like this recently about the difference between being submissive and being a sub? My take on it is you can have a dominant or submissive personality in sex and enjoy it without being into any kink or bdsm. Like a dominant man taking the lead in the bedroom, and a submissive woman enjoying that. If you feel this is you then great, but advise you make clear what you mean on your profile as people will assume you mean dominant as in being 'a dom' and bdsm/kink involved.
If you do feel you are developing an interest in kink then you are doing the write thing, asking questions, researching it. But one step at a time. Read up, go to clubs and watch demonstrations etc. You cant jump into being a 'dom' and 'owning' someone. That takes a knowledge you dont have yet to keep everyone safe. Like everything else it takes learning. Oh and dont be put off by anyone saying "if you have to ask, you aren't dom" or belittling you for being new and uneducated in the lifestyle. Everyone has to start somewhere and in my opinion asking questions about it all is a damn good start. Good luck "
Thanks this is all very helpful it’s an area I’d be fascinated to learn about but thanks to the thread I’m also understanding to go down the proper Dom road would be a great deal of responsibility
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant."
Maybe they meant assertive and I was no way suggesting I’d become a Dom overnight and as I’ve said on an earlier reply thanks to some of the advise I’m realising a proper Dom carries a lot of responsibility which I’m not sure I’m on here for |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
There has been some very useful information gained from this thread and some knowledgeable contributions I’ve also had a number of people who’ve sent a pm including one from an owned sub which is interesting.
On another matter I think people should be a little bit more grown up on these Forums and not get cheap shots in at other people’s expense as it doesn’t encourage people to come forward and contribute |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is always a rush to be a dom, a bit like in rope everyone wants to do suspension.
Have a look at topping and guides to topping. For some topping is seen as not as He Man as a dom.
Here are some definitions from Wikipedia (apologies to LL). It does mean learning skills and empathy.
'In BDSM, top means:
a dominant partner in BDSM play (such as flogging, binding, being master, humiliating, and sexual play)
a partner who applies stimulation to another, and who may or may not be dominant
Topping from the bottom is a related BDSM term, meaning a person simultaneously adopts the role of bottom and dom.
a service top is a person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instruction. |
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"There has been some very useful information gained from this thread and some knowledgeable contributions I’ve also had a number of people who’ve sent a pm including one from an owned sub which is interesting.
On another matter I think people should be a little bit more grown up on these Forums and not get cheap shots in at other people’s expense as it doesn’t encourage people to come forward and contribute "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There has been some very useful information gained from this thread and some knowledgeable contributions I’ve also had a number of people who’ve sent a pm including one from an owned sub which is interesting.
On another matter I think people should be a little bit more grown up on these Forums and not get cheap shots in at other people’s expense as it doesn’t encourage people to come forward and contribute "
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Everyone has to start somewhere, so glad you are asking for advice and pointers.
There are a lot of knowledgeable people on here, suggest you start with the more submissive, they don’t tend to not be in lamppost pissing contests.
Welcome to the fun side. |
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OP when I first joined fab I became very curious about Bdsm and being a sub after reading many profiles and forum posts.
I went away and did lots of reading online. I had a few social meets with people who identify as being a dom and some very helpful chats via PM. I also had a couple of play meets where we experimented with various aspects of Bdsm.
I came to the conclusion that I am not a sub. Whilst I enjoy being with a man who takes the lead I don't want a dom and I put this in my profile.
If you do have a genuine curiosity about Bdsm, kink and being a dom I would recommend you go away and do some research too.
If not then perhaps you could put something in your profile like I did. Maybe "I'm an assertive man who likes to take the lead in the bedroom, but I am not a dom." It goes some way to make clear what you are offering and looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There isnt a proper Dom road to go down. Being Dominant and enjoying being assertive and having control comes from within, naturally,its not a path you choose to go down. Jeez...everyone wants a "Dom" label nowadays (and to own a Sub slut ha ha ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There isnt a proper Dom road to go down. Being Dominant and enjoying being assertive and having control comes from within, naturally,its not a path you choose to go down. Jeez...everyone wants a "Dom" label nowadays (and to own a Sub slut ha ha ) "
agree with this being naturally dom .. you either are or your not ... bdsm has feck all to being dom yep you can be dom within bdsm but you still have to be dom before hand ? so many fake doms who really don't have a clue or watch too much porn |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"Based on your original post, you have completely missed the point of what the word means let alone translates too"
Not at all and thanks to the helpful comments and pms from some knowledgeable people I understand better the boundaries between dominant and assertive this was never meant to be a pissing contest I just wanted some questions answering on a subject I don’t pretend to know a great deal about.
Apologies if you were offended |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
"
If you are asking these questions, perhaps you are not as dominant as you would like to think you are... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
If you are asking these questions, perhaps you are not as dominant as you would like to think you are..."
This
Pinning a woman down to the bed for a bit of rough play doesn't make you dominate. Do some research maybe visit some clubs that specialise in BDSM then decide which role you consider yourself to be.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
"
Goodness if your asking advice on this subject then I suggest you don't.
Not all submissives are sluts
Deciding whether you should 'own a sub slut etc etc' really says to me you've actually no idea what Dominance and submission is about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
Goodness if your asking advice on this subject then I suggest you don't.
Not all submissives are sluts
Deciding whether you should 'own a sub slut etc etc' really says to me you've actually no idea what Dominance and submission is about. "
Exactly no one owns anyone!
Huge misconception of what this relationship is all about. |
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On a more serious note:
There is no right or wrong way to be a dom. (oops sorry Lucy, I'll hand my alt-right membership card back) Some would even say that I should have typed Dom with a capital D. In our relationship I'm in charge. Debs (oh bollox, that should be a small d) handed over power to me (TPE, look it up) and I make the decisions. The responsibility is on me to make the right ones but my point is that this is just the way WE play.
Others play differently, high protocol, severe s/m, master/slave et al.
Find the niche, or make your own, that you are comfortable with. If you are in charge you are a dom (Dom, domme, Domme or whatever)
Labels are for jam, and for letting others know what you are into. If they want to know more they can ask.
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My take on this.:-
Having been swinger for 10 years.
A swinging Domme for 10 of those years.
As well as having a D/s relationship in the Bdsm community for 3 years.
Swingers - swing. Some try Ddsm, which in my exspriance have found this to be nothing more than slap and tickle. Why? You cry. Swing clubs have dungeons, but if we get our paddles and whips out they run a mile. Very fast the other way.
Swinging Dom/ Domme can also be called a bull, Top, Alpha male or Dominate. May be a few more names. All of these have the same traits. They are good at hosting and directing swing play. I'm sure that most would agree that any one who has these traits it's inbuilt and natral.
Then you have the BDSM Dom / Dommes. Involved in the community, who attend munches and play parties. They are worlds away from a swing Dom / Domme. Having proticals, contracts ect. Even in BDSM their are differant types of Dom / Domme. Sadist Dom's, Daddy Dom's ect. Which the shear mention of Daddy put's most swingers getting out their soap box. It's just a pet name to discribe a more caring affecionate type of Dom.
My advice to the op is to attend a local munch. See what the community is about. Learn from then and truly then will you know if your a Dom or not.
This is a swingers site. There is a deadicated Bdsm site that we all know about. I'm all for leaning and reserch, but feel that Bdsm matters should be kept to the other site. Don't forget that a protical is a sub should not have sex with his Misstriss. Along with play parties having mostly a no sex rule.
Long post, spelling not the best. Just my opinion through my own eyes. Not to prevoke arguments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
Goodness if your asking advice on this subject then I suggest you don't.
Not all submissives are sluts
Deciding whether you should 'own a sub slut etc etc' really says to me you've actually no idea what Dominance and submission is about. "
And the best way to learn is to ask advice. Of course he should ask. It's the ones that don't ask and think they know it all we should worry about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It depends how a relationship evolves but in my opinion no one is really owned. You can call it ownership but it’s really a mutual agreement between a Dominant and a Submissive
( deliberate capital S). Many consider when a collar is given to the Submissive and the Dominant wants to give it plus the Sub accept that you are then owned. Some people live that 24-7 others just during play time. Collaring shouldn’t be a quick process, otherwise it loses its significance. |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"I’m thinking of updating my profile for the few people that read it and keep them up to date with my likes and dislikes.
The reason I’m asking for advice is that quite a few of my meets have said I’m dominant as I’ve met them a few times I take it as a compliment and maybe should put in an updated profile.
The reason I’m a little nieve is beceause I never set out to be dominant but it must have evolved naturally.
I wondered if someone could explain in the simplest terms what this means and wether I should now own a sub slut etc etc rather than having FBs
Goodness if your asking advice on this subject then I suggest you don't.
Not all submissives are sluts
Deciding whether you should 'own a sub slut etc etc' really says to me you've actually no idea what Dominance and submission is about. "
And your experience is exactly what? |
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In the context of this website when your meets tell you that you are "dominant" it almost certainly means that you are behaving towards them like a good old fashioned alpha male...you like to be on top, issue instructions, set the agenda etc. In fact all of the things that turn me on.
However, this is a far cry from being a dom in a bdsm relationship - where the psychological and visceral dynamics are ritualised.
...If you have to ask..."Am I a dom?" then you ain't one.
Pity you don't live nearer to London. You look cute and I would love to show you what a pushy and demanding woman can make you feel!! |
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Just being dominant over a submissive woman in the bedroom is not the same as capital 'D' Dominant. (If we want to distinguish the two). As the former is just the product of evolution and the imperative to reproduce.
Domination is a lifestyle. It's not just what happens when you are together. With my subs I always give them little tasks in between meetings which reinforces the bond. It's a relationship between us.
The worst thing is when I hear alpha males thinking they are Dominant just because they shout a lot and throw you around. It's not the same thing. Theres never any purpose or structure to it and there's never any aftercare. Which is probably the most important thing, after a session the sub needs to feel valued and cared for.
The whole 50 shades thing is basically EL James wet dream writ large, and is actually about an abusive relationship. It's terrible. |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant."
Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour.... |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour...."
Agree. It's just code for loud, overcompensating, sexually aggressive dickhead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My take on this.:-
Having been swinger for 10 years.
A swinging Domme for 10 of those years.
As well as having a D/s relationship in the Bdsm community for 3 years.
Swingers - swing. Some try Ddsm, which in my exspriance have found this to be nothing more than slap and tickle. Why? You cry. Swing clubs have dungeons, but if we get our paddles and whips out they run a mile. Very fast the other way.
Swinging Dom/ Domme can also be called a bull, Top, Alpha male or Dominate. May be a few more names. All of these have the same traits. They are good at hosting and directing swing play. I'm sure that most would agree that any one who has these traits it's inbuilt and natral.
Then you have the BDSM Dom / Dommes. Involved in the community, who attend munches and play parties. They are worlds away from a swing Dom / Domme. Having proticals, contracts ect. Even in BDSM their are differant types of Dom / Domme. Sadist Dom's, Daddy Dom's ect. Which the shear mention of Daddy put's most swingers getting out their soap box. It's just a pet name to discribe a more caring affecionate type of Dom.
My advice to the op is to attend a local munch. See what the community is about. Learn from then and truly then will you know if your a Dom or not.
This is a swingers site. There is a deadicated Bdsm site that we all know about. I'm all for leaning and reserch, but feel that Bdsm matters should be kept to the other site. Don't forget that a protical is a sub should not have sex with his Misstriss. Along with play parties having mostly a no sex rule.
Long post, spelling not the best. Just my opinion through my own eyes. Not to prevoke arguments. "
 Great info.
"Sub should not have sex with his Mistress. Along with play parties having mostly a no sex rule."
That's how it is but in our couple when we dominate there is no full sex with me—limited contact. My Man will assist me as a kind of bull in this scenarios, as a couple. |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour...."
Lol well that’s me told. Or maybe in your world and social circlies you only meet the type of man you describe. Well I don’t. I know many alpha males who are perfectly decent human beings. |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour....
Lol well that’s me told. Or maybe in your world and social circlies you only meet the type of man you describe. Well I don’t. I know many alpha males who are perfectly decent human beings."
Me too |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour....
Lol well that’s me told. Or maybe in your world and social circlies you only meet the type of man you describe. Well I don’t. I know many alpha males who are perfectly decent human beings.
Me too "
Thank you. Sir is an example. I mean what kind of men are Doms in normal society, shrinking wall flowers? Meek ? Course they aren’t. By his nature he is an assertive, confident alpha male to others and Dom to me. |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour....
Lol well that’s me told. Or maybe in your world and social circlies you only meet the type of man you describe. Well I don’t. I know many alpha males who are perfectly decent human beings.
Me too
Thank you. Sir is an example. I mean what kind of men are Doms in normal society, shrinking wall flowers? Meek ? Course they aren’t. By his nature he is an assertive, confident alpha male to others and Dom to me."
Me three. I’m looking for one actually so if you see one pop him in my direction please  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tangential but interesting article in the Scientific American in 2012 on psychopaths. Here is the end quote.
“Intellectual ability on its own is just an elegant way of finishing second,” one successful CEO told me. “Remember, they don't call it a greasy pole for nothing. The road to the top is hard. But it's easier to climb if you lever yourself up on others. Easier still if they think something's in it for them.”
Jon Moulton, one of London's most successful venture capitalists, agrees. In a recent interview with the Financial Times, he lists determination, curiosity and insensitivity as his three most valuable character traits.
No prizes for guessing the first two. But insensitivity? The great thing about insensitivity, Moulton explains, is that “it lets you sleep when others can't.”
There is a fine line! |
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"Tangential but interesting article in the Scientific American in 2012 on psychopaths. Here is the end quote.
“Intellectual ability on its own is just an elegant way of finishing second,” one successful CEO told me. “Remember, they don't call it a greasy pole for nothing. The road to the top is hard. But it's easier to climb if you lever yourself up on others. Easier still if they think something's in it for them.”
Jon Moulton, one of London's most successful venture capitalists, agrees. In a recent interview with the Financial Times, he lists determination, curiosity and insensitivity as his three most valuable character traits.
No prizes for guessing the first two. But insensitivity? The great thing about insensitivity, Moulton explains, is that “it lets you sleep when others can't.”
There is a fine line! "
I thought the whole psychopathic/sociopathic theme in the city was well recognised, and was the basis for American Psycho. |
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"Maybe they just meant you’re an alpha Male?
As it looks like others have said, if you haven’t concluded yourself that you’re a Dom and into BDSM probably better to give that a wide berth.
For me alpha males alone are very attractive and ideally my sexual partners after Sir who is my one and only Dom.
There are quite a lot of guys on here that are neutral or sub so I’d think you could do worse than use assertive or alpha Male, if that’s what was meant of course. Perhaps go back and ask the ladies what they meant.Argggh, the old Alpha MAle BS again.
There is no such thing as an alpha male in human society - it's just a label some men use to excuse their appalling behaviour....
Lol well that’s me told. Or maybe in your world and social circlies you only meet the type of man you describe. Well I don’t. I know many alpha males who are perfectly decent human beings.
Me too
Thank you. Sir is an example. I mean what kind of men are Doms in normal society, shrinking wall flowers? Meek ? Course they aren’t. By his nature he is an assertive, confident alpha male to others and Dom to me.
Me three. I’m looking for one actually so if you see one pop him in my direction please "
Ummm, perhaps we can share |
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By *hamboy69 OP Man
over a year ago
huddersfield |
"In the context of this website when your meets tell you that you are "dominant" it almost certainly means that you are behaving towards them like a good old fashioned alpha male...you like to be on top, issue instructions, set the agenda etc. In fact all of the things that turn me on.
However, this is a far cry from being a dom in a bdsm relationship - where the psychological and visceral dynamics are ritualised.
...If you have to ask..."Am I a dom?" then you ain't one.
Pity you don't live nearer to London. You look cute and I would love to show you what a pushy and demanding woman can make you feel!!"
What a shame indeed as pictures are definitely hot |
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