FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Convince wife to softswing
Convince wife to softswing
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im getting married soon. i would love to introduce my wife to try soft swinging.
Any tips??"
Well I'd discuss it while she is still your fiancee as it might come as a shock to know this side of you after you are married. Listen to her thoughts reactions and then decide if its for her - not something that just you want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lol yeah id deffo tell her BEFORE you get married let her decided what she wants to do
to be honest if i was due to get married and found my man was on this site without me id kick his ass but you might get lucky  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I guess you got me wrong. Im an indian guy and therefore, we have arranged marriages. The bride is yet to be found, but my family has decided to search for a girl.
If i find the right one, I might get married in 1 year's time - time to get to know each other. So what sshall I tell her or how shall I explain to her and lure her into swinging lifestyle. I so so love it!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I guess you got me wrong. Im an indian guy and therefore, we have arranged marriages. The bride is yet to be found, but my family has decided to search for a girl.
If i find the right one, I might get married in 1 year's time - time to get to know each other. So what sshall I tell her or how shall I explain to her and lure her into swinging lifestyle. I so so love it!!"
I see now lol
Well my advise to you would be to tell her from the start
Trust is paramount I'm any relationship even an arranged one in my book |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I guess you got me wrong. Im an indian guy and therefore, we have arranged marriages. The bride is yet to be found, but my family has decided to search for a girl.
If i find the right one, I might get married in 1 year's time - time to get to know each other. So what sshall I tell her or how shall I explain to her and lure her into swinging lifestyle. I so so love it!!"
I am clueless about arranged marriages but I would have thought your parents will take this into consideration when finding you the right bride, if you have told them your preferences.
Yes I did giggle as I typed that....
Im sorry my friend, I'm out of my depth here to advise you sensibly. Apologies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I guess you got me wrong. Im an indian guy and therefore, we have arranged marriages. The bride is yet to be found, but my family has decided to search for a girl.
If i find the right one, I might get married in 1 year's time - time to get to know each other. So what sshall I tell her or how shall I explain to her and lure her into swinging lifestyle. I so so love it!!"
yeah i wud deffo tell her then she has a right to know BUT remember culture normally has a dim view on such thing
sometimes i wish my dad had picked my husbands i have had 2 and picked the wrong ones every time lol |
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If going through the arranged marriage route, and parents don't know about your swinging habit then very possible things could go very badly.
Hope they find you a reasonable match, where you can talk through all the ups and downs of life.
Generally swinging only works in couples that already know each other very well and have implicit trust, which is different to blind obedience.
NOTE: Swinging is not meant to be a married mans escape, that would be an affair. Swingers are highly social rather than secretive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
NOTE: Swinging is not meant to be a married mans escape, that would be an affair. Swingers are highly social rather than secretive."
Out of hundreds of threads and thousands of posts pn the subject of swinging that one succinct statement says it all for me.
Perhaps it should be a mantra! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
NOTE: Swinging is not meant to be a married mans escape, that would be an affair. Swingers are highly social rather than secretive.
Out of hundreds of threads and thousands of posts pn the subject of swinging that one succinct statement says it all for me.
Perhaps it should be a mantra!"
Agreed that's ace xx |
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i know asian couples who swing, like all successful swinging couples they entered onto it together, as something they both wanted to do ,after exploring each others sexual fantasies.
You cant make her want to swing, you can be a good, open ,attentive lover, give her space to grow and see where that leads.
Worked for kev 22 years ago |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't think you can really "convince" your partner to soft swing. Suggest it during sex, if she chums quickly, there's an interest! Worked for us!"
Cums quickly........obviously!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If going through the arranged marriage route, and parents don't know about your swinging habit then very possible things could go very badly.
Hope they find you a reasonable match, where you can talk through all the ups and downs of life.
Generally swinging only works in couples that already know each other very well and have implicit trust, which is different to blind obedience.
NOTE: Swinging is not meant to be a married mans escape, that would be an affair. Swingers are highly social rather than secretive."
I bloody love this post  |
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We have met a few indian couples on the scene, so they are out there.
My advice would be too let her know you have a healthy interest in an adventurous sex life and see how that discussion goes, once thats going well, say you have a fantasy about making out in a Jacuzzi... take her to a good classy club, like VA, Libs Elite on a couples only night, and don't push anything else on her that night, just have fun on your own, and then guage it and take it from there.
Best way. |
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Our top tip is to be very very subtle the way you approach it.
Your situation must be very challenging if it were me I think I would delete my singles profile and then start over with her hopefully.
How you approach it really depends on the type of person she is aswell. Just be subtle about it and tell her before anything that you consider sex fun and really want to be adventurous and see what response you get.
Our conversation started because I said to Mrs P whilst we were having fun 'How would you feel now if a naked girl walked into the room and asked to get into bed with us?' she came all over me so it was then pretty hard for her to lie lol. It grew from there and now we're both loving the scene and still exploring more and more.
Good luck, be honest with her and yourself from the start just be subtle how you do it... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have met a few indian couples on the scene, so they are out there.
My advice would be too let her know you have a healthy interest in an adventurous sex life and see how that discussion goes, once thats going well, say you have a fantasy about making out in a Jacuzzi... take her to a good classy club, like VA, Libs Elite on a couples only night, and don't push anything else on her that night, just have fun on your own, and then guage it and take it from there.
Best way."
THanks for that suggestion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive read this thread with interest. The woman in question has not even been chosen yet.
I would imagine that if I were the bride in an arranged marriage the last thing I would want my relative stranger of a husband to be talking about to me is the introduction of other couples into the marriage, before we had even discovered each other.
Most women and men looking forward to marriage only have eyes for each other. Arranged marriage or not. This is not to say all swingers choose that lifestyle after marriage.
Yes swinging people meet other swingers but in society its an alternative lifestyle and statistics suggest less than 1% of people went into marriage knowing one or the other or both were swingers prior to marriage. Most swinging evolves in well established marriages. The article I read did not mention partnerships - only marriage stats.
If I understand correctly the time between finding a suitable arrangement and the actual wedding taking place is a very short time span. The bride rarely is alone with her husband to be and the depth of questioning people are suggesting ion this thread is just not going to happen in this time period.
All examples seem to be of established couples well into their arranged marriage who choose to go on to swing together.
I have asked Indian friends about arranged marriages and they told me if a family is of 'traditional values' the chastity and naivity of new brides would mean no such discussion about sex between her and her husband to be would raise its head at any stage prior to the wedding. The whole attraction is the innocence of the bride to be who is chaste. That is not to say she isn't worldly wise. I went to college with a lot of progressive, career orientated young Indian women who knew that they would enter an arranged marriage yet still maintained a foot in western culture, while embracing their Indian culture. Non of these girls slept around or had boyfriends. They wanted to remain chaste. Their words not mine.
I find it difficult to see how anyone can give advice to a guy who has not even met his wife yet.
Its a completely hypothetical situation and a one where it seems very little discussion about sex will come about prior to marriage, so in fact I think the first thing you should do OP is tell your family of your swinging desires and let them advise you, otherwise they are going to find a bride under false illusion if her sole aim is to become a wife not a swinger.
I am not saying your new bride would not be open to the idea of swinging in the future but you have to base your marriage on the probability that she will not.
Good luck in all you do |
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Sweeping generalisation I know, but if she's an Indian bride who is coming to this country as the result of an arranged marriage she will be expected to do whatever she is told to do, it's all part of the culture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have met a few indian couples on the scene, so they are out there.
My advice would be too let her know you have a healthy interest in an adventurous sex life and see how that discussion goes, once thats going well, say you have a fantasy about making out in a Jacuzzi... take her to a good classy club, like VA, Libs Elite on a couples only night, and don't push anything else on her that night, just have fun on your own, and then guage it and take it from there.
Best way."
Was gonna suggest the same thing.. then noticed this post..
completely agree as you cant push things on others, they need to feel as though they also want to do it.
Be truthful too, tell her you have had experiences in the past, and would love her to be part of new ones if she felt comfortable with it.
She may not be so comfortable with the idea, unless she knows that your behind her to enjoy herself more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sweeping generalisation I know, but if she's an Indian bride who is coming to this country as the result of an arranged marriage she will be expected to do whatever she is told to do, it's all part of the culture."
Absolutely. The Kama Sutra is filled full of trysts and advice for the husband to get his extra marital. Its also full of examples of minxy foxy women getting theirs too. Most of the artwork depicts men being seduced by large numbers of women. Its great fun playing whose hole when looking at some of the paintings. Seems any digit will find its way somewhere. So its not all sweetness and innocence in that culture. Its very erotic and stimulating. |
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A friend of mine went through an arranged marriage a little over a year ago. Whilst talking to him in the lead up to the event, he was convinced he was going to hate her, have nothing in common with her, and that he'd carry on being a single bloke in all but marriage certificate. Bear in mind he was a semi pro boxer, out every weekend with his mates, different girl every weekend, and he is very Westernised.
Since the marriage, he has fallen completely and utterly in love with his new wife. He is lucky I guess in the respect that she came here with the intention of becoming as Western as he was. And she makes him laugh. She tried dying her hair blonde, apparently he didn't think the colour it turned actually existed! And she went out and blew £1000 in New Look!
My point? Maybe you won't want to swing when you meet her? Maybe you'll be lucky and she'll want to experience everything you can give her. But please do it with some sensitivity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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regardless of culture, circumstances etc the word that rang alarm bells for me was 'convince'. please introduce the idea sensitively and don't put pressure on her otherwise she may go along with it just to please you (or shut you up!) and that won't be an enjoyable experience for anyone concerned. good luck however it turns out. Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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15 years ago I was seeing an asain man we went to a few swinging parties together and was a couple. Until he announced he was getting married (arranged)
I was mortified that I fell for someone who decived me like this. He is married now still swings and to this day never told his wife, he won't tell her as it will diguust the wife and her family.
I would be honest when u meet the lady who u are going to marry! Then let her make up her OWN MIND
You never know you could meet her and u might fall hookl line and sinker and not swing and she couild start looking for fun if you aren't suitable to her (known it happen) |
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"A friend of mine went through an arranged marriage a little over a year ago. Whilst talking to him in the lead up to the event, he was convinced he was going to hate her, have nothing in common with her, and that he'd carry on being a single bloke in all but marriage certificate. Bear in mind he was a semi pro boxer, out every weekend with his mates, different girl every weekend, and he is very Westernised.
Since the marriage, he has fallen completely and utterly in love with his new wife. He is lucky I guess in the respect that she came here with the intention of becoming as Western as he was. And she makes him laugh. She tried dying her hair blonde, apparently he didn't think the colour it turned actually existed! And she went out and blew £1000 in New Look!
My point? Maybe you won't want to swing when you meet her? Maybe you'll be lucky and she'll want to experience everything you can give her. But please do it with some sensitivity. "
We like that alot great story... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you never know you could end up with someone who looks like one of the girls brought over in east is east
'eeeh what a pair of crackers you two are'
then you may have another problem - that of convincing others to soft swing with you as a couple
i'll look out for the posting
seriously though, i hope it works out well for you, your new wife and your families and i hope you do get to blend your current life with your new one in an open and sincere fashion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are Indian then I presume you are a Sikh, isn't swinging or being with other women against your culture and religion? "
It's also against the Christian religion if we're going down that road. |
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"If you are Indian then I presume you are a Sikh, isn't swinging or being with other women against your culture and religion?
It's also against the Christian religion if we're going down that road."
Ohhh do you want to have that debate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"pls tell this girl, you would like to swing before marrying her ! would be really unfair not to !!!"
but if she refused and wouldnt marry could you imagine trying to tell your respective parents why? lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"pls tell this girl, you would like to swing before marrying her ! would be really unfair not to !!!
but if she refused and wouldnt marry could you imagine trying to tell your respective parents why? lol "
Yeah -- That would be a very embarrassing situation then, wouldn't it guys?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Given the amount of grief that would appear to be involved in getting your bride into soft swinging, you might as well just get her into swinging. Can't be any more trouble."
Very true mate - still having thoughts about continuing my Swinging- sometimes i just feel , well, SODD it, and get on with my life. Then, may be, after about 10 yrs of marriage, get her into the thought of swinging? |
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He suggested we try swinging not long after we'd first met. We liked it, and went clubbing every month; eventually we got married and have kept on swinging.
Suggest it's better to raise the subject at the very start, waiting a few years before you suggest it would look as though you're getting bored with her! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ps your profile says your a "honest and single guy " im confused
...not just me then?!! That lept out at me too!  "
Please read the whole forum posts before commenting! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are Indian then I presume you are a Sikh, isn't swinging or being with other women against your culture and religion? "
All Indians are Sikh? 
From previous posts the fab Forums are highly PC making this a very odd thread.
Anyway good luck mate hope it works out for you and as many have said the key to success is honesty. Dont pretend to be something you're not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell us one thing honestly.
When you finally meet your bride to be and get around to having a heart to heart, what will YOUR reaction be if she says "Ever fancied swinging because I already swing and don't want to stop?". R |
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We started swinging by just doing girl on girl. Maybe suggest that to her to she what she says, if she's not up for that then at least you haven't raised the idea of swapping and you being with another woman. (which I'm sure would be a worse thought for her). If she likes the idea of girl/girl, do it a few times then try moving on from there saying that you would like to see her please another guy, etc etc
Either way, deleting your single profile would be the first thing I would do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And how does one know that someone has not actually done that, but still decided to post what they did.
"
If anyone had read the 1st 4 posts of this thread it would be obvious and would not needed to be asked. It's in plain english, all the info is provided by the OP in his first 2 postings.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are Indian then I presume you are a Sikh, isn't swinging or being with other women against your culture and religion?
It's also against the Christian religion if we're going down that road."
I recognise no religion, I am not a religious person.
This doesn't make me or anyone a bad person but at least we have the option and freedom to choose our faith in this country. |
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