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Hotwife guilt
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've never felt guilt.
However women are told from birth that decent women only have sex with their husband and that's hard to shake off. Did she say what exactly she feels guilty about? "
Along the lines of “we’re married we shouldn’t want to do this”. I also think it’s probably due to the fact she didn’t like seeing me with someone else but is going with someone else herself. However if anything it kind of does it for me more that she’s in essence mildly cuckolding me! |
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"I've never felt guilt.
However women are told from birth that decent women only have sex with their husband and that's hard to shake off. Did she say what exactly she feels guilty about?
Along the lines of “we’re married we shouldn’t want to do this”. I also think it’s probably due to the fact she didn’t like seeing me with someone else but is going with someone else herself. However if anything it kind of does it for me more that she’s in essence mildly cuckolding me!"
All I can suggest is that you talk about it. If it's causing her grief it's not worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've never felt guilt.
However women are told from birth that decent women only have sex with their husband and that's hard to shake off. Did she say what exactly she feels guilty about?
Along the lines of “we’re married we shouldn’t want to do this”. I also think it’s probably due to the fact she didn’t like seeing me with someone else but is going with someone else herself. However if anything it kind of does it for me more that she’s in essence mildly cuckolding me!
All I can suggest is that you talk about it. If it's causing her grief it's not worth it."
Absolutely and I think that’s probably where the issues stemmed from in the first place, our last time we played with didn’t revisit or talk about what happened for a few days and it just let any issues or ill feeling fester. Talking is definitely the best step, but was interested to see if the feelings she had were felt by others (I understand everyone may feel differently though). |
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"I've never felt guilt.
However women are told from birth that decent women only have sex with their husband and that's hard to shake off. Did she say what exactly she feels guilty about?
Along the lines of “we’re married we shouldn’t want to do this”. I also think it’s probably due to the fact she didn’t like seeing me with someone else but is going with someone else herself. However if anything it kind of does it for me more that she’s in essence mildly cuckolding me!
All I can suggest is that you talk about it. If it's causing her grief it's not worth it.
Absolutely and I think that’s probably where the issues stemmed from in the first place, our last time we played with didn’t revisit or talk about what happened for a few days and it just let any issues or ill feeling fester. Talking is definitely the best step, but was interested to see if the feelings she had were felt by others (I understand everyone may feel differently though)."
Yeah, it's very easy to forget to debrief especially after the first few times.
As you say everyone feels differently and for me the talking is one of the things I love about swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" I keep reading the title and seeing "hot wife quilt" and wondering what one of them looks like  "
Not sure but I’d imagine their be plenty of guys and girls wanting to get under it!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
if they love their husband/partner I imagine many get this feeling  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communication is the key.
Swinging should be about fun, it definitely shouldn't be making people feel bad or what is the point in doing it.
Maybe she just needs reassurance from you that you are totally happy with her playing with others.
Hope it all works out well for you both. |
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It is clear you are not swingers , there is no point being in the lifestyle, the mastering of emotions is the swingers currency, if she can't master emotions then you can't go anywhere in this lifestyle. |
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"It is clear you are not swingers , there is no point being in the lifestyle, the mastering of emotions is the swingers currency, if she can't master emotions then you can't go anywhere in this lifestyle."
a rather simplistic and off hand response, there may be many reasons she is a little unsure, it may be she feels hubby is not getting enough out of it, and assurance from him may bee all that is needed  |
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It seems to me you’re both already a good way down the road to being a hotwife/cuck couple - even if you (the man) only prefers the ‘milder’ aspects of being a cuck
Does she know just how much you’re enjoying being a cuck, even if that ‘label’ is still early for you, if she knew just how much you were into this it may help relax her a little
As above talk to her about the cuck scene and how it makes you feel and how she feels - if she’s into it and seeing how you react it maybe that reassurance is what she needs |
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No I don't agree, this lifestyle is a state of mind, you can clearly see it when you talk to people in a swingers club setting, there is nothing like reassuring anybody in this lifestyle, you either have it or you don't.
You must remember that human beings are not safe investments in the presence of emotions.
A swinger male or female is someone who has mastered their emotions as it relates to sexual relationships, they can make love to you , give you the sweetest kiss you ever had, give you the best bj, be the best girlfriend or boyfriend you ever had but that's where it ends. It's exiting because it's a fantasy of some sort. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No I don't agree, this lifestyle is a state of mind, you can clearly see it when you talk to people in a swingers club setting, there is nothing like reassuring anybody in this lifestyle, you either have it or you don't.
You must remember that human beings are not safe investments in the presence of emotions.
A swinger male or female is someone who has mastered their emotions as it relates to sexual relationships, they can make love to you , give you the sweetest kiss you ever had, give you the best bj, be the best girlfriend or boyfriend you ever had but that's where it ends. It's exiting because it's a fantasy of some sort."
It may well be that we arent for this scene, just elements of it. Thanks for your input everyone. |
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"It is clear you are not swingers , there is no point being in the lifestyle, the mastering of emotions is the swingers currency, if she can't master emotions then you can't go anywhere in this lifestyle.
a rather simplistic and off hand response, there may be many reasons she is a little unsure, it may be she feels hubby is not getting enough out of it, and assurance from him may bee all that is needed "
That was my thoughts to be fair. If the only thing holding Mrs back is the fact she doesn't think OP enjoys it, then it's a simple fix. Fingers crossed! |
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There is a learning curve with all things, it gets my goat sometimes that as soon as you but a hurdle plenty of people chime in with "swinging isn't for you", truth is there aren't many things we can master at the first attempt so why should swinging be any different? My advice would be to take a step back from playing and step up your communication, swinging can be a lot of different things to different people, you just have to find your favourite flavour |
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"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
Her feeling guilty is natural early on .
But wouldn’t she feel just as guilty for starting something that clearly turns you on so much , and then taking it away ?
If she really thinks it is something she can’t do then so be it , get used to it and accept it .
But she really ought to try and embrace how much you like it and see it from your perspective too . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Her feeling guilty is natural early on .
But wouldn’t she feel just as guilty for starting something that clearly turns you on so much , and then taking it away ?
If she really thinks it is something she can’t do then so be it , get used to it and accept it .
But she really ought to try and embrace how much you like it and see it from your perspective too ."
Perhaps, but I have no interest in making her do something she isn’t enjoying or something that makes her feel bad. |
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Communication, communication and more communication.
Sit down and talk about how you both feel about different aspects of swinging and whay us causing the guilt.
It's not for everyone and we all have our own way of doing things.
Neither of us have felt any guilt ... so can't speak from experience.
Nita |
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"Her feeling guilty is natural early on .
But wouldn’t she feel just as guilty for starting something that clearly turns you on so much , and then taking it away ?
If she really thinks it is something she can’t do then so be it , get used to it and accept it .
But she really ought to try and embrace how much you like it and see it from your perspective too .
Perhaps, but I have no interest in making her do something she isn’t enjoying or something that makes her feel bad."
Agreed , but have you both given it a chance and seen it from all angles ? |
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"
It may well be that we arent for this scene, just elements of it. Thanks for your input everyone.
It's a broad church just pick and choose out of it what works for you."
that's what we've done. We are on a very different path now to the one we started on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Her feeling guilty is natural early on .
But wouldn’t she feel just as guilty for starting something that clearly turns you on so much , and then taking it away ?
If she really thinks it is something she can’t do then so be it , get used to it and accept it .
But she really ought to try and embrace how much you like it and see it from your perspective too .
Perhaps, but I have no interest in making her do something she isn’t enjoying or something that makes her feel bad.
Agreed , but have you both given it a chance and seen it from all angles ? "
I guess there’s aspects we haven’t tried which we both expressed an interest in in the first place |
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"Her feeling guilty is natural early on .
But wouldn’t she feel just as guilty for starting something that clearly turns you on so much , and then taking it away ?
If she really thinks it is something she can’t do then so be it , get used to it and accept it .
But she really ought to try and embrace how much you like it and see it from your perspective too .
Perhaps, but I have no interest in making her do something she isn’t enjoying or something that makes her feel bad.
Agreed , but have you both given it a chance and seen it from all angles ?
I guess there’s aspects we haven’t tried which we both expressed an interest in in the first place"
we did this. It worked  . We are very far away from where we first started |
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I agree there are not many things you can master at first attempt and swinging is no different but the will to master the subject matter has to be there and you don't need reassurance once the will is there.
Now when you first start in the alternative lifestyle, you are not sure which department you are going to like so yes there is always room to explore. |
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"I agree there are not many things you can master at first attempt and swinging is no different but the will to master the subject matter has to be there and you don't need reassurance once the will is there.
Now when you first start in the alternative lifestyle, you are not sure which department you are going to like so yes there is always room to explore."
some can need reassurance. We're emotional beings who sometimes feel insecure
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never felt guilt.
However women are told from birth that decent women only have sex with their husband and that's hard to shake off. Did she say what exactly she feels guilty about?
Along the lines of “we’re married we shouldn’t want to do this”. I also think it’s probably due to the fact she didn’t like seeing me with someone else but is going with someone else herself. However if anything it kind of does it for me more that she’s in essence mildly cuckolding me!
All I can suggest is that you talk about it. If it's causing her grief it's not worth it.
Absolutely and I think that’s probably where the issues stemmed from in the first place, our last time we played with didn’t revisit or talk about what happened for a few days and it just let any issues or ill feeling fester. Talking is definitely the best step, but was interested to see if the feelings she had were felt by others (I understand everyone may feel differently though).
Yeah, it's very easy to forget to debrief especially after the first few times.
As you say everyone feels differently and for me the talking is one of the things I love about swinging. "
This 
The debrief is absolutely essential, you’ve got to be honest with each other immediately after the event, if something you saw or did remotely hurts it’s not worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
Just asked Mrs Snoozles if she had ever felt guilt. She thought about it for at least 6 or 7 milliseconds being saying "No" somewhat emphatically. |
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Ok let me rephrase it this way, it is not a good thing to reassure anybody about any department in this lifestyle , for example , you cannot reassure me about bareback irrespective of the fact that I know it is sweet, I will not go there.
You cannot reassure a lady to be a slut, if she wants to be a slut and enjoys dressing up and fucking multiple guys, it does not matter what profession she is in or the fact that she might be married, she will eventually locate her calling. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is she feeling guilty about "cheating" on you, or enjoying it?"
She says the cheating on me. Although I have assured her I love it and is absolutely not cheating. |
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We have only been doing this since April so feel quite new to it all, but I have to say I don't feel any guilt, though once play is over and I'm having a cup of tea I don't feel anything...i feel a little guilty about that though.
My concern has always been about seeing Chris full swap with a lady and if it would upset me, though that happened at our last club visit and there was no reason for me to worry.
Hope it works out for you both x |
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"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
Yh but I’m over it now!!
Seriously though. We started about a year ago. It was his fantasy originally. Not mine. But I found I really enjoyed it but felt I was greedy and he should be getting more out of it so encouraged him to try couples.
It was ok but once I accepted that his enjoyment was really sharing me it got even better!!
You just have to be honest with each other though. Everyone will feel differently xx |
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"Is she feeling guilty about "cheating" on you, or enjoying it?
She says the cheating on me. Although I have assured her I love it and is absolutely not cheating. "
Sound to me like she is emotional confused: something that can easily happen in the swinging scene (I've seen this played out in clubs many times): You state; She feels guilty because she feels that she is cheating on you. And (I suspect) she also feels guilty because you say you enjoy whats she is doing, which she feels guilty about. I guess she is actually going out of her mind over it.
The only solution is to talk and talk and talk about it. The relationships when swinging is multifaceted - there are more than 23 points of "consent/agreement" required for a mutually successful play, where everyone is happy.
If I may suggest: you both take a break as she is bound to feel under pressure at the mo, as you say to her, your enjoying it -which perversely doesn't reassure her (why do you want her to cheat on you?). And only return to swinging when she is feeling OK and comfortable with doing it. That will at least reassure her that YOU DO (still) LOVE her, and aren't looking for something extra/else at her detriment.
Sorry if this is long and rambles on a bit. But to be successful both have to enjoy what your doing -and don't expect every play to be 90%. As others have said: Post encounter debrief is essential!
Good luck and hope everything works out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is she feeling guilty about "cheating" on you, or enjoying it?
She says the cheating on me. Although I have assured her I love it and is absolutely not cheating.
Sound to me like she is emotional confused: something that can easily happen in the swinging scene (I've seen this played out in clubs many times): You state; She feels guilty because she feels that she is cheating on you. And (I suspect) she also feels guilty because you say you enjoy whats she is doing, which she feels guilty about. I guess she is actually going out of her mind over it.
The only solution is to talk and talk and talk about it. The relationships when swinging is multifaceted - there are more than 23 points of "consent/agreement" required for a mutually successful play, where everyone is happy.
If I may suggest: you both take a break as she is bound to feel under pressure at the mo, as you say to her, your enjoying it -which perversely doesn't reassure her (why do you want her to cheat on you?). And only return to swinging when she is feeling OK and comfortable with doing it. That will at least reassure her that YOU DO (still) LOVE her, and aren't looking for something extra/else at her detriment.
Sorry if this is long and rambles on a bit. But to be successful both have to enjoy what your doing -and don't expect every play to be 90%. As others have said: Post encounter debrief is essential!
Good luck and hope everything works out. "
Not at all long and rambley, sounds like good advice to me and probably the path we will go down! |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
The positive thing is that people in relationships often don't communicate about sex whatsoever and often don't explore at all. It seems as though you are both very open with each other, which can only be a good thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
Our situation is similar in that I am not happy to let my partner play with another woman and he has no interest in doing so. We have had mfm and I have just played alone for the 1st time. I don't feel guilty as we discussed it fully and I have always been clear that I am not happy to let him near another woman. He enjoys seeing me with another man and it works for us so if maybe you just need to make it really clear that you enjoy seeing her enjoy herself and she has nothing to feel guilty for because you want her to do it. I do appreciate why she may feel this way as I worried I would feel guilty but after seeing how much my other half enjoyed it then I realised I have nothing to be guilty for. It makes us both happy. Hope you can convince her to give it another try |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been in a similar situation previously and id like to add my thoughts.
I felt guilt because...
A) I enjoyed it, I didn't want Mr to think that I wasn't enjoying him so a bit of conflict there
B) Society! It took a while to overcome how I had been raised to see what I was feeling and what felt good didnt make me a bad person.
Now that I have dealt with these issues everything is A.O.K and I have a very fulfilling sex life. Mr gets everything he needs from it too so winning all round!
Like others have said, the key is communication and have the confidence to say what's on your mind. You sound like you have a healthy relationship so that shouldn't be a problem for you guys.
Hope you work it all out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's natural to feel guilt. My wife felt guilty at first. So long as this fun is mutual and together it can work.
When the wife starts seeing men separately that I see the potential problems. As a single now I've met wives and gfs from the coupled we used to meet, 1-1, and whilst it's great for Mr, every single male partner has developed issues around the scenario. |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"It is clear you are not swingers , there is no point being in the lifestyle, the mastering of emotions is the swingers currency, if she can't master emotions then you can't go anywhere in this lifestyle."
How can you make such a snap judgement ? They said they had only just started. Anyway what is a “swinger” and at what point, in your opinion, do you become one? After one meet, after two, after ten? Ridiculous thing to say and not helpful to the OP.
On the OP, would say it depends what she is feeling guilty about. Is it herself, is it about feeling she betrayed you, or feeling she betrayed the other woman? But only by talking it through will you be able to move on one way or another. Good luck. |
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Well ,I can make that judgement because they have been on 11 months, they were only interested in the exhibitionist and vouyeristic side of things. They experimented with soft play and mmf play.
They both obviously do not like either of them playing with other people because I believe the wife is reacting to her husbands countenance. What is the point encouraging either of them to swing when they have not passed stage one, which is the control of emotions, let them cross stage one first then we can introduce them to other aspects of swinging. |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"Well ,I can make that judgement because they have been on 11 months, they were only interested in the exhibitionist and vouyeristic side of things. They experimented with soft play and mmf play.
They both obviously do not like either of them playing with other people because I believe the wife is reacting to her husbands countenance. What is the point encouraging either of them to swing when they have not passed stage one, which is the control of emotions, let them cross stage one first then we can introduce them to other aspects of swinging. "
I don't believe anyone is "encouraging" them to do anything are they? And who are the "We" who "can introduce" them to other things?
Great that Fab has provided an in-house relationship-swinging expert/psychologist. Aren't we all the lucky ones. |
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Lol, I am no psycologist and as you must have noticed I am not responding to you , that is enough to tell you that I am not interested in engaging you in a conversation, maybe you are not sexy enough for me to respond to, who knows lol I am only clarifying my position and thought process. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there are feelings of guilt happening, then you should take a break from swinging. This lifestyle isn't for everyone. Its meant to be fun and add positive feelings to a relationship, not negative, otherwise what's the point in doing it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been in a similar situation previously and id like to add my thoughts.
I felt guilt because...
A) I enjoyed it, I didn't want Mr to think that I wasn't enjoying him so a bit of conflict there
B) Society! It took a while to overcome how I had been raised to see what I was feeling and what felt good didnt make me a bad person.
Now that I have dealt with these issues everything is A.O.K and I have a very fulfilling sex life. Mr gets everything he needs from it too so winning all round!
Like others have said, the key is communication and have the confidence to say what's on your mind. You sound like you have a healthy relationship so that shouldn't be a problem for you guys.
Hope you work it all out x"
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
"Is she feeling guilty about "cheating" on you, or enjoying it?
She says the cheating on me. Although I have assured her I love it and is absolutely not cheating. "
Without knowing either of you it's almost impossible to comment but because she is fucking just one guy perhaps the guilt stems from the possibility she is developing feelings for him and it is those feelings that makes her feel she is being unfaithful. If so, try a club and have anonymous sex with a variety of people to separate the sex from emotions. |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
Talking about it is key. And keep reminding her how much you enjoy it.
If she sees how turned on you get then it might ease the guilt as she sees you're getting as much pleasure from it as she is. |
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I wonder if it really is guilt? I suspect in many cases the female partner may go along with the idea of joining the swinging scene to keep the other half happy or even under pressure. Puts up with it for a while in the hope it will run it’s course and then looks for a way out.
I hasten to add I have met and chatted to some lovely couples that both enjoy and appreciate what swinging brings to their lives - lucky buggers! So it’s just a thought really. |
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In swinging you need to be outgoing not shy and not jealous . You can't have second thoughts . You either enjoy it or you dont. It is not for everyone I am afraid . Watching your partner with another person can be very horny indeed but if you have any sort of guilt just stop . |
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By *UCKY_13Couple
over a year ago
southwest |
"My wife and I started on this website early this year initially as we had an interest in the exhibitionist and voyeuristic side of play, and possibly to expand on her bi side. After meeting a couple for a social, we decided to continue with a couple closer to us. Long story short, we ended up soft swapping with a couple. I loved seeing Mrs have fun, and found I had no interest in playing with another woman myself. My wife also did not like seeing me with another woman. So then we decided to try threesomes with the guy from the couple. We seemed to have lots of fun and played on a few occasions, with my wife full swapping. Then it just stopped, and now my wife says it’s vecasu she feels guilty. Have any other women felt guilt over their playing even though their husbands have enjoyed and even encouraged her?"
I have never felt guilt obviously I have had worry’s about how things may effect our relationship at the beggining but it hasn’t ever caused any issues between us we do this together I am sexually pleasing mr by doing the things I do and that is why I enjoy having sex with others so much when I walk through the door after a hotwife meet my feet hardly touch the floor all the way to the bedroom and we have the best sex ever for hours afterwards nothing comes close to that feeling xxx |
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