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Club etiquete, to snog or not to snog?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, forgive my nievity here. As a Club virgin looking to pop my cherry in the very near future, i have gotten to thinking how a sexual encounter comes to pass. I understand the conversational/banter part of meeting people will be the same as anywhere else, but then i am not so much confused as reluctant to make a fux pas. Is there a point where conversation turns to "so should we fuck now?" Or is it more natural ie dancefloor smooching leading to a dark (or not) corner? Any sensible advise greatfully recieved. |
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I'd say after the chatting and flirting, as you would in a pub or regular club, it wouldn't proceed to smooching and snogging in the bar or dance area, more a 'would you like to go and play?' Then, do the smoochy stuff there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t know what the norm with singles playing with singles - it may be more like a normal club, But as a couple I find it’ll be more like ‘would you like to play?’ I do sometimes get flirty and smoochie with singles guys I know fairly well, and that may lead to play. Although most swing clubs don’t have dance floors. We tend to find that a single guy would be less likely make the first move with a couple, although there will sometimes be the pushy types who crash in with the female half of a couple. Never had someone say ‘shall we fuck now?’. I don’t think that would go down to well.
Mrs |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow."
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We tend to find that a single guy would be less likely make the first move with a couple, although there will sometimes be the pushy types who crash in with the female half of a couple. Never had someone say ‘shall we fuck now?’. I don’t think that would go down to well.
Mrs"
A single guy wouldnt make the fisrt move in which respect? Approaching the couple to chat, or bringing up the subject of playing?
Thank you all for your input |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, forgive my nievity here. As a Club virgin looking to pop my cherry in the very near future, i have gotten to thinking how a sexual encounter comes to pass. I understand the conversational/banter part of meeting people will be the same as anywhere else, but then i am not so much confused as reluctant to make a fux pas. Is there a point where conversation turns to "so should we fuck now?" Or is it more natural ie dancefloor smooching leading to a dark (or not) corner? Any sensible advise greatfully recieved."
don't be silly you just get your dick hard and people sit on it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We tend to find that a single guy would be less likely make the first move with a couple, although there will sometimes be the pushy types who crash in with the female half of a couple. Never had someone say ‘shall we fuck now?’. I don’t think that would go down to well.
Mrs
A single guy wouldnt make the fisrt move in which respect? Approaching the couple to chat, or bringing up the subject of playing?
Thank you all for your input"
We’ve never had a single guy invite us to play. It’s always been my husband who makes the invite. Although I have had single guys, who don’t know us, make moves on me when my husband’s back is turned. That’s quite bad form to treat a lady from a couple as though they are single.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow.
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it."
I think that why well mannered single guys hold back with couples until the makes the first move. Couples can be a minefield (hopefully not us). But many couples won’t play with single guys for starters. And some couples reserve kissing or sometimes other sexual activities just for themselves. So unless the single guy knows what these rules are it’s hard to make a move.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she offers her cheek when you slowly move in, she doesn't want to kiss. If she shoves her tongue in your chops, crack on.
Don't worry about making the wrong move. Most people are aware you're not a mind reader and will let you know if something's not for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow.
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it."
You will find most times the conversation with end up about playing if a couple are interested and will ask what the person is into and will also tell any rules that they have. Then invite you to play. So from that point you know what the like and don’t like and so you and go with the flow |
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We find just go with the flow. No hard and fast rules as all couples are different, we kiss, some don't but we find everyone involved just tend to steer the situations to suit each other. We've had pushy couples and clingy ones. I think the golden rule is as always respect, follow that and don't be assumptive and all should be well x |
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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago
Over the roundabout and then turn right. |
"
You will find most times the conversation with end up about playing if a couple are interested and will ask what the person is into and will also tell any rules that they have. Then invite you to play. So from that point you know what the like and don’t like and so you and go with the flow "
We always ask about rules and boundaries. It shows that we will respect their wishes and helps everyone relax. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs"
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me."
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs |
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"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow.
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it."
You don't need to chat for days and weeks to understand peoples boundaries. That situation is just the same whether the people playing are m mf or f.
When we've played with single guys at clubs we've chatted for a while in the bar about general stuff, and you soon get a feel for how things should be with each other. Then chat a bit about play, not necessarily about boundaries. I (mr) have just said 'we always play safe, I'm straight, we dont do anal or anyhing too rough'. It doesn't have to be a novel 
That's worked great on our mfm meets at clubs. |
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"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs"
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway."
And this is an example of what I mean when I say that couples can be a minefield. Should the single man focus on the lady of the couple or the man of the couple during the ‘chat up’ process. If the former then he is at risk of being accused of treating the situation as though the man owns the woman (and many do have that D/s dynamic). And of the latter, there is a risk that the male partner will feel marginalised. At the end of the day both male and female partners have to agree, so both have to be asked at some point.
Mrs |
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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago
Over the roundabout and then turn right. |
Just treat them as a couple and chat to both. You should be able to tell the kind of couple they are within a few minutes.
We were once at a club when a single guy approached Coffee and ignored me completely. Bad move. He got nowhere. |
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"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway.
And this is an example of what I mean when I say that couples can be a minefield. Should the single man focus on the lady of the couple or the man of the couple during the ‘chat up’ process. If the former then he is at risk of being accused of treating the situation as though the man owns the woman (and many do have that D/s dynamic). And of the latter, there is a risk that the male partner will feel marginalised. At the end of the day both male and female partners have to agree, so both have to be asked at some point.
Mrs"
Not sure about minefield. The single guy just needs to chat to both of them. At an appropraite point, while they are both there he can say 'would you guys fancy playing?'. Doesnt have to be complicated
In our mfm's I (mr) have asked the guy to join us (after getting the required 'wink' from Bun). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway.
And this is an example of what I mean when I say that couples can be a minefield. Should the single man focus on the lady of the couple or the man of the couple during the ‘chat up’ process. If the former then he is at risk of being accused of treating the situation as though the man owns the woman (and many do have that D/s dynamic). And of the latter, there is a risk that the male partner will feel marginalised. At the end of the day both male and female partners have to agree, so both have to be asked at some point.
Mrs
Not sure about minefield. The single guy just needs to chat to both of them. At an appropraite point, while they are both there he can say 'would you guys fancy playing?'. Doesnt have to be complicated
In our mfm's I (mr) have asked the guy to join us (after getting the required 'wink' from Bun)."
I think the times a guy has asked him and not me, was because they were chatting and I’d probably wandered off or was playing. It doesn’t worry us, but others may read that scenario that the decision is my husband’s and not mine. Obviously for couples who stay together for the whole evening, then a single guy can easily speak to both equally.
Mrs |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway.
And this is an example of what I mean when I say that couples can be a minefield. Should the single man focus on the lady of the couple or the man of the couple during the ‘chat up’ process. If the former then he is at risk of being accused of treating the situation as though the man owns the woman (and many do have that D/s dynamic). And of the latter, there is a risk that the male partner will feel marginalised. At the end of the day both male and female partners have to agree, so both have to be asked at some point.
Mrs"
Equally many people are in d/s relationships where the woman is in charge. Best to ask rather than assume.
Fwiw - my male partners don't have to agree for me to have sex with anyone, and don't have to be asked. Not everyone requires that kind of permission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually now I think about it, a lot of single guys have asked my husband if he can play with me. He will usually respond ‘that’s fine by me, but it’s up to her’.
Mrs
If someone asks the man I'm with if they can play with me, it's an immediate "no" from me.
With us it’s better if the guy gets my husband on side first before approaching me. If the other way round then we feel that the guy is treating me like a single woman. Obviously better to talk to us both at the same time, but we’re not always standing together.
Mrs
I agree with both. The husband doesn't own the woman, but he needs to be comfortable with the other guy. If the other guy doesn't understand how to converse with a couple, and that dynamic, the play wont work anyway.
And this is an example of what I mean when I say that couples can be a minefield. Should the single man focus on the lady of the couple or the man of the couple during the ‘chat up’ process. If the former then he is at risk of being accused of treating the situation as though the man owns the woman (and many do have that D/s dynamic). And of the latter, there is a risk that the male partner will feel marginalised. At the end of the day both male and female partners have to agree, so both have to be asked at some point.
Mrs
Equally many people are in d/s relationships where the woman is in charge. Best to ask rather than assume.
Fwiw - my male partners don't have to agree for me to have sex with anyone, and don't have to be asked. Not everyone requires that kind of permission."
I think I’ve been misunderstood here. I wasn’t by any stretch saying my husband agrees on my behalf. I was just saying that if it’s not possible for the conversation to take place with both of us at the same time, it works well by the guy first having a conversation with him first, as opposed to me first. The rest is course entirely then entirely up to me. But if both of us arent on board we don’t play.
Mrs |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow.
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it.
You will find most times the conversation with end up about playing if a couple are interested and will ask what the person is into and will also tell any rules that they have. Then invite you to play. So from that point you know what the like and don’t like and so you and go with the flow "
Yeah that makes sense. Thinking on a bit more. A no kissing rule is probably something that would be brought up fairly quicker. Would put me off anyone that unfortunately. But each to their own of course. Kissing is part of a build up for me |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Snogging has nothing to do with club etiquette- it depends on what your prospective playmates want. Some couples see kissing as a no go area - associated with real feelings. Just go with the flow.
The problem is you can't just go with the flow. The reason why you gave yourself. People have different rules. Chatting to someone over days or weeks or longer you can get to know those respective rules before you actually get together. You don't have that luxury in a club. If you lean in for a smooch and the other person stops you that could kill the mood for all parties. If you ask if it's ok to smooch that could just as easily. Not so black and white is it.
You don't need to chat for days and weeks to understand peoples boundaries. That situation is just the same whether the people playing are m mf or f.
When we've played with single guys at clubs we've chatted for a while in the bar about general stuff, and you soon get a feel for how things should be with each other. Then chat a bit about play, not necessarily about boundaries. I (mr) have just said 'we always play safe, I'm straight, we dont do anal or anyhing too rough'. It doesn't have to be a novel
That's worked great on our mfm meets at clubs."
Fair enough |
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