FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Second thoughts / crossing the line
Second thoughts / crossing the line
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more? |
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"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
Don't risk losing everything dear to you. In my experience, the most intense fantasies I had were less exciting than I imagined they'd be. You'd be a fool to put everything on the line for a quick (and maybe disappointing) thrill.
It'd be better to try new things with your wife - just you and her - if she's game for it. Toys, sexy clothes, role play... whatever.
Good luck with making the right decision for you and your marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
The most successful gamblers only stake what they are prepared to lose...what's your stake? |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?
Don't risk losing everything dear to you. In my experience, the most intense fantasies I had were less exciting than I imagined they'd be. You'd be a fool to put everything on the line for a quick (and maybe disappointing) thrill.
It'd be better to try new things with your wife - just you and her - if she's game for it. Toys, sexy clothes, role play... whatever.
Good luck with making the right decision for you and your marriage."
Exactly, and who knows, down the line she may want to join you here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I would be surprised, but who knows! I think because I am late to this, and my ex found this life after we split up, I feel like I have missed out on something that everyone on here gets so much from. But I guess I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, otherwise I wouldn’t be having this dilemma |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
Stay fantasizing and quit the site. Stop thinking for just yourself, a marriage is a we and not I. |
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"I would be surprised, but who knows! I think because I am late to this, and my ex found this life after we split up, I feel like I have missed out on something that everyone on here gets so much from. But I guess I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, otherwise I wouldn’t be having this dilemma"
What is it you feel you're missing out on?
Fab for men playing alone is a very different kettle of fish than fab for women playing alone or couples.
If you feel something is missing from your life isn't it best to go looking for it with your life partner. Don't risk your marriage by getting involved with swinging on your own but by the same token don't risk your marriage by ignoring your current dissatisfaction.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I to am in a similar situation as Dan-de-Lion and all the advice you have given I think I will also take on board, my site supporter pass runs out in 2 days I wont be renewing it and think I also will be quitting the site and concentrate on my marriage and just a bit of role play and my fantasy will remain a fantasy Thanks 'Damn you all and your sensible answers' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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However exciting you are imagining swinging to be, half it, then deduct ten and add a lot of bloody hard work for a couple of extra marital fondles a year if you are lucky plus a hefty divorce pay out if you get found out.... Still sound as exciting as you thought?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think carefully about what you really want out of life. Will you still be happy being in a marriage and not getting to explore your wants and needs? Would you be happy if you lost your wife?
Whatever you decide good luck as it's not an easy decision to live with, whichever way you go.
And lastly, don't get caught before you decide it, as the decision will be made for you. |
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"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
Are you mad my answer is no  ask yourself this do you want to end up single with nothing? Think long and hard mate  |
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"I would be surprised, but who knows! I think because I am late to this, and my ex found this life after we split up, I feel like I have missed out on something that everyone on here gets so much from. But I guess I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, otherwise I wouldn’t be having this dilemma"
The best thing to do is to talk to your wife and explain your feelings. Also make her feel sexy and feel likes she's the only one in your life. You'll be surprised how much more confident and sexy she'll feel and your sex life should spice up. Concentrate on your marriage and work from there. You can slowly open her mind to trying other things but she's got to feel good about herself that's why it's important to make her feel good. Hope that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would be surprised, but who knows! I think because I am late to this, and my ex found this life after we split up, I feel like I have missed out on something that everyone on here gets so much from. But I guess I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, otherwise I wouldn’t be having this dilemma
The best thing to do is to talk to your wife and explain your feelings. Also make her feel sexy and feel likes she's the only one in your life. You'll be surprised how much more confident and sexy she'll feel and your sex life should spice up. Concentrate on your marriage and work from there. You can slowly open her mind to trying other things but she's got to feel good about herself that's why it's important to make her feel good. Hope that makes sense. "
This is good advice. The fact you're asking the question indicates that you love your wife and value your marriage. It's really not worth risking damaging that in any way for what may or may not be a moment of excitement.
Many couples who swing find that it brings them much closer together, because of the trust and communication needed to do it successfully, so both parties are happy. But it takes time, from planting the seed of the idea and discussing fantasies between the two of you, to actually taking the first step, it can be months or even years. If you invest the time, love and care in developing your relationship with your wife, you'll have many, fulfilling years ahead of you together and the bond between you will be unbreakable, regardless of whether or not you end up dipping your toes in the swinging world. If you choose to go it alone without your wife's knowledge, it will take something away from your relationship, and at some point that partnership will be irretrievably damaged. You can't ever go back from that point, not completely.
Can I just say, I have to utmost respect for you OP, it's not always easy to balance what's good for yourself while also considering your partner. It's important that we're happy as individuals, as well as as part of any partnership we've committed ourselves to. As the poster above says, focus on your relationship and sex life with your wife first and foremost, make her feel like the sexiest woman on the planet, the centre of your world, and you'll have a firm foundation to build the rest on.
Good luck.
V x |
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"I would be surprised, but who knows! I think because I am late to this, and my ex found this life after we split up, I feel like I have missed out on something that everyone on here gets so much from. But I guess I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, otherwise I wouldn’t be having this dilemma
The best thing to do is to talk to your wife and explain your feelings. Also make her feel sexy and feel likes she's the only one in your life. You'll be surprised how much more confident and sexy she'll feel and your sex life should spice up. Concentrate on your marriage and work from there. You can slowly open her mind to trying other things but she's got to feel good about herself that's why it's important to make her feel good. Hope that makes sense.
This is good advice. The fact you're asking the question indicates that you love your wife and value your marriage. It's really not worth risking damaging that in any way for what may or may not be a moment of excitement.
Many couples who swing find that it brings them much closer together, because of the trust and communication needed to do it successfully, so both parties are happy. But it takes time, from planting the seed of the idea and discussing fantasies between the two of you, to actually taking the first step, it can be months or even years. If you invest the time, love and care in developing your relationship with your wife, you'll have many, fulfilling years ahead of you together and the bond between you will be unbreakable, regardless of whether or not you end up dipping your toes in the swinging world. If you choose to go it alone without your wife's knowledge, it will take something away from your relationship, and at some point that partnership will be irretrievably damaged. You can't ever go back from that point, not completely.
Can I just say, I have to utmost respect for you OP, it's not always easy to balance what's good for yourself while also considering your partner. It's important that we're happy as individuals, as well as as part of any partnership we've committed ourselves to. As the poster above says, focus on your relationship and sex life with your wife first and foremost, make her feel like the sexiest woman on the planet, the centre of your world, and you'll have a firm foundation to build the rest on.
Good luck.
V x"
Absolutely agree with all this.
Good luck OP  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
Is love worth loosing over sex ??
No.I would rather be with the person I love and who loves me back then be a swinger.
If the marriage is lacking some spice ... well add some  |
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"Hi,
So I have recently joined on here at the recommendation of a friend (ex) who enjoys a fab life.
I am married and wife is not into swinging in any way shape or form, and I am currently very confused.
Married life is good and I love my wife, but I really want to explore this side of my desires and lusts...but I risk losing everything if ever caught.
Do I cross the line and go down the fab wormhole, or remain a lurking voyeur only fantasising about more?"
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that *everyone* on Fab is having a ball. For the vast majority, it’s bloody hard work. Some have been here for years and not had one meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Can I respectfully suggest, if you do decide to stay, that you mention in your profile the fact you're married and here without your wife's knowledge. You may decide not to be honest with your wife, but don't make others inadvertently complicit in your deceit, give them the choice.
V x |
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