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Sex after first Kid
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Guys how do you manage to have sex when you have kids or after having your first kid. As in our situation, hubby has agreed to take care of the baby when I will be enjoying with my dates.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys how do you manage to have sex when you have kids or after having your first kid. As in our situation, hubby has agreed to take care of the baby when I will be enjoying with my dates.
"
you mean with your husband.. as you just wait till baby was asleep. And take it carefully just after. Double check contraception too as most fertile a few weeks / months after having a baby. |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!"
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect. |
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We didn't swing when the kids were small but I think between the two of you its a case of making time when you can.
The impact of a new baby on both partners lives is something you just can't imagine until it happens, the only way to cope is take things as they come, exert no pressure on each other and try and fit sex in when you can. Sleep deprived people who spend their days and most of their nights attending to putting food in one end of a tiny person and cleaning it up when it comes out the other often find it hard to be sexy. |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect. "
Many, many people don't have support networks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We didn't swing when the kids were small but I think between the two of you its a case of making time when you can.
The impact of a new baby on both partners lives is something you just can't imagine until it happens, the only way to cope is take things as they come, exert no pressure on each other and try and fit sex in when you can. Sleep deprived people who spend their days and most of their nights attending to putting food in one end of a tiny person and cleaning it up when it comes out the other often find it hard to be sexy."
This. Plus make sure you have non-sexual and sexual time as a couple before returning to swinging. |
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"We didn't swing when the kids were small but I think between the two of you its a case of making time when you can.
The impact of a new baby on both partners lives is something you just can't imagine until it happens, the only way to cope is take things as they come, exert no pressure on each other and try and fit sex in when you can. Sleep deprived people who spend their days and most of their nights attending to putting food in one end of a tiny person and cleaning it up when it comes out the other often find it hard to be sexy.
This. Plus make sure you have non-sexual and sexual time as a couple before returning to swinging."
I remember days when I didn't have time to dress myself before about three in the afternoon. Off topic a bit but I think the reality of small babies is often hidden. The media often show a spotless nursery with a sleeping child, svelte, perfectly groomed mother and adoring husband. The reality is frequently very different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect. "
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"  |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode" "
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife. "
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well. |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well. "
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying. "
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously. "
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can."
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others. |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others."
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others.
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby. "
You were the one who said it was because of the baby if not, it's not relevant to the thread? |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others.
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby.
You were the one who said it was because of the baby if not, it's not relevant to the thread? "
No you're just reading what you want to in a sad attempt to make everything a damn political point. Not all bad behaviour is a mental illness, some people are just like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others.
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby.
You were the one who said it was because of the baby if not, it's not relevant to the thread?
No you're just reading what you want to in a sad attempt to make everything a damn political point. Not all bad behaviour is a mental illness, some people are just like that. "
Blimey you're a tad agressive in your response, get out on the wrong side of bed?
No one has any idea why the women behaved the way she did, I was merely pointing out that PND can manifest itself that way.
And whilst MH doesn't apply to everyone or excuses "bad behaviour" it can be a contributing factor.
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others.
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby.
You were the one who said it was because of the baby if not, it's not relevant to the thread?
No you're just reading what you want to in a sad attempt to make everything a damn political point. Not all bad behaviour is a mental illness, some people are just like that. "
What's political about pointing out that the person you mentioned may have been suffering from depression? What you described sounds very much like depressive symptoms. She may or may not have been so suffering but I really can't see how pointing out the possibility is somehow political. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh whoops I forgot it was a forum where we are allowed to share different points of view!!
I'll totally refrase my post so not to offend you. Would it be better if I'd said....
Oh my god what a totally nightmare. Fancy having lots of people to palm her kid(s) off on and not taking them up on the offer. Is that better?
Flip side to that people would be saying "oh look at her, can't cope with her own kid(s). Constantly with this person or that. What a nightmare! Why have kids if you're not going to spend any time with them".
Obviously I can only go on what you said about her and after all you chose to use her as and example and post it on an open forum. She sounds like she is looking for reassurance from her "friends" that parenting isn't easy. She's saying "look I'm finding it difficult but I'm not giving up and getting help because I can do it on my own". Sounds very much like PND to me. Possibly a cry for help which is met with nightmare wife!!
Sorry if that offends you or touched a nerve. I'm just giving an opinion based on the information you gave. As far as I'm aware, that's not against forum rules.
Oh and btw, struggling to cope with bringing up your children isn't bad behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh whoops I forgot it was a forum where we are allowed to share different points of view!!
I'll totally refrase my post so not to offend you. Would it be better if I'd said....
Oh my god what a totally nightmare. Fancy having lots of people to palm her kid(s) off on and not taking them up on the offer. Is that better?
Flip side to that people would be saying "oh look at her, can't cope with her own kid(s). Constantly with this person or that. What a nightmare! Why have kids if you're not going to spend any time with them".
Obviously I can only go on what you said about her and after all you chose to use her as and example and post it on an open forum. She sounds like she is looking for reassurance from her "friends" that parenting isn't easy. She's saying "look I'm finding it difficult but I'm not giving up and getting help because I can do it on my own". Sounds very much like PND to me. Possibly a cry for help which is met with nightmare wife!!
Sorry if that offends you or touched a nerve. I'm just giving an opinion based on the information you gave. As far as I'm aware, that's not against forum rules.
Oh and btw, struggling to cope with bringing up your children isn't bad behaviour."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pretty sure Mental Health Awareness week was in May! "
World mental health day 10th October. Mental health month may! Also depends where you live.
Don't see why it should have a day, week or month. People should be aware all the time. Same goes for anything tbh. |
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Well away from the bitching and back to the OPs question.
We had limited support networks. You make time when you can and whilst they are very young you need to take advantage that your annual leave from work is not governed by school holidays yet. So the odd day for daytime fun whilst the child is at day care can be good.
As they get older they make friends, offer sleep overs to others. One the kids love it and they entertain themselves, two reciprocal nights at their friends are nights you can go wild.
Offering to child mind is also good. But not as good as a sleepover as you will be clock watching as when to get back.
Obviously if you play solo then that means you are not as restricted. |
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"I was so completely knackered most of the time after my fist kid that it took a couple of years before I had enough energy for sex with my husband let alone anyone else! Hats off to ya for even having the desire to get back into it but for me, having my fist baby so completely changed my life and outlook that swinging was off the radar. No practical advice really but sounds like hubby is supportive. That's a great start!
Don't take this the wrong way, but did you not have a strong support network?
I understand that babies are hard work but hence the importance of a support network. The thought of it taking "years" to return to a normal sex life is a pretty scary prospect.
No family close by and we moved to a new area when our youngest was about a year so other than hubby no real support network. I went back to work full time as well, so I was constantly tired. All of that, plus I hated my post baby body I'd put on loads of weight and it just looked horrible in my mind... it took me a long time to get my head round that and start feeling sexy again. I know not everyone struggles to adapt to family life after having a baby but I'm surprised that people are keen while the baby is still young. I properly went into "mummy mode"
"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend. It was complete self imposed isolation, she had at least 5 people who would take care of the baby but she couldn't stand to leave the baby. If she went out she would just think or talk about the baby constantly. Not in a good way though, she'd constantly moan about the feeding and changing whilst stubbornly refusing to let anyone else do it. Her name has become short hand in our conversations for my idea of a nightmare wife.
Oh good God! Nothing like that. But for a while being mum just took it all out of me. I didn't have the energy to be wife as well.
That i can live with. It's more the simultaneous refusing help whilst moaning about the pressure that's really annoying.
Yeah, some people take parenting far too seriously.
Women with PND can act like this too. Lots of support but they don't think anyone else (including the father) can look after baby as well as they can.
PND is awful, I had it both times. It doesn't just happen immediately after birth, if left untreated it can last years.
People making comments like "nightmare wife" are heartless!!! If she had a tumour would you be calling her names and poking fun at her?
Its national mental health week, try to be more supportive of others.
I love the way that she's now beyond criticism because she may have had PND. You have absolutely no idea if she did or not, you now nothing of what she was like before the baby.
You were the one who said it was because of the baby if not, it's not relevant to the thread?
No you're just reading what you want to in a sad attempt to make everything a damn political point. Not all bad behaviour is a mental illness, some people are just like that.
What's political about pointing out that the person you mentioned may have been suffering from depression? What you described sounds very much like depressive symptoms. She may or may not have been so suffering but I really can't see how pointing out the possibility is somehow political. "
Because it's rude to call someone "heartless" for pointing out that someone was a pain in the ass. Its based on nothing but a complete guess that the person might have had PND and it may or may not be some mental health week. The person was a pain in the ass before they had a kid anyway, having a child just made them even more irritating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's caused us problems fab wise as a lot of people fail to understand how limited our free time is and anything needs to be planned.
We have a support network luckily but use that to ensure we can go to work. Don't feel we can ask them to do evenings as well.
Don't even start on those that think that means we would accommodate when they are asleep. They tend to get blocked quickly |
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"Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend.
I would suggest that this phrase is what makes it reasonable for others to assume this was not a long standing personality trait, but something that happened as she had a kid. Also as it's in the context of a thread about having kids and the changes it brings on people.
If it was nothing to do with having kids then why call it 'mummy mode' that created the 'nightmare wife'.
If your 'friend' is just a general pain in the ass, not sure what that has to do with being a mum.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend.
I would suggest that this phrase is what makes it reasonable for others to assume this was not a long standing personality trait, but something that happened as she had a kid. Also as it's in the context of a thread about having kids and the changes it brings on people.
If it was nothing to do with having kids then why call it 'mummy mode' that created the 'nightmare wife'.
If your 'friend' is just a general pain in the ass, not sure what that has to do with being a mum.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pretty sure Mental Health Awareness week was in May!
World mental health day 10th October. Mental health month may! Also depends where you live.
Don't see why it should have a day, week or month. People should be aware all the time. Same goes for anything tbh. "
It needs to be a world thing personally, that raises more awareness! |
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""Mummy mode" scares the shit out of me (husband). I saw it happen to a wife's friend.
I would suggest that this phrase is what makes it reasonable for others to assume this was not a long standing personality trait, but something that happened as she had a kid. Also as it's in the context of a thread about having kids and the changes it brings on people.
If it was nothing to do with having kids then why call it 'mummy mode' that created the 'nightmare wife'.
If your 'friend' is just a general pain in the ass, not sure what that has to do with being a mum.
"
Only if you assume that a man can't tell this difference between PND and a nightmare wife. Besides, she's my opinion of a nightmare wife, obviously someone liked her enough to marry her in the first place, which i wouldn't have. I doubt her own husband would describe her as such. |
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