FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting that first meet
Getting that first meet
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I’ve not been on here long so im looking for advice on how to achieve that first meet. Both myself and hubby have been talking about me finding a fb for a while, we have visited a club and I have joined here but I’ve found that I can’t see the good messages because of the amount of bad ones there are and have already received some abuse for telling people thanks for the message but no thanks. I know I can set my filters but then that’s going to rule out messages that maybe promising!
I suppose my question is how do you go ahead and arrange that first meet ensuring that the person you are meeting is genuine and what type of place should that first meet be, I would like to meet socially first to see if there is an attraction is that something most people would be happy with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Youre a gorgeous looking woman and obviously going to generate a lot of interest. I don't see guys messages but looking at people's posts on the forums a lot of guys are lets say straight to the point putting it politely. I'd say getting chatting to people who interest you and you'll get a proper feel as to whether they're genuine. Then if you want to speak to them over the phone that usually tells you if they're for real or not. Some guys give other genuine guys a bad reputation. - good luck |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"I’ve not been on here long so im looking for advice on how to achieve that first meet. Both myself and hubby have been talking about me finding a fb for a while, we have visited a club and I have joined here but I’ve found that I can’t see the good messages because of the amount of bad ones there are and have already received some abuse for telling people thanks for the message but no thanks. I know I can set my filters but then that’s going to rule out messages that maybe promising!
I suppose my question is how do you go ahead and arrange that first meet ensuring that the person you are meeting is genuine and what type of place should that first meet be, I would like to meet socially first to see if there is an attraction is that something most people would be happy with?"
Use the filters to target the guys you a looking for...oh...wait a minute...  |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
As a new single lady on site you can expect hundreds of messages. It should calm down a bit. Put as many filters on as you can without it being too restrictive. And I wish you bloody good luck! |
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Im afraid i remember being a newbie all too well.
Ul receive hundreds of messages but and Unfortuneatly I met a few that i wdnt meet again but there are a lot of genuine guys on here. As someone sd it's the bad ones that make it hard for the genuine ones and sometines u just have to have that coffee meet to decide x |
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OP as a single lady on fab you will inevitably find your inbox fills up with crap messages.
The only way to reduce the amount of crap is to use your filters.
I would suggest blocking new members and using age filters to start with. You could also block those who don't have public pictures but this is the easiest one for them to get around. They just make a pic public, send message and then remove the pic straight away. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Try not to let the bad messages get you down and remember deleting without reply is perfectly acceptable here, and anyone that suggests otherwise will probably be an 'entitled' single male that thinks all they have to do is send a one line message to get a meet.
Be choosy!! You can afford to be!! Take your time reading through the messages that do take your interest and picking those that meet your criteria to reply to - then spend time chatting and getting to know the people until you're comfortable you want to meet them - arrange a social meet somewhere public and if you want hubby to go along as Well, even though he won't be involved, that should be perfectly acceptable too.
Once you've decided on taking things further it depends on you as to the where - clubs are always a good option as they offer a level of safety, especially for a first meet - but otherwise hotels or your place or theirs could be an option if you are comfortable with it.
Something else to consider - even though he won't be involved directly, discuss and set very clear boundaries with hubby that you are BOTH comfortable with - things like who you'll meet, where you'll meet and whether it will be an overnight thing or you'll go home after are all key things to discuss.
Good luck and have fun   |
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OP if you do get any abusive messages report them to admin and block the sender.
I choose not to reply to most messages I receive. If I do reply "no thanks" and then decide to tighten up my message filters at some point in the future anyone I've sent a message to can get around my filters. They don't apply to those you have already messaged.
If you are still finding it all a bit too much and want to stop the messages I would suggest setting your age range to 98-99 and using the age filter. This will stop pretty much everyone from messaging you first. Search for people yourself and send the first message to those you would like to chat with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a male, I tend to send messages otherwise I wouldn't get noticed, but tend not to have the same problems as you op.
I would suggest those that you get, that are straight to the point, fuck now messages you delete, those that perhaps have sent a thoughtful message but don't match your requirements, either delete or if you have the time, you could do a thanks but no thanks. A delete means you're not interested, so they should get the message anyway. Any abusive messages report.
Those that do catch your eye, take your time over before meeting. If they are worth it they will wait until you are ready. Then go for a social. If they aren't willing, forget them and say why. Any abuse report.
While I have had the odd meet, very odd, with someone after one message it is rare and not something I would expect. Normally for me, it will be messages on here, possibly exchange numbers if we are due to meet, usually a social and if all good arrange a playdate. In my experience that's the usual way of doing things. |
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Thanks for the fab replies, I’ve changed my filters, blocked all newbies (even though I am one ), blocked anyone who hasn’t got a profile picture and changed my age range, hopefully that should stop so many coming through. Not going to post any new pics either cause that seems to start a flurry of messages too
Looking forward to finding someone I can meet |
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By *imonP23Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
Face pics need to be sent as soon as possible. Both participants need to be able to see who they are dealing with, it builds trust.
Phone number is only needed when a meeting is being arranged. But that should happen sooner rather than later - a social meet in a pub or whatever. You choose a venue where you feel comfortable and safe, any reasonable man will accept that. I have suggested meeting in the street while out shopping!
From a male perspective, I'd say that we need to meet as soon as possible, as there are unfortunately a lot of timewasters about. Again it's about proving that you are genuine and serious.
Actual sex can wait until you are ready. But ditch any rules you might have picked up regarding the "appropriate number of dates" first. Sex on a first date is unexpected, sex on a second is expected but not mandatory.
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"I suppose my question is how do you go ahead and arrange that first meet ensuring that the person you are meeting is genuine and what type of place should that first meet be, I would like to meet socially first to see if there is an attraction is that something most people would be happy with?"
I insist on a coffee social firs time, in a very public place. And I let several friends know where I am and, if they are Fab friends, the username.
I believe that if a man can't spend a bit of time having a coffee and seeing if there is mutual attraction then he's not worth my time |
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"Face pics need to be sent as soon as possible. Both participants need to be able to see who they are dealing with, it builds trust.
Phone number is only needed when a meeting is being arranged. But that should happen sooner rather than later - a social meet in a pub or whatever. You choose a venue where you feel comfortable and safe, any reasonable man will accept that. I have suggested meeting in the street while out shopping!
From a male perspective, I'd say that we need to meet as soon as possible, as there are unfortunately a lot of timewasters about. Again it's about proving that you are genuine and serious.
Actual sex can wait until you are ready. But ditch any rules you might have picked up regarding the "appropriate number of dates" first. Sex on a first date is unexpected, sex on a second is expected but not mandatory.
"
Oh I have no illusions about what I’m here for just trying to get a handle on how everything works and what would be the norm |
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"How does everyone decide how much personal info to give out and when, eg face photos, phone numbers etc?
Mostly on gut instinct, though I use Kik so there's no phone number given out."
I’ve got Kik so that is probably a better option, I’m just a little worried about giving my number out  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Oh I have no illusions about what I’m here for just trying to get a handle on how everything works and what would be the norm "
The only "norm" is the one you (and your other half) are comfortable with but I'd suggest swapping face pics as early as possible to avoid wasting time if there's no attraction - any other things like phone numbers etc it's up to you and how you want to play it, I'd suggest not doing so until you have a level of comfort that you might want to meet the person though - that may come after a couple of messages, or loads.
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Oh I have no illusions about what I’m here for just trying to get a handle on how everything works and what would be the norm
The only "norm" is the one you (and your other half) are comfortable with but I'd suggest swapping face pics as early as possible to avoid wasting time if there's no attraction - any other things like phone numbers etc it's up to you and how you want to play it, I'd suggest not doing so until you have a level of comfort that you might want to meet the person though - that may come after a couple of messages, or loads.
"
Yeah face pics I don’t really have a problem with I like to know what the person I’m talking to looks like as well so completely understand that one |
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I quite like the profiles that require me to put a specific word or phrase in the headline to prove I've read their profile, if you adopt that then you can safely delete all messages that don't have that headline. |
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"Be careful giving your number out as some numbers are linked to Facebook and you can easily be found. I'd say use Kik. X "
I think that’s what I’m a little worried about! I’m also not the best talking on the phone, I’m fine in person but hate phone calls I even avoid them in work and I have to do them there! Lol |
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By *imonP23Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
You don't necessarily need to speak on the phone. If you've arranged the meet online, the main reason for swapping numbers and carrying a phone is to send texts such as "on my way" and "I've arrived", or to warn of problems such as getting stuck in traffic. You can save actual conversations for the meet!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It may be obvious, but you have to do what you feel most comfortable with.
I've met people from just messaging on here, I've met after giving a phone number, I've met usually through a social first, I've met by going directly to their house. While I would always suggest meeting socially somewhere busy first, not everyone does. You have to do what is right for you. If that's Kik, then use that. You could buy a cheap pay as you go for swinging and use that, but like me, you're not keen on talking on the phone.
As someone else said, use your gut instinct, it's rarely wrong. Don't be pushed into anything that you aren't happy about, if it doesn't feel right, it isn't.
If it doesn't work for you, whether it's exchanging numbers, or photos, meeting, then it's not worth doing. |
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"Be careful giving your number out as some numbers are linked to Facebook and you can easily be found. I'd say use Kik. X
I think that’s what I’m a little worried about! I’m also not the best talking on the phone, I’m fine in person but hate phone calls I even avoid them in work and I have to do them there! Lol"
You could also just get a cheap play phone for a tenner and just switch it on when your meeting. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP as a single lady on fab you will inevitably find your inbox fills up with crap messages.
The only way to reduce the amount of crap is to use your filters.
I would suggest blocking new members and using age filters to start with. You could also block those who don't have public pictures but this is the easiest one for them to get around. They just make a pic public, send message and then remove the pic straight away."
good advise |
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