FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > When to re-message?
When to re-message?
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By *imonP23 OP Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
Something I've often wondered about...
Like pretty much every other guy on here, almost all of my messages are either ignored or deleted. And if I try to send another message (sometimes I honestly can't remember if I've contacted a particular person before), I get the STOP warning, which I have almost always heeded. So far, the only woman I've messaged a second time is one who has been on here more than a year and still has no veris: as I'm now verified, I was hoping to bribe her with a veri if she'd meet me, but no luck as yet.
But I've read on here that a lot of women bulk-delete messages without reading them, or read them without replying because they get too many to cope with. So should I carry on refusing to contact the same woman twice?
Under what circumstances is it considered OK to re-message a woman who has failed to respond to your first message? After a suitable delay (maybe 6 months)? Once you have more veris? Or never? I'm looking for someone local to me, so there aren't many around here, my options are limited!
For the ladies on here... if you're genuinely not interested in a guy, do you routinely block him, or just ignore him? Does the lack of a block imply that another message from him at a later date would be acceptable?
And on a related note... if you're only supposed to send one message, when would be the best time? When she's new, and being swamped with messages? Or after a few weeks, when the initial rush has died down and I'm more likely to get noticed, but she might already have several "regulars" and is less likely to be looking for more?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'bribe her with a veri'??? seriously? i assuming you're joking!
personally i think it's a waste of time re-messaging anyone until maybe months and months later if you really feel you have to, and definitely never after that. i have the memory of an elephant and i find it just annoying and a bit desperate if someone messages again after i've deleted one recently and will just block them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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personally bribing a person with a verification is a tad lame!
and like me im not actually bothered about verification's, if i want to meet someone i will 
but messages.
i dont mind a message if i have said no thanks not at this time or im not free but depends if they deleted your mail or said no
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If it's been over 6 months we can never remember the message anyhow so tend to try ones luck, we don't read or remember 25% of the messages we get and have had some great encounters from a re-sent message. |
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Bribe with a veri????
My personal way of doing things is that if my message is deleted and I know the lady viewed my profile then I make a private note never to try again.
If the message remained unread for weeks or months then maybe after 3 months I might try one more time.
If they delete and I don't know if they viewed me then I make a note and am highly unlikely to message them again.
I never offer to veri until after I have met someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman on here over a year with no verifications is not a woman 
I have no problem with someone messaging me twice if their circumstances have changed and they now fit what I’m looking for.
Messaging me again when nothing has changed since the last time they messaged me and I said no for whatever reason is just pointless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's read and deleted, personally I wouldn't re-message. Read and not deleted, then I may do but not for several months. If it hasn't been read and just sits there in my outbox in yellow then after a week or so I delete it myself and never re-message. |
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By *imonP23 OP Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
Well, the unverified "woman" is (or purports to be) a fit 30-year-old, no face pic but a nice topless torso pic. I certainly have my suspicions, but if she's genuine and everyone assumed otherwise... well, then she might actually need a veri! (Of course, it's entirely possible that she's had meets with unverified men who cannot verify her, and my veri would allow her to verify them in turn). But she hasn't logged on for several days, too early to see if this will work.
On the main topic, it seems that opinion is divided on this. Nobody has ever specifically turned me down (I've never had a "go away, not interested" message, and if any of them have blocked me, I'm not aware of it). It does seem that sending a "not now, maybe later" message is not the norm though.
I will consider changing my "one strike and you're out" policy to a "two strikes, at least 6 months apart, and then you're out" policy in carefully-selected cases!
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Well, the unverified "woman" is (or purports to be) a fit 30-year-old, no face pic but a nice topless torso pic. I certainly have my suspicions, but if she's genuine and everyone assumed otherwise... well, then she might actually need a veri! (Of course, it's entirely possible that she's had meets with unverified men who cannot verify her, and my veri would allow her to verify them in turn). But she hasn't logged on for several days, too early to see if this will work.
On the main topic, it seems that opinion is divided on this. Nobody has ever specifically turned me down (I've never had a "go away, not interested" message, and if any of them have blocked me, I'm not aware of it). It does seem that sending a "not now, maybe later" message is not the norm though.
I will consider changing my "one strike and you're out" policy to a "two strikes, at least 6 months apart, and then you're out" policy in carefully-selected cases!
"
Starting to sound a bit stalkerish or obsessive OP, just leave her be, she's clearly not interested, and as previously pointed out, she may not want veris! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A woman on here over a year with no verifications is not a woman
I have no problem with someone messaging me twice if their circumstances have changed and they now fit what I’m looking for.
Messaging me again when nothing has changed since the last time they messaged me and I said no for whatever reason is just pointless."
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Well, the unverified "woman" is (or purports to be) a fit 30-year-old, no face pic but a nice topless torso pic. I certainly have my suspicions, but if she's genuine and everyone assumed otherwise... well, then she might actually need a veri! (Of course, it's entirely possible that she's had meets with unverified men who cannot verify her, and my veri would allow her to verify them in turn). But she hasn't logged on for several days, too early to see if this will work.
On the main topic, it seems that opinion is divided on this. Nobody has ever specifically turned me down (I've never had a "go away, not interested" message, and if any of them have blocked me, I'm not aware of it). It does seem that sending a "not now, maybe later" message is not the norm though.
I will consider changing my "one strike and you're out" policy to a "two strikes, at least 6 months apart, and then you're out" policy in carefully-selected cases!
"
You're placing to much importance on verifications. Nobody "needs" a veri.
Some people just want to fuck. Everything else is... |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Putting aside the rights and wrongs of "bribing her with a veri" (actually there are no rights about it) - it's entirely possible the lady in question may have chosen to hide both her veris and the summary OP.
As for repeat messages then it's a judgement call - I have heard women on here say they missed a message first time round due to volume of messages receives etc. - either way if you were going to send a second message I'd suggest an appropriate amount of time is left before a second one is sent |
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To the question "When to re-message?" the answer is never.
If you don't hear back you're not wanted. Harsh but true.
This is one of the reasons men get blocked "for no reason", i.e. to stop them coming back in 6 months or whatever.
And stop being stingy OP, pay your £5 to support the site AND see if you have messaged someone before |
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Don't know many women on the site that are unverified after a year on here, but there's plenty of "women" that are. Honestly don't waste your time on a profile like that
And seriously bribing someone with the promise of a veri just makes you sound desperate
And never re-message. If you've not had a reply you arent wanted, its that simple, even the ladies that bulk delete have likely seen it and decided you aren't fit them and after accumulating so many messages then they delete them in one go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To the question "When to re-message?" the answer is never.
If you don't hear back you're not wanted. Harsh but true.
This is one of the reasons men get blocked "for no reason", i.e. to stop them coming back in 6 months or whatever.
And stop being stingy OP, pay your £5 to support the site AND see if you have messaged someone before "
But he might be saving that £5 to spend at your tea party!   |
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"To the question "When to re-message?" the answer is never.
If you don't hear back you're not wanted. Harsh but true.
This is one of the reasons men get blocked "for no reason", i.e. to stop them coming back in 6 months or whatever.
And stop being stingy OP, pay your £5 to support the site AND see if you have messaged someone before
But he might be saving that £5 to spend at your tea party! "
He's not on the list so that can't be it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This thread is spot on. It's going to be a problem for me.
When people join, they stumble through messaging, learning as they go. They probably message a lot and get ignored a lot. You don't know why you were ignored.
I'd think 6 weeks is reasonable and only if a combination of changes have happened - new profile text, new photos, verification. Basically, you have to look fresh and different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If you don't hear back you're not wanted. Harsh but true.
This is one of the reasons men get blocked "for no reason", i.e. to stop them coming back in 6 months or whatever."
But blocking is good. It helps people know there is no return. Delete could be for many things and I think you would try again in the future if you don't know why.
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"
If you don't hear back you're not wanted. Harsh but true.
This is one of the reasons men get blocked "for no reason", i.e. to stop them coming back in 6 months or whatever.
But blocking is good. It helps people know there is no return. Delete could be for many things and I think you would try again in the future if you don't know why.
"
I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two appriaches could be tried, 1, wait 4 years and 97 days then re message. 2 set up a dozen profiles and message from each one.
In either case acceptable bribes take the form of cake or chocolate, never veries... |
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"A woman on here over a year with no verifications is not a woman
I have no problem with someone messaging me twice if their circumstances have changed and they now fit what I’m looking for.
Messaging me again when nothing has changed since the last time they messaged me and I said no for whatever reason is just pointless."
I agree with this. On occasion I've messaged somebody months after an initial message for some relevant reason and it's led to a meet. Circumstances change sometimes. The key point is that it's been a period of months. |
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OP: If a woman has been here for over a year and has no verifications then it is either because she is a he, or genuinely not interested in meeting.
We have only mass deleted once, and that was a d*unken misclick after a great night out in Glasgow. How long to wait before sending another message will depend very much on you, and whether you think they genuinely are/will be interested in you.
If you see a message has been read and you hear nothing back, then a second message is probably not going to change things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"bribe her with a verification?"
I was going to pick up on this. Nobody should need to hold a veri over someone's head in order to get them to meet. This is a bit of a shitty attitude to have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This thread is spot on. It's going to be a problem for me.
When people join, they stumble through messaging, learning as they go. They probably message a lot and get ignored a lot. You don't know why you were ignored.
I'd think 6 weeks is reasonable and only if a combination of changes have happened - new profile text, new photos, verification. Basically, you have to look fresh and different."
This is exactly the same in real life when a girl feiend zones you.
If you continue to stick around and keep trying, you'll continue to be ignored. If you want someone to suddenly like you, they need to see you with fresh eyes, this can only be done if there is a noticeable change in you. You should never change to line up with someone in particulars wants, but ymif you're not happy with yourself you should try and become the version of you you do like, and then reacquaint yourself with the people who maybe didn't like the old you either. You may even find that you don't like then anymore, but at least you get to find out if the change is a positive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest unlike men, I don't think genuine women will struggle to get a meet whether they are verified or not, there's always going to be some guy who's willing to take the risk, so verification bribery is pretty pointless |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"This thread is spot on. It's going to be a problem for me.
When people join, they stumble through messaging, learning as they go. They probably message a lot and get ignored a lot. You don't know why you were ignored.
I'd think 6 weeks is reasonable and only if a combination of changes have happened - new profile text, new photos, verification. Basically, you have to look fresh and different.
This is exactly the same in real life when a girl feiend zones you.
If you continue to stick around and keep trying, you'll continue to be ignored. If you want someone to suddenly like you, they need to see you with fresh eyes, this can only be done if there is a noticeable change in you. You should never change to line up with someone in particulars wants, but ymif you're not happy with yourself you should try and become the version of you you do like, and then reacquaint yourself with the people who maybe didn't like the old you either. You may even find that you don't like then anymore, but at least you get to find out if the change is a positive"
Gold. |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Something I've often wondered about...
Like pretty much every other guy on here, almost all of my messages are either ignored or deleted. And if I try to send another message (sometimes I honestly can't remember if I've contacted a particular person before), I get the STOP warning, which I have almost always heeded. So far, the only woman I've messaged a second time is one who has been on here more than a year and still has no veris: as I'm now verified, I was hoping to bribe her with a veri if she'd meet me, but no luck as yet.
But I've read on here that a lot of women bulk-delete messages without reading them, or read them without replying because they get too many to cope with. So should I carry on refusing to contact the same woman twice?
Under what circumstances is it considered OK to re-message a woman who has failed to respond to your first message? After a suitable delay (maybe 6 months)? Once you have more veris? Or never? I'm looking for someone local to me, so there aren't many around here, my options are limited!
For the ladies on here... if you're genuinely not interested in a guy, do you routinely block him, or just ignore him? Does the lack of a block imply that another message from him at a later date would be acceptable?
And on a related note... if you're only supposed to send one message, when would be the best time? When she's new, and being swamped with messages? Or after a few weeks, when the initial rush has died down and I'm more likely to get noticed, but she might already have several "regulars" and is less likely to be looking for more?
"
I'll let you into a little secret. I've been to clubs where I've actually played with women who have not replied to my messages on Fab. Many times.
Here's a fun (rhetorical) quiz! My last verification was four months ago. When was the last time I actually had a meet? When was the last time I actually played? Am I even a single guy?
Good luck with working that out from just the profile info! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ignore and delete the message and if they continue bombarding me with message they are blocked.
I do actually look at my messages carefully so if they are ignored there's a reason. |
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