FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Introducing a partner
Introducing a partner
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all! I've recently started seeing someone, so haven't been meeting on here as I want to see where it goes & feel that it's the right thing to do! However, I really enjoy Fab & the lifestyle it brings, and think that she would too....how do I go about suggesting that we use this site together as a couple? It's not your everyday suggestion haha so any pointers would be greatly appreciated! Luke |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Depends on how open you are with your new partner I guess - there's always the direct "Before I met you I used to do this...." route - or could try introducing it via chatting about fantasies and if she indicates something that could be Fab related then suggest it could be made a reality.
Be prepared to accept that if she isn't interested at all that you have a decision to make about what is most important to you though, her or the site  |
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You know her, we don't.
Talk to her, it really is the only way. Allow her to talk too and express her fantasies.
I think guys who wonder how to broach the subject of swinging would find it easier if they stopped concentrating on that one aspect and worked on establishing the kind of relationship where talking about both partners fantasies could be discussed without prejudice. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Hi all! I've recently started seeing someone, so haven't been meeting on here as I want to see where it goes & feel that it's the right thing to do! However, I really enjoy Fab & the lifestyle it brings, and think that she would too....how do I go about suggesting that we use this site together as a couple? It's not your everyday suggestion haha so any pointers would be greatly appreciated! Luke "
does she know you are on here? If not try talking to her, just be honest about things then when you find out either way you can do it together, stop on here or see her exclusively and leave here.
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I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist 
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
"
excellent advice x |
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"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
"
I agree with a lot of what you say. However I think approaching it obliquely can lead to misunderstanding because people will often give what they feel is the acceptable answer rather than a truthful one. |
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"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
I agree with a lot of what you say. However I think approaching it obliquely can lead to misunderstanding because people will often give what they feel is the acceptable answer rather than a truthful one. "
True but the way someone gives even an answer they think is socially acceptable can give a clue to their true feelings.
Obviously the OP could just say "I am into swinging, how about you", but I get the impression he doesn't want to try the direct way |
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"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
I agree with a lot of what you say. However I think approaching it obliquely can lead to misunderstanding because people will often give what they feel is the acceptable answer rather than a truthful one.
True but the way someone gives even an answer they think is socially acceptable can give a clue to their true feelings.
Obviously the OP could just say "I am into swinging, how about you", but I get the impression he doesn't want to try the direct way "
You're right.
I always compare it to buying a cup of coffee. If I go in to a coffee shop and say
"I'd like an Americano with hot milk on the side please"
I'm going to get it a darn site quicker than if I tell the barista I read about it in a magazine and what do they think .  |
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"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
I agree with a lot of what you say. However I think approaching it obliquely can lead to misunderstanding because people will often give what they feel is the acceptable answer rather than a truthful one.
True but the way someone gives even an answer they think is socially acceptable can give a clue to their true feelings.
Obviously the OP could just say "I am into swinging, how about you", but I get the impression he doesn't want to try the direct way
You're right.
I always compare it to buying a cup of coffee. If I go in to a coffee shop and say
"I'd like an Americano with hot milk on the side please"
I'm going to get it a darn site quicker than if I tell the barista I read about it in a magazine and what do they think . "
To be fair, that's what I do these days, but he is quite young and I could not have done that at his age! |
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"I would first get a feel as to whether it is something she is likely to be into. 95% or more of women will expect monogamy in a relationship and will dump you if you tell them you want to have sex with other women.
You could bring up the subject of swinging obliquely. Tell her you read an article in a magazine about it and gage her reaction from that. If she's of the "that's disgusting" school you know where you stand and you then have to decide how important swinging is to you in a relationship. If you can't live without it, it's best to end the relationship. If you carry on and either swing secretly or pressure her to join in when she is not interested you will only bring misery on you both.
Speaking as the male here, I could not be in a relationship with a woman who wanted monogamy and if that is you as well you should look for a non monogamous woman. They do exist
I agree with a lot of what you say. However I think approaching it obliquely can lead to misunderstanding because people will often give what they feel is the acceptable answer rather than a truthful one.
True but the way someone gives even an answer they think is socially acceptable can give a clue to their true feelings.
Obviously the OP could just say "I am into swinging, how about you", but I get the impression he doesn't want to try the direct way
You're right.
I always compare it to buying a cup of coffee. If I go in to a coffee shop and say
"I'd like an Americano with hot milk on the side please"
I'm going to get it a darn site quicker than if I tell the barista I read about it in a magazine and what do they think .
To be fair, that's what I do these days, but he is quite young and I could not have done that at his age! "
True! And a relationship with your local barista isn't quite as important as with your partner. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
I couldn't be happy in a relationship with someone where we can't openly discuss or sexual wishes. I'd be gutted if I had a partner who felt he couldn't open up to me either.
Be honest. Open up the lines of communication and discuss it openly. While I know I couldn't swing with someone I love, you equally can't swing together and not be completely open with each other..its a recipie for disaster.
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When i first got with boo i was totally open about living an "adventurous" lifestyle.
She asked questions and i was open about it all. To begin with it was a direct no, over time she became more interested and we experimented with toys to seeif she liked certain sensations, from there we talked and talked and talked....then talked some more. Put limits in place and set up on here...the rest is history
So talk! Be open and give time. |
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"You know her, we don't.
Talk to her, it really is the only way. Allow her to talk too and express her fantasies.
I think guys who wonder how to broach the subject of swinging would find it easier if they stopped concentrating on that one aspect and worked on establishing the kind of relationship where talking about both partners fantasies could be discussed without prejudice."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My suggestion is to be direct, both with her and with yourself, is swinging something you can live without or not? If it isn't then it is definitely worth finding out now if she is interested even if it is to do it further down the line of your relationship.
When I first got together with Mark I was open about my sexuality, I told him I had been with others in group play and I enjoyed that, he was on board luckily for me and we eventually started swinging about 6 months into our relationship after talking about our fantasies and whatnot.
And honestly it was a big risk for me being open and explaining my standing on it but if I hadn't I would have been unfulfilled and ultimately not 100% happy because I would always feel there is something missing. But it isn't the same for everyone, some people are perfectly happy to live a monogamous lifestyle, which is why I suggest starting with asking yourself that question.
Wish you the best of luck getting the outcome you hope for OP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did the same but. Started seeing her stopped on here.
She was/ is sexual curious. So I told her I was on this site and hadn't played since meeting her.
Asked her if she would like to see it.
O she had already said she was bi curious.
So seemed the way to go about it. |
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