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Newbies looking for advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Hi everyone,

Firstly, apologies if this ends up as one of them really long 'essay like' posts. So just for those who don't really like to read, here's the summarised TL:DR.

We're a young married couple. Signed up here about a week ago. New to 'the scene'. Considering a club for our first experience. Looking for other people to share their stories, tips or advice with us. Especially couples whose first experience was in a club.

Now for the extended version,

I guess the best place to start is with an introduction so here we go. As we've already mentioned in the tl:dr, we're a young married couple, we're very much in love and have a great, passionate sex life. We're here because we want to enhance it further, experience new things, and most importantly, have fun.

After being quite open and honest with each other about certain fantasies that we both have, we decided to sign up here and see what, if anything would come from it.

After we got through the initial barrage of inboxes, friend requests and winks that we're assuming all new accounts get, we've started to figure out how to sort through all the noise and have managed to have some very insightful conversations with others on here.

We are totally new to this whole scene, so far the only thing we've actually managed to get done is sign up to this site (Fun fact. just the act of signing up to this site has turned the heat up a notch in the bedroom). For that reason, we aren't looking to rush into anything. We're quite happy to take our time and enjoy the experience at a pace that works for us. To use a swimming pool analogy, we'd rather dip our toes in the shallow end and slowly working our way up until we're at a point we can splash about having the time of our lives, rather than diving in at the deep end, having a bad experience and never wanting to go swimming again.

One thing that we have discussed lately is the idea of going to a club for our first experience rather than starting with a private meet. We imagine that this would be a better way to ease ourselves in gently without the pressure that may (or may not) come with a private meet.

So, the whole point of this post is to reach out to people (certainly couples, but we're just as interested in stories from singles too) who may have been in a similar situation to us, especially those couples whose first experience was visiting a club.

How did you get started with swinging? Was it something that just spontaneously happened, or did you discuss things prior?

What was your first experience and how did it go? Was it a club meet, private meet, or something else altogether?

Did you have any prior expectations and how close were they to how things actually went?

What advice and tips could you share with us that could help us get started in the best possible way?

Are there any clubs in the North West you would recommend for a couple to visit as first-timers?

We understand that everyone is different and as such, their experiences will be. What one person would class as a success may be another person's fail. Hopefully by talking to others and hearing their stories it will help us ease into things and set some realistic expectations.

One thing for sure, we're both looking forward to seeing just where this new and exciting journey may lead us.

Stay FAB!

Mr&Mrs MarriedFunNW

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By *lik and PaulCouple  over a year ago

Flagrante

Welcome to the world of swinging xx

My advice would be to go to a club and take things slowly. Before you go (or do anything with anyone) agree between yourselves what your individual boundaries are. Being open and honest with each other is absolutely vital to keeping your relationship protected. Don't push each other into something that you're not both 100% comfortable with.

Have fun

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Welcome to the world of swinging xx

My advice would be to go to a club and take things slowly. Before you go (or do anything with anyone) agree between yourselves what your individual boundaries are. Being open and honest with each other is absolutely vital to keeping your relationship protected. Don't push each other into something that you're not both 100% comfortable with.

Have fun "

Wish my entry in was that smooth and honest and had that advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Thanks for the reply.

They all seem like sound and solid pieces of advice. We've already been very open and honest with each other so far, that's how we ended up here in the first place

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Great advice above and what a great thread OP - having started out with a couples profile here, which I'm still very much part of and our first steps into this world having been at a club I can understand exactly how you must be feeling right now, excited, nervous, unsure if you're doing the right thing and a whole heap of other things besides

My advice to you would be, as Dlik and Paul have said - go along having discussed and set boundaries beforehand - what you're both happy to do, whether you're looking to meet other couples, singles etc, whether you're willing to full swap or soft swap etc.

Most clubs are very welcoming and will show you round, explain any rules and etiquette and even introduce you to other people there.

Go along ready to engage and chat to others and not be stand of fish as people may take this as a sign you're not interested.

Don't be afraid to say a polite no thanks if you're not interested and equally be willing to accept the same from others.

One of the biggest difficulties as a couple is finding another couple that you both like the look of and that both like you. NEVER take one for the team - that can only lead to upset - if one of you doesn't like the look of a potential play mate or mates then accept that and move on.

That's just a few pointers - the biggest thing to remember is this is supposed to be fun so go along with the intention of just that and no expectations of actually playing and you'll be fine.

Good luck and hope it works out for you

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By *bwitchedWoman  over a year ago

Batley, West Yorkshire

Our first experience of the scene was at a club. We'd seen an episode of Sexcetera that featured La Chambre and got talking about it. Long story short, a few years later we finally screwed up the courage and went. We never actually played at la Chambre with anyone but each other but as a learning experience it was fantastic and very liberating.

We spent most of our evenings there people watching and just observing - seeing how couples there interacted with each other as well as other couples and singles.

I would agree very much with what flik and Paul have said, agree your boundaries before you go so you both know where you stand, commit to sticking to them and just take things at your own pace.

Two main things we learnt at La chambre.....

1 - you arrive as a couple, leave as a couple. Stick together!

2 - be wary of alcohol. A little helps us loosen up, too much affects our judgement and we do things we wouldn't if we were sober.

Just keep being open and honest with each other. It's a learning curve and always will be as you explore together. Happy swinging!x

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By *lik and PaulCouple  over a year ago

Flagrante


"Thanks for the reply.

They all seem like sound and solid pieces of advice. We've already been very open and honest with each other so far, that's how we ended up here in the first place "

That's great. Still, every time we go to the club we check with each other what, if anything new we'd like to try and once we've done something we take a few moments out on our own to check that both are happy before moving on to more play. We can quite often just give the other a look if something's not working

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Hi everybody,

Thanks for the replies (both on here or via inbox) so far.

Although many of the points mentioned so far are things we have already considered, it's nice to have them reaffirmed by experienced members. It just shows us that we have approached things in the right way so far.

We've no doubt that when the time comes and we finally arrange our first club visit/private meet, that we'll both be experiencing a certain level of nervousness and/or anxiety. I'd expect that to be normal for most, along with the obvious feelings of anticipation and excitement etc.

Thanks to the tips and advice above, we can at least go into this a little more prepared now. We suspect nothing will truly prepare us, it's just one of them situations thats hard to imagine until you are actually in the thick of it we guess.

Please keep your stories, tips, advice, warnings etc. coming... it's been great to hear from those who've replied so far, but there are 20k+ members on here so I'm sure we can squeeze in a few more responses.

Thanks!

Him+Her

MarriedFunNW

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By *emini ManMan  over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't get nervous before a meet or club visit - I still do and have been visiting clubs on and off for the last 18 months.

I always try and look at it like you're stepping into a bubble every time you go to a club or have a meet - where you leave your normal life at the door but are still aware of it being there right outside - it helps you relax and loosens your inhibitions a little.

There is nothing like the feeling of liberation you get when visiting a club though - seeing normal everyday people of all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life having fun and letting themselves go. The first time I went to a club (VA) I was incredibly wary of getting naked in front of others - yet once through the door and when we decided to go and sit in the hot tub dropping that towel, hanging it up and stepping naked into the tub full of other naked people was probably one of the most liberating things I have ever done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"You wouldn't be normal if you didn't get nervous before a meet or club visit - I still do and have been visiting clubs on and off for the last 18 months.

I always try and look at it like you're stepping into a bubble every time you go to a club or have a meet - where you leave your normal life at the door but are still aware of it being there right outside - it helps you relax and loosens your inhibitions a little.

There is nothing like the feeling of liberation you get when visiting a club though - seeing normal everyday people of all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life having fun and letting themselves go. The first time I went to a club (VA) I was incredibly wary of getting naked in front of others - yet once through the door and when we decided to go and sit in the hot tub dropping that towel, hanging it up and stepping naked into the tub full of other naked people was probably one of the most liberating things I have ever done."

Thanks for the reply.

Love your view on things. We had wondered how we'd feel about being naked in front of others for the first time, and hearing your story reminded us that everyone will have been in a similar situation at some point. Just need to go with the flow, relax and enjoy it for what it is. The hot tub sounds like a great way to get into it, we might steal that idea

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