FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Talking to single guys in clubs

Talking to single guys in clubs

By *on and Tammy OP Couple over a year ago

Manchester

Hi guys,

We're just curious as to what people's thoughts are on this.

Basically we've done a fair few club visits now and every time (bar one occasion) we've gone with another couple with the intention of playing with them.

Now we've often seen guys we're interested in but, because we're playing with a couple, we're not really up for playing with the guy on the night and so haven't approached them because we don't want to waste their time when they could be talking to people who are up for playing.

Are we over thinking this too much? Are guys happy to talk knowing they won't get to play that night but could possibly make plans for a future meet?

All opinions greatly appreciated.

P&Cxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've got no problem with that. If you wanted to talk without playing at first then that's okay with me. For me it's not just about the sex, it's about the social aspect of it. Making friends.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

We've chatted to a single guy when neither of us were free that night, with the intention of sorting something in future. Swapped fab names, it should work well if both parties are interested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a single male club-goer, I'm grateful if ANYONE talks to me. Most of the time when I say hello to someone they just sneer and walk away.

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

Some single guys may think you are wasting their time but they tend to be the ones who are just there for a fuck and not the genuine swingers who understand the scene properly and know the importance of being sociable.

I chat to loads of people at clubs - men, women and couples. I enjoy the social side of swinging and it is great to make new friends and contacts. I may not want to play with them on the night but it doesn't mean I won't ever play with them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have chatted with people in clubs, when we have no intention of playing with them at any time

We go to clubs for the social and erotic aspect and if anything more happens, where there is mutual attraction, then great. Otherwise, it is a night out

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When we are out as a couple we often talk with the single guys and what tends to happen is we are already hooked up that night it may just be a chat but when we see them again the initial relationship has already started and then we can progress from there, some times we have seen and chatted with people 3 or 4 times before we play.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Definitely talk to them. If they get a bit arsey about playing that night you really don't want to be playing with them anyway. If they're ok with it then they're probably worth making the effort for

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I chat to all sorts of people in a club regardless of whether I want to play or not. It never crossed my mind to only talk to people if I would like to play.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't play in clubs unless I've played with the person before. So I mostly go because i love visiting them from the social perspective.

Depending on the club, for example I know Townhouse do this, guys are inducted and given clear guidelines as far as behaviour is concerned. It's made clear that just because we might speak to someone doesn't mean something will happen as far as play is concerned. So I don't think the majority of guys would think you're wasting their time.

Personally I only know if I want to play once I've spoken to the person so it's never a guarantee anyway.

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By *hocolate_HeavenMan over a year ago

Birmingham and Dubai

"Hi guys,

We're just curious as to what people's thoughts are on this.

Basically we've done a fair few club visits now and every time (bar one occasion) we've gone with another couple with the intention of playing with them.

Are we over thinking this too much? Are guys happy to talk knowing they won't get to play that night but could possibly make plans for a future meet?

All opinions greatly appreciated.

P&Cxx"

P&C a great night for me is connecting with quality new couples. If it happens at a later date then so be it. Connections long term keep me coming back for more. So even if it's sharing a drink on a quiet midweek night knowing the weekend could bring so much more.

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I normally have a chat with lots of people that I may never ever want to play with all them me. I enjoy the social and erotic side, like many people have said. I would just put into the conversation early that you are there with another couple, but it would be fun if you happen to cross paths out and about another time.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

If you approached me in a club whether i was on my own or not id be happy to chat. If on my own and lets be honest looking for action i might subsequently be dissappointed to learn that no play that night was going to occur with you. Thats human nature. But if we agreed another time whether that be at a club or elsewhere then great. There would be nothing to stop ne talking to other people after finishing our chat. And i think id feel good about making a new acquaintence and opening up potential future avenues for meets or play.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We find a lot of men at clubs aren't intersted in chat, they just want to get straight down to the action! Of course that means no action as far as we are concerned!

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By *lik and PaulCouple over a year ago

Flagrante

We always chat to single men in the club. They understand that's not necessarily a ticket to play but has lead to some smiles and adds to the relaxed and erotic atmosphere.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single male club-goer, I'm grateful if ANYONE talks to me. Most of the time when I say hello to someone they just sneer and walk away."

That's awful

I must admit I avoid getting into conversations with guys in clubs if I go alone because they almost always see it as a green light ime. However I would always smile and say a polite hello to someone who said it to me.

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

"Hi guys,

We're just curious as to what people's thoughts are on this.

Basically we've done a fair few club visits now and every time (bar one occasion) we've gone with another couple with the intention of playing with them.

Are we over thinking this too much? Are guys happy to talk knowing they won't get to play that night but could possibly make plans for a future meet?

All opinions greatly appreciated.

P&Cxx"

I don't do clubs. If I did and a sexy woman like you said do you maybe fancy meeting up one day in the future? I would be made up and would say yes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We find a lot of men at clubs aren't intersted in chat, they just want to get straight down to the action! Of course that means no action as far as we are concerned! "

We just walk away from that kind

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Actually good for you OP. Amusingly enough, I read a thread by a woman that complained that a lot of couples in clubs simply enjoyed the attention and when they stated that they "enjoyed the social side of swinging", it was really just a way for them to insist on people conforming to their own narrow attitudes and dispositions before they would be willing to "gift" them with sex.

Unsurprisingly, the responses in that thread were different to the ones here. Whether you want to deny it or not, swinging is about sex. The idea that a "real swinger" takes part in the "social side" of the scene is bullshit. People have the forums, socials and social meets for conversations...and there are plenty of those to choose from.

For the most part, a swingers club is about the sex and the sexually charged atmosphere. No honest guy is going to sit and pretend that he wants to spend his time talking to people who have no intention of getting physical with him.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

I would much rather have someone approach me and chat to me, with or without the intention of sharing some fun, than be ignored and left propping up the bar, or wandering around like a social leper as my previous club visits have been

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would much rather have someone approach me and chat to me, with or without the intention of sharing some fun, than be ignored and left propping up the bar, or wandering around like a social leper as my previous club visits have been

Thats because its a mans job to approach and strike conversation. Thats the way it works in vanilla clubs, so swingers clubs wont be any different.

What I dont get is why dudes think they'll just stand there holding their cocks and expect women to come up and tempt them. On a night out I have all kinds of d*unk low lives walk up to me to make inane statements or to court attention or an ego boost. When I did well , I was taking action and talking to the people I was interested in instead of waiting to get lucky and then having to entertain someone who was essentially wasting my time

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

Thats because its a mans job to approach and strike conversation. Thats the way it works in vanilla clubs, so swingers clubs wont be any different.

And again, referring to my club experiences, approaching couples who turn their heads as you try to catch their eye to strike up a conversation, doesn't fill you with the confidence to approach many others

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would welcome a chat, as a club visit is about fun and social as well as play. Whilst I may hope to play, if it was made clear that wasn't on the cards that night I would still enjoy the company (I may have even just played and want to just relax anyway!)

Chatting can lead to later meets or introductions to others that same night who do want to play.

In the past I have started to chat making it clear that was all I was interested in so as not to appear to be pestering.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thats because its a mans job to approach and strike conversation. Thats the way it works in vanilla clubs, so swingers clubs wont be any different.

Rejection is inevitable. You typically find it can be anywhere from 1/5 to 1/10 people who will show interest. Thats a part of life. Still kinda confuses me how many seem unprepared for that reality.

Yes, people should not be aggressively rude. But, for the most part, people in good clubs will be respectful and let u down nicely. If you're getting distinct rejections of this kind then it may have to do with your approach.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I chat to all sorts of people in a club regardless of whether I want to play or not. It never crossed my mind to only talk to people if I would like to play. "

Me too, I just bounce around talking to everyone! I would hate to think others only deem me worthy of talking to if they think they might get sex out of it. So that's not how I treat people either. If anyone assumes I will play because I chatted, I can just say no (nicely!). If they then feel I have "wasted their time" I wouldn't care as that is just arrogance in my book

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

conversation is exactly that.... conversation!

if people want to read more into conversation thats on them.... and that goes both ways! whether thats a single talking to a couple or vice versa

they all start hello, and good conversation can make a good night as much as anything else!

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By *on and Tammy OP Couple over a year ago

Manchester

Thats because its a mans job to approach and strike conversation. Thats the way it works in vanilla clubs, so swingers clubs wont be any different.

You see, we were probably guilty of that on Saturday night with a couple of the guys we were interested in. They made eye contact and we just looked away, daft I know but being fairly new to this there's still a bit of shyness as well. We'll definitely be changing our approach to this from now on.

Thanks to everyone for all your thoughts. The threads been very illuminating and definitely makes us feel more confident about approaching guys in clubs.

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"I chat to all sorts of people in a club regardless of whether I want to play or not. It never crossed my mind to only talk to people if I would like to play. "

This exactly!

I talk to almost everybody (who's happy to chat) when I go to a club!

It'd be a pretty rubbish night if I just chatted to people I play with! Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"conversation is exactly that.... conversation!

if people want to read more into conversation thats on them.... and that goes both ways! whether thats a single talking to a couple or vice versa

they all start hello, and good conversation can make a good night as much as anything else!

Exactly. When we meet our vanilla friends and have a conversation, it not with a fuck in mind

Same in a swingers club; difference is that there is more of a likelihood of sex there than there is anywhere else

- Mrs. J -

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By *andb69Couple over a year ago

leeds

We always talk to and play with singke guys - for me it's an important part of the fun of going to a club. Evrn if we are playing with another couple, and we are all in agreement, we will invite one or more single guys to join us.

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

Interesting point op

for me I talk to a lot of people in clubs especially if I have met before. I know that some of those people won't play with me fully in a million years, I don't have boobies, of pussy to play with to start with.

However some of these people have let me watch and feel boobs and bum but soft messing about and that works for me. Also I am happy to have a dance and a general perv of others in club with them

As a single guy, it is rare that someone will come and speak to me if I don't know them, if I know them the that is different. I try to talk to people at bar, and take it from there. Also as well be willing to wait. I find watching people have fun is a good way to be invited

have played with 3 people recently where we had met at club - not played that night then played at a later date. There are actually a number of people on my play list at moment like this.

I hope that helps

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Actually good for you OP. Amusingly enough, I read a thread by a woman that complained that a lot of couples in clubs simply enjoyed the attention and when they stated that they "enjoyed the social side of swinging", it was really just a way for them to insist on people conforming to their own narrow attitudes and dispositions before they would be willing to "gift" them with sex.

my god you do talk macho BS at times.....

i think the great thing about swinging is the diversity..... you dont speak for me, and i don't speak for you..... and we probably take completely different approaches in our swinging!!!

so people don't make out that you speak for everyone..... you speak for you and you only... and your "views" apply to you and you only.....

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

OP - I think we were both in the same club on Saturday evening in Manc.

i know there was a couple of new couples that caught my eye, as well as a couple of single females. I think one of the couples for sure new that they had caught my eye, the other was watching and I am not sure

I would say on Saturday I spoke to a few new single ladies, and have kept in contact with one. Often I will speak to people that were in the club that I know to see who they were and what fab name they are so I can see profile, and maybe fab a few photos, also putting a review up describing what you were wearing helps

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By *kin BohnerMan over a year ago

derby

Speaking as a single man that has been ignored and dismissed with all the subtleties of a punch in the face I'd welcome an approach or a friendly face, even if only for a chat. To set a date for a possible future meet would be great.

I'd understand if I was bad mannered or tried to force myself on folk or stank etc.

It's put me off clubs to be honest and doubt I'll be back in one as a single any time soon.

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By *ardiffCoupleNJCouple over a year ago

Pontypridd/Rhyfelin

"Some single guys may think you are wasting their time but they tend to be the ones who are just there for a fuck and not the genuine swingers who understand the scene properly and know the importance of being sociable.

Def a distinction between 'vanilla' guys & 'swinger' guys at a club

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well this is not going to be popular......but it'll be honest.

If I go to a club, I'm going with the intention of participating in fun should someone catch my eye and I their's. If I wanted to have a chat I'd go a normal pub or a bar.

I'd be delighted if a couple or a lady approached me for a chat, but I'd hope that if their intention was just for a chat they'd make that clear, so we can briefly get to know each other, make acquaintance so we'd be known to each other in future. Then I could excuse myself and look for people with an interest in me for that evening. Honestly, if someone spent ages talking to you, unless they state otherwise you'd presume an interest wouldn't you?

Having said that I've only ever been to clubs as part of a couple, and my interaction then with single males then has been limited to 'No thanks.' 'Really, no thanks.' 'Mate, will you fuck off?.'

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

Thats because its a mans job to approach and strike conversation. Thats the way it works in vanilla clubs, so swingers clubs wont be any different.

Rejection is inevitable. You typically find it can be anywhere from 1/5 to 1/10 people who will show interest. Thats a part of life. Still kinda confuses me how many seem unprepared for that reality.

Point taken; no more friendly smile and simple "Hi!" next time I go

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I tend to go to a club with the mindset of not playing but if it happens then even better. It's just great to chat to like minded people, sometimes about the subjects deemed off limits at home

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well when I go to a club I am never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally I appreciate a couple coming up to make conversation in a club, regardless of whether there's an attraction or not.

I know a lot of single guys have a bad Rep or can seem arrogant or sleazy but for the genuine ones out there it can be intimidating to walk in a club alone and try and strike up conversation.

I often do talk to couples because otherwise you will get nowhere but I think it's great when a couple approaches a guy and makes them feel welcome

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By *entaur_UKMan over a year ago

Cannock

"I chat to all sorts of people in a club regardless of whether I want to play or not. It never crossed my mind to only talk to people if I would like to play. "

Same here, clubs are as much about the social aspect and chatting to people, making contacts for future visits as well as play on the night in question for me.

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

Interesting post OP. When we go to Clubs we generally hook up with people beforehand, no guarantee of play but at least we know we will be interested in someone there!

We have done this and fooled around with the people (couple, single guy & both) we pre arranged to meet, sometimes we just play on our own - but always we are happy to chat with guys, girls or couples we only see at a club.

We know how hard it is for people to come over and say hi, but hello is usually enough to get started. Some might see it as a direct advance, others just a bit of conversation. Give it a go, having said hi, made me smile and let me know who you are will be way more succesful than standing in the corner looking miserable...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also, I wish I could find the thread/post in which a bunch of women were basically complaining about couples who merely come to "show off" at clubs rather than play. Amusing how people's opinions change provided you have a pussy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my god you do talk macho BS at times.....

i think the great thing about swinging is the diversity..... you dont speak for me, and i don't speak for you..... and we probably take completely different approaches in our swinging!!!

so people don't make out that you speak for everyone..... you speak for you and you only... and your "views" apply to you and you only.....

If being "macho" means kowtowing to the various nonsense and time wasting that you have to put up with as a single male here then I will happily be macho. I had a couple agree to meet then ignore me for two hours only to message me at 12am asking whether I am ready to meet without the hint of an apology.

Weak, docile mentalities like yours dont help. At all actually. Considering the lopsided pricing and attendance levels of swingers (single men tend to keep most establishments in business) I would say I speak for plenty of men out there. The good and the bad. "

Pity that these "plenty of men" are not posting here with similar views

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my god you do talk macho BS at times.....

i think the great thing about swinging is the diversity..... you dont speak for me, and i don't speak for you..... and we probably take completely different approaches in our swinging!!!

so people don't make out that you speak for everyone..... you speak for you and you only... and your "views" apply to you and you only.....

Pity that these "plenty of men" are not posting here with similar views

- Mrs. J -"

And if you listened to forums u would think that cock size and looks dont matter...when the fabbed pics and veri's make it obvious that they do. I laugh at anyone who thinks that the forums are a zero sum game. I have met people on here arent even consistent in the same posts let alone in real life.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

The sooner people stop thinking 'men do this' , 'couples do that' , 'single women do the other' , the better.

It smacks of ignorance and inexperience. There are nice people and ignorant people of all relationship statuses.

Imo.

MrB

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The sooner people stop thinking 'men do this' , 'couples do that' , 'single women do the other' , the better.

It smacks of ignorance and inexperience. There are nice people and ignorant people of all relationship statuses.

Imo.

MrB"

Exactly

No one man can behave as if he was the spokesperson for "plenty of men"

There isn't a hive mentality amongst couples or women either

There are all sorts of people here; some pleasant, some not

- Mrs. J -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I actually have attended with the sole intention of meeting people to arrange to hook up with at a later date. It's way more effective than messaging couples on here.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

my god you do talk macho BS at times.....

i think the great thing about swinging is the diversity..... you dont speak for me, and i don't speak for you..... and we probably take completely different approaches in our swinging!!!

so people don't make out that you speak for everyone..... you speak for you and you only... and your "views" apply to you and you only.....

Pity that these "plenty of men" are not posting here with similar views

- Mrs. J -"

I would go to a swinging club in the hope that i would get to play. That is the concept of them. Tell me why is that a bad thing? I believe that's one similar view at least.

Fabio is _abio. He has his views. We don't all share them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my god you do talk macho BS at times.....

i think the great thing about swinging is the diversity..... you dont speak for me, and i don't speak for you..... and we probably take completely different approaches in our swinging!!!

so people don't make out that you speak for everyone..... you speak for you and you only... and your "views" apply to you and you only.....

Pity that these "plenty of men" are not posting here with similar views

- Mrs. J -

I would go to a swinging club in the hope that i would get to play. That is the concept of them. Tell me why is that a bad thing? I believe that's one similar view at least.

Fabio is _abio. He has his views. We don't all share them."

Its what I cant stand. This odd mafia which forms the moment you tend bend to their very narrow view of swinging. It ultimately boils down to it just being an exercise in ego boosting for the fab social forum clique types. Surprises me not they go to swinging clubs in order to probably faff about arguing about the people they dont like on the forums

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Watching with interest. I'm contemplating venturing to a club as a single woman soon and this is proving very informative.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi guys,

We're just curious as to what people's thoughts are on this.

Basically we've done a fair few club visits now and every time (bar one occasion) we've gone with another couple with the intention of playing with them.

Are we over thinking this too much? Are guys happy to talk knowing they won't get to play that night but could possibly make plans for a future meet?

All opinions greatly appreciated.

P&Cxx"

With me sat here hoping that I may have been one of those guys

, I can honestly say I would have no problem with just a chat, never mind the possibity of a meet. I find clubs very social, the play inevitably happens but the chat is almost as fun. Swinging clubs aren't just about sex, it's about making weird sex friends too!

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Watching with interest. I'm contemplating venturing to a club as a single woman soon and this is proving very informative."

I'd take what's said in the forum with a pinch of salt. You get some extreme notions posted, and from people who you don't know from Adam.

Most clubs, most of the time have a nice mix of people getting on well. Not everyone there likes everyone else, just like anywhere in life.

You'll have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

no comments for me as I have never been in swinging clubs n never will good luck to u tho #

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By *ister-mischiefMan over a year ago

Trafford

Nope doesn't bother me one bit I will chat to anyone play or no play it's still a good night out

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By *loppsyWoman over a year ago

marlow

Damn it ...... need to get ready to go out........I'll be back to check if it's still handbags at dawn

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fair point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Adult site"

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Innit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Watching with interest. I'm contemplating venturing to a club as a single woman soon and this is proving very informative.

I'd take what's said in the forum with a pinch of salt. You get some extreme notions posted, and from people who you don't know from Adam.

Most clubs, most of the time have a nice mix of people getting on well. Not everyone there likes everyone else, just like anywhere in life.

You'll have fun xx"

In my head Im going to spend a lot of time talking to the bar staff and having people avoid eye contact with me, as per post above..

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Watching with interest. I'm contemplating venturing to a club as a single woman soon and this is proving very informative.

I'd take what's said in the forum with a pinch of salt. You get some extreme notions posted, and from people who you don't know from Adam.

Most clubs, most of the time have a nice mix of people getting on well. Not everyone there likes everyone else, just like anywhere in life.

You'll have fun xx

In my head Im going to spend a lot of time talking to the bar staff and having people avoid eye contact with me, as per post above.."

Haha you'll be fine. At your local, Quest, the bar is nice and you can head to the jacuzzi too. Both those are non-play areas.

If and when you feel like it you can go round the playroom corridor for a peep. You can stick your head round and see whats happening and venture in or not as your mood suits.

I'm sure you'll get chatting to others easily, any any doubts will seem like distant memories.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Haha you'll be fine. At your local, Quest, the bar is nice and you can head to the jacuzzi too. Both those are non-play areas.

If and when you feel like it you can go round the playroom corridor for a peep. You can stick your head round and see whats happening and venture in or not as your mood suits.

I'm sure you'll get chatting to others easily, any any doubts will seem like distant memories."

Thanks! I've been to Quest twice now and played, but went with someone. I haven't yet tried the jacuzzi though...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The sooner people stop thinking 'men do this' , 'couples do that' , 'single women do the other' , the better.

It smacks of ignorance and inexperience. There are nice people and ignorant people of all relationship statuses.

Imo.

MrB"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well said!

And a lovely profile too.

Regards

Graham x

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