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Outed as bi and a swinger
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi everyone, I have been outed at work, as bisexual, and as a swinger at work, against my wishes, by a colleague, I believe I know who it is, but can't prove it, any thoughts advice, welcome, really stressed me out, either. He or a friend is on this site |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
Oh no...how awful for you, to have your private life broadcast in such a way. Could that be considered a hate crime, given your bisexuality?
I do hope that your colleagues are supportive of you, rather than the total git that did this.
Lxxx |
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By *ollipop77Couple
over a year ago
Sunny Manchester |
So sorry that this has happened to you. People seem to have no respect for people's private lives, it's such a shame.
Go totally against the grain and hold your head up high! You are doing nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of. Just because some people don't understand and have bigoted views does not make you a bad person, it reflects on their narrow mindedness x
Hope it all works out for you hunni xx |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
If he's a colleague Id be speaking to the HR department. I think its unlikely that they would find that sort of behaviour concerning your sexuality to be acceptable. |
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Being who you are doesnt effect how you do your job and what you do in your spare time is none of your works business as long as you dont do anything to bring it into the work place... If your human resources department are any good then take it to them with your concerns and they should stomp it out quite quickly.
Whomever has outed you has probably done it out of either jealousy or spite. Stand proud of who you are 
I have always been open about who i am and that i am a swinger, yes i do get a lot of intrigued looks and questions but i normally turn the tables and say i never kiss and tell.
I know its not much but be proud of who you are and stand strong
Dax
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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago
Hitchin |
How horrible... some people jut don't know when to respect people privacy.
I hope ur colleagues are supportive.
Because of the gossip circle in my line of work I decided to "come out" as such as bi and a swinger to a couple of friends. As such most people just respect my confidence with it... after all what does it really matter to other people about your sexuality. It should really make no difference to them. I suppose I'm lucky that my colleagues and friends are understanding. I'm sure I wouldn't get the same response if my family found out, so I keep it well hidden when I go back home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Either speak to HR with a view to making a complaint against the person who outed you or seek advise from the union if you are a member of one.
I hope your colleagues are supportive. |
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Gav here,
Speak to HR and hopefully they'll have enough information to deal with it.
Hold your head up high. When some of my social circle found out I was a swinger they took the piss initially. When I showed them I didn't give a fuck they soon shut up.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he's a colleague Id be speaking to the HR department. I think its unlikely that they would find that sort of behaviour concerning your sexuality to be acceptable."
This!  absolutely, it's a private matter that he has no business discussing. HR is the way forward x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No-one has the right to out your sexual preferences. If you're treated differently in any way it's against the law. Definitely speak to HR, your boss, union... anyone who can support you and get the message out that your ability to do your job and what you get up to in the bedroom have no bearing on each other, and the latter is nobody else's business. I bet a lot of them are jealous you're actually getting laid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi everyone, I have been outed at work, as bisexual, and as a swinger at work, against my wishes, by a colleague, I believe I know who it is, but can't prove it, any thoughts advice, welcome, really stressed me out, either. He or a friend is on this site "
why can't you prove it?
just get yourselves and management to ask those who have confirmed to you they have been told who told them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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p.s. There is a bit of a rumour at the company I work for that I'm a bit of a player. Get some good natured banter. I hope the peeps you work with are the same OP. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Small minded bigots,why are people so dam ignorant and spiteful to others.No need of it,your life is yours op ,live it as you choose,and youre happy so sod them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Establish the facts, who said what. Ask them why they are making these accusations and where they heard it from. Challenge them back and ask them if they are prepared to put their name against their claim.
Make a log of who said what, quote them with a time and a date and put a statement together if you are looking to pursue a grievance. Also put down the location and identify any people who may be witnesses, state what they were doing and how far away they were so that they can't legitimately claim they didn't see or hear anything
If you don't want to pursue a grievance. Don't panic or feel pressured to confirm or deny anything. Raise the subject with the person/people concerned. Try not to get upset or panic and ask them why they said what they did, explain to them the impact of what they have said or done. Tell them you won't tolerate this and view this as unacceptable and any future incidents will be raised as a grievance and dealt with by your management/HR team in line with the respective company policy
Don't panic and don't worry (easier said than done) good luck and I hope it works out for you |
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If this is affecting your work you definitely need to speak to HR and your union (if you are in one).
Your employer has a legal duty to ensure you are not discriminated against or harrassed because of your sexuality. Being a swinger is a lifestyle choice and you are unlikely to get any protection from this standpoint but the fact you are bi and have been outed against your wishes is covered and your employer needs to take action to protect and defend you from this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi everyone, I have been outed at work, as bisexual, and as a swinger at work, against my wishes, by a colleague, I believe I know who it is, but can't prove it, any thoughts advice, welcome, really stressed me out, either. He or a friend is on this site "
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Get HR involved, make them rue the day they messed with you. Then get em fired. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forgot to say with the statement, log times and dates.
Also worth noting what your company's social media policy is. Most organisations take a firk stance with social media activity and operate on a zero tolerance policy so be careful what you post and also what you admit to in terms of using fab.
Outing you as bisexual is a different matter to social media policy. There is a more of a focus on equality, especially around bullying, harassment and discrimination for the LGBTQ community. Again, check your company's policy because some (not all) take this very seriously and consider it as gross misconduct, with a view to dismissal. If you raise a grievance, there will be an investigation with witness statements taken. Everything will be investigated in a clear and transparent fashion for you and the other party/parties involved, which may ultimately lead to the other person being dismissed if your grievance is proven.
There's no right or wrong way to deal with the matter, consider what your options are and how you want to pursue if. Also, if you do raise a grievance, be clear about what you expect as a resolution e.g. A written apology from the culprit |
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We knew a couple who were outed by someone at work.
They went to their HR people who supported them as their private life is just that. Private. They didn't implicate their employer or profession and HR took action against the moron who outed them.
As has previously been stated if this is a hate crime I wouldn't hesitate, go to the police.
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some people try and out adult workers on here....yet think pro dom work is different very childish and petty flick though most adult sites and its full of fab people....me included ..people need to get a life and deal with there own personal issues |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm curious as to the nature of the material, if shown to someone else without your consent especially with it having such implications. Maybe it would qualify as revenge porn? I'm not clued up on the specifics but given the nature of the site and the fact people have been told I'm going to assume they've seen proof in which case surely it would fall within it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A word of warning before taking any action, while HR may appear to be there for the benefit of the staff, the reality is they are there to look after the company first and foremost.
Would it be in the company's best interest to side by you, or the other party? If the other party were more valuable to the company, or in light of the discovery about your lifestyle, it's not out of the question that they could twist the facts and end up getting rid of you, rather than risk complaints from other staff about your morals.
Personally I would be inclined to have an informal chat with a manager about the situation and hope a quiet word calms the situation rather than go down the official route and end up being worse off. |
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"Hi everyone, I have been outed at work, as bisexual, and as a swinger at work, against my wishes, by a colleague, I believe I know who it is, but can't prove it, any thoughts advice, welcome, really stressed me out, either. He or a friend is on this site "
1.Keep a precise journal of who says what. You may need it.
2.Are you in a union? Your bi status means they should be responsible for protecting your right not to be discriminated against. If not, consider joining. If you don't trust your local union rep (not all of them are clued up on equalities work) phone the head office.
3. Outing can be a hate crime. Remind colleagues that they don't want plod knocking on their doors. Consider going to plod and discussing the issue.
4. Police don't just action crimes against LGBTQI people. Want an example from the Daily Mirror from last year? A sex worker who got pissed off at a local politician re-published screen shots of their online conversations on Twitter. She got a PIN from the police and a stern warning not to do it again.
5. Talk to management - suggest they do a generalized reminder to colleagues of what can happen.
Stonewall have great advice here http://www.stonewall.org.uk/employer/harassment-workplace |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've got no face pics so deny deny deny or go the other way and make a joke and laugh about it
Bully's get bored if you don't show you're upset "
Exactly this. No one can prove it so why worry. Deny it or just go along and laugh it off, they'll be talking about someone else next week. |
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