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Meeting without your partner
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x"
Well, why did you have the desire to do it? Might be best to open up with this a bit yourself first. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We were always honest and open up to that point, and I still don't know why I ventured down that road. I was happy, loved and still didn't care? I just wondered if others have, and why they did it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x
Well, why did you have the desire to do it? Might be best to open up with this a bit yourself first."
A thrill initially but guilt and the dreadful feeling of being a cheating wife soon overcome me, but I still sought my lover? x |
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Nope, we haven't done this. For us this lifestyle is about honesty, we would both be ok with the other half going to a club and not thinking they were going to cheat. If we decided either of us wanted to meet more than the other we would talk about it and agree what was ok. We are not judging you, just saying it isn't the way we'd have gone about it - just hate having to lie... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope, we haven't done this. For us this lifestyle is about honesty, we would both be ok with the other half going to a club and not thinking they were going to cheat. If we decided either of us wanted to meet more than the other we would talk about it and agree what was ok. We are not judging you, just saying it isn't the way we'd have gone about it - just hate having to lie..."
That's why I have asked, we too were honest, up front and 100% open with what we wanted from this lifestyle. It changed when I bumped into a regular meet whilst out shopping, we had coffee and chatted, next thing we knew we were in his room fucking like rabbits. I had no thoughts of my betrayal until a week or two and another couple of times later, when it occurred to me that he wanted more and I realised what I was doing to my husband. I called it off and stopped all contact. My reason for asking is, I still don't know why I strayed or what it was that attracted me to do it, as I had everything with my hubby and I had no prior thoughts of doing it. x |
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"Nope, we haven't done this. For us this lifestyle is about honesty, we would both be ok with the other half going to a club and not thinking they were going to cheat. If we decided either of us wanted to meet more than the other we would talk about it and agree what was ok. We are not judging you, just saying it isn't the way we'd have gone about it - just hate having to lie...
That's why I have asked, we too were honest, up front and 100% open with what we wanted from this lifestyle. It changed when I bumped into a regular meet whilst out shopping, we had coffee and chatted, next thing we knew we were in his room fucking like rabbits. I had no thoughts of my betrayal until a week or two and another couple of times later, when it occurred to me that he wanted more and I realised what I was doing to my husband. I called it off and stopped all contact. My reason for asking is, I still don't know why I strayed or what it was that attracted me to do it, as I had everything with my hubby and I had no prior thoughts of doing it. x"
Well if you dont know it's going to be a lot of assumptions from all of us.
If it was the once I'd have suggested that it was just poor judgement. Taking the swinging lifestyle you had and interpreting that to mean you had cart blanche to do what you wanted sexually.
Whilst some relationships are set up this way, many swingers have there own individual rules. The fact you met several times and did not think it was betrayal confusses me. If you did not think it was betrayal then did you discuss your meets openly with your husband. If you didn't then why not if it did not feel like Betrayal?
Either way so long as you can grow from it and understand what you and your husband want, then put it to one side as a lesson learned. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope, we haven't done this. For us this lifestyle is about honesty, we would both be ok with the other half going to a club and not thinking they were going to cheat. If we decided either of us wanted to meet more than the other we would talk about it and agree what was ok. We are not judging you, just saying it isn't the way we'd have gone about it - just hate having to lie...
No I don't deny it was betrayal, it was 100% out and out betrayal. What I am getting at, is I had no reason to do it, I have a lovely husband, great sex, love affection and he treats me like a queen. I can't explain why I returned to meet again and again, as there was no thrill involved, sex was average and I hated myself for being there, but I continued. I just wanted to ask if anyone else had been in that situation and what they felt about it. x
That's why I have asked, we too were honest, up front and 100% open with what we wanted from this lifestyle. It changed when I bumped into a regular meet whilst out shopping, we had coffee and chatted, next thing we knew we were in his room fucking like rabbits. I had no thoughts of my betrayal until a week or two and another couple of times later, when it occurred to me that he wanted more and I realised what I was doing to my husband. I called it off and stopped all contact. My reason for asking is, I still don't know why I strayed or what it was that attracted me to do it, as I had everything with my hubby and I had no prior thoughts of doing it. x
Well if you dont know it's going to be a lot of assumptions from all of us.
If it was the once I'd have suggested that it was just poor judgement. Taking the swinging lifestyle you had and interpreting that to mean you had cart blanche to do what you wanted sexually.
Whilst some relationships are set up this way, many swingers have there own individual rules. The fact you met several times and did not think it was betrayal confusses me. If you did not think it was betrayal then did you discuss your meets openly with your husband. If you didn't then why not if it did not feel like Betrayal?
Either way so long as you can grow from it and understand what you and your husband want, then put it to one side as a lesson learned. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x"
Surely it wont be a secret much longer,and from a man's point when i was on here as part of a couple this was secretly my biggest fear,although like you(apart from the 9" an half inch cock lol)we talked and set rules for each other but like i said secretly always had that thought would she go alone without saying,not sure how i would have reacted tbh x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He doesn't come on here, maybe sit looking over my shoulder now and then. I honestly never considered it until it actually happened. We did talk about the possibility but both agreed we are both involved or not at all. I had no reason to even think about going elsewhere which confused me even further. If anything, I would have been more wary of him finding an attractive woman on here. |
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I wouldn't meet alone for many reasons one of the main ones being I don't want to, another that it would hurt him and another being it isn't what we've agreed.
Our experiences and reasons won't help you if you don't know why you did it. If he still doesn't know you don't have the option of talking to him either. You probably need to talk this over with yourself. Consider possible reasons. Are you resentful of him for any reason, do you feel he isn't paying you enough attention, are you bored? You didn't accidentally fall on this guys cock several times but you talk as if there was no thought on your part just action, why was that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We were always honest and open up to that point, and I still don't know why I ventured down that road. I was happy, loved and still didn't care? I just wondered if others have, and why they did it x"
with all my other relationships.. yes ive cheated.. for whatever reason even when told He would love me to meet alone I cant .
As to why i cheated before... it was the thrill... I felt no guilt and loved that they never had a clue...
Why its different this time around.. who really knows... but the thrill together has a greater appeal than the cheat.. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done it before and I've found for myself it's the adrenalin rush I get from doing something I'm not supposed too but something I like, and the consequences of being found out heighten the rush. There's just something about having a quick no strings attached fling even though my wife would give her consent if it was pre arranged. |
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Thing is you have probably messed up your relationship more than you realise.like you said that you had a fear that hubby would do this to you.now that feeling may get worse and may actually happen if your hubby knows.I don't know how someone could do what you have done because there was genuinely no need to as you guys are swingers.every meet you guys have from now is going to put more insecurites into your relashinship when there should be none at all.hope you guys sort it out but if it was me (the guy ) I think this would eat away at me and ruin things in the long run. |
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"He doesn't come on here, maybe sit looking over my shoulder now and then. I honestly never considered it until it actually happened. We did talk about the possibility but both agreed we are both involved or not at all. I had no reason to even think about going elsewhere which confused me even further. If anything, I would have been more wary of him finding an attractive woman on here."
I assumed that because you had posted this publicly husband was aware and you had resolved this with him.
He may not normally access this site alone, but it does not mean never. I'd delete this thread unless this is just another example of wanting that risk of getting caught to thrill you. |
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"He doesn't come on here, maybe sit looking over my shoulder now and then. I honestly never considered it until it actually happened. We did talk about the possibility but both agreed we are both involved or not at all. I had no reason to even think about going elsewhere which confused me even further. If anything, I would have been more wary of him finding an attractive woman on here.
I assumed that because you had posted this publicly husband was aware and you had resolved this with him.
He may not normally access this site alone, but it does not mean never. I'd delete this thread unless this is just another example of wanting that risk of getting caught to thrill you. "
i didint realise that either.my Mrs says she dosent come on here either by I know fine well she comes on for a nosey now and again lol. |
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"I thought one of the reasons of swinging together as a couple was it negated the need to cheat or so it's deemed on the anti cheating threads.
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Our reason for swinging together has nothing to do with cheating. We just enjoy sex, so more hands and lips means more fun. No matter how good you are at sex you can't ever simulate a spit roast or a double cock sucking with just one person.
I think if you are prone to cheat, the swinging or monogamy is not going to resolve that.
It may help some people with the potential to cheat to satisfy their needs, but it's not going to cover all personality types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x"
Sometimes secrets make the whole thing a bit more 'exciting' -- but of course, anything exciting has the power to break things - and that's a dangerous game.
You'll see profiles on here where they say things like 'the social side is important to us' this seems to imply that some couples accept that swinging and polyamory is on a scale, and that forming attachments and enjoying relationships with others, not just one off sexual encounters, is something they enjoy. - certainly the concept of having more than one partner regularly is not new.
But, in general, while some choose to take a don't ask, don't tell approach to such things for a variety of reasons, such approaches ultimately cause tension because it requires some form of subdefuge, which ultimately breaks down trust. - whether swinging or loving more, trust and integrity along with communication are essential aspects of keeping relationships healthy.
We all like a bit of sizzle from time to time.. and many of us got into swinging exactly to feel that sizzle.. But playing with fire, outside of the hearth is likely to burn your house down.
If its something that you think you want to repeat, talk with your partner.. it has a much better chance of success than any other approach.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my humble opinion the explanation is simply lust and excitement.
You have the ability to enjoy "pure pleasure sex" when you stopped and thought about it was the time hubby cane into your thoughts and you stopped. I'd guess you have no desire to lose hubby so rationality resumed.
You have a second option bring up the subject of meeting alone with the proviso you will tell hubby all about it, you never know the idea just might excite him.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my humble opinion the explanation is simply lust and excitement.
You have the ability to enjoy "pure pleasure sex" when you stopped and thought about it was the time hubby cane into your thoughts and you stopped. I'd guess you have no desire to lose hubby so rationality resumed.
You have a second option bring up the subject of meeting alone with the proviso you will tell hubby all about it, you never know the idea just might excite him.
Good luck "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought one of the reasons of swinging together as a couple was it negated the need to cheat or so it's deemed on the anti cheating threads.
"
Only a fool would think that there aren't people out there for whom the thrill is in the act of deceit rather than the sex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I ask if your hubby was doing this meeting woman with out you knowing how would you be feeling.? Could he say ooo I just felt like it Having sex with other alone. Why its best to say Look I wish to meet on my own now I am bored with meeting together need to do new things to feel excited .. He may say ok and love doing that himself too. And he has a 9in cock most woman would be in cock heaven . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""He doesn't come on here". So is it solely you who decides on who you are both meeting?
Sally"
I will usually choose our meet and chat with them, once things are confirmed , I show him the profile xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive met on my own in the past with Parkers acknowledgement. Its no fun going alone. Parker makes it fun, if u know what i mean. Its just a shame hes not interested in a meet with me or anyone else atm. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I ask if your hubby was doing this meeting woman with out you knowing how would you be feeling.? Could he say ooo I just felt like it Having sex with other alone. Why its best to say Look I wish to meet on my own now I am bored with meeting together need to do new things to feel excited .. He may say ok and love doing that himself too. And he has a 9in cock most woman would be in cock heaven ."
I'm not wanting to meet alone, nor do I need any more excitement as I am actually very happy with him. When it happened, I had no issues then either, which is why I was confused by my urge to meet this guy. I was happy at home, but was left feeling like I had somehow fallen for this guy, but also had no desire to be with him. I would possibly say, and this sounds awful, but a comment above regarding my ability to cut all feelings or thoughts of anything else from my situation and basically use the guy for sex could be a genuine reason. The sex was no better than at home, there was no sentiment or intimacy, just sex in its coldest form. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Another little oddity, when he visits us at home, as he was regular and we had built trust, we eventually played bareback, but when I visited him during that short time, I always insisted on safe sex.? Not sure why but it's something I still find odd. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another little oddity, when he visits us at home, as he was regular and we had built trust, we eventually played bareback, but when I visited him during that short time, I always insisted on safe sex.? Not sure why but it's something I still find odd. x"
That is odd but maybe you new if he is offering you that he is doing that too others bareback. Loads here make out your there only regular but no a lot have more then one regular but not going to say to you . I think maybe you just loved sex with this man and lusted after more . And now you see what it could have done to your happy home life and asking your self why. We live and learn I know we do . Its easy to play away but its cheating some can live with doing that some cant .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In all honesty, he was genuinely only seeing us and another couple who we also knew. As for the sex, it was no better than with my husband so I'm not sure if that's what the reason was. Hope you don't mind but I've sent a friend request x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In all honesty, he was genuinely only seeing us and another couple who we also knew. As for the sex, it was no better than with my husband so I'm not sure if that's what the reason was. Hope you don't mind but I've sent a friend request x"
SEX its not on offer like hubby is most night and so that makes it different .Yes I know you think he is saying just you two god the times I have had this and found out real players . So I don't trust no one now from A swingers site saying I am the only one.. LOL XX yES ADD ME
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"Having been guilty in the past of starting a secret relationship with a meet, without Hubby's knowledge, does anyone else have the desire to do it, and if so why? x"
My late husband - my previous swinging partner did. It turned me into a paranoid wreck, unhappy, anxious, sometimes depressed. Eating and drinking too much.
Don't miss them days.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel swinging is a cross road of various relationship undercurrents. For some it is simply a kink they share. For some it is a compromise that averts the need to cheat. For some "singles" it is a vehicle TO cheat. And for others it is part of a journey of opening up to life that may eventually pass beyond swinging to a form of extra marital sex that is almost identical to cheating except for the fact that both partners are now relatively ok with it.
Within this mix there are some who are here because they get a kick from group sex and some who are here because they get a kick from having sex with someone other than their partner. The latter are essentially seduced by the fantasy of cheating. They are either here cheating against their partner's wishes, pretending to cheat with their partner, or given freedom to cheat by their partner |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We meet / play as a couple, and hubbies pics available within the confines of our profile. It is how we prefer to do it, i look out for possible meets, I chat to them, and when we feel we are ready to look at arranging something, I will run it all by hubby and he either agree's or not. THEN when we move away from the site, and actually speak to our new friends, he will be part of any skype, whatsapp or text / calls making arrangements. Not sure why you would ask this, but there you go, thats why.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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S could it have just been that old saying"grass is greener"and when you went and tried it found it wasnt as green as it looked,girl i hope with all my heart that you BOTH come back from this together, really do xx |
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I think a big part of this is down to the reality of life - real life is pretty boring. Kids, work, family, supermarket, cooking dinner, looking after a house - too tired for sex and life feels like a drudge.
Maybe the person you are cheating with does things you don't want to or can't do in your relationship - dirtier, bigger cock, lasts longer or whatever. It all helps to remove the monotony of how relationships can inevitably become.
Add to that the feeling of excitement - like the beginning of a new relationship when it's all fresh and exciting and pretty uncomplicated and it feels like a release. A chance comes along to forget that reality and leave all that behind even if just for a few hours and it's easy to see the appeal
The other side, of course, is someone gets hurt - when that someone is the person you love then that's when the line is crossed in my opinion and it becomes a no no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope, we haven't done this. For us this lifestyle is about honesty, we would both be ok with the other half going to a club and not thinking they were going to cheat. If we decided either of us wanted to meet more than the other we would talk about it and agree what was ok. We are not judging you, just saying it isn't the way we'd have gone about it - just hate having to lie...
That's why I have asked, we too were honest, up front and 100% open with what we wanted from this lifestyle. It changed when I bumped into a regular meet whilst out shopping, we had coffee and chatted, next thing we knew we were in his room fucking like rabbits. I had no thoughts of my betrayal until a week or two and another couple of times later, when it occurred to me that he wanted more and I realised what I was doing to my husband. I called it off and stopped all contact. My reason for asking is, I still don't know why I strayed or what it was that attracted me to do it, as I had everything with my hubby and I had no prior thoughts of doing it. x"
Some random thoughts for you.
Yes many people in swinging couples play behind partner's back. It is not always easy to synch up your desires. The more eager party grows tired of waiting or gets selfish and goes off on their own.
In your case, you are obviously a sexually adventurous woman with a high drive. You met with your regular so there was a lot of familiarity and trust there, so it felt "natural" to have sex with him, even though your husband was not there - you've had sex with this man many times before after all. I think that is a big element of why you felt comfortable to take that step, it doesn't sound like you'd go have sex with someone from cold start. You were distracted by habit.
For a hedonist it is easy to get carried away and follow that trail from a chance meet, an exciting conversation, one thing leads to another. Obviously your logic head wasn't entirely engaged, you were on dopamine auto-pilot. The detail about asking for a condom is interesting, an attempt to create some distance with this "barrier".
It is odd to say because threesomes and group sex is taboo in mainstream, but sometimes whatever is not your regular experience can be highly arousing. Hence suddenly a plain old one-on-one with someone other than your partner becomes an extreme encounter.
You seem confused by your actions but you are a woman with strong sexual agency (you are making most decisions about your couple swinging after all). Our desires change over time so have an honest look at what you want to experience or pursue right now. Perhaps you have missed the directness or intimacy of one-on-one. Frankly it sounds like it is time to rediscuss ground rules with your husband. |
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