FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How do couples play alone?
How do couples play alone?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? |
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A club is probably the best bet, why not go together, but seperate and see how things happen - you could have a sweepstake on numbers! 
We have considered doing it, but really do same room at the moment as we both like watching each other enjoy ourselfs |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
So its not easier for you after all then is it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
So we're a couple that have been swinging for some years and only recently have discovered that we find it horny as hell knowing that the other is out with a couple or a single to then call on the way home and tell each other what we've done....then we have fantastic sex just the two of us.
With regards to hubby getting meets it's worked better for us for him to meet with women and couples that we have met before together, that way he isn't just 1 of the 1000s on here and he's comfortable with them.
Same for me I meet with people/singles we've both met previously...that's out of choice for me I like to know that hubby knows exactly who I'm with.
Some people on here won't get it, they like same room only others are soft swap only..it's all about your own prefernace
X |
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"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
It is the old chestnut, if your b/f, hubby meets alone without you, he is technically a single bloke in that context. That is when the nuances of single male meeting kick in. Could it be his character? What are his key selling points? I think he will have more success having you along then when it comes to playing you can separate. Best bet I think is play in separate rooms with other couples.  |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"He is just another man in the sea of men on here.
My advice would be to meet couples but do separate room fun.  "
This is such a fallacy, the sea of men, a sea of good men isn't,
Fun, now that is a fallacy for a lot on here, you excluded of course.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband was lucky enough to meet his FB at a work event. She's not a swinger nor is she on Fab. We've thought about him getting a singles profile, but concluded that him competing against hundreds of younger fitter single men would be undignified and demoralising. We sometimes play separately at a party, and if an opportunity arose for him to take another lover then that's great. In the mean time we enjoy threesomes with other men and he enjoys me seeing my guys alone and being sent photos. The swing scene is not an equal experience for men and women, and it's best accepting that.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband was lucky enough to meet his FB at a work event. She's not a swinger nor is she on Fab. We've thought about him getting a singles profile, but concluded that him competing against hundreds of younger fitter single men would be undignified and demoralising. We sometimes play separately at a party, and if an opportunity arose for him to take another lover then that's great. In the mean time we enjoy threesomes with other men and he enjoys me seeing my guys alone and being sent photos. The swing scene is not an equal experience for men and women, and it's best accepting that.
Mrs"
I agree if you not young and fit single guy profiles are hard, we get loads of attention on our couples one, mainly down to my gorgeous wife lol I use my single one to stay in touch with people but it's isn't productive for meets.
Most of my single meets I do are with ladies we have meet first as a couple, I think that leads to much better quality sex anyway as it's not rushed or forced, I do have great verifications but I get it if your shopping for single guys on here it is mainly done on the photos and there is a lot to pick from but remember just because they look hot it doesn't make them a great lover |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband was lucky enough to meet his FB at a work event. She's not a swinger nor is she on Fab. We've thought about him getting a singles profile, but concluded that him competing against hundreds of younger fitter single men would be undignified and demoralising. We sometimes play separately at a party, and if an opportunity arose for him to take another lover then that's great. In the mean time we enjoy threesomes with other men and he enjoys me seeing my guys alone and being sent photos. The swing scene is not an equal experience for men and women, and it's best accepting that.
Mrs
I agree if you not young and fit single guy profiles are hard, we get loads of attention on our couples one, mainly down to my gorgeous wife lol I use my single one to stay in touch with people but it's isn't productive for meets.
Most of my single meets I do are with ladies we have meet first as a couple, I think that leads to much better quality sex anyway as it's not rushed or forced, I do have great verifications but I get it if your shopping for single guys on here it is mainly done on the photos and there is a lot to pick from but remember just because they look hot it doesn't make them a great lover "
Agreed! And not everyone wants someone who's ultra hot/fit as some of them can be a bit "not too bright but can lift heavy things" |
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"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
Tried this with my ex (when I was doing straight swinging with her.) Her dance card was filled every night. I don't recall whether I even got a meet while she was still insisting I play straight (she'd already gone bi.)
She could go out whenever she pleased, as long as I was home to babysit. The only opportunity I got to play was if I was working away and staying over in hotels. And at that point, I discovered that if there's one thing more contemptible than a married guy playing solo while claiming to have his wife's permission, it's one doing it from a hotel room while working away.
I started playing bi and just not telling her about it, since it struck me as a massive double standard that she could and I couldn't (but then it's a common double standard in swinging - female bisexuality is embraced, but male bisexuality is still a big taboo.) In the end, we had a rather difficult talk (argument) and she agreed that I could play bi too.
Hotel room meets with guys and t-girls are much easier to organise. The big difference between men/t-girls and women is that the former rarely cares if you're cheating (there's a good chance they're doing it themselves.)
Assuming that he only wants women, the best thing I can suggest is that you get involved in helping him find them. Be willing to meet them, cam with them as a couple, or do whatever it takes to convince them that you are his partner and he genuinely has your blessing. |
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I assume the playing alone is easier as it means you can cover each other with child care. Hence going to a club and pairing off is not any better than playing together.
He is as others have said basically a single guy for the purposes of playing alone.
So all the same advice that single men usually get applies.
Eg
Don't just have cock pics, get out to clubs and socials on your own etc.
But in this case he will probably do better with a single man profile in addition to your cpls one as any one looking for a single man will exclude a couple from that search. |
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"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
We play this way. I've had one meet in 5 years!  enjoy. |
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"It's always a shock for guys when they go solo after having had a couples profile. He's becoming a drop in the ocean.
"
Trouble i found was im just prepared to do all the shmoozing required to get into a girls pants. I'm not going to tell a behemoth that she's super sexy and should be a model etc etc. I'm just not that desperate. If the right woman came up within travelling distance than yeah, why not. But seriously, travelling an hour and half or whatever for a bunk up while my wife sits at home watching telly? Nah. Not for me. I'll leave the local bikes for the soldiers. Oh and i tried being bi. That was crap to. Married guys wanting a bj in their cars, or old single guys who can't keep a hard on. He's Better off wanking. Imo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging and nsa is kinda a male approach to sex (hence the demographics on here). Women prefer to date and can get more than enough nsa sex as part of that process. If he really wants to meet women, and if having balance between you both is important (I'd suggest it is very important), you have to wake up and smell the coffee. Quite what that entails is something we're still struggling with... but at least it's awake to the reality of the situation |
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"My husband was lucky enough to meet his FB at a work event. She's not a swinger nor is she on Fab. We've thought about him getting a singles profile, but concluded that him competing against hundreds of younger fitter single men would be undignified and demoralising. We sometimes play separately at a party, and if an opportunity arose for him to take another lover then that's great. In the mean time we enjoy threesomes with other men and he enjoys me seeing my guys alone and being sent photos. The swing scene is not an equal experience for men and women, and it's best accepting that.
Mrs
I agree if you not young and fit single guy profiles are hard, we get loads of attention on our couples one, mainly down to my gorgeous wife lol I use my single one to stay in touch with people but it's isn't productive for meets.
Most of my single meets I do are with ladies we have meet first as a couple, I think that leads to much better quality sex anyway as it's not rushed or forced, I do have great verifications but I get it if your shopping for single guys on here it is mainly done on the photos and there is a lot to pick from but remember just because they look hot it doesn't make them a great lover
Agreed! And not everyone wants someone who's ultra hot/fit as some of them can be a bit "not too bright but can lift heavy things""
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is nice to see a thread that is real about being a single man. In terms of balance there are single guys who are successful and are average looking. But they put a lot of work into. They are always available and endlessly out at events and socials. This way they build up a network. Also some people outside the main cities are able to join a local community of swingers and by good manners, charm and perseverance enjoy themselves that way. However it requires a shed load of effort, bucketfuls of charm (it can be hard to be cheerful after a lot of rejection), and never being discouraged. Basically it is similar to being in sales, you get out what you put in. But swinging in a couple in many ways makes life easier.
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Although as a couple you have to avoid taking one for the team. We only play if we are both interested, so a number of potential meets just don't happen. It can be easier to just please one person - it is why we are thinking about being in the same club and wandering round seperately... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's terrible to say it but many women use sex to get something they want. Few offer it up as a reward unto itself... just a bit of a harmless release or act of self expression. So you have to figure out what your man has to offer. If it's only a couple of hundred quid you're looking at prostitutes. If he's minted then start inviting gold diggers on yacht parties. If he's a talented musician then turn a blind eye to his sexy groupies.
Most women want to own men. So he'll be swimming with people who either hope he's single or that they can steal him. If he's not attractive enough to warrant stealing they're unlikely to want to sleep with him.
All of this has little to do with men. It's the world women have created. A world men have to "play" just in order to have some harmless nsa sexy fun. As you get more and more cynical about it, playing by its rules seems less and less noble.
Your choice comes down to cheating the system somehow, pretending that he's single or ready to be stolen, or just sticking to your principles and hoping that eventually he bumps into an amazing woman who doesn't think like the others and is happy just being a sexy friend of his or of you both. They do exist... but they're rarer than unicorns |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although as a couple you have to avoid taking one for the team. We only play if we are both interested, so a number of potential meets just don't happen. It can be easier to just please one person - it is why we are thinking about being in the same club and wandering round seperately... "
That's what we found. We get a group of like-minded people together and then we will individually pair off with who we want to play with and who wants to play with us. There's no need for the man I play with that night to necessarily be in a relationship with the lady he plays with. I do still play more than him, but that can't be helped.
Mrs |
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"It is nice to see a thread that is real about being a single man. In terms of balance there are single guys who are successful and are average looking. But they put a lot of work into. They are always available and endlessly out at events and socials. This way they build up a network. Also some people outside the main cities are able to join a local community of swingers and by good manners, charm and perseverance enjoy themselves that way. However it requires a shed load of effort, bucketfuls of charm (it can be hard to be cheerful after a lot of rejection), and never being discouraged. Basically it is similar to being in sales, you get out what you put in. But swinging in a couple in many ways makes life easier.
"
Exactly this. Single men have the time and inclination for this behaviour. Married/attached men do not. |
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"Although as a couple you have to avoid taking one for the team. We only play if we are both interested, so a number of potential meets just don't happen. It can be easier to just please one person - it is why we are thinking about being in the same club and wandering round seperately...
That's what we found. We get a group of like-minded people together and then we will individually pair off with who we want to play with and who wants to play with us. There's no need for the man I play with that night to necessarily be in a relationship with the lady he plays with. I do still play more than him, but that can't be helped.
Mrs"
We might start trying this, B is definitely pickier than M, not so much on looks, more on attitude and flirtability |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is nice to see a thread that is real about being a single man. In terms of balance there are single guys who are successful and are average looking. But they put a lot of work into. They are always available and endlessly out at events and socials. This way they build up a network. Also some people outside the main cities are able to join a local community of swingers and by good manners, charm and perseverance enjoy themselves that way. However it requires a shed load of effort, bucketfuls of charm (it can be hard to be cheerful after a lot of rejection), and never being discouraged. Basically it is similar to being in sales, you get out what you put in. But swinging in a couple in many ways makes life easier."
There are several reasons why I'm a good catch. But they're real world things that only mean something when you start dating. Here it's all about biceps and cock size... and when it isn't it's about charisma. Not the kind of charisma that warms you to someone in a natural way (I'd like to think I've got that). No. We're talking about the charisma of a children's tv presenter, forever beaming a massive smile, forever out of breath with the excitement of meeting you, and able to say just the right "charming" thing at just the right time. Quite frankly it looks exhausting. I realised a while back I wasn't going to lure any woman to me over the size of my pecs. But I've recently been realising I'm not sure I can do the exhausting "I'm amazing" salesman act they're looking for either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is nice to see a thread that is real about being a single man. In terms of balance there are single guys who are successful and are average looking. But they put a lot of work into. They are always available and endlessly out at events and socials. This way they build up a network. Also some people outside the main cities are able to join a local community of swingers and by good manners, charm and perseverance enjoy themselves that way. However it requires a shed load of effort, bucketfuls of charm (it can be hard to be cheerful after a lot of rejection), and never being discouraged. Basically it is similar to being in sales, you get out what you put in. But swinging in a couple in many ways makes life easier.
There are several reasons why I'm a good catch. But they're real world things that only mean something when you start dating. Here it's all about biceps and cock size... and when it isn't it's about charisma. Not the kind of charisma that warms you to someone in a natural way (I'd like to think I've got that). No. We're talking about the charisma of a children's tv presenter, forever beaming a massive smile, forever out of breath with the excitement of meeting you, and able to say just the right "charming" thing at just the right time. Quite frankly it looks exhausting. I realised a while back I wasn't going to lure any woman to me over the size of my pecs. But I've recently been realising I'm not sure I can do the exhausting "I'm amazing" salesman act they're looking for either. "
It is the old joke:
'The most important thing is sincerity...once you can fake that you have it made.'
I have seen plenty of average looking middle aged guys having fun with average looking middle aged women. The men have not had false charm they were good guys to talk to. But it is a matter of being good non pushy company, and getting your face known. Meeting face to face cock size does not come into, the rest depends on real world personality and being what the couple or person wants. Therefore if your average looking male trying to punch above your weight you have less chance of success, but that is real world anyway. If I was at Kestrels on a day where the couples or singles only want white guys, personality, dick size or muscles won't count.
I gave up meeting on fab as you subject to too many variables. I gave up swinging partly as Clem says above, the amount of time taken to meet people is enormous. Also I met someone and had a relationship and although it did not last I realised I craved genuine connection and I realised there our other things I enjoy more than hanging around Kestrels or clubs as a single man.
I suggest OP leverages his wife to the maximum effect as mentioned by others in this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes it is because of work commitments and childcare that we are considering meeting as singles.
Thank you all for your advice, I think he will have to go to clubs, because usually he does get alot of attention there anyway ...
Minka xx |
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"It's always a shock for guys when they go solo after having had a couples profile. He's becoming a drop in the ocean.
Trouble i found was im just prepared to do all the shmoozing required to get into a girls pants. I'm not going to tell a behemoth that she's super sexy and should be a model etc etc. I'm just not that desperate. If the right woman came up within travelling distance than yeah, why not. But seriously, travelling an hour and half or whatever for a bunk up while my wife sits at home watching telly? Nah. Not for me. I'll leave the local bikes for the soldiers. Oh and i tried being bi. That was crap to. Married guys wanting a bj in their cars, or old single guys who can't keep a hard on. He's Better off wanking. Imo."
What a delightful insight |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's always a shock for guys when they go solo after having had a couples profile. He's becoming a drop in the ocean.
Trouble i found was im just prepared to do all the shmoozing required to get into a girls pants. I'm not going to tell a behemoth that she's super sexy and should be a model etc etc. I'm just not that desperate. If the right woman came up within travelling distance than yeah, why not. But seriously, travelling an hour and half or whatever for a bunk up while my wife sits at home watching telly? Nah. Not for me. I'll leave the local bikes for the soldiers. Oh and i tried being bi. That was crap to. Married guys wanting a bj in their cars, or old single guys who can't keep a hard on. He's Better off wanking. Imo."
Do you work in Marketing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a couple who wanna meet and play with other couples.
But also we want to play induvidully as it's easier for us and turns us on.
As a female half of the couple, I know I can get many meets and play alone.
But the male half it is not easy to get a meet and play.
What's the best way to get him a meet? "
We play solo but we both meet the single person. Only once the Mrs went to meet a guy at his hotel without me meeting him. |
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"It's always a shock for guys when they go solo after having had a couples profile. He's becoming a drop in the ocean.
Trouble i found was im just NOT prepared to do all the shmoozing required to get into a girls pants. I'm not going to tell a behemoth that she's super sexy and should be a model etc etc. I'm just not that desperate. If the right woman came up within travelling distance than yeah, why not. But seriously, travelling an hour and half or whatever for a bunk up while my wife sits at home watching telly? Nah. Not for me. I'll leave the local bikes for the soldiers. Oh and i tried being bi. That was crap to. Married guys wanting a bj in their cars, or old single guys who can't keep a hard on. He's Better off wanking. Imo.
Do you work in Marketing? "
Fixed it for me! |
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