FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice- Rules and infringements (long story but scrol to bottom is after advice)
Advice- Rules and infringements (long story but scrol to bottom is after advice)
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she obviously enjoys the attention but you need to be more in control of the situation if you want it to work out | |||
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"Too much drama. Just meet someone through here. Chat on fab. Meet at a hotel or club. Have fun. All leave and go your seperate ways. If you all want to, meet again, through fab."  | |||
"Thanks for the input all. Bunandbuck, what we were kinda hoping for was someone we could become friends with, hang out a bit more with etc and it to be a bit more social and fun. But agree that's perhaps complicating things... " Having an fb works for some people. From your post, I'd say don't do that. Easist and most problem free is having an everyday life and a swinging life and never the two shall meet. Some guy from the local as a swing partner wouldn't be my recommendation. | |||
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"Boundaries are there for you both, you need to discuss them again, agree them and state unconditionally that if either of you crosses one of them the swinging stops until you've redefined and agreed them You allowed this to go on for far too long, you don't allow anybody to jeopardise the relationship you have with your wife...especially her. Don't see the guy again, if your wife wants to swing she needs to do it without a drink and you need to understand that its ok to say no in a swinging situation. Communication is everything between couples in swinging so you need to establish this as a couple before you go any further. That might sound harsh but swinging is not more important than your marriage and you're allowing a young buck to try and make a fool of you."
Well said | |||
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"Hi all. Sorry for the long explanation but felt may as well get the story out there! This is our first real time trying to arrange something more than just a one night d*unken event. About a week ago we met up with some friends on a night out, there were a couple of new people there, just a general club thing. Anyway, we got chatting to a guy and when my wife went to the bar these guy followed her up, I saw he had his hand on her bum but wasn't really concerned as I was also being a bit flirty with someone. Anyway, the next day we were talking about 3some type things and she mentioned what about him. I said perhaps, and that he seemed ok. Later that evening transpired that he had been messaging her but she had told him to stop with it. (We do have a rule that she has to tell me things like this, and she did, but only when I noticed a message come up on her Fit Bit). Anyway, after a bit of chatting we set up a 3 way convo on WhatsApp to see if he would be interested, and saying to use this for chatting etc. He was interested, but he also started direct messaging again so I did tell him pretty clearly that if he does that this will all stop. We set a few basic ground rules. All communication between him and my wife to be on the messenger, no private meets, no 'hanging out' without me (I.e bumping into each other in town), always show respect to us and the situation, privacy, no touching or taking anything further without checking for permission first off us both etc to make sure we're ok with it, stuff like that. I also explained to my wife that if I say I'm uncomfortable or to stop it all stops even if something is just about to happen. We happened to be put in town Wednesday and he was also out. At first he was pretty cool about stuff and wasn't sure how to be, I just said follow the rules and take things slowly. Well they both went out for a fag getting chatty for quite a while, leaving me with a bunch of people I didn't know which was a little frustrating. Then they came back in and went up to the bar, taking again quite a while I spotted him glancing over and he was grabbing my wife's arse and making a move to try and kiss her (I didn't really think that was cool especially with some friends about that don't know about this kinda stuff). I went over to them, and he was pretty blazzay that nobody can hear us talking and started saying that the plan was to fuck my wide in front of me (this was out of nowhere). I kinda moved the conversation on from that, and suggested that perhaps later we could all head back together. The guy was 23, I guess OK looking but was someone we both felt comfortable with (not _oo hot and not too ugly lol), and he then starts going off on one about he's had sex with 100 women, the last one was amazing, he can go for hours and all this crap. He just turned the whole thing into what we were going to do for him. Well this just totally put me off the whole thing with him, because someone being like that (it was likely all made up anyway) just changes the dynamic of the situation as my wife was then saying to him that she was nervous about her performance etc (but then he was all about its down to the person your with etc etc) I pulled my wife to one side for a chat about it, she said that was kinda off putting too and it was probably his age, and I said I wasn't comfortable with him any more and his attitude really changed my mind about him. We then went to a different bar and left this guy behind. My wife has quite a few drinks (I'm not because I'm driving) and then he turns up again. He makes a beeline for us and is all up against my wife, grabbing her arse and being 'cuddly'. My wife obviously liked the interest but I told her to move away from him and explained that I was now really uncomfortable with him and this all needed to stop, so she stayed by my side. About 5 min later, one of her female friends comes in, and they go up to the bar. I'm chatting with someone else in the group and this guy then sides up to my wife again at the bar, but is trying to kiss her friend, whose boyfriend I was chatting to. He spots it and tells him to fucking stop it. At this point then I notice the guy has also put his hand between my wife's legs at the bar (she has about 5 layers of underwear on but still), so I lost my cool, pulled her away and lost my shit with him. My wife says he just put his hand on her waist, but it wasn't. He messages me asking what went wrong. I explain he broke the rules, showed no respect etc and he didn't message me back. My question is, am I the one being the dick in this, or am I right to be annoyed and upset that they both broke the rules? I put my wife's actions down to alcohol, but still I feel she shouldn't have ignored me and the rules( second time this has happened). I feel like I put her in that situation, so perhaps it is my fault but then how can I trust her doing this if she won't follow them? We are both interested in exploring this side of things, but her worry is that she will do something wrong and it will upset me, which is kind of exactly this situation, but then again shouldn't I be annoyed at this? I don't know about this guy either. Should we give him another chance, or call it a day with him as he has now shown himself not to listen. My concern is that my wife may be reluctant to move on in case this all repeats itself again, and that with him at least we have made a start with things, so will be easier to continue, just I have the worry of the rules and I need to get him to change his manner and drop the brovado. Am I crazy even thinking that, should this be a clear cut no? To add one further complication, he is a friend through my wife's side, so it is likely they will be out at the same time when I am not. Help very much appreciated. " I think the only thing you did even slightly wrong was to not F*** him off at the first sign that he was not going to follow your rules. Personally,I don't give second chances like that. If rules are stated and agreed upon,everyone should stick to them. | |||
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"Thanks again all. Nicecouple I think your very right, I should have said something straight away but didn't want to appear like I was changing my mind about all this (a worry of my wife's) and also it was how to address it, but yes, i deffinetly should have said something straight away. Brutal honest advice works for me as it's clear advice then! I think communication about this has always been difficult for my wife, so we have perhaps made the mistake of rushing things when she was prepared to open up about it. She normally just says 'whatever you want' when I try and talk about it, which is difficult." I understand but I think if you can't communicate openly with each other then you're going to keep running in to problems. Would writing things down work for you both? A lot of people think that once they've met a person they have to go through with it but that isn't the case. It is fine for anyone to say no at any point and everyone in the group should respect that. Single men deserve respect too, they shouldn't be treated as accessories. | |||
"Thanks again all. Nicecouple I think your very right, I should have said something straight away but didn't want to appear like I was changing my mind about all this (a worry of my wife's) and also it was how to address it, but yes, i deffinetly should have said something straight away. Brutal honest advice works for me as it's clear advice then! I think communication about this has always been difficult for my wife, so we have perhaps made the mistake of rushing things when she was prepared to open up about it. She normally just says 'whatever you want' when I try and talk about it, which is difficult. I understand but I think if you can't communicate openly with each other then you're going to keep running in to problems. Would writing things down work for you both? A lot of people think that once they've met a person they have to go through with it but that isn't the case. It is fine for anyone to say no at any point and everyone in the group should respect that. Single men deserve respect too, they shouldn't be treated as accessories." well you are right which i would agree.  | |||
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"Nice couple Writing things down is a good suggestion. Will float that tonight. I think the problem was that it's someone my wife was keen on so I was just bending things to try and keep it working out. Appreciate that the single men need respecting too, totally right, I guess he showed no approciation of what we were doing and he was talking about it like it was another one to add to his list (to be clear, I wasn't intimidated by the guy in the slightest, it was just off putting misplaced bravado). Perhaps I should in hindsight have told him directly for things to stop, I guess I avoided the situation by us moving on which bit me in the ass. I'm thinking of asking my wife to read this thread, good or bad idea?" I'll he honest again. If you are discussing this in this much detail without her knowledge showing her this thread would be a bad idea. You aren't communicating with each other I think you going outside your relationship to discuss it won't go down well. I absolutely understand that you need advice but I thought your wife knew about this thread already. My opinion is that you two aren't "together" enough to include other people in your sex life. | |||
"I think you guys really need to talk this through together and set your rules clearly and not deviate from them. And definitely keep the alcohol consumption down. We've been having Hotwife experiences for 18 months now and have agreed rules we do not deviate from. We've had a few issues along the way and have communicated together every step to ensure we're both getting what we want out of it. " Communication is the key with swinging in any area of activity. | |||
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Thirdly, make it very clear to him that he is to leave you alone, perhaps explaining why what he did was no appropriate.
Fourthly, we'd suggest that you both come of FAB and sit down and talk about your future swinging. Our concern is that if your wife wasn't making much of an effort to push him away - having had a drink is no excuse - then you might get hurt in the future.
This guy in question is a disrespectful individual at best. Avoid him.
G & S x | |||
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" Her ideal would be an open relationship, but I'm not happy with that and she's not happy for me to be 'free' either" Yeah neither of you are ready for swinging And you only need to look at your own words on the subject to see that clearly | |||
"Firstly, we'd worked out the guy was a tool by the first half of your third paragraph. Secondly, given that he was trying it on with two women who we're not interested, and who's partners were present, he's lucky you're both reasonable people. Frankly, he's lucky to be alive!
Thirdly, make it very clear to him that he is to leave you alone, perhaps explaining why what he did was no appropriate.
Fourthly, we'd suggest that you both come of FAB and sit down and talk about your future swinging. Our concern is that if your wife wasn't making much of an effort to push him away - having had a drink is no excuse - then you might get hurt in the future.
This guy in question is a disrespectful individual at best. Avoid him.
G & S x"This...exactly this Also dont judge all young guys by him His os a personality defect Ive met older people who are exactly the same | |||
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