FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Only fancy one of you
Only fancy one of you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have any of you guys ever got the impression a couple was more into just one of you? If so, did you ask directly, and what did they say?"
had it a few times. Once asked a couple if they were still interested and the gentleman got the right arse and was very offended.
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Yes. happened to us and a few people we know. Seems some people are only interested in the female but are very good at making the male feel like they are interested in them but then change there mind when it comes to playing. It's not good for anyone to feel like that. We have a rule now that if we don't both play neither of us do. It's supposed to be fun for everyone involved and no one should be left out. Everyone should know from the start what people's intentions are and not lead people along making them think everyone will play when they know they won't. |
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"Yes. happened to us and a few people we know. Seems some people are only interested in the female but are very good at making the male feel like they are interested in them but then change there mind when it comes to playing. It's not good for anyone to feel like that. We have a rule now that if we don't both play neither of us do. It's supposed to be fun for everyone involved and no one should be left out. Everyone should know from the start what people's intentions are and not lead people along making them think everyone will play when they know they won't. "
This 
We have had messages directly at one of us which really annoys. After a sarcastic reply the block button becomes handy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Our most recent run with this was actually quite positive. I asked which one they were interested in, and they were honest and said her.
They then also said they'd be happy to meet as a couple, but mentioned that their own missus was going to be a bit more open towards who they meet. These guys are in VERY good shape, and whilst I know they weren't being malicious at all, it came across as though they were saying she's thinking about taking one for the team, depending on how well people get on. I really didn't fancy being not fancied at all though, so we declined. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We simply refuse to arrange any playtime unless we've met socially and we feel the right vibes from the other couple. We had a bad experience early on where it was clear one of us was only a conduit to getting to the other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We once had a message back which said H looks lovely but S doesn't do it for them, which we found rather unnecessary as it clearly states we play together, if we fancy one half of a couple and not the other we make NO attempt to play with that one, we don't take one for the team either, we just say no thanks x |
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It's just par for the course on here. We got burned early on by this. Lesson learnt and now we know better. We play solo and as a couple but when we play as a couple then it's exactly that, as a couple , as in it's both of us or neither.
This is something we establish very early on in a relationship and is best for everyone in the long run. Even if you have to walk away from a couple you really like. |
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"Our most recent run with this was actually quite positive. I asked which one they were interested in, and they were honest and said her.
They then also said they'd be happy to meet as a couple, but mentioned that their own missus was going to be a bit more open towards who they meet. These guys are in VERY good shape, and whilst I know they weren't being malicious at all, it came across as though they were saying she's thinking about taking one for the team, depending on how well people get on. I really didn't fancy being not fancied at all though, so we declined. "
At least you found out before. I found out the female wasnt intrested after her fella had started playing with my mrs. I took one for the team there. Got left out while she played with another couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep all the time
If its a single guy they have ignored that we are a couple and address the message just to snow white
We did get to couples who were clearly more interested in grumpy although thats rare
And often couples just want snow white to play |
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"had it a few times. Once asked a couple if they were still interested and the gentleman got the right arse and was very offended. "
We were on the other side of a similar situation not long ago where the lady got the hump because we didn't invite her to a birthday party of very close friends. So I had a rant at her. |
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By *haverMan
over a year ago
bracknell |
Happened to me and misses but she actually saw him without me knowing really effected me badly that why im on here without her seriously.thinking of splitting no point in being with someone if they feel.the need to see someone behind your back  |
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Yes but that does not mean we won't play.
If they were honest and up front we have no issues with watching each other. I'd rather watch the wife having fun than have a sympathy fuck. But it goes both ways if we were not into him or her we would say so.
If it's all or nothing that's fine but it would be a nothing from us.
We have done scenarios were we have all joined in, but also ffm and mmf and FF with men playing only with their own partner or not at all.
The key is about respect and being honest. We would not try to dupe the other couple.
Of course sometimes we want everyone to join in, in which case we are clear about that. But basically no one meet is the same as another as it depends on the dynamic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have found it difficult in the past..meeting a similar couple..either. .she's hot..he's not..or vice versa..we agreed early doors..not taking one for the team..however..we continue our search..!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We simply refuse to arrange any playtime unless we've met socially and we feel the right vibes from the other couple. We had a bad experience early on where it was clear one of us was only a conduit to getting to the other. "
Exacty what we ask on a first meet, we did get slagged off other week on forum for expecting a social meet. Nice to see other couples value social meets as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. happened to us and a few people we know. Seems some people are only interested in the female but are very good at making the male feel like they are interested in them but then change there mind when it comes to playing. It's not good for anyone to feel like that. We have a rule now that if we don't both play neither of us do. It's supposed to be fun for everyone involved and no one should be left out. Everyone should know from the start what people's intentions are and not lead people along making them think everyone will play when they know they won't. "
Couples come as a package - that's what I de say |
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Couples are a complicated dynamic whether you are single or a couple. I've know a situation when both women (full swap types) fancied the other ladies fella and the chaps fancied each others wives. The women got on like a house on firs but one bloke though the other was an arse and that was more than enough to scupper things.
Life is complicated and swinging life is that squared! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The crucial missing ingredient is friendship. If they can't be bothered to get to know us and form some kind of friendship, then of course if they don't want to play with one of us there's no trade. One of us is sat there watching a couple of unfriendly people fuck the other. But if there's friendship this all changes. Now one of us is enjoying the ambience of being with friends, having a laugh, and maybe watching some sexy fun. This is why the fab community shoots itself in the foot by being so unfriendly. It just limits all the options and ignores a total win win situation |
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No,but we don't meet another couple unless we are both sure that we will like them and chat for a while.
I am quite picky,so we dont meet from here very often.
If a couple just wanted to meet me or Jack alone ,it would be a no thanks.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get that feeling a lot never asked but suddenly they either don't respond or you get blocked manners don't cost anything a simple no not for us would be nice |
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"Couples are a complicated dynamic whether you are single or a couple.
Life is complicated and swinging life is that squared!"
Almost TRUE from what i've experienced from being both a part of a couple and a single.
swinging couple:swinging single =difficulty squared
swinging couple:swinging couple = difficulty cubed.
If one or more is bi then you can square it again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Happened to me and misses but she actually saw him without me knowing really effected me badly that why im on here without her seriously.thinking of splitting no point in being with someone if they feel.the need to see someone behind your back "
She saw HIM? Forgive be I've not read your profile, but are you bi, and we're you looking for a bit mmf?
I can't understand why it's just one single guy, unless he was in a couple, but your missus just liked him. |
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By *haverMan
over a year ago
bracknell |
She had met him before and when we played, I might as well not have been there there was no need to go behind my back but she did, really shook the trust in relationship would not wish that on any couple playing but each to there own plus he wasnt bi |
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Been a few cases with couples where the lady has been too into me for the chaps liking - all very embarrassing for me as in my view I'm only supposed to be there to add to a bit of spice to their existing relationship....... I think it's always time for a sharp exit when that happens.... I'm here for fun and to support relationships - not harm them!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She had met him before and when we played, I might as well not have been there there was no need to go behind my back but she did, really shook the trust in relationship would not wish that on any couple playing but each to there own plus he wasnt bi "
This is a constant, back of my mind, type worry, but one that I'm fully capable of ignoring as I know it's just general insecurity based on it being POSSIBLE, not probable.
We would never meet a guy for bi stuff though as I'm straight.
I can only imagine how you're feeling mate, hope you figure stuff out. |
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By *haverMan
over a year ago
bracknell |
"She had met him before and when we played, I might as well not have been there there was no need to go behind my back but she did, really shook the trust in relationship would not wish that on any couple playing but each to there own plus he wasnt bi
This is a constant, back of my
mind, type worry, but one that I'm fully capable of ignoring as I know it's just general insecurity
based on it being POSSIBLE
We would never meet a guy for bi stuff though as I'm straight.
I can only imagine how you're feeling mate, hope you figure stuff out. "
Dont beleive in staying in a relationship when someones heart lays elsewhere |
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Does it definitely lie somewhere else dont let one bad experience ruin things. Whats she say about the situation. Main thing about swinging for us if either of us has an issue we listen to it and work it out together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does it definitely lie somewhere else dont let one bad experience ruin things. Whats she say about the situation. Main thing about swinging for us if either of us has an issue we listen to it and work it out together. "
This is a really good point. It's always worth asking for an explanation and then making a decision, even if you're not going to believe it.
We've had our fair share of bad times, but being able to sit and discuss what's gone on and ask for an explanation has helped us figure out why we sometimes make what look like shitty choices. We've never cheated or anything, but we've had issues. |
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"Does it definitely lie somewhere else dont let one bad experience ruin things. Whats she say about the situation. Main thing about swinging for us if either of us has an issue we listen to it and work it out together.
This is a really good point. It's always worth asking for an explanation and then making a decision, even if you're not going to believe it.
We've had our fair share of bad times, but being able to sit and discuss what's gone on and ask for an explanation has helped us figure out why we sometimes make what look like shitty choices. We've never cheated or anything, but we've had issues. "
Getting carried away in the moment and alcohol doesnt help. But we have 2 safe words now one for stop that and one for full stop. Weve had some ace nights recently sticking to our rules and we now check we are both comfortable with the situation. |
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"Does it definitely lie somewhere else dont let one bad experience ruin things. Whats she say about the situation. Main thing about swinging for us if either of us has an issue we listen to it and work it out together.
This is a really good point. It's always worth asking for an explanation and then making a decision, even if you're not going to believe it.
We've had our fair share of bad times, but being able to sit and discuss what's gone on and ask for an explanation has helped us figure out why we sometimes make what look like shitty choices. We've never cheated or anything, but we've had issues. "
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"Does it definitely lie somewhere else dont let one bad experience ruin things. Whats she say about the situation. Main thing about swinging for us if either of us has an issue we listen to it and work it out together.
This is a really good point. It's always worth asking for an explanation and then making a decision, even if you're not going to believe it.
We've had our fair share of bad times, but being able to sit and discuss what's gone on and ask for an explanation has helped us figure out why we sometimes make what look like shitty choices. We've never cheated or anything, but we've had issues.
Getting carried away in the moment and alcohol doesnt help. But we have 2 safe words now one for stop that and one for full stop. Weve had some ace nights recently sticking to our rules and we now check we are both comfortable with the situation."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have noticed lately we get lots of interest from cpls whose profile states they want a fmf . They then pretend that a cpl would be fine hoping they can exclude me when the fun starts |
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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North of Okehampton, South of Bideford |
Occasionally we get a couple asking for female on female only whilst the boys watch and then have sex with their own partners only..(we dont see that as swinging personally)
We say if you want to see a Show try the West End |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Occasionally we get a couple asking for female on female only whilst the boys watch and then have sex with their own partners only..(we dont see that as swinging personally)
We say if you want to see a Show try the West End"
Totally agree x |
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By *itzimadCouple
over a year ago
harwich |
ive always said 4 is the hardest number to swing with so hard to find another couple who will like you both evenly and for you to recipricaten throw an extra body in the mix and the whole dynamics changes
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