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Bitching Guys Question.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We've been here 9 months & still haven't managed to play with anyone from this site....from the sounds of it a lot of people are in the same boat as us.
The majority of folk here are lovely & have a great sense of humor....we cam in chat when we can & I come here on the forums often. We really enjoy the site.
If we manage to to find a play mate awesome, if not, oh well....it's not a huge deal. Our lives don't depend on it! We're a bit disappointed in the lack of action, yeah, but so what. We're not going to leave the site just because of that.
We were lucky enough to have a regular playmate for a while from another site, before she met her Mr Right, which is more than some people, so we can't complain. & we don't.
My question is why does it seem that every other day there is a guy bitching about the lack of meets he's having & stating they're going to leave the site ...can't they read all the other threads that ask/say exactly the same thing?
Are they really that desperate? & if so why don't they just go out on the pull or even pay for it?
Why can't they just chill out & take life how it comes instead of acting like stroppy teenagers, feeling sorry for themselves?
I don't understand their thinking, as surly they need to stand out from the crowd?
I'm not complaining about the bitching I just find it odd & to be honest, a bit pathetic. It's certainly not a turn on & wouldn't make me want to look at their profile!
Am I the only one to be slightly confused by them?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we all have frustrations about not meeting the amount we wish to meet..
however cpls, have themselves to have fun with.. guys are left to their own devices aka they moan, because they expect girls to be falling at their feet...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with _iew. I think some people join swinging sites and expect instant results and loads of meets and get confused/frustrated etc when reality dawns. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
absolutely agree with _iew that a lot of people come in with perceptions and expections... and when they see the reality doesn't match that, that is when you see the frustration and the bickering... |
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A lot of guys equate swinging with "an easy shag"...as if it were that simple !
Blokes are better off looking down their local club if they want a slapper like that,but who they expect to find here!
When they dont get what they want they have a moan, but the OPs attitude is the right one...make friends here, ahve a chat & a laugh, and if you end up in bed then it's a bonus! |
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"A lot of guys equate swinging with "an easy shag"...as if it were that simple !
Blokes are better off looking down their local club if they want a slapper like that,but who they expect to find here!
When they dont get what they want they have a moan, but the OPs attitude is the right one...make friends here, ahve a chat & a laugh, and if you end up in bed then it's a bonus!"
Nervous expectation then frustration that things don't progress how they expect. Once people have been on a while they usually relax more and just take whatever comes. They post as they can....also, they may not know to search for old posts on the subject and maybe they want to interact on forum, not just read. Single guys on the whole are a great bunch so don't be mislead by the occasional outburst of frustration.
Mistress x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most men assume women are easy as we swing!
But I MEET when I want to not when they tell me.
I totally agree, men think because a Womans on here she must be desperate and should be grateful, and accept, any offer!!!
I DON'T FLIPPIN THINK SO!!!
lol x
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not interested in meeting anyone who lacks the get up and go attitude, and am unlikely to meet any moaners and those who request for help with their profiles.
If I do not like their posts in the forums, I would bloke them too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought when I joined it would be a non-stop sex fest, choose any woman I wanted, drop a bit of the ol' scouse charm and BAM its there as and when I wanted . . . . was totally wrong and I know now that the attitude I came here with was totally wrong! Yeah Ive had a few meets, but they wernt easy to get!
Suppose Ive come on a bit of a journey here, the high expectations when I joined to the low reality to the happy medium where I am now.
Yeah not baggin the woman I want can and is disappointing, but Ive learnt not to 'feel the pain' most single guys on here do!
Got to say I have found the site far more appealing since I started reading and posting on the forums, its good to have a bit of a chat anfmd banter with like minded people instead of being ignored when I send messages!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with Pearl, it irritates me that people moan about lack of meets and they have a 3 word profile and no pics, or a very fuzzy pic and the words - will fill this in later, on their profile. If you sit on your arse and do nothing, you will get nothing. If you have a good attitude, get involved, be proactive, join in, go to a social to get to know people, then you will find this reaps better results.
If a guy or couple cant be arsed to spend a bit of time on a profile or, when they message and you ask them to tell you a little bit about themselves, they fail to come up with anything other than, well what do you want to know, well dont expect to be successful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Glad I'm not the only one!
Personally I think it's a good thing we have to work at meeting up with folk. Makes an actual meet more exciting & makes you less complacent about the whole scene.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pretty much disagree completely...I came on this site through a recommendation from a female playmate that it's all sex, sex, sex...kinda disappointed at the almost matronly and, one could almost say, 'prudish' attitudes that are on display by some members; both male and female.
Of course it's all down to personal choice and preference but if I want to simply chat with people and just make friends, there are plenty of sites out there that aren't dedicated to a hedonistic lifestyle.
I am slightly aware of the irony of posting this on the forum.
Don't misunderstand, I am all in favour of meeting people I click with and hope to make plenty of friends...but as a side effect of the ridiculous amounts of sex and not as the primary result  |
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Must agree on the 'ads' issue, most are an attempt to get attention!!!
Mmm is this forum post just that, or just a sign of my addiction to online forums.
As for the prudish comments, compared to most online places I hang out it is not, but do get surprised sometimes with the lack of tolerance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people just don't seem to understand that their profile is an advertisement and they don't realise that getting it wrong or not putting a little bit of thought into it can end up in disappointment. I love to see profiles with in depth descriptions of preferences, desires and idiosyncrasies. I enjoy seeing creative or just plain sexy pics, where an average woman becomes a minx in front of the camera. We occupy a world of fantasy and conjecture...the ones that don't understand this are the ones that just don't fit in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pretty much disagree completely...I came on this site through a recommendation from a female playmate that it's all sex, sex, sex...kinda disappointed at the almost matronly and, one could almost say, 'prudish' attitudes that are on display by some members; both male and female.
"
This is the attitude that irritates me the most. There is the misconception that swingers are sex mad and will fuck anything or anyone, doesnt matter who you are or what you look like.
Of course the reality is that you are more likely to get better results in a pub in town. Its not being 'matronly' as you describe it, with so much choice for us ladies we can afford to pick and choose and most tend to choose other swingers who understand the lifestyle, and of course those that dont whinge and moan about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst the daily frustrated whining of single men is annoying, they're on par with the "super couple" who also put in a regular appearance.
You know the ones I mean, Mr and Mrs World who cannot believe they've been stood up/no one wants to play with them. They disingenuously post asking if they're ugly and (i) get people to look at their profile; and (ii) soak up the adulation and ego messaging from sycophants they clearly need to survive.
Some people equate hedonism with free for all...and therein lies the rub! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pretty much disagree completely...I came on this site through a recommendation from a female playmate that it's all sex, sex, sex...kinda disappointed at the almost matronly and, one could almost say, 'prudish' attitudes that are on display by some members; both male and female.
This is the attitude that irritates me the most. There is the misconception that swingers are sex mad and will fuck anything or anyone, doesnt matter who you are or what you look like.
Of course the reality is that you are more likely to get better results in a pub in town. Its not being 'matronly' as you describe it, with so much choice for us ladies we can afford to pick and choose and most tend to choose other swingers who understand the lifestyle, and of course those that dont whinge and moan about it. "
I absolutely agree Iconic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pretty much disagree completely...I came on this site through a recommendation from a female playmate that it's all sex, sex, sex...kinda disappointed at the almost matronly and, one could almost say, 'prudish' attitudes that are on display by some members; both male and female.
Of course it's all down to personal choice and preference but if I want to simply chat with people and just make friends, there are plenty of sites out there that aren't dedicated to a hedonistic lifestyle.
I am slightly aware of the irony of posting this on the forum.
Don't misunderstand, I am all in favour of meeting people I click with and hope to make plenty of friends...but as a side effect of the ridiculous amounts of sex and not as the primary result "
Something about this post that resonates as true...if guys wanted to wine and dine women they would chance their arm in the Dating site scene...but who came blame them for thinking that women on a swinging site would be more up for sex...than your average woman on the street...its hardly an odd conclusion to reach.
hey its easy to see why some guys get confused and fustrated by the apparent "mixed messages".. given out by some women on the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not about the assumption that women on a swinging site are more open towards sex, yes most of us are sexual adventurers. Its the attitide that all women are up for sex with any man that messages them. Some men think all they have to do is sign up, some can't be arsed to even complete the profile, and message a woman and she will be gagging for sex with them.
The expectation irritates me. If we wink guys or couples that does not mean I am going to have sex with them. If I add guys to my friends list, that does not mean that I'm definitely going to have sex with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not about the assumption that women on a swinging site are more open towards sex, yes most of us are sexual adventurers. Its the attitide that all women are up for sex with any man that messages them. Some men think all they have to do is sign up, some can't be arsed to even complete the profile, and message a woman and she will be gagging for sex with them.
The expectation irritates me. If we wink guys or couples that does not mean I am going to have sex with them. If I add guys to my friends list, that does not mean that I'm definitely going to have sex with them. "
I can appreciate the fustration and irritation on both sides.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Problem is some understand what the swinging lifestyle is about, where as some others assume it's an easy step to sex. "
Absolutely...but it is understandable why men...who are looking for "easy sex" think that women who are swingers are more likely to have sex with them than women on dating sites...
Yes these men dont "get" the lifestyle....but your average "Mr or Mrs Vanilla" on the street doesn't get it either..
So from the perspective of the man on the street...swingers are "easy"...and the fustration and anger sets in..when they find that women swingers are in fact complex creatures...and can be as "difficult" and "high maintenance" as the women they meet in pubs or on dating sites...l
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do not consider myself a swinger as I do not play with couples, only single gents.
I am definitely not one that can shag anyone every time I feel a tingle between my legs.
Quality is better than quantity, always.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not consider myself a swinger as I do not play with couples, only single gents.
I am definitely not one that can shag anyone every time I feel a tingle between my legs.
Quality is better than quantity, always.
"
so you dont consider yourself to be a swinger?  |
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i feel the need to add to this that though i meet often and play with quite a few of those that i meet i always insist on a public meet first. Its not a date! I don't expect to be wined and dined. But i do want to be certain that i feel comfortable with this man and that the online flirtiness and attraction translate into sparks of lust in person. And if i don't feel that then i tell him and move on. Single men who accuse me of being on the wrong site when i suggest that we meet for coffee just fall at the last hurdle! They don't realise how close they got to some fun! As a single woman who lives alone - and who clearly states on her profile that she can't accommodate - by insisting on that public meet i'm simply attempting to ensure my safety. So it makes me laugh when i see the single guys whinge about women who want to meet as looking for dates - in many cases they have shot down their own chances of swinging fun by kicking off when invited to meet for a drink!  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"
You know the ones I mean, Mr and Mrs World who cannot believe they've been stood up/no one wants to play with them. They disingenuously post asking if they're ugly and (i) get people to look at their profile; and (ii) soak up the adulation and ego messaging from sycophants they clearly need to survive.
"
they are my favourites.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've been here 9 months & still haven't managed to play with anyone from this site....from the sounds of it a lot of people are in the same boat as us.
The majority of folk here are lovely & have a great sense of humor....we cam in chat when we can & I come here on the forums often. We really enjoy the site.
If we manage to to find a play mate awesome, if not, oh well....it's not a huge deal. Our lives don't depend on it! We're a bit disappointed in the lack of action, yeah, but so what. We're not going to leave the site just because of that.
We were lucky enough to have a regular playmate for a while from another site, before she met her Mr Right, which is more than some people, so we can't complain. & we don't.
My question is why does it seem that every other day there is a guy bitching about the lack of meets he's having & stating they're going to leave the site ...can't they read all the other threads that ask/say exactly the same thing?
Are they really that desperate? & if so why don't they just go out on the pull or even pay for it?
Why can't they just chill out & take life how it comes instead of acting like stroppy teenagers, feeling sorry for themselves?
I don't understand their thinking, as surly they need to stand out from the crowd?
I'm not complaining about the bitching I just find it odd & to be honest, a bit pathetic. It's certainly not a turn on & wouldn't make me want to look at their profile!
Am I the only one to be slightly confused by them?
"
theres two types of people who use these sites
swingers and people after a quick shag lol
swingers will enjoy the life style. the chat, the social meets etc
people after a quick shag....well that speaks for itsself i think
so if after a few weeks they hav'nt found sex they see it as a waste of time being here
saying that i neither class myself as a swinger nor am i just after a quick shag so not sure where i fit in there lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I pretty much disagree completely...I came on this site through a recommendation from a female playmate that it's all sex, sex, sex...kinda disappointed at the almost matronly and, one could almost say, 'prudish' attitudes that are on display by some members; both male and female.
This is the attitude that irritates me the most. There is the misconception that swingers are sex mad and will fuck anything or anyone, doesnt matter who you are or what you look like.
Of course the reality is that you are more likely to get better results in a pub in town. Its not being 'matronly' as you describe it, with so much choice for us ladies we can afford to pick and choose and most tend to choose other swingers who understand the lifestyle, and of course those that dont whinge and moan about it. "
To clarify, I didn't say it WAS matronly, I said the attitude towards sex was ALMOST matronly by some members, I also specified that it was not limited to females...as I am not either 
I also never suggested that there should be NO attraction, of course there has to be and to finish from my perspective...I surely am sex-mad and will definitely fuck anyone as long as I find them engaging; it's what is on the inside that counts as far as I am concerned (as long as they don't have a disturbing similarity to John Merrick...OK call me shallow!)
I have also not whinged or moaned, just trying to be as succinct as possible  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not consider myself a swinger as I do not play with couples, only single gents.
I am definitely not one that can shag anyone every time I feel a tingle between my legs.
Quality is better than quantity, always.
so you dont consider yourself to be a swinger? "
.
Where is Polo when I need her?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think another thing that the couples and women on here don't realise is the amount of condescension and outright contempt often pointed at the single men on here. You're frequently assumed to be and openly called a sad, lonely git who couldn't get laid. Finding the pitch to approach each individual is incredibly hard. I've been turned down both for saying too much and not saying enough, for being too direct and too subtle. And if we came on and expressed our 'preferences' in the ways some women & couples do we'd get reported in a flash (Yes, I know there are single guys who do & get all they deserve in return).
I've been here both as a couple and now as a single male and let me assure you it's FAR harder and ruder as a SM. So maybe, just maybe, there's a bit of justification for it as a result of the way they get treated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmm, i've managed to have some great meets on here, but i've done a lot better visiting clubs, meeting people then staying in touch on here. OP's are quite lucky as you've got the Attic in derby and Le Chambre in sheffield both about the same distance away, so perfect for some fun meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a lot of moaning from single guys, but there is also a lot of us that dont moan and enjoy the site, iv met a couple of nice girls so far and made some friends so im not moaning
Getting a shag is easy! its getting a nsa shag thats hard, its much easier pulling girls in clubs and bars. If you have no morals you can go on a datting website tel the girl everything she wants to here and bang! iv got a friend on one dating site fucking different girls every week! all you need is a profile that makes you sound like prince charming, and the gift of the gab! personaly I have morals and rather meet a girl that wants the same as me, nsa sex, hence why im on fabs
Also not all single guys are single because they cant get a girlfriend, and not all single guys are desperate! I can only speak for myself, but I know im not! lol |
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