FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Some Advice Please

Some Advice Please

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

Is it acceptable form for someone to "project" themselves as being a woman / female on this site, and you make contact, chit chat, discuss a meetup, and then discover (to your horror) that the person is in fact transgender / post operative whatever whatever.. Get the picture?

What would you do in reponse?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They're not projecting anything at all, they identify as female, so why shouldn't they call themselves a woman?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they are post OP then they are female as they no longer have a cock.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's difficult isn't it? I started writing this

I'm happy for a lady to identify as such, God knows the struggles they will have endured......

Then thought, I'd really want to be in possession of the facts before I decided if I was going to be intimate.

So in conclusion, I'm a hypocrite. I think they should be able to live their life without constantly having to retell their past; unless it involves me.

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By *londieddWoman over a year ago

fife

"A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

I think even if they were post op I would want to know the history

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it just me who hates the terms 'post-op' or 'post-op transgender' etc

Surely if the operation has been completed and the necessary paperwork has been changed then that person is simple a man or a woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's difficult isn't it? I started writing this

I'm happy for a lady to identify as such, God knows the struggles they will have endured......

Then thought, I'd really want to be in possession of the facts before I decided if I was going to be intimate.

So in conclusion, I'm a hypocrite. I think they should be able to live their life without constantly having to retell their past; unless it involves me. "

This made me lol...!

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

It's maybe a discussion they want to have face to face.

Not easy to do by texting. If you like them it shouldn't matter.

Meet them and discuss it. I know a lovely girl who for various reasons can't transition fully.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

If you were really that horrified just don't meet them. Deal breakers of all kinds show up as you chat more to your potential meets. It sounds like you feel she misrepresented herself but really she hasn't. We can only reveal our private details a bit at a time and it really is up to each individual what they choose to lead with and what they prefer to reveal to only a few.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it just me who hates the terms 'post-op' or 'post-op transgender' etc

Surely if the operation has been completed and the necessary paperwork has been changed then that person is simple a man or a woman. "

No. Gender identity does not equate to physical gender. I can have female genitalia and a feminine appearance but identify as a man if I wish to. The fact that I don't is irrelevant.

I think it's not a simple matter at all, if they don't feel like they need to tell you, then they shouldn't have to. I don't feel that there are any health risks that come from not knowing their prior identity history. Does it make a difference, knowing that they used to identify as a man and had male genitalia?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

What would you do in reponse?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

Think honesty right from the start is necessary on both party's. She should have told you then you could decide if you wanted to carry on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a PC world gone mad, a profile should clarify if someone is transgender surely? It's disrespectful to be deceiving x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's a PC world gone mad, a profile should clarify if someone is transgender surely? It's disrespectful to be deceiving x"

I don't personally think that there has been any deception. The person the OP is discussing is a woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bought a Samsung phone once off eBay.

The day the package arrived, I opened it in to discover it wasn't a Samsung phone, it looked like one, it operated like one, but it was slightly different.

I contacted the seller who told me it was a different phone, but completely rebuilt taking the old parts out and putting new Samsung parts in, as well as other makers parts, it was essentially a Samsung phone, just not built by Samsung and not entirely Samsung parts.

I wanted a Samsung though, I was comfortable with Samsung, not one that had been built by someone else using different parts. But that's what it had been sold as, that's what the seller identified it as.

I returned it and got a refund and went on to get myself an authentic Samsung phone.

If the seller had been honest and transparent from the start, I could have made an informed choice about buying that phone in the first place, it's fine he identified it as a Samsung phone, but I felt he should have realised not everyone else would do so, and should have been a little more clear from the start.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I bought a Samsung phone once off eBay.

The day the package arrived, I opened it in to discover it wasn't a Samsung phone, it looked like one, it operated like one, but it was slightly different.

I returned it and got a refund and went on to get myself an authentic Samsung phone.

What version of Android was it running? As that makes all the difference

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A quick question, which I trust will not result in a shyt storm:

What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

Why 'to your horror'? With all due respect, that sounds pretty offensive to any woman that goes through what must be a very difficult journey. If you're not comfortable with her past that's up to you, but I'd say it's her choice who she tells and when.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's difficult isn't it? I started writing this

I'm happy for a lady to identify as such, God knows the struggles they will have endured......

Then thought, I'd really want to be in possession of the facts before I decided if I was going to be intimate.

So in conclusion, I'm a hypocrite. I think they should be able to live their life without constantly having to retell their past; unless it involves me. "

I would say this is spot on. I don't have a problem with how people identify themselves. I think the problem actually comes when we on the other side of the meet disagree with that identity. I soppose it come down to if you think there is a difference between transgender male or a women. Leaving the genitalia out of it for now, I don't see how that's got a lot to do with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's difficult isn't it? I started writing this

I'm happy for a lady to identify as such, God knows the struggles they will have endured......

Then thought, I'd really want to be in possession of the facts before I decided if I was going to be intimate.

So in conclusion, I'm a hypocrite. I think they should be able to live their life without constantly having to retell their past; unless it involves me. "

I wouldn't say you're a hypocrite, you made a very well balanced post. I would imagine it's extremely difficult for the woman too. They would also have to be comfortable with you prior to intimacy, it's a two way street.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not straight forward one way or the other in my opinion.

If You're meeting someone with a relationship in mind I think the lady or man who has had reassignment surgery morally should explain this fairly early on.

If you're meeting someone just for sex, surely it's about if you fancy them?

If the only way you know she or he wasn't born with the body that attracts you is by them telling you, why does that horrify you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not straight forward one way or the other in my opinion.

If You're meeting someone with a relationship in mind I think the lady or man who has had reassignment surgery morally should explain this fairly early on.

If you're meeting someone just for sex, surely it's about if you fancy them?

If the only way you know she or he wasn't born with the body that attracts you is by them telling you, why does that horrify you?

From the guys perspective I'd say this I am straight I have to be sexually attracted to a women's mind, personality and body, some of this, and I don't mean to sound deragatory, is missing from a from a TS

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's not straight forward one way or the other in my opinion.

If You're meeting someone with a relationship in mind I think the lady or man who has had reassignment surgery morally should explain this fairly early on.

If you're meeting someone just for sex, surely it's about if you fancy them?

If the only way you know she or he wasn't born with the body that attracts you is by them telling you, why does that horrify you?

Some TS' minds and personalities are way more female than many women.

If their bodies have been aligned with their personality and mind and you can't tell I fail to see your point.

Many women, my wife for instance. Are very much 'one of the lads'. She shares many traits with men, personality and mind wise.

She look female, however.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's sad that it horrified you. You say you had only discussed meeting up, so sounds like you knew in advance of any firm plans.

Maybe after the journey they have been on and responses they may have had in the past they don't want it to be completely public knowledge and would rather only reveal that to someone they feel will be understanding? You found out before meeting is the main thing. If they present and identify as a woman don't think it's fair to make them reveal their full history to everyone.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Ardgay

I see no deception or need for horror.

You were attracted to her, you wanted to meet, you had exchanged messages, you don't say if photos were exchanged.

She was honest about a huge piece of her past.

You were attracted to her looks and her messages, why should that change.

She's still the same person you wanted to meet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I bought a Samsung phone once off eBay.

The day the package arrived, I opened it in to discover it wasn't a Samsung phone, it looked like one, it operated like one, but it was slightly different.

I returned it and got a refund and went on to get myself an authentic Samsung phone.

You got a refund alright. OP didn't even "buy the phone", he was told it wasn't an original in due time, well before a meet was arranged. If she's got female plumbing now and recognised by law as female and the OP can't even tell from her pics she's trans, we're splitting a very fine hair here. So OP chatted to someone and got hopes up but after a few messages they were unsuitable, boohoo.

How much of one's past should one reveal for the purposes of swinging? Racial makeup? Past marriages? Existing dependents? Health and medical issues, including mental health issues and successfully treated STIs? Sex practices you're into but won't do with a new meet? Political beliefs? Living arrangements? Wealth/debt, class, employment status? These things are relevant and could put people off, but also irrelevant and too private to plaster ALL of them on a profile.

Personally if someone I was attracted to revealed they had transitioned I would be intrigued not horrified, so horses for courses.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How much of one's past should one reveal for the purposes of swinging? Racial makeup? Past marriages? Existing dependents? Health and medical issues, including mental health issues and successfully treated STIs? Sex practices you're into but won't do with a new meet? Political beliefs? Living arrangements? Wealth/debt, class, employment status? These things are relevant and could put people off, but also irrelevant and too private to plaster ALL of them on a profile.

Personally if someone I was attracted to revealed they had transitioned I would be intrigued not horrified, so horses for courses."

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By *bsinthe_boyMan over a year ago

Luton

As far as I am concerned once someone begins the transition process in earnest then they are the gender they ifentify as.

I do realise that the organ between their legs is important to many people and the equipment they were born with to some. However I would think it pretty clear cut that someone who has completed their transition including the hormones and surgery is a woman (or man in the case of FtM)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wasn't there a serial killer who murdered several women, was sent to jail for life, then had a sex change, and, as a result, was accepted as being a woman and transferred to a female prison?

I wonder if a sex change shouldn't be something rather cosmetic like cross dressing. After it, you can effectively lead your life as if you were the other gender... and in most situations you can totally forget you were born a different gender. But your legal and cultural status is trans.

I say cultural because I believe there was also a case of a black activist who pushed black rights and claimed to have had a typical black upbringing and slaves as ancestors but just turned out to be a rather privileged tanned white person. I think women, blacks, whoever, have the right to know when someone speaking on their behalf hasn't really been on their same journey. Trans women can still talk up for women's rights. But they should do so as trans, not women imo.

I think meeting for sex or potential relationships probably falls into this category.

It's a complex issue though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bought a Samsung phone once off eBay.

The day the package arrived, I opened it in to discover it wasn't a Samsung phone, it looked like one, it operated like one, but it was slightly different.

I returned it and got a refund and went on to get myself an authentic Samsung phone.

[Absolutely agree. The woman is indeed now a woman, but holds paperwork to contradict her birth cert to say that she is. I am a woman and don't need paperwork other than my birth cert. That is a huge difference. It is in both parties interest to be up front and honest as not to cause future upset and also allows choices to be made.]

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I bought a Samsung phone once off eBay.

The day the package arrived, I opened it in to discover it wasn't a Samsung phone, it looked like one, it operated like one, but it was slightly different.

I returned it and got a refund and went on to get myself an authentic Samsung phone.

I dont think anyone could put it better than this.

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By *ndyandMandyCouple over a year ago

swansea

Does she sound like a woman, body of a woman? Then she's a woman. Let us chat with her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

I admit to what some may view as 'double standards' here (which I think is what you are alluding to).

I have no issue with anyone's sexuality and campaign for equality. I have transgender friends and have known one of them pre- and post-op, since school.

However, I only find women sexually attractive if they were born female (i.e. born with female genitalia).

To me, this is no different from me having male friends not fancying them either.

It isn't just about the looks (I don't fancy many of my female friends either) and I feel there has been a lack of honesty up-front in the scenario you describe.

I would politely end the conversation and just admit that you are not comfortable pursuing a sexual relationship with someone that is transgender. It is a choice, not necessarily a prejudice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It would only be unacceptable to me if they were dating, with a view to marriage and children. But, I would think that would be explained very early on in the relationship; as it would if anyone couldn't produce children.

Or, if their genitalia didn't work correctly. I'm ignorant about the workings of trans genitalia.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it acceptable form for someone to "project" themselves as being a woman / female on this site, and you make contact, chit chat, discuss a meetup, and then discover (to your horror) that the person is in fact transgender / post operative whatever whatever.. Get the picture?

What would you do in reponse?

Sx"

I'd be surprised and I'd have liked too have known beforehand but if they were post OP and I was attracted to them already I'd like to think that discovery wouldn't change much.

It's hard to know unless it happened to me I guess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"However, I only find women sexually attractive if they were born female (i.e. born with female genitalia)."

I doubt that. I think it's highly possible that a trans woman could be stunning and also have more of a male promiscuous kinky mindset. Put together, I think men all over the world would be attracted to them. I think the truth of the issue is uncomfortable. It goes to the root of what it means to be straight. Being straight is utterly uncompromising, even to the point of being politically incorrect. There's just a deep psychological and physical need to be with a woman (or man if you're a straight woman) and anything else won't do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As far as NSA sex is concerened then i feel the difference between a fully original woman or transgendered woman should not make any real difference.

Where the problem lies is when NSA sex turns into an emotional relationship?

"Steve, I cannot marry you because you want children and I cannot have any."

"WHY?? They can do so much these days"

"I used to be a man!!"

It would appear that if the relationship moves on from a 1 night stand some explanation of the past is required??

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