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Insecure
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So does anyone have any suggestions how to get over insecurity from being at a place like this?
Ive not been here long and had a couple of meets already.
But it's so tempting to look at verifications. And I personally feel like dog shit when curiosity gets the better of me lol |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"So does anyone have any suggestions how to get over insecurity from being at a place like this?
Ive not been here long and had a couple of meets already.
But it's so tempting to look at verification's. And I personally feel like dog shit when curiosity gets the better of me lol"
what is it about verification's that makes you insecure?. number, what people get up too, other??? please elaborate. fobbing you off with placatory remarks, isnt my style x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That is good advice I wish I could follow.
Think it's my over sensitivity as a newbie haha.
The most recent person I met was really nice and we had great sexual chemistry but I went and asked to see her verifications like an idiot. Such a mistake lol
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"That is good advice I wish I could follow.
Think it's my over sensitivity as a newbie haha.
The most recent person I met was really nice and we had great sexual chemistry but I went and asked to see her verifications like an idiot. Such a mistake lol
"
my advice is to imagine the profiles dont exist, go out, get know for being you and collect your own experiences and veris, then no one elses will matter. not everyone on this site veris others, they are not the be all and end all and really shouldnt affect you going out into the world and enjoying yourself...all lovers are different, that's why swingers like more than monogomy...so you do, what you do and, leave everyone else to be and do what they do, no comparison, cos you are not the same and diversity on here is whats good about the lifestyle . go have some fun and quit fretting xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thankyou. Definitely need to stop fretting. It's not very attractive. I'm sure I'll get to grips with the lifestyle soon. Just need to slowly build up some more confidence. Lifestyle does seem full of nice and fun people so don't want to leave x |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Thankyou. Definitely need to stop fretting. It's not very attractive. I'm sure I'll get to grips with the lifestyle soon. Just need to slowly build up some more confidence. Lifestyle does seem full of nice and fun people so don't want to leave x "
exactly..just go for it all the newbie nerves will soon go and youll wonder and laugh about this time.
we were all new once and some of us remember xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"exactly..just go for it all the newbie nerves will soon go and youll wonder and laugh about this time.
we were all new once and some of us remember xx"
Thankyou for the comforting advice  xx |
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We do this! You look at who they've already met and see how you compare to them. 'well they meet really hot couples and we look like a trifle in a sack in comparison so they won't want to meet us'
Profiles are us at our best (usually) so don't always reflect the reality. We've met people in clubs who we really clicked with. When we go to look at their profiles, they can come across totally different.
Just be yourself. You'll either get along with them or you won't |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I don't bother reading people's past verifications, as I'm not meeting them. I just check they have a few more recent ones and that's it.
If anyone took the time to go through all of mine the only thing they would conclude is that I don't have a type. So if I lost a meet because they felt threatened by my verifications I would be a tad upset, as I've chosen to meet them for THEM, not to score them against previous meets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We do this! You look at who they've already met and see how you compare to them. 'well they meet really hot couples and we look like a trifle in a sack in comparison so they won't want to meet us'
Profiles are us at our best (usually) so don't always reflect the reality. We've met people in clubs who we really clicked with. When we go to look at their profiles, they can come across totally different.
Just be yourself. You'll either get along with them or you won't "
Yeah it's definitely intimidating for sure!
Haha well I can assure you you definitely don't look like a trifle in a sack. You two are really hot!
And yeah I've made my profile in a way not to misguide people. At first I had cock pics that looked so much bigger than my actual cock haha. Took them down.
I'm pretty confident with my personality although it's pretty shy, I'm just not quite body confident yet. The swinging lifestyle is either gonna improve that or make it worse lol. Undecided yet ha x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't bother reading people's past verifications, as I'm not meeting them. I just check they have a few more recent ones and that's it.
If anyone took the time to go through all of mine the only thing they would conclude is that I don't have a type. So if I lost a meet because they felt threatened by my verifications I would be a tad upset, as I've chosen to meet them for THEM, not to score them against previous meets."
Thankuou. Encouraging words. have to admit I've not even attempted winking or sending message going by someone past verifications. Just seen it as a waste of time xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Got to be thick skinned around here/ in this game ,don't give a rat's arse  "
Haha probably the best thing to do here. We will see if it's tough enough. I'm just too soft lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got to be thick skinned around here/ in this game ,don't give a rat's arse
Haha probably the best thing to do here. We will see if it's tough enough. I'm just too soft lol "
You do harden after a while give it time fella |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round."
I think you're hot as fuck.
Don't look at profiles or veri's. I don't. I can't compete so no point looking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got to be thick skinned around here/ in this game ,don't give a rat's arse
Haha probably the best thing to do here. We will see if it's tough enough. I'm just too soft lol
You do harden after a while give it time fella "
Yes, it is better when hard; much better 
- Mrs. J - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round."
Sooo you managed to pull the same woman as these guys, even though you DON'T have a gym body and large cock? Surely that makes you "better" than they are, not "worse"? (don't believe anybody is better or worse, just illustrating the illogical nature of insecurity).
Already been said - most swingers are after variety, and everyone brings something different to the table. Re. Body confidence, when I first joined that's something I was amazed by, seeing very average people of all shapes and ages letting it all hang out like they didn't give a flying fuck - whatever they had, they would flaunt! The moral of the story is, you don't need to have model looks to enjoy horny sex with others! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been one for reading veris either.. the comparing thing isn't healthy and tbf, could very well lead to things not going as you would like..
If someone wants to meet you and the feeling is mutual then take it at face value, who gives a monkeys what they've done before. |
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I look at verifications for a totally different reason, I just want to see that the lady is active and not a time waster, plus I want to see if the lady actually plays, like from the verifications you can build a pattern for example if all the ladies verifications are socials, webcam and coffee or if there are no verifications or hidden verifications I will ask why, based on her response I will make a decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I look at verifications for a totally different reason, I just want to see that the lady is active and not a time waster, plus I want to see if the lady actually plays, like from the verifications you can build a pattern for example if all the ladies verifications are socials, webcam and coffee or if there are no verifications or hidden verifications I will ask why, based on her response I will make a decision."
I do exactly the same,reading verifications can help not hinder you on here .Don't take to much notice of the sexual content though, everyone exaggerates that part |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not much to look at, and I'm not young any more. I have met men from here who are all shapes and sizes, and they have met women of all shapes and sizes. If someone says no thank you, move on. |
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Yeah verifications are the most important part of any profile to me , I read the verifications before I read the profile, especially if I have not met the lady face to face.
It is important for me to see what the guys think about the lady and to see that she is fucking the guys on meets, from this point, you out all the fakes, time wasting ladies, vanilla ladies, etc
One thing ladies who are not genuine swingers have in common is they cannot explain to you why they don't have verifications or why they hide them, don't get me wrong I have met people who are not even on the site but that was a face to face meet at a party and I can read them and feel their vibe.
Once you ask a lady who is genuine why there are hidden or no verifications she will tell you in a second, non genuine swingers will just block you and become defensive and you can see from that point they are on another track and not real swingers, swinging for fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round.
Sooo you managed to pull the same woman as these guys, even though you DON'T have a gym body and large cock? Surely that makes you "better" than they are, not "worse"? (don't believe anybody is better or worse, just illustrating the illogical nature of insecurity).
Already been said - most swingers are after variety, and everyone brings something different to the table. Re. Body confidence, when I first joined that's something I was amazed by, seeing very average people of all shapes and ages letting it all hang out like they didn't give a flying fuck - whatever they had, they would flaunt! The moral of the story is, you don't need to have model looks to enjoy horny sex with others!"
I love this!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So does anyone have any suggestions how to get over insecurity from being at a place like this?
Ive not been here long and had a couple of meets already.
But it's so tempting to look at verifications. And I personally feel like dog shit when curiosity gets the better of me lol"
It's all about you and your meet mate so don't worry about what anyone else gets up to.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round.
Sooo you managed to pull the same woman as these guys, even though you DON'T have a gym body and large cock? Surely that makes you "better" than they are, not "worse"? (don't believe anybody is better or worse, just illustrating the illogical nature of insecurity)."
This has definitely given me a much needed confidence boost. I never even thought about this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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all very valid points here. I'm really glad I posted. Wasn't sure if I should or not, 100% need to live for the moment! And stop being a whiny knobhead haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel to thoroughly enjoy this site without letting jealousy or insecurities get the better of a person, one needs to develop a 'swinging mentality'. If you were to develop this mindset, you would embrace the liberation of being able to have multiple partners. If one of your playmates had a good time with someone else then you would feel pleased for her, not insecure or threatened by the situation. Sex should be liberating not restricting. Dont get me wrong, Ive been through it - that sharp pang when my most recent partner posts their next veri. But Ive learnt to control that emotion. Besides as long as they come back to me for more fun, then why shouldn't I be prepared to share someone I like. Remember, it's not about another sex partner being better in some way, it about swingers enjoying variety. Someone variety is not a reason for you to feel insecure.
Mrs
Mrs |
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"all very valid points here. I'm really glad I posted. Wasn't sure if I should or not, 100% need to live for the moment! And stop being a whiny knobhead haha"
Correct
Now look at it this way - us women tend to have more choice on here because of the uneven numbers.
Therefor I'd say if a woman agrees to meet you, and shows up, then she definitely wants to meet you.
So why analyse her previous meets if she's decided you're good enough for her? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Now look at it this way - us women tend to have more choice on here because of the uneven numbers.
Therefor I'd say if a woman agrees to meet you, and shows up, then she definitely wants to meet you.
So why analyse her previous meets if she's decided you're good enough for her? "
I have no idea. Feel silly for anslysing now when you put it like that lol.
I should feel happy/lucky that I actually had a couple meets this past week already. I know some guys aren't as lucky. And thankyou classy swingers. I admire you all for this mentality you have. It's awesome! |
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"I feel to thoroughly enjoy this site without letting jealousy or insecurities get the better of a person, one needs to develop a 'swinging mentality'. If you were to develop this mindset, you would embrace the liberation of being able to have multiple partners. If one of your playmates had a good time with someone else then you would feel pleased for her, not insecure or threatened by the situation. Sex should be liberating not restricting. Dont get me wrong, Ive been through it - that sharp pang when my most recent partner posts their next veri. But Ive learnt to control that emotion. Besides as long as they come back to me for more fun, then why shouldn't I be prepared to share someone I like. Remember, it's not about another sex partner being better in some way, it about swingers enjoying variety. Someone variety is not a reason for you to feel insecure.
Mrs
Mrs"
Babe, I absolutely love you and your views and I wish we could meet and didn't leave so far apart , you hit the nail on the head, we all feel that sharp pang as you put it but the watch word is control and the feeling of joy for your play partners instead of pain.
Without any doubt, you are a real swinger and an asset to this community. I think the problem is some of the ladies still have the vanilla mentality , they swing but refuse to let go of the vanilla mentality, where you have sexual control ,dominance, jealousy and all the rest, instead of sexual liberty and peace. Even on the forum once a guy says he has multiple partners, they are immediately upset, some might even block him, enjoy and let others enjoy, that is how I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel to thoroughly enjoy this site without letting jealousy or insecurities get the better of a person, one needs to develop a 'swinging mentality'. If you were to develop this mindset, you would embrace the liberation of being able to have multiple partners. If one of your playmates had a good time with someone else then you would feel pleased for her, not insecure or threatened by the situation. Sex should be liberating not restricting. Dont get me wrong, Ive been through it - that sharp pang when my most recent partner posts their next veri. But Ive learnt to control that emotion. Besides as long as they come back to me for more fun, then why shouldn't I be prepared to share someone I like. Remember, it's not about another sex partner being better in some way, it about swingers enjoying variety. Someone variety is not a reason for you to feel insecure.
Mrs
Mrs
Babe, I absolutely love you and your views and I wish we could meet and didn't leave so far apart , you hit the nail on the head, we all feel that sharp pang as you put it but the watch word is control and the feeling of joy for your play partners instead of pain.
Without any doubt, you are a real swinger and an asset to this community. I think the problem is some of the ladies still have the vanilla mentality , they swing but refuse to let go of the vanilla mentality, where you have sexual control ,dominance, jealousy and all the rest, instead of sexual liberty and peace. Even on the forum once a guy says he has multiple partners, they are immediately upset, some might even block him, enjoy and let others enjoy, that is how I am. "
Absolutely. But to sum it up, what would say to the OP. If a lady is spending time with you and enjoying herself, then that means she likes you. If she comes back for more, then she really likes you. If she fucks another guy in between her meets with you, that means she likes variety. But what she thinks of the other guy is totally irrelevant to what she thinks of you. All that matters is that she likes you. Swingers enjoy a variety of partners. If you can get your head round that OP you'll have a fantastic time.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Absolutely. But to sum it up, what would say to the OP. If a lady is spending time with you and enjoying herself, then that means she likes you. If she comes back for more, then she really likes you. If she fucks another guy in between her meets with you, that means she likes variety. But what she thinks of the other guy is totally irrelevant to what she thinks of you. All that matters is that she likes you. Swingers enjoy a variety of partners. If you can get your head round that OP you'll have a fantastic time.
Mrs"
Thanks again! You're so right. What the fuck was I crying about in the first place haha, if she likes me, she likes me. I'm a lucky guy in the first place to meet such a beaut that this original post was referring to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Absolutely. But to sum it up, what would say to the OP. If a lady is spending time with you and enjoying herself, then that means she likes you. If she comes back for more, then she really likes you. If she fucks another guy in between her meets with you, that means she likes variety. But what she thinks of the other guy is totally irrelevant to what she thinks of you. All that matters is that she likes you. Swingers enjoy a variety of partners. If you can get your head round that OP you'll have a fantastic time.
Mrs
Thanks again! You're so right. What the fuck was I crying about in the first place haha, if she likes me, she likes me. I'm a lucky guy in the first place to meet such a beaut that this original post was referring to "
Good for you! But another way of thinking about it, if you have more than one sex partner, does that mean your lady friends have reason to be jealous of each other? Of course not. You will have different enjoyment from different people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nothing wrong with you,you are a hot guy x"
Thankyou
I'm over all that bullshit now I think lol.
Meeting someone from here again that I like very much today so couldn't be happier x |
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"That is good advice I wish I could follow.
Think it's my over sensitivity as a newbie haha.
The most recent person I met was really nice and we had great sexual chemistry but I went and asked to see her verifications like an idiot. Such a mistake lol
"
you've been here 2 weeks you've had a few meets so your doing ok, if someone asked to see my verifications I'd tell them where to go, my verifications are my business it's none of any one else's business who I've met and what I've done I think that was very rude of you to ask to see them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
you've been here 2 weeks you've had a few meets so your doing ok, if someone asked to see my verifications I'd tell them where to go, my verifications are my business it's none of any one else's business who I've met and what I've done I think that was very rude of you to ask to see them"
I agree, that would be rude. I was kinda given the option to see them or not and the choice was mine. At first I declined....but then changed my mind and asked to see |
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"Now look at it this way - us women tend to have more choice on here because of the uneven numbers.
Therefor I'd say if a woman agrees to meet you, and shows up, then she definitely wants to meet you.
So why analyse her previous meets if she's decided you're good enough for her?
I have no idea. Feel silly for anslysing now when you put it like that lol.
I should feel happy/lucky that I actually had a couple meets this past week already."
Don't feel silly, feel empowered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I look at verifications for a totally different reason, I just want to see that the lady is active and not a time waster, plus I want to see if the lady actually plays, like from the verifications you can build a pattern for example if all the ladies verifications are socials, webcam and coffee or if there are no verifications or hidden verifications I will ask why, based on her response I will make a decision.
I do exactly the same,reading verifications can help not hinder you on here .Don't take to much notice of the sexual content though, everyone exaggerates that part "
Thats true |
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About 2 months ago I was in a similar place as you, nervous about everything and comparing myself to everyone. I now attend a club which has really brought me out and made me realise that everyone is SUPPOSED to be different.
My cock is actually bigger than average, my humour catches the mind which puts me above some guys and my personality does the rest.
Stop stressing and chill, be yourself and just LET things happen.
Above all else, have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"About 2 months ago I was in a similar place as you, nervous about everything and comparing myself to everyone. I now attend a club which has really brought me out and made me realise that everyone is SUPPOSED to be different.
My cock is actually bigger than average, my humour catches the mind which puts me above some guys and my personality does the rest.
Stop stressing and chill, be yourself and just LET things happen.
Above all else, have fun!"
Cheers dude.
After a couple of weeks here I'm definitely more chilled out about it all than I was.
Plus I've had the good fortune of meeting a lovely beaut of a girl who I'm spending time with again today. . I've got strict rules to not have another meltdown though haha.
I'm sure I'll attend a club at some point once I'm brave enough, they do sound a great place to socialise etc |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your last word is the key, socialise. If you go with the mind of just chatting then amazing things can happen. I've never been disappointed yet!"
Awesome!
Yeah I'm really down for the socialising aspect of this lifestyle more than anything. |
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With someones verifications we only take them with a pinch of salt.
If she is talking to you then she likes you, how about looking it things that way?
As for comparing yourself to others, dont! They might look good in photos but a lot can be said for the other 20 photos taken before which are not so flattering and do not get used.
Dax |
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By *ea_CoffeeCouple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
You describe yourself as average but that isn't a bad thing.
Some people like huge cocks and some prefer small. Some people like big muscles and some prefer skinny athletic people.
Being average kinda keeps you on everyone's radar and ultimately it won't be your physical attributes that garuntee a meet or mutual satisfaction it will be your personality and attitude towards others.
There lots of "fit hung muscled guys here" that complain they can't get a meet. You have so you are doing something right.
Enjoy yourself and have fun. Let your personality shine and don't let anyone else's opinions or comments upset you.
Good luck. |
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round."
I wouldn't pay any attention to verifications. Anything like you describe is normally ego stroking and describe everyone as "the best ever"
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round.
I wouldn't pay any attention to verifications. Anything like you describe is normally ego stroking and describe everyone as "the best ever"
B"
Yeah, especially when people leave super positive verifications about each other when really they can't stand each other |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks everyone. All really good and valid points.
I'm starting to relax being on here more and more everyday.
And yeah being average isn't so bad I'm coming to realise here, I can still fill a pussy and give good oral ha.
And if you've looked at my profile I've stated im on a weight loss mission so every day I'm feeling more and more confident x
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"Thanks everyone. All really good and valid points.
I'm starting to relax being on here more and more everyday.
And yeah being average isn't so bad I'm coming to realise here, I can still fill a pussy and give good oral ha.
And if you've looked at my profile I've stated im on a weight loss mission so every day I'm feeling more and more confident x
"
A close friend of mine told me with confidence you have to "fake it till ya make it!"
Easier said than done but by doing more, the confidence will come and it will give you more confidence making it grow exponentially!
You will be fine, good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
A close friend of mine told me with confidence you have to "fake it till ya make it!"
Easier said than done but by doing more, the confidence will come and it will give you more confidence making it grow exponentially!
You will be fine, good luck!"
Thanks again dude!
Yeah I love that saying, I generally apply it to other aspects of my life so should be ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you're insecure, you are on the wrong site...
you need to be pumped up full of BS in order to get through all the other BS profiles on here, and not worry about them either |
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By *rowleyMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round."
I do this as well and makes me back out of sending a message. Still trying to get over it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if you're insecure, you are on the wrong site...
you need to be pumped up full of BS in order to get through all the other BS profiles on here, and not worry about them either "
Not sure about that. I imagine everyone here has some sort of insecurity buried away. And I've been dealing with my insecurities really well since I started this thread.
having lots of fun in the last week has definitely helped, and I haven't drivelled any BS, just been myself so just gonna stick with that. It's working.
Thanks though xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's usually the persons appearance in the verification...i.e. Much better body and horse size cocks lol. I'm just an average guy all round.
I do this as well and makes me back out of sending a message. Still trying to get over it."
i understand I'm still classed as a newbie here so my advice probably isn't worth as much but in my two weeks here I've gone through all sorts of emotions.
Once you accept that being average isn't a bad thing. And learning that others that have certain physical attributes doesn't necessarily make them better in bed as yourself. You'll have much more fun and take more chances |
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