FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Hard times?
Hard times?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you've got to take a leap of faith bud, I went to hot tub social, met new people and had some fun times and it helps you no end, I think to be honest with the amount of males on here shyness is going to be an off putter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The not accommodating due to 'sharing with a friend' will be a massive problem, most will assume that 'friend' is your wife and move on.
I don't mean to sound like a dick, but if you're no good in social situations then maybe this isn't the place for you.. the number of people who want to meet without any sort of social interaction are small as well.
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you're close to Townhouse, very friendly club that does newbie inductions/tours and a variety of events day/evening to cater to all tastes.Bite the bullet, contact them and give it a try. Plenty of other clubs also great for new people. But if you're seriously shy, as a previous poster said, this may not be for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said this before and will say it again OP.
Highlight the positives about yourself to everyone rather than continually focusing on the negatives.
Telling people you're shy, lack social skills, can't accommodate, don't want to try clubs or socials, are all negatives.
You need to give people a reason to say 'Hey, you know what? I wanna meet this guy'
I notice from your thread that you've been doing well with the weight loss thing, a big positive. Those sorts of things are what get people interested. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
To be honest, I really don't think this site is for you, social skills are a big thing here whether it be group socials, 1-1 interactions etc.
Also looking for excuses for why things aren't working for you, seems you just want everything handed to you on a plate.
That is not what I find attractive in a man, but good luck  |
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Op. I fabbed the picture of you in the suit the other day. It really is a nice picture so why not have that on your avatar.
Also if you are shy and not good in social situations whats going to happen if you do get a meet.
If you cant accomodate where will you be meeting. If your looking to share a hotel pop that on your profile |
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It's a Dickensian thread - op: you come across as being quite negative at times which is a shame because on your (positive) losing weight thread you got lots of positive responses. Negativity attracts negativity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to think that wanting to swing but being to shy/fearful to go to swing events, is similar to wanting to be an actor/performer but being to shy to go in front of a audience. Those who are not willing to overcome the obstacles to getting want they want, often have to accept that they won't get what they want.
Mrs |
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Basically, if you're too shy to talk to a lady, what happens if she wants sex with you? It's a damn site scarier (I would have thought) getting your kit off in front of relative strangers and having sex with them (plural) than having a coffee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi op
How about trying an organised social or club?
Good luck.miss
I do not got to clubs due to experience and my shy in social skills  "
So you can't accommodate and not willing to go to a club so it seems everyone has to work around you. You've got to be willing to make a effort and get out and about not just sit behind a keyboard. The more successful people on here are the ones who are flexible and mix up being one here with going to clubs. If you not good a socialising then really fab and swinging is not for you. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Youve also got a picture that seems to have been taken about 30 years ago"
Rather pointless I may also add, unless you explain why in your profile, because that is the person they will NOT be meeting  |
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"Youve also got a picture that seems to have been taken about 30 years ago"
Is your recent photo......recent? It looks as though your facial body shape has had a Benjamin Button experience. Might just be the angle and lighting and such. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who finds this site hard to make friends and meets when you’re not verified or can’t accommodate? "
All the guys find it hard m8, don't take it personally and keep plugging away, I think the best advice I can give you is just be friendly, good things happen to good people, respect and appreciate all the ladies and couples and there is someone for everyone on this site |
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"Well theres one positive op changing your avatar"
It's a much better photo than before. If we're considering photos, could I ask about 'The Lawmmower Man' photo? I don't like the bins in the background, I always think bins should be nearer the house for starters so you can't see them when you look out of the window. The smile in the photo is good but I'm curious to see in what way a photo of a guy pushing a lawnmower is sexually enticing to a lady - unless you fancy shaving her pubes ("lawn mowering")? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've said this before and will say it again OP.
Highlight the positives about yourself to everyone rather than continually focusing on the negatives.
Telling people you're shy, lack social skills, can't accommodate, don't want to try clubs or socials, are all negatives.
You need to give people a reason to say 'Hey, you know what? I wanna meet this guy'
I notice from your thread that you've been doing well with the weight loss thing, a big positive. Those sorts of things are what get people interested. "
Great piece of advice |
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I take it your coming back to the thread and reading it. It would be nice if you at least acknowledged the help your getting.
When you see the one of you in red jogging bottoms i thought of father christmas |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you need to look at your photos and, decide if the women on here find them exciting and enticing."
I know they may not be the best ones but at less the Irish females think they good  |
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"I think you need to look at your photos and, decide if the women on here find them exciting and enticing. I know they may not be the best ones but at less the Irish females think they good "
what irish females |
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"I think you need to look at your photos and, decide if the women on here find them exciting and enticing. I know they may not be the best ones but at less the Irish females think they good "
You need to attract the ladies in Chester, surely? |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I take it your coming back to the thread and reading it. It would be nice if you at least acknowledged the help your getting.
When you see the one of you in red jogging bottoms i thought of father christmas"
No, it is just a hit and run the same as his profile, he wants everything handed on a plate |
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Sometimes when you take a photo from above (the lawnmower man one) the effect of perspective is called 'foreshortening' and it makes you look very short. I also find that not looking directly at the camera adds a little 'je ne sais quoi' rather than a face on portrait style because those look like police wanted photos. I also prefer to use a timer rather than a mirror. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get your backside down to the townhouse sometime. We went for the first time on Sat and loved it. Every preconception was completely unfounded. Made us feel so at home. We didn't play - didn't have any intention with it being our first time but there was no pressure and spoke to a lot of lovely people.
We're now finding fab better as a way of keeping in touch rather than finding new meets.
Good luck! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It says in your profile that you aren't looking to meet... that might not be helping...
You also might want to look at other aspects of your profile that could do with some tweaking. "
I see well i not good writing profile since moving back form south Africa |
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"It says in your profile that you aren't looking to meet... that might not be helping...
You also might want to look at other aspects of your profile that could do with some tweaking.
I see well i not good writing profile since moving back form south Africa"
What has moving back from South Africa got to do with you saying in your profile that you aren't looking to meet when you are? If you want to meet don't put in your profile that you don't want to?
You haven't asked for profile advice so I can't give specifics, but I really think you need to take a look at your profile as if you were someone else looking to meet you - are your photos varied and interesting, do they show you in the best way to attract people? Or are they of the same thing over and over just at slightly different angles? Is your profile text accurate? Is it easy to read and makes sense? Try reading it out loud as you have written it, you'll probably run out of breath pretty quickly...
Take it from another *really* shy person - nothing will change if you don't make changes yourself. Now, you may look at my profile and think "you, shy? Bollocks!" but I am, very shy. But the difference is that I know that making excuses won't make things better. I want to have sex, and to do that I need to put my shyness to one side and put myself out there. Doing that has gradually made it easier to meet new people.
So take a good look at your profile, and other, successful people's profiles and see how best to show yourself off as a person people would want to meet.
Think positive, negativity won't get you far as it is very off putting.
Don't hide behind excuses, they will only hold you back.
Take a deep breath and just go for it. If you get knocked back then don't use it as an excuse to hide away, use it as a reason to try again, because if you don't then there will be no chance of anything good happening. |
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I was wondering if you'd spent the day doing a re-write.
Photos: you're a smiley chap and have lost weight - what you're doing with this profile is trying to attract the attention of the ladies. They will be attracted by photos and your text.
Think about your photos - now I know you don't want to acknowledge my advice or input to your thread as it's clear you've only been replying to the ladies and that's perfectly acceptable, although you have acted on photo advice I have given so maybe you might like to consider - bearing in mind it's your profile and you can do what the hell you want with it - that having several very similar photos doesn't add much. It's the law of diminishing returns.
Think about what you want to convey in your photos. Think about the background!! Think about what I said earlier about staring directly into the camera. It can appear intimidating. Think about better angles, better lighting, better location......all these things to consider will be worth it in the end |
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"It's a Dickensian thread - op: you come across as being quite negative at times which is a shame because on your (positive) losing weight thread you got lots of positive responses. Negativity attracts negativity. "
I actually thought the OP meant the Charles Dickens Novel "Hard Times"  |
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"It's a Dickensian thread - op: you come across as being quite negative at times which is a shame because on your (positive) losing weight thread you got lots of positive responses. Negativity attracts negativity.
I actually thought the OP meant the Charles Dickens Novel "Hard Times" "
He might get Carol at Christmas...... |
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Good on you fella, you're getting there  It's all the small things, like punctuation, that make it easier for people to read, keeps them reading, and so see who you are.
Be proud of yourself and show yourself off, not just in your profile, get out there and go to socials, and, if you want to, try going to clubs. Go out and enjoy yourself, even if they just end up as socials in the end. Sex is just the cherry on top but you need to make a pretty damn good cake (life) for it to go on or else a cherry is all it will be and they are pretty boring on their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good on you fella, you're getting there It's all the small things, like punctuation, that make it easier for people to read, keeps them reading, and so see who you are.
Be proud of yourself and show yourself off, not just in your profile, get out there and go to socials, and, if you want to, try going to clubs. Go out and enjoy yourself, even if they just end up as socials in the end. Sex is just the cherry on top but you need to make a pretty damn good cake (life) for it to go on or else a cherry is all it will be and they are pretty boring on their own. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who finds this site hard to make friends and meets when you’re not verified or can’t accommodate?
We just find it hard full stop to get meets .."
Shame, as you're photo's great. |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Who finds this site hard to make friends and meets when you’re not verified or can’t accommodate? "
Hey there!
I've just noticed that you've lost loads of weight. That's fantastic! It shows that you have the willpower to stick at something you put your mind to. This is great news and you'll need this for the next step. 
Women tend to be less focused on how you look and more about who you are. Being shy won't help but there are ways to learn to get over that. THAT is your next step! I won't go into detail here but there is free info on the net that will help you. Try Googling "how to be a sexy man". Really!
I'll let you into a secret. Look at any guys profile with a string of verifications. There was a time when they had ZERO verifications. Some for a VERY long time. Some guys made mistakes, tried different photos to see what works, different opening PMs etc. Some of the info you see here comes from guys going before you, screwing up then being kind enough to help you along. One day YOU WILL do the same for someone else, you seem like that sort of guy! 
The tips from women? Well you've struck gold right there! It means that at least one woman doesn't see you as a hopeless case and with a bit of tweaking you could be the kind of guy that women are looking for!
So take your time, don't get mad, just see everything you do as one step on the journey to becoming a better version of yourself. You're doing great so far...keep going! |
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"The not accommodating due to 'sharing with a friend' will be a massive problem, most will assume that 'friend' is your wife and move on.
I don't mean to sound like a dick, but if you're no good in social situations then maybe this isn't the place for you.. the number of people who want to meet without any sort of social interaction are small as well.
"
Not everyone wants to accommodate, I don't get why it's such an issue. Some people just don't want strangers in their homes for security/other reasons and if one shares a home then they may not want the person they are sharing with to know about Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah it's a total bastard even if you can accommodate lol
12 months and zero meets and counting...
"
Whilst trying not to hijack the OP's thread.
In 12 months...have you ever tried to go to a social event or a swingers club? Have you ever tried to change your approach? Have you looked at your profile and thought 'what can I change to help improve my chances?'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who finds this site hard to make friends and meets when you’re not verified or can’t accommodate?
We just find it hard full stop to get meets .."
God knows why you two struggle, amazing photo's x |
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"Who finds this site hard to make friends and meets when you’re not verified or can’t accommodate?
We just find it hard full stop to get meets ..
God knows why you two struggle, amazing photo's x"
Thank you x I think people get put off with daytime meets x |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
I know this might sound strange but I got into swinging to meet people. So I...er...met people. Literally, at socials and (one of my nearest) clubs. Fab is a tool and a good one at that but tools have a purpose. Focus on the purpose and you may find yourself acquiring other tools that will help you to achieve it. |
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"I know this might sound strange but I got into swinging to meet people. So I...er...met people. Literally, at socials and (one of my nearest) clubs. Fab is a tool and a good one at that but tools have a purpose. Focus on the purpose and you may find yourself acquiring other tools that will help you to achieve it."
Well said Milk Tre .
Cal (Still in sunny Crete) |
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