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Fuck it....
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"i went vanilla, i can't handle stuff like this NSA and don't even want to. and all i get offered is NSA so i gave up.
so it was sex only for me. sometimes you just have to make do."
Mmm beginning to think it would make life a lot simpler, |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i went vanilla, i can't handle stuff like this NSA and don't even want to. and all i get offered is NSA so i gave up.
so it was sex only for me. sometimes you just have to make do.
Mmm beginning to think it would make life a lot simpler, "
you might get to a point where you don't even want to meet at all. i lost interest in meeting for NSA sex about 10 months ago. still seemed to end up NSA no matter how much i chatted beforehand anyway, so i just lost interest in meeting altogether.
i've actually found guys who can chat like a friend would and a little more hopeful now, but also cynical still. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had bad experinces with D/s dynamics, however it is what I am, and I don't do half way.
Do you suppress, accept or not get involved?
Kind of hurting at the mo'
P
Dom's bleed too.
"
Probably helps if you ask specific questions rather than general ones or maybe that's the problem - communication! |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Or that I care too much and should treat them like dirt.
Communication isn't a problem, the dynamic, to work for me, has a multi-level dynamic and the balance of emotional, physical and interlectual has to gel perfectly.
So I must be doing it wrong, fuck the emotion and treat them like shit.
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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are you on any other BDSM sites? i know of two that have places you could discuss this and you'd likely get deep replies. one is the popular fet site we cannot mention but there's a better site with more intelligent and less narcissistic people on it.
i honestly don't know myself now, found NSA suited me when i wasn't in a space to attach to people because i didn't want to be vulnerable, but that's not me fundamentally.
i'm not naturally hedonistic and carefree and not attracted to people who are, i have issues that let me enjoy being vulnerable but not to people who'd abuse that.
i'm sensitive and happy to fuck off anyone who doesn't get that. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"think i'm thinking of the same site. also the main part of the site goes down a lot, shame coz that put me off using it.
met one guy off there, he was alright but not for me."
I suspect there is more than a physical thing, a certain chemistry has to be put in the mix otherwise sub space in a mo.
Sorry it didn't work out, hey we all cognativly learn, well some do, appears my cognitive senses are on shut down.  |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"think i'm thinking of the same site. also the main part of the site goes down a lot, shame coz that put me off using it.
met one guy off there, he was alright but not for me.
I suspect there is more than a physical thing, a certain chemistry has to be put in the mix otherwise sub space in a mo.
Sorry it didn't work out, hey we all cognativly learn, well some do, appears my cognitive senses are on shut down. "
P.s I'm smiling, nor frowning, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left it altogether for a while. And currently I've changed sides so I'm being Domme. Whether that will be a forever thing I don't know.
Unfortunately I'd had it the opposite way to you where I was treated badly as a sub. I can't trust or relax enough now to be fully submissive. So I do elements of it but not in the context of a D/s dynamic. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I left it altogether for a while. And currently I've changed sides so I'm being Domme. Whether that will be a forever thing I don't know.
Unfortunately I'd had it the opposite way to you where I was treated badly as a sub. I can't trust or relax enough now to be fully submissive. So I do elements of it but not in the context of a D/s dynamic."
To me it is the emotional/trust element where the fun is.
Loose that.....
Sorry to hear about the bad experience, an old mentor of mine said 'if you are not enjoying it, don't do it'
I subscribe to the saying. "The last thing to discover water is fish"(smiles)
Life is good, if the dynamics didn't test you...,
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"think i'm thinking of the same site. also the main part of the site goes down a lot, shame coz that put me off using it.
met one guy off there, he was alright but not for me.
I suspect there is more than a physical thing, a certain chemistry has to be put in the mix otherwise sub space in a mo.
Sorry it didn't work out, hey we all cognativly learn, well some do, appears my cognitive senses are on shut down.
P.s I'm smiling, nor frowning, "
could be? i find most of the 'fun' parts of s&m don't involve sex, but i'm more into dismissal, denial, humiliation, and being selfish while doing that. 
i don't mind it didn't work out, was a shame in a way because i chatted to a fair amount of guys and got along with all of them but didn't find any of them attractive except this one guy. then when i met him it just wasn't right, i felt like something was a bit 'off' about him and not in a good way.
it's not surprising it's hard to find someone compatible really, we're complicated creatures.
and this is a generalisation based on my own experiences but some of the people i've had relationships with, or wanted one with me, they're not right in the head and they enjoy being covertly manipulative and i don't enjoy being manipulated. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"think i'm thinking of the same site. also the main part of the site goes down a lot, shame coz that put me off using it.
met one guy off there, he was alright but not for me.
I suspect there is more than a physical thing, a certain chemistry has to be put in the mix otherwise sub space in a mo.
Sorry it didn't work out, hey we all cognativly learn, well some do, appears my cognitive senses are on shut down.
P.s I'm smiling, nor frowning,
could be? i find most of the 'fun' parts of s&m don't involve sex, but i'm more into dismissal, denial, humiliation, and being selfish while doing that.
i don't mind it didn't work out, was a shame in a way because i chatted to a fair amount of guys and got along with all of them but didn't find any of them attractive except this one guy. then when i met him it just wasn't right, i felt like something was a bit 'off' about him and not in a good way.
it's not surprising it's hard to find someone compatible really, we're complicated creatures.
and this is a generalisation based on my own experiences but some of the people i've had relationships with, or wanted one with me, they're not right in the head and they enjoy being covertly manipulative and i don't enjoy being manipulated. "
You made me smile lafy, thank you.
Having it together is a rare thing thing in a world off... |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"think i'm thinking of the same site. also the main part of the site goes down a lot, shame coz that put me off using it.
met one guy off there, he was alright but not for me.
I suspect there is more than a physical thing, a certain chemistry has to be put in the mix otherwise sub space in a mo.
Sorry it didn't work out, hey we all cognativly learn, well some do, appears my cognitive senses are on shut down.
P.s I'm smiling, nor frowning,
could be? i find most of the 'fun' parts of s&m don't involve sex, but i'm more into dismissal, denial, humiliation, and being selfish while doing that.
i don't mind it didn't work out, was a shame in a way because i chatted to a fair amount of guys and got along with all of them but didn't find any of them attractive except this one guy. then when i met him it just wasn't right, i felt like something was a bit 'off' about him and not in a good way.
it's not surprising it's hard to find someone compatible really, we're complicated creatures.
and this is a generalisation based on my own experiences but some of the people i've had relationships with, or wanted one with me, they're not right in the head and they enjoy being covertly manipulative and i don't enjoy being manipulated.
You made me smile lafy, thank you.
Having it together is a rare thing thing in a world off..."
you're welcome.
i wish we were psychic then we would know exactly was the hell is going on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm Dominant.
What's up?
I thought you guys were always in demand due to the Dom:sub ratio?"
Is it from the time you were a man, Cleo?
Trans surgery doesn't change who you are internally. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I'm Dominant.
What's up?
I thought you guys were always in demand due to the Dom:sub ratio?
Is it from the time you were a man, Cleo?
Trans surgery doesn't change who you are internally.
?!"
Odd comment....  |
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"I'm Dominant.
What's up?
I thought you guys were always in demand due to the Dom:sub ratio?
Is it from the time you were a man, Cleo?
Trans surgery doesn't change who you are internally.
?!
Odd comment.... "
Rather! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This isn't "poor me", just trying to get a perspective on physical, emotional, interlectual balance in a fet/D:s relationship. "
I rarely get involved. I find the d/s dynamic harder to pin down than a casual fuck buddy relatinship. You're both offering a level of trust and intimacy beyond a lot of relatinships. When i 'outed' as having domme tendancies i was offered simpering slave types who wanted me to crush them. That's not my vibe and is as draining as being bullied by a wannabe dom.
I think if your d/s has ended badly, take the time to heal and repair. Like any relationship, you can only be responsible for yourself. Take that care and time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you lady.
I'm attempting to get my intellect around can you have a D/s dynamic without emotional attachment, or is that just for porn...."
I believe so. I think you just have to seek and have patience waiting for the right fit. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Thank you lady.
I'm attempting to get my intellect around can you have a D/s dynamic without emotional attachment, or is that just for porn....
I believe so. I think you just have to seek and have patience waiting for the right fit."
Question: can you put in a emotional boundary? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you lady.
I'm attempting to get my intellect around can you have a D/s dynamic without emotional attachment, or is that just for porn....
I believe so. I think you just have to seek and have patience waiting for the right fit.
Question: can you put in a emotional boundary?"
I think so. You can put some.distabce between you when you're not in your roles. Not get caught up in the day to day. It'd be a balance because i believe you need to make sure you're emotionally cared for. A good support network would probably help you there. Do you have that? |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Thank you lady.
I'm attempting to get my intellect around can you have a D/s dynamic without emotional attachment, or is that just for porn....
I believe so. I think you just have to seek and have patience waiting for the right fit.
Question: can you put in a emotional boundary?
I think so. You can put some.distabce between you when you're not in your roles. Not get caught up in the day to day. It'd be a balance because i believe you need to make sure you're emotionally cared for. A good support network would probably help you there. Do you have that?"
No, the growl is my thing, L plays soft.
It is odd, I question is it a Kant/Hume dynamic, plus my influence in how the timeline develops,
Meta cogntive thought, well it doesn't cut through emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are, after all, a social species. It's been to our advantage to bond with those we face danger with. Add the oxytocin and we're predisposed to form attachments.
Is it really fulfilling your need to form a d/s relationship that stays strictly in the playroom? Or are you wounded and seeking to avoid the future possibility. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both of us have been in previous D/s relationships, not just in the bedroom but in 24/7 situations. Both of us have also been in poly or 'house' type relationships involving multiple people.
Have we been hurt by them? Hell yes, badly, let down and manipulated by the people we cared about most.
Did that put us off future D/s relationships? It made us both question them, ask if they were really worth the pain.
But we both found it is who we are, the D/s dynamic is something we both feel most comfortable in, the draw to it is magnetic.
I don't want to play the 'more fish in the sea' card but we have now been together 6 years and have never been happier. Sadly sometimes we all need to fall down so we can get back up stronger and try not to make the same mistakes.
As the quote says "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"We are, after all, a social species. It's been to our advantage to bond with those we face danger with. Add the oxytocin and we're predisposed to form attachments.
Is it really fulfilling your need to form a d/s relationship that stays strictly in the playroom? Or are you wounded and seeking to avoid the future possibility."
Interesting thought. Questions is can you just leave it in the playroom? Need to ponder on that.... Equally cognitive thought might be my failing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are, after all, a social species. It's been to our advantage to bond with those we face danger with. Add the oxytocin and we're predisposed to form attachments.
Is it really fulfilling your need to form a d/s relationship that stays strictly in the playroom? Or are you wounded and seeking to avoid the future possibility.
Interesting thought. Questions is can you just leave it in the playroom? Need to ponder on that.... Equally cognitive thought might be my failing. "
I think time is your friend here  |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"We are, after all, a social species. It's been to our advantage to bond with those we face danger with. Add the oxytocin and we're predisposed to form attachments.
Is it really fulfilling your need to form a d/s relationship that stays strictly in the playroom? Or are you wounded and seeking to avoid the future possibility.
Interesting thought. Questions is can you just leave it in the playroom? Need to ponder on that.... Equally cognitive thought might be my failing.
I think time is your friend here "
What as in? Time to get back on the saddle..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This isn't "poor me", just trying to get a perspective on physical, emotional, interlectual balance in a fet/D:s relationship.
I rarely get involved. I find the d/s dynamic harder to pin down than a casual fuck buddy relatinship. You're both offering a level of trust and intimacy beyond a lot of relatinships. When i 'outed' as having domme tendancies i was offered simpering slave types who wanted me to crush them. That's not my vibe and is as draining as being bullied by a wannabe dom.
I think if your d/s has ended badly, take the time to heal and repair. Like any relationship, you can only be responsible for yourself. Take that care and time x"
 good advice x |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"This isn't "poor me", just trying to get a perspective on physical, emotional, interlectual balance in a fet/D:s relationship.
I rarely get involved. I find the d/s dynamic harder to pin down than a casual fuck buddy relatinship. You're both offering a level of trust and intimacy beyond a lot of relatinships. When i 'outed' as having domme tendancies i was offered simpering slave types who wanted me to crush them. That's not my vibe and is as draining as being bullied by a wannabe dom.
I think if your d/s has ended badly, take the time to heal and repair. Like any relationship, you can only be responsible for yourself. Take that care and time x good advice x"
Agreed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are, after all, a social species. It's been to our advantage to bond with those we face danger with. Add the oxytocin and we're predisposed to form attachments.
Is it really fulfilling your need to form a d/s relationship that stays strictly in the playroom? Or are you wounded and seeking to avoid the future possibility.
Interesting thought. Questions is can you just leave it in the playroom? Need to ponder on that.... Equally cognitive thought might be my failing.
I think time is your friend here
What as in? Time to get back on the saddle....."
There are many rides.... have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
To me it is the emotional/trust element where the fun is.
"
I couldn't agree with you more...
connection is everything, and trust is vibrant (not to mention essential) in D/s..
here, I don't play D/s, (as if we're all only one thing and can't separate play from life?!) but once or twice, its been great when repeat occasions have taken a turn in said direction... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im only active in the bedroom. Dom in bed, laid back normally. But it is hard to get a submissive at times. Like I meet up with girls who say they are sub but then exactly get on with what I like. So it is a lonely road until you find the right sub |
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By *edzyWoman
over a year ago
Aberdeen |
"Thank you lady.
I'm attempting to get my intellect around can you have a D/s dynamic without emotional attachment, or is that just for porn....
I believe so. I think you just have to seek and have patience waiting for the right fit.
Question: can you put in a emotional boundary?"
It's my opinion that there needs to be a strong connection there for D/s to work- as you're already in a committed relationship a lot of people identifying as sub will be put off. Will you have time for aftercare after play or will you be running back to your home life? |
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