FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > You are married I am sorry I am not interested

You are married I am sorry I am not interested

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Unfortunately alot of gents who message me and are married or attached, can't accept my reasons for not wanting to get involved. Sometimes I feel like a freak. But most times I am glad I stick to my reasons.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you mean having set rules/preferences about who to meet and not meet etc?

Yes we have rules like that. And yes we sometimes we feel like relaxing to give ourselves more options, and we sometimes feel we're being too harsh.

But any time we do that it doesn't go well. So it just reaffirms we should stick to our guns.

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By *iscean MaleMan over a year ago

Darlaston

Frankly you dont have to give reasons for not wanting to meet... married or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

everybody has boundaries and reasons to play with some not others - you do what you want its your game xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do you mean having set rules/preferences about who to meet and not meet etc?

Yes we have rules like that. And yes we sometimes we feel like relaxing to give ourselves more options, and we sometimes feel we're being too harsh.

But any time we do that it doesn't go well. So it just reaffirms we should stick to our guns. "

Sometimes I feel if I relaxed my rules I would have more options but yes like you said I know I will regret it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do you feel the need to give them a reason why you aren't interested?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

never explain and never apologise. You have your boundaries, they're yours and don't let others make you feel they're wrong. They want you to change them to meet their own needs and clearly don't care about yours, you owe them nothing. Either just delete or just say "thanks, but you're not for me" then no further communication

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

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By *andomfodCouple over a year ago

walsall

There are plenty of guys and couples that you can play with and feel free on of conscience. It's not unreasonable at all!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

They're trying to make you feel bad about yourself because that somehow makes your rejection more palatable to their fragile ego. It's not about you. Stick to what YOU want and enjoy xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Totally

Really getting tired of fabbers who can't accept a no. Be an adult and just move on.

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By *axandbooCouple over a year ago

Bristol

We wont play with married single men because we dont want the fallout landing on our doorstep...worse case scenario we get used in a divorce case..not worth the hassle

*yes there are situations where if we can confirm wife knows and is happy it may be considered

As a rule though we won't budge on that at least. If someone doesnt like our rules, then they dont meet, simple as.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see why you would.

From a single male on here getting no reply can be frustrating as some would like to know why they are not getting meets.

Is it the message that was sent, is it because of marital situation.

Often a quick reply is appreciated.

I alway like a thanks but no thanks, not my type reply.

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By *andy6677Man over a year ago

crewe

"Totally

Really getting tired of fabbers who can't accept a no. Be an adult and just move on. "

Personally your ex really must needed his head examining to cheat on you Red your a stunner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We wont play with married single men because we dont want the fallout landing on our doorstep...worse case scenario we get used in a divorce case..not worth the hassle

*yes there are situations where if we can confirm wife knows and is happy it may be considered

As a rule though we won't budge on that at least. If someone doesnt like our rules, then they dont meet, simple as. "

That's another reason ... don't want the partner landing at my door

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can see why you would.

From a single male on here getting no reply can be frustrating as some would like to know why they are not getting meets.

Is it the message that was sent, is it because of marital situation.

Often a quick reply is appreciated.

I alway like a thanks but no thanks, not my type reply. "

I try and answer all messages... I know crazy ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Totally

Really getting tired of fabbers who can't accept a no. Be an adult and just move on.

Personally your ex really must needed his head examining to cheat on you Red your a stunner."

The man is a serial cheater ... I am sure he is cheating on his now wife ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Easy solution tell em why, hit block

Your choices are your own, it's pretty hypocritical of someone who's chosen to cheat to try to pass judgement too isn't it.

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By *andy6677Man over a year ago

crewe

"Totally

Really getting tired of fabbers who can't accept a no. Be an adult and just move on.

Personally your ex really must needed his head examining to cheat on you Red your a stunner.

The man is a serial cheater ... I am sure he is cheating on his now wife ... "

Yeah hes deffo knocked in the head i feel sorry for her and for yourself for having to of known him still guess its made you stronger x. I could never cheat on someone like that myself if i got into another relationship id pull off here x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm also not interested in meeting people who are married or in a relationship and their partner isn't aware. However, as I'm married myself (in an open relationship) I'm happy to meet those who are otherwise involved so long as everyone is aware and consenting.

I struggle more with the fact that I'm clear about not being interested in meeting men yet some don't accept no for an answer.

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By *lik and PaulCouple over a year ago

Flagrante

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

The same happened to both of us so we have strong views on this and won't compromise...ultimately it's your choice and ours and we are sticking with it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's another reason ... don't want the partner landing at my door"

Same here. Our number one rule is no drama. That includes angry spouses knocking on the door at 3am.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

If I was even slightly concerned about the the things I don't do that lots of other people do I would feel like a freak. But I don't really care, we don't knowingly meet married guys alone, I won't kiss other men, sometimes have pubic hair and I don't like receiving oral sex. I really should shamble along ringing a bell and shouting "unclean"

but guess what, people still meet us.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/05/17 09:51:55]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

We are the same,sweet won't knowingly play with married or attached guys.we don't feel we need to give an explanation why,no means no,if some guys can't accept that,that's their problem not ours.we are swingers not sex workers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

im married and I play on here without her knowledge, like the Op this is a personal choice and mine alone, I do not need to explain my lifestyle choices to anyone. I have no issues with her choices and respect that however ( and this is not aimed at her at all) many woman on here feel that it is their right to berate me for my choices yet they can set their own parameters without question. We're all adults and we all lead very different lives. If you don't like move on but there's no need to be rude to others.

Much Love! X

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"We wont play with married single men because we dont want the fallout landing on our doorstep...worse case scenario we get used in a divorce case..not worth the hassle

*yes there are situations where if we can confirm wife knows and is happy it may be considered

As a rule though we won't budge on that at least. If someone doesnt like our rules, then they dont meet, simple as. "

"We wont play with married single men"

Married men you mean..... ( single men are not married )

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

Just block and move on without a second thought. These people are taking up far too much mind space!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"im married and I play on here without her knowledge, like the Op this is a personal choice and mine alone, I do not need to explain my lifestyle choices to anyone. I have no issues with her choices and respect that however ( and this is not aimed at her at all) many woman on here feel that it is their right to berate me for my choices yet they can set their own parameters without question. We're all adults and we all lead very different lives. If you don't like move on but there's no need to be rude to others.

Much Love! X"

I think a lot of people see 'deceit' as an unattractive quality.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We wont play with married single men because we dont want the fallout landing on our doorstep...worse case scenario we get used in a divorce case..not worth the hassle

*yes there are situations where if we can confirm wife knows and is happy it may be considered

As a rule though we won't budge on that at least. If someone doesnt like our rules, then they dont meet, simple as.

"We wont play with married single men"

Married men you mean..... ( single men are not married )

I'm assuming they meant men who are married but on here as a single profile rather than s couple profile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X"

It's not your choice alone though. You don't have your wife's consent and I won't enable someone to cheat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

I think a lot of people see 'deceit' as an unattractive quality. "

...and I have no issue with that, my point is why become rude about it, as you said move on but be adult about it and don't feel the need to spout your own morals back at someone else when there is a whole section of society that wouldn't understand your own X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Totally

Really getting tired of fabbers who can't accept a no. Be an adult and just move on. "

It's not going to change so change your approach to the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

It's not your choice alone though. You don't have your wife's consent and I won't enable someone to cheat. "

And no ones pushing you to do it are they? The OPs compleatly right, if you get told no thank you or not even replied to... then that's it as far as I'm concerned, there is never and excuse for being rude to someone for their personal choices and it should never be tolerated, but it works both ways, sooner some people on here stop thinking their god (not aimed at you btw!) and live by the rules they push out to others then the better we'll all get on. It would be a boring world if we all wanted the same things X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

I think a lot of people see 'deceit' as an unattractive quality.

I think it becomes very personal if you've been cheated on yourself, then suddenly you receive a message off someone who's prepared to deceive someone they made vows to?

I've not been cheated on, wouldn't cheat on anyone myself either - just playing Devil's Advocate.

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By *rankOfileMan over a year ago

France

as a married man I respect your boundaries. Its your choice and I fully understand your reason.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

It's not your choice alone though. You don't have your wife's consent and I won't enable someone to cheat.

I don't think people do think they're God but you're on a swinging site, so what do you expect? The ethos of swinging is about being honest and open.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

I think a lot of people see 'deceit' as an unattractive quality.

I think it becomes very personal if you've been cheated on yourself, then suddenly you receive a message off someone who's prepared to deceive someone they made vows to?

I've not been cheated on, wouldn't cheat on anyone myself either - just playing Devil's Advocate. "

No worries, nice to have an adult conversation about it without someone jumping down my throat! x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Like you OP, I stay away from married/attached men, its not worth the hassle and I want no part of playing with someone else's partner whether they know or not. On a past profile, I had it in the first line of my profile so as to not waste people's time but still married guys would message, either ignoring this or trying their luck anyway. Its not every guy obviously, but I just wish more would just accept gracefully that I'm not interested, for whatever reason. Constantly pestering or becoming abusive as some do is highly unattractive but it does speak volumes about them I suppose.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think married a have it so justified in their minds that it's quite acceptable to sleep with others and cheat that they take offense when turned down.

Don't ever feel wrong for sticking to your beliefs. Anyone who makes you think otherwise doesn't deserve you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Like you OP, I stay away from married/attached men, its not worth the hassle and I want no part of playing with someone else's partner whether they know or not. On a past profile, I had it in the first line of my profile so as to not waste people's time but still married guys would message, either ignoring this or trying their luck anyway. Its not every guy obviously, but I just wish more would just accept gracefully that I'm not interested, for whatever reason. Constantly pestering or becoming abusive as some do is highly unattractive but it does speak volumes about them I suppose."

my point exactly! We all want different things, some will never see another's viewpoint but that dosnt mean that you shouldn't respect others views and of course rudeness is never acceptable!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been cheated on in a past relationship and it left me with trust issues for a lot of years.

Opening our relationship has been a struggle and wouldn't have worked if we weren't totally open and honest with one another.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

I reckon a large majority of the so called single men on here have wives, partners or girlfriends who are completely unaware. Most will not admit it though

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"I reckon a large majority of the so called single men on here have wives, partners or girlfriends who are completely unaware. Most will not admit it though "

I wonder where you get this "large majority" data from.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"I reckon a large majority of the so called single men on here have wives, partners or girlfriends who are completely unaware. Most will not admit it though

I wonder where you get this "large majority" data from. "

Personal experience. We have met quite a few guys. Only a tiny handful were not quite obviously attached.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm beginning to realise that the phrase "married men" must have a silent "who are cheating" attached to it in everyone's mind. As a married man who has my partner's consent and can easily verify that, these threads always get my back up as they appear to be talking about me... but assume I'm a cheating low life.

Just a request. I'll be going through hoops to make sure my partner's consent is easy to get and will be doing my absolute utmost to prove I really am not cheating and that we're a relaxed no drama couple with a really strong and close relationship. Please please don't turn around and tell me you won't meet purely because I'm married. I don't think I could bare the injustice and wilful prejudice of it. Just pretend I'm not your cup of tea. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Much Love! X"

I don't judge. Just accept my reasons and move on. I don't tell them they shouldn't do it. Each to their own.

Respect is lacking with some people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've been cheated on in a past relationship and it left me with trust issues for a lot of years.

Opening our relationship has been a struggle and wouldn't have worked if we weren't totally open and honest with one another. "

Can only work with honesty. I agree there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm beginning to realise that the phrase "married men" must have a silent "who are cheating" attached to it in everyone's mind. As a married man who has my partner's consent and can easily verify that, these threads always get my back up as they appear to be talking about me... but assume I'm a cheating low life.

As someone who is also married, and whose husband has a profile on here too, I take no offence at someone who isn't interested in playing with someone who is married at all. When I was single I was very much monogamous and not interested in seeing someone who was married or otherwise partnered, regardless of whether or not they had their partner's consent. Personal preference.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Indeed. We have an open relationship, my wife has her own profile. If people's don't want to get involved in that, it's disappointing but fair enough, we accept it.

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By *ustyWoman over a year ago

inverclyde

I too stay clear of married or attached men. If the wife/partner does not know it's cheating. Dobt want to be involved if they find out. My ex cheated on me as well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Indeed. We have an open relationship, my wife has her own profile. If people's don't want to get involved in that, it's disappointing but fair enough, we accept it. "

In all likelihood (just think about the demographics for an nsa swinging site) the vast majority of "single" men on here are either married or dating (if you're single why wouldn't you date, and if you're dating why would you use Fab to find dates?). So this is a situation where a guy (women don't have this problem) goes through hoops to show they're truly unlike the others and really isn't cheating and then gets stigmatised as worse than the other guys who just pretend their single and make no mention of a partner. Those of us who go through the hoops to show we're honest get labelled as liars whilst those who lie get embraced as proper genuine singles.

Don't get me wrong people can do whatever they want. It's just prejudiced injustice always bends me out of shape. Think of me as like a black guy who'd far rather hear "no thanks you're not my cup of tea" than "no thanks I don't play with blacks". That's all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do get what you mean, we'd rather get a no thanks than say 'we don't meet couples with bi men'

We don't give a reason, just say we won't match. Or even just delete the message and not reply.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get what you mean but for me "I'm sorry I don't play with people who are attached" is actually easier for me to accept than a not interested as I'm more likely to interpret that as they kiss don't fancy me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Kiss = just

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"I reckon a large majority of the so called single men on here have wives, partners or girlfriends who are completely unaware. Most will not admit it though

I wonder where you get this "large majority" data from.

Personal experience. We have met quite a few guys. Only a tiny handful were not quite obviously attached. "

yes I did suspect you said that based on what you've experienced.

Just a shame that those who are not attached make up only tiny handful like you say.

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"Kiss = just"

.....and just = kiss.

We get it......

Have a kissfull Day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why do you feel the need to give them a reason why you aren't interested? "

This.

OP, there are groups I won't meet...and that's been my perogative and yes I've lost potential meets as a result...a few I'm friends with but won't meet for more than a chat and coffee they know why and accepted it as my choice. So no need to explain your choices...they are yours after all and no one else. If you're feeling you have to explain all the time you not being fair to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think married a have it so justified in their minds that it's quite acceptable to sleep with others and cheat that they take offense when turned down.

Don't ever feel wrong for sticking to your beliefs. Anyone who makes you think otherwise doesn't deserve you."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It shoud be pretty evident to anyone with half a brain that if you are not what they are looking for and don't get a reply then your shouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't expect one but then I would contact someone who isn't looking for a single man or if I'm out of the age bracket etc..

On the other hand if I do meet all the criteria, a polite no thank if not interested is always appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

How do they make you feel bad about yourself?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested. "

I've been pleasantly surprised to have had interest from women who have "no marrieds" on their profile. So I now assume this means no cheats and would therefore say hi to someone who has this on their profile as it clearly doesn't apply to me. If you also don't want to meet guys who can verify consent you would need to specify that imo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested.

And I'd take no marrieds at face value to mean just that. I'd consider it incredibly rude if someone who was married messaged anyway because they thought "they can't possibly mean me". Just as a find it rude when guys message me thinking they're the exception.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Do you mean having set rules/preferences about who to meet and not meet etc?

Yes we have rules like that. And yes we sometimes we feel like relaxing to give ourselves more options, and we sometimes feel we're being too harsh.

But any time we do that it doesn't go well. So it just reaffirms we should stick to our guns.

Sometimes I feel if I relaxed my rules I would have more options but yes like you said I know I will regret it. "

You might have more options, but it would be with people you would be uncomfortable with.

Stick with whatever preferences and rules you have, then the meets you do have will be what you want them to be.

Have fun x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but here the word ''knowingly'' because it does not matter how you swing via here a club or dogging you will never 100% know if anyone is married or not so the chances are most have met a married person at some point but do agree op your rules are your boundaries and everyone should stick to their rules but don't beat yourself up if 1 or 2 slip thru because unless you have a lie detector with you 24/7 you'll never really know 100%

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested.

I don't meet married guys whether they have permission or not as I said in an earlier post so it would be wrong to assume that when I had no married men on my profile it would mean no cheaters but with consent fine. Some people aren't always clear on their profiles with either their situation or their preferences which would make life a lot easier but only for the ones that bother to read it and not think they are the exception. I do understand why though, many who are married do not say they are in their profiles. Some on here think its acceptable to be abusive towards them when they know nothing of their lives/situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The same issue occurs in the kink community. Some people are playing behind their partner's back without their consent. I'm not interested in playing with people who are doing so, it doesn't sit well with open honesty.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested.

Nope I dont need to specify anything other than what I have on my profile thanks which is very clear - I don't care about what others do including the consent stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm usually very good at replying to introductory messages whether I'm interested or not. However I now just ignore the married/attached ones as it's clear on my profile that I'm not interested.

Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

How do they make you feel bad about yourself?"

Awk just oh your loss the usual feeling sorry for themselves comments and what I am missing out on blah blah

And if I don't answer then I am the worst

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see why you would.

From a single male on here getting no reply can be frustrating as some would like to know why they are not getting meets.

Is it the message that was sent, is it because of marital situation.

Often a quick reply is appreciated.

I alway like a thanks but no thanks, not my type reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can see why you would.

From a single male on here getting no reply can be frustrating as some would like to know why they are not getting meets.

Is it the message that was sent, is it because of marital situation.

Often a quick reply is appreciated.

I alway like a thanks but no thanks, not my type reply. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have. "

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

Marriedism (the blanket generalisation of all attached people as cheats or liabilities) is an unjust and ugly prejudice just like any of the others; racism, sexism, etc. When I used to encounter it I found it ugly and upsetting. I've since realised that in almost all cases the phrase "no marrieds" carries a silent "who cheat" and it's this which most women are seeking to avoid. The idea that women come onto a swinging site to avoid people who are in relationships is laughable.

So now, when I encounter the phrase "no marrieds" I give that person the benefit of the doubt and assume they aren't prejudiced bigots and only mean they don't want to play with cheats. They would need to clarify that they are genuinely prejudiced against all attached people. Because I wouldn't want to assume that of them as that would be insulting of me.

I in no way feel entitled

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"but here the word ''knowingly'' because it does not matter how you swing via here a club or dogging you will never 100% know if anyone is married or not so the chances are most have met a married person at some point but do agree op your rules are your boundaries and everyone should stick to their rules but don't beat yourself up if 1 or 2 slip thru because unless you have a lie detector with you 24/7 you'll never really know 100% "

This.

For similar reason I don't attend parties, difficult to control who you meet and who verifies you unless you have a look at their profile before agreeing to play. There are some I just wouldn't want to be known to have met even just chatting too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

btw any guys reading this thread can see in black and white why it would make a HUGE amount of sense for me to never make any mention of a partner and just pretend I'm single. Just this simple omission and suddenly I side step all the prejudice lined up against me.

Does being honest with others about having consent do me any favours at all? It would seem it's entirely detrimental. So why wouldn't I lie? After all I'd only be lying to you, not my partner. I sometimes wish I was more morally flexible

This is what an honest guy looks like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled "

Jolly good. If it doesn't apply to you, then don't apply it to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jolly good. If it doesn't apply to you, then don't apply it to yourself. "

Thanks Elpis

I am an attached man in a strong and loving relationship on here with my partner's full consent and with absolutely no drama on the offing as we've both worked towards separate play after a while of swinging together, so have the maturity and communication skills to deal with this. Whether the phrase "no marrieds" means "no cheats" or "no liabilities"... neither apply to me.

I have no problem with someone stating honestly that they don't want to meet attached people as they're looking for a life partner. That makes total sense to me and I'd happily refrain from saying hi.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jolly good. If it doesn't apply to you, then don't apply it to yourself.

Thanks Elpis

What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

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By *ptimusDMan over a year ago

Birmingham

If you feel bad for sticking to your principles on fab, with someone you're never going to meet, who doesn't know who you are or can affect your life in any way, then how will you cope if you're unfortunate enough to play with someone who wants to try something you're not into? Will you be able to say NO?

I get the feeling the OP is much too nice

And when you're playing the swinging game, especially as a single woman, that simply won't do.

As many have already said, don't feel obliged to give a reason for saying "NO".

I'll also advise you use the block button a bit more often.., oh, and if you feel you must reply to anyone who demands a reason for you saying "NO", you should try using the phrase "Fuck Off" in your reply.

Trust me, it'll make you feel a lot better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots? "

Why would they not want to meet attached men? I can only think of three reasons. 1) They're looking for a life partner... fair enough. 2) They don't want to play with cheats... fair enough, but doesn't apply to me. 3) They don't want any drama... fair enough, although meeting singles isn't without it's drama either, but this again doesn't apply to me.

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you feel bad for sticking to your principles on fab, with someone you're never going to meet, who doesn't know who you are or can affect your life in any way, then how will you cope if you're unfortunate enough to play with someone who wants to try something you're not into? Will you be able to say NO?

I get the feeling the OP is much too nice

And when you're playing the swinging game, especially as a single woman, that simply won't do.

As many have already said, don't feel obliged to give a reason for saying "NO".

Trust me, it'll make you feel a lot better

Yes, utilise the block button a lot more. Before I ran my profile as I do now, I'd just send a polite thanks but not for me, all the best type answer then block. No come back or abuse then and if they get offended then that's their problem.

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By *weet medicineWoman over a year ago

Kesgrave

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

Stay true to yourself hun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial "

I won't meet married men with permission, amongst other reasons, as for me, its morally wrong to play with another person's partner. It has nothing to do with them, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Its not prejuditial, its my choice and whether one agrees or not, it should be respected.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial "

It doesn't matter what the reasons are, if someone says that they don't want to meet attached men, it's, at the very least, arrogant to still contact them with a view to meeting. And entitled.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You owe no one on here anything. Do not feel the need to explain yourself.

I will probably only meet people that are attached as I find it easier but I also accept that 90%+ of women on here will not want to meet me for one reason or another, my marital status being a big reason.

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By *uited staffs guyMan over a year ago

staffordshire

It's a preference like all others, i don't meet married men either!

As long as it's clear on your profile then if they message you and then get rejected it's their own fault really isn't it for either not reading it or ignoring

Either way their problem not yours

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan over a year ago

LONDON

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial

It doesn't matter what the reasons are, if someone says that they don't want to meet attached men, it's, at the very least, arrogant to still contact them with a view to meeting. And entitled. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I won't meet married men with permission, amongst other reasons, as for me, its morally wrong to play with another person's partner. It has nothing to do with them, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Its not prejuditial, its my choice and whether one agrees or not, it should be respected."

So why are you on a swinging site? By all means stay. But don't try to tell me I'm the odd one out here. I'll carry on assuming members of a swinging site don't have a moral or religious problem with swinging. So, no, I wouldn't consider this a 4th legitimate reason... at least not on a swinging site

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not telling you that you are the odd one out. Everyone has their reasons for being on here, as you do, and they are none of my business. I don't care why people are here, I'm just here to have uncomplicated fun my way, with people I wish to meet. I don't need to explain to people or justify why I am here. This site is many things to many people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It doesn't matter what the reasons are, if someone says that they don't want to meet attached men, it's, at the very least, arrogant to still contact them with a view to meeting. And entitled. "

By saying hi to someone I'm in no way acting with a sense of entitlement. I would be acting this way if I felt they should respond or meet me. I don't. But if I don't match any of their criteria for people they won't meet (no cheats, no drama, etc) I feel I have the right to say hi, just like any other guy who matches their requirements.

The phrase "no marrieds" means "no cheats" and "no drama" and that's exactly what I have on offer. So in a way I'm exactly what such a person is looking for.

You're asking me to assume the phrase "no marrieds" also refers to some other reason which I don't need to know but must assume isn't prejudiced and yet excludes non-cheating no-drama me. Please enlighten me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why would anyone care if you deem their reasons for *anything* to be legitimate? No one needs your permission to be here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It doesn't matter what the reasons are, if someone says that they don't want to meet attached men, it's, at the very least, arrogant to still contact them with a view to meeting. And entitled.

The phrase "no marrieds" means "no cheats" and "no drama" and that's exactly what I have on offer. So in a way I'm exactly what such a person is looking for.

I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm telling you that your definition of married is irrelevant. Only the person using it to exclude you knows what it means for them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It doesn't matter what the reasons are, if someone says that they don't want to meet attached men, it's, at the very least, arrogant to still contact them with a view to meeting. And entitled.

The phrase "no marrieds" means "no cheats" and "no drama" and that's exactly what I have on offer. So in a way I'm exactly what such a person is looking for.

I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm telling you that your definition of married is irrelevant. Only the person using it to exclude you knows what it means for them. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm telling you that your definition of married is irrelevant. Only the person using it to exclude you knows what it means for them. "

Great! So we're on the same page

If I encounter the phrase "no talking" I assume that refers only to idle chat and that, were something bad to happen, I could still call for help and wouldn't be rebuked for doing so. I assume this because it makes rational sense. Similarly, if I encounter the phrase "no marrieds" I assume it means no cheats or dramas. Why? Because it makes sense and is largely born out by every encounter I've had with the phrase. As such, I would send a friendly hello to such a person, explaining that I'm exactly what they're looking for and proud to be such, and enquiring about if my definition of the phrase matches theirs.

I have the right to enquire don't I? Without being called arrogant and entitled for doing so...

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

I think you are missing the point. Just take what it says on the tin.

These ladies are saying they don't want married men. That's it, simple. Arguing the toss will change nothing.

Just message profiles that don't say that.

MrB

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm telling you that your definition of married is irrelevant. Only the person using it to exclude you knows what it means for them.

Great! So we're on the same page

I have the right to enquire don't I? Without being called arrogant and entitled for doing so... "

OK, I sympathise with what you're looking for, as I've met women on my own in the past and it was surprising how many women weren't interested in meeting a married man with consent to play on their own.

And I still don't fully understand their reasons, but that's their preference.

Maybe start another thread about this rather than derailing this one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldnt go with a married guy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

You're not a freak nor do you need to justify your preferences. Stick to your guns.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you are missing the point. Just take what it says on the tin.

These ladies are saying they don't want married men. That's it, simple. Arguing the toss will change nothing.

Just message profiles that don't say that.

MrB"

I'd totally agree with you if what you said bore out. You're saying that I should treat "no marrieds" as just another ugly prejudiced thing like "no blacks" and that the person saying it isn't worth bothering with because they're just a bigot. I've found they aren't and that their use of the phrase is just unfortunate. Instead, what they're really looking to evade are cheats and dramas. Considering many "single" men bring these things with them, it's pretty clear they're looking for the rare honest guys like me. Of course, if it turns out that they're on here searching for a life partner then we're totally unsuited and I'd wish them all the best.

I would never contact someone who has "no marrieds, regardless of consent" on their profile as not only have they made it clear they wouldn't want to talk to me but they've also made it clear they have a prejudice, which is something I find quite ugly in people. Although if they explained it was because they were looking for a life partner I'd totally understand and realise they weren't prejudiced at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled "

So someone is prejudiced if they're monogamous and don't want to see someone who's married? That's the most ridiculous thing I've read today. And yes you are coming across as entitled.

I don't want to see men. Does that make me prejudiced against men?

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By *lik and PaulCouple over a year ago

Flagrante

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial "

No...it's a choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone is free to make their own decisions on who they do or do not want to meet, end of!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a personal preference so you have to respect that.

I don't like hair cunt so would not meet a woman who was not smooth or well trimmed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe start another thread about this rather than derailing this one. "

The op was quite open ended and just asked about similar stuff, not necessarily married related, so this thread wandered off whatever topic it was meant to explore long before this tangent. Indeed, was it not just turning into yet another cheat bashing yawn thread? At least this discussion is a tad different, finally giving voice to the often overlooked and yet frequently maligned attached male playing with consent.

This, to me, is Fab's dirty laundry... the cognitive dissonance of those who come on a swinging site and not only don't want to meet swingers but treat them as no better than cheats. I find it fascinating to pick at it... like a nasty scab that no one wants to acknowledge but which won't come off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Much Love! X

I think a lot of people see 'deceit' as an unattractive quality.

I admit to getting pissy when the guys swear by they are single through communication on here but I discover on WhatsApp they are lying - then I'm rude.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"I think you are missing the point. Just take what it says on the tin.

These ladies are saying they don't want married men. That's it, simple. Arguing the toss will change nothing.

Just message profiles that don't say that.

MrB

I'm 48. I could message people who want 45yo max because I assume they think over 45's are boring. I'm not boring so I'll message anyway.

Fact is, there are multiple reasons why they might have an age limit of 45. That's their business and doesn't worry me. I'll message those that are loking for people in my age range.

Caling them prejudiced bigots against my age group isn't going to help one jot, neither is demanding they explain themselves, and Most people wouldn't dram of doing it.

I'd suggest trying to get on finding good matches rather than fixing these perceived wrongs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What about is they they don't want to meet attached men full stop? They're bigots?

Is there some other reason I'm missing? If not, and you still want to exclude me, then yes... that's just prejuditial"

It's not prejudicial, it's a matter of personal preference. When I was single I had no interest in seeing someone who was already in a relationship. I did not care whether or not their existing partner(s) consented or not. I wasn't seeking a life partner partner, but I wasn't a poly relationship or no strings fun either. I was pretty firmly monogamous and not interested in people who were attached. That didn't make me bigoted, it made me aware of my own boundaries and preferences.

Now life has a funny way of putting a spanner in the works and a few months after we got married my husband decided monogamy wasn't for him any longer. He'd had non-monogamous relationships before meeting me, thought he could do monogamy for me but he changed his mind. I did a lot of soul searching in deciding whether to stay and try. I made the decision to do so. But if I was single again I would still not date people who were already attached. My choice. And I'd consider someone who tried to tell me that I'm not allowed personal preferences or to set my own boundaries to be rude and incredibly arrogant and entitled.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Maybe start another thread about this rather than derailing this one.

A good point, ignored...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled "

I must be a prejudiced bigot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled

I must be a prejudiced bigot

Me too. And if it means I don't have to meet married men, whatever their insistence about what they're like, thank goodness for that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So someone is prejudiced if they're monogamous and don't want to see someone who's married? That's the most ridiculous thing I've read today. And yes you are coming across as entitled.

I don't want to see men. Does that make me prejudiced against men? "

We can't help our sexual preferences. So it's fair to say "no men" or "no women". One also can't help the kinds of people one tends to find more attractive. But here it's better to say "I don't usually go for Asians" or "I don't tend to find big people attractive" than to say "no blacks" or "no fatties". The former reflects the reality that individuals from any camp can differ from the herd, the latter denies this possibility and lumps them all together. It's this ignoring of people's unique differences and just treating them as a herd that lies at the root of all the isms like racism, sexism, etc.

Where does "no marrieds" fit in this? It's not a sexual preference. It's not a like we have no control over. It's merely a rational preference. A preference for what? To avoid cheats and drama. To better express this preference it would be better to write "no cheats and no drama" than "no marrieds". The later assumes all married people are cheats or bring drama. This is a prejudicial statement that lumps them all together and ignores their differences.

As for the notion saying hi to anyone and not expecting a reply is entitled. That sounds like the logic of a woman who believes no men have the right to say hello to her unless she deigns to allow them that privilege.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe start another thread about this rather than derailing this one.

Well to use your own analogy, maybe it's best to leave scabs alone?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled

I must be a prejudiced bigot

Me too. And if it means I don't have to meet married men, whatever their insistence about what they're like, thank goodness for that. "

I have known for years that I'm heightist and ageist, now I can add marriedist

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, absolutely. And many times a typical demonstration of the entitled attitude some attached guys seem to have.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but I'd like to assure you that I'm far from entitled.

I in no way feel entitled

I must be a prejudiced bigot

Me too. And if it means I don't have to meet married men, whatever their insistence about what they're like, thank goodness for that.

I have known for years that I'm heightist and ageist, now I can add marriedist

Laughing! I'm going to add entiltledist and arrogantist

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And I'd consider someone who tried to tell me that I'm not allowed personal preferences or to set my own boundaries to be rude and incredibly arrogant and entitled. "

If you're talking about me... This entire thread is full of people telling me what I shouldn't do (message people with "no marrieds" on their profile). You're the ones trying to impose the law here, not me. My only suggestion was that if you really don't want me saying hi make it clear this also refers to attached people playing with consent. I may have described the phrase "no marrieds" as prejudiced but I have neither instructed you nor anyone else to meet married men or even respond to their messages.

I love how there's all this outrage to the rude arrogant entitlement of a guy messaging a woman with a friendly hello to test the waters. Anyone would think I'm advocating throwing a beer at them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And I'd consider someone who tried to tell me that I'm not allowed personal preferences or to set my own boundaries to be rude and incredibly arrogant and entitled.

I love how there's all this outrage to the rude arrogant entitlement of a guy messaging a woman with a friendly hello to test the waters. Anyone would think I'm advocating throwing a beer at them

You've told us that if we're not prepared to meet married men, we're bigots. And no outrage, just amusement that someone can't accept they aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. On a swingers site.

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By *ild horny and welshWoman over a year ago

NEWPORT

I've had a few men ask if I eould be interested in meeting up with them because they were married..i found out last year after being married 20 yrs that my husband had been sleeping with my neighbour and visiting massage parlours all over the UK. he workers away all wk.felt like he had ripped my guts out.i could t be the reason for another person feel like that..know exactly where your coming from.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You've told us that if we're not prepared to meet married men, we're bigots. And no outrage, just amusement that someone can't accept they aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. On a swingers site. "

I've said no such thing. If you don't want to meet marrieds because you're looking for a life partner that's completely legitimate. But other than that why would being married exclude someone? The assumption that all married people are cheats or drama is the prejudice here. There is no 4th legitimate reason not to meet a married person besides being morally repulsed by swinging.

So if you've come onto a swinging site because you're ok with swinging and you aren't looking for a life partner... why would you discriminate against attached guys playing with consent? These men offer you precisely the safe haven from cheating and drama that you're looking for.

Oh and... I totally accept I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I've been on and off this site long enough to get that

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By *ade_of_StarsCouple over a year ago

Whitburn

I've a relevant question. If you're deciding to play with Married singles, is it acceptable to ask to speak to the none playing partner to ensure they are ok with the situation?

Either female to female or male to male?

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By *ild horny and welshWoman over a year ago

NEWPORT

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

Oh and... I totally accept I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I've been on and off this site long enough to get that "

Being frank, I don't think you really do understand swinging. Arguing like this against peoples preferences, demonstrates you don't. In terms of you having history of swinging, and being on and off the site, that would involve also commenting on your profile text, which I can't do.

People do not have to justify their choices to others on here. That's all there is to it. Accept that and move forward.

MrB

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh and... I totally accept I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I've been on and off this site long enough to get that

People do not have to justify their choices to others on here. That's all there is to it. Accept that and move forward.

MrB"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've a relevant question. If you're deciding to play with Married singles, is it acceptable to ask to speak to the none playing partner to ensure they are ok with the situation?

Either female to female or male to male? "

ABSOLUTELY! I'd always assume someone wanting to meet me would want such an assurance and would try my best to make it as easy and painfree for them as possible

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"I've a relevant question. If you're deciding to play with Married singles, is it acceptable to ask to speak to the none playing partner to ensure they are ok with the situation?

Either female to female or male to male?

ABSOLUTELY! I'd always assume someone wanting to meet me would want such an assurance and would try my best to make it as easy and painfree for them as possible "

Since you've said you have an open relationship, you'd have more luck setting up a couples profile. Then you can play together and separately.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stick to your guns, you have morals. Props to you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Being frank, I don't think you really do understand swinging. Arguing like this against peoples preferences, demonstrates you don't. In terms of you having history of swinging, and being on and off the site, that would involve also commenting on your profile text, which I can't do.

People do not have to justify their choices to others on here. That's all there is to it. Accept that and move forward.

MrB"

It's a forum dude. What a boring place it would be if no one kicked up the dust and looked under a few rocks from time to time

People out there on Fab can do what they want. But if you come on here and express a prejudiced point of view you should expect to be called up on it and have to defend it rationally. If you can't... then it is just a prejudice right?

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

People do not have to justify their choices to others on here. That's all there is to it. Accept that and move forward.

MrB

It's a forum dude. What a boring place it would be if no one kicked up the dust and looked under a few rocks from time to time

No.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've a relevant question. If you're deciding to play with Married singles, is it acceptable to ask to speak to the none playing partner to ensure they are ok with the situation?

Either female to female or male to male?

ABSOLUTELY! I'd always assume someone wanting to meet me would want such an assurance and would try my best to make it as easy and painfree for them as possible

Since you've said you have an open relationship, you'd have more luck setting up a couples profile. Then you can play together and separately."

We've done that. But would you believe it... people have prejudices about meeting one half of a couple account

A single account gives a much clearer sign that this is what we're about and people can either buy into that or not

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"I've a relevant question. If you're deciding to play with Married singles, is it acceptable to ask to speak to the none playing partner to ensure they are ok with the situation?

Either female to female or male to male?

ABSOLUTELY! I'd always assume someone wanting to meet me would want such an assurance and would try my best to make it as easy and painfree for them as possible

Since you've said you have an open relationship, you'd have more luck setting up a couples profile. Then you can play together and separately.

We've done that. But would you believe it... people have prejudices about meeting one half of a couple account

A single account gives a much clearer sign that this is what we're about and people can either buy into that or not "

I think you like the word prejudice too much.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you like the word prejudice too much."

A prejudice is when you discount a whole group of people and ignore their differences in favour of a blanket negative assessment of all of them. Unfortunately, where I use the word I use it accurately

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By *ade_of_StarsCouple over a year ago

Whitburn

"Iand think you like the word prejudice too much."

There's always time for Minchin

https://youtu.be/KVN_0qvuhhw

NSFW

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience and convictions.

- Dag Hammarskjold

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"I think you like the word prejudice too much.

And you can wave the treated badly flag.

People have preferences, accept them.

I'd say your posts on this one thread have compounded lots of peoples opinions, unfortunately of other single guys too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience and convictions.

- Dag Hammarskjold"

I like that, and I'm stealing it! And thanks for bringing the thread back on track.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/05/17 18:38:16]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This site is never to be taken seriously, it's for finding fun with whoever we find attractive and meets our criteria, we all have one. I'm not going to give a toss if someone doesn't want to meet me, I don't need a reason or justification for it either, I will waste no more time on them and move on to someone who might be interested. Some people take this way too seriously at times.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And I'd consider someone who tried to tell me that I'm not allowed personal preferences or to set my own boundaries to be rude and incredibly arrogant and entitled.

I love how there's all this outrage to the rude arrogant entitlement of a guy messaging a woman with a friendly hello to test the waters. Anyone would think I'm advocating throwing a beer at them

I find the idea that you disrepute a person's choice in who they sleep with incredibly arrogant and frankly, repulsive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you like the word prejudice too much.

I've never had a blanket negative assessment of married men, I just wasn't interested in fucking them because I was monogamous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Where does "no marrieds" fit in this? It's not a sexual preference. It's not a like we have no control over. It's merely a rational preference. A preference for what? To avoid cheats and drama. To better express this preference it would be better to write "no cheats and no drama" than "no marrieds". The later assumes all married people are cheats or bring drama. This is a prejudicial statement that lumps them all together and ignores their differences."

It is a sexual preference if someone is monogamous. I wasn't looking to avoid cheats and drama, I was looking to avoid fucking someone who was already in a relationship. I didn't give two hoots as to whether they were cheating or had consent, I just wasn't interested. I made no assumptions about married people being cheats or bringing drama I just didn't want to fuck them. I'm not sure why that's so hard to grasp.

I also won't date people who smoke.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience and convictions.

- Dag Hammarskjold

I like that, and I'm stealing it! And thanks for bringing the thread back on track. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have no problem just saying not interested. Or giving no reason. Some just make me feel bad about myself. But youse are right I know. Glad to see I am not a freak after all.

How do they make you feel bad about yourself?

Awk just oh your loss the usual feeling sorry for themselves comments and what I am missing out on blah blah

And if I don't answer then I am the worst "

Why does that make you feel bad though? They are just after a sympathy shag. Ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh and... I totally accept I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I've been on and off this site long enough to get that "

Not a chance in hell I'd meet an attached man 'playing with consent' - and you're the perfect example of why I wouldn't!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a chance in hell I'd meet an attached man 'playing with consent' - and you're the perfect example of why I wouldn't!

Why? You'll find the only controlling people on this thread are those who insisted I shouldn't message people who have "no marrieds" written on their profile. So I'm not controlling. You'll find the only thing I'm offended by is the blanket assumption all attached men are either lying cheats or bring drama. I haven't said such slanderous things about others. They've said it about me. So I'm not insulting or prejudiced.

I accept that I have probably come across as arrogant as I've been quite assertive in my views and have been happy to stand up for what I feel is a rational and open minded outlook that is willing to treat every attached person, just like every Asian etc, on a case by case basis rather than dismiss them all under a blanket generalisation. Apologies for this but blanket generalisations get my back up at the best of times. But when they're applied to me the injustice feels twice as bad.

I'm not cheating. I'm in a stable relationship. I'm not controlling or prejudiced or nasty about people. And I've a strong enough character to stand up against injustice when I see it. I'm the perfect catch

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Not a chance in hell I'd meet an attached man 'playing with consent' - and you're the perfect example of why I wouldn't!

Why?

.................

Can I ask, if you messaged someone and they replied 'Sorry I don't meet married guys' would you reply with the type of posts you have put on here, querying there reasons and 'prejudice', and keep at it in the hope they caved in?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a chance in hell I'd meet an attached man 'playing with consent' - and you're the perfect example of why I wouldn't!

Perfect.

Yes you come across as arrogant and assertive. But also dismissive of people's preference of who they want to meet. I don't like any of that.

I do like that you stand up for your opinion. Even though I don't agree with it.

I do however have a 'blanket ban' on any half of a couple playing with consent. It's an utter turn off for me. If I know about it...

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

"A unicorn is slang for a woman who joins a heterosexual couple for a threesome. A couple looking for such a woman is said to be unicorn hunting. It's a joke because it can be difficult to find a unicorn-third. Like they are a mythical creature that doesn't exist."

So,er,well... I don't get your point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

So,er,well... I don't get your point

She doesn't want to fuck married men behind the wife's back. How do you not understand what she is saying?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a chance in hell I'd meet an attached man 'playing with consent' - and you're the perfect example of why I wouldn't!

Why?

.................

Of course not. This bashing around of opinions on the forums may have left me somewhat muddied but believe it or not I'm a gentleman. As I said. Everyone is entitled to their way of doing things and I'd never once question that outside a forum setting... but once they step into a forum their opinions are fair game imo

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

So,er,well... I don't get your point

She doesn't want to fuck married men behind the wife's back. How do you not understand what she is saying?"

I perfectly understand...perhaps you haven't checked her profile...lol...I did otherwise I wouldn't have posted. Check again (her profile...lol)..and then come back and tell me if is you or me who don't understand (pmsl

)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It not being unreasonable I always read profiles and was would not message any one that not willing to meet anyone that not willing to meet attached males and I respect their decision about that you should never have to feel sorry about your choices

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I'm here for my own reasons. So anything I do has to be for my own benefit/enjoyment as much, if not more than, any guy I meet.

Which means I do what I want to and don't let others try to sway me for their own agenda

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do u tell the married from non op and if you say they can't accom is a big clue I'm going to let the forum people tell u your wrong

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

And you should be able to do exactly as you please OP

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By *egs11ABCWoman over a year ago

Aberdeen

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

I understand it reasoning as I am the same about bi guys after finding out my hubby was cheating........ with a 19year old guy!. I still get bi guys saying " i prefer pussy". Eh.. No just respect my choices!

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

Don't do profile critiques, it will end badly.

She doesn't want to meet solo married men, that is the thread.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"How do u tell the married from non op and if you say they can't accom is a big clue I'm going to let the forum people tell u your wrong"

You can't always, but you work it out eventually

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

So,er,well... I don't get your point

She doesn't want to fuck married men behind the wife's back. How do you not understand what she is saying?

So let me get this right.

You've read my thread.

You've read my profile.

You've googled the meaning of my profile name. And you are still puzzled??

It's my choice.

I don't have to explain myself.

I choose not to fuck married men. Or attached.

I will meet couples. As in both partners being there.

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By *airymagicWoman over a year ago

goblin city

I trust that married guys would vtell me and then I wouldn't meet. As the x or a cheat it doesn't settle well

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And you should be able to do exactly as you please OP

Thank you

It's amazing how people get their feathers in a mess.

My choice. This thread is about other people maybe being in the same boat as me.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"I choose not to fuck married men. Or attached. "

That's all you have to say OP

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"And you should be able to do exactly as you please OP

Thank you

It's amazing how people get their feathers in a mess.

My choice. This thread is about other people maybe being in the same boat as me. "

And how we've learned to deal with unwanted requests

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

I think the muddying and perception of ungentlemanly conduct began when you introduced the terms bigoted and prejudiced to those way of doing things.

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

So,er,well... I don't get your point

She doesn't want to fuck married men behind the wife's back. How do you not understand what she is saying?

)

So let me get this right.

You've read my thread.

You've read my profile.

You've googled the meaning of my profile name. And you are still puzzled??

It's my choice.

I don't have to explain myself.

I choose not to fuck married men. Or attached.

I will meet couples. As in both partners being there.

Cool...and that's where I wanted you to reply. On your profile you didn't put "couples"

No..you don't have to explain..nor justify..but..is ambiguous..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I choose not to fuck married men. Or attached.

That's all you have to say OP

Thank you ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the muddying and perception of ungentlemanly conduct began when you introduced the terms bigoted and prejudiced to those way of doing things."

Also maybe your assumption that people don't want to meet married men because they are cheating. There are many other reasons people don't meet married men/women, reasons no one needs to explain or justify.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"And you should be able to do exactly as you please OP

Thank you

It's amazing how people get their feathers in a mess.

My choice. This thread is about other people maybe being in the same boat as me. "

Op, unfortunately it has been hijacked, but I think it's plain to see lots think the same.

btw It's nice to have moral support but your choice is always the right choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers. "

The reason I am now single and have been a long time is because I was cheated on. I made the mistake of trying to pretend it hadn't happened trying to keep things together for my sons sake and trying to accept that things could go back to the way they were.

They don't they can't and they never will no matter how much you try to paper over the cracks. In the end she left and in many ways it was the best thing thst could have happened. My son is my whole world and has always and always will come first in my life.

But stay or go it's corrosive it destroys your own sense of self worth and your perception of your value as a person.

It leaves us wary suspicious distrustful and always wondering if next time round history will repeat itself.

We can either protect ourselves by hiding from the world always looking for the exit being cynical and untrusting but that too is corrosive and probably leads to missing opportunities that we would otherwise pursue.

Or we can take a chance that just because one person hurt us it doesn't always mean that's the way it will always be.... not everyone is a risk but every relationship has an element of risk.

The walls we build around ourselves to keep others out... often they just lock us in.

But it's still wise to be cautious to have limits to not put ourselves in situations where we may be broken again.

How you do that is entirely your own decision...you have only to answer to your own dreams hopes and aspirations. Putting yourself outside of situations where you feel you may be at risk is perfectly sensible normal and practical and how you do that to retain your own peace and balence is however you feel comfortable doing so.

I wish you peace contentment and happiness for the future...and hope you find a way to trust again...

No matter how hard it may be to do so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Having been married and got cheated on, I stay away from married and attached men. I accepted my ex cheated on me for years.

Do you have times like this? Not necessarily about married fabbers.

I'm sorry...but...I'm a little puzzled with your thread

You say you don't want to go with men attached...or married and yet your id is red unicorn?????

I knew this already, but as precocious I've googled it and this is as follow:

So,er,well... I don't get your point

She doesn't want to fuck married men behind the wife's back. How do you not understand what she is saying?

)

So let me get this right.

You've read my thread.

You've read my profile.

You've googled the meaning of my profile name. And you are still puzzled??

It's my choice.

I don't have to explain myself.

I choose not to fuck married men. Or attached.

I will meet couples. As in both partners being there.

Cool...and that's where I wanted you to reply. On your profile you didn't put "couples"

No..you don't have to explain..nor justify..but..is ambiguous..

Well my profile I write what I want ... I choose to then explain what I want to those I choose to speak to through pm...