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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi after advice and guidance on how couples make open relationships work of themselves?
What are the rules etc they have between themselves.
We both on here so it's not just a random guy thing
Thanks |
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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago
portrush |
we have been together over 20 yr and it has been open from the beginning..
there are no rules..really
honesty, and confidence in our relationship.
is the springboard.
everyone is different,and it is up to you ,to see if there are any ground rules you would like.
ours would be..
come home safe, ideally with a smile.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in three relationships at the moment, oldest is 19 years newest is 3-4. You'll have to make your own rules! I've compared a loooong of notes and yet to meet two people that go about this in the same way.
There is a lot of re-programming that needs to be done, because we all internalise solid mantras about what loving relationship must be like and these clash with practising non-monogamy. Examine everything, voice your concerns, fears, desires as soon as you can put them into words, take NOTHING for granted! Be patient, be understanding. In many cases you will be each other's mirror in the things you feel, so egg each other.
Your personal insecurities are sure to get triggered; remember that the feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, depression etc you will be feeling ARE NOT generated by your partner's actions but by self-serving knots of pre-programming, guilt and trauma buried deep inside you. Find these knots and destroy them. Your ego will suffer - it can be very a painful process at times to let it all go. But when you transcend these limitations, the rewards are non-selfish, non-conditional love, which is pure freedom.
Strength to all who practise this! 3 |
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Trust in each other's complete honesty and discussion of everything with open minds and without arguments are key to having a successful open relationship. You also need love and be keen for your partner to have a good time without you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk, talk, do some more talking and then talk some more.
Without 100% COMPLETE honesty it will not work. Monogamous relationships struggle with hurt feelings, white lies, anxiety, adding another person to that mix and an issue can grow exponentially.
Oh and be 100% sure you BOTH want this. I have seen couples move into open relationships, where one is eager and the other is scared to say no. It can work but more often resentment grows and things don't work out so well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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All many thanks for the advice and experience you have had.
It is a big step and your all right about honesty and the initial feelings that will need to be overcome.
A point of clarification if I may, do you let the other half know your meeting or is it when asked?
I think my issue will be not knowing she's meeting but also know the first few times it will be difficult until I overcome my emotions but in a strange I am comfortable with it and know this works both ways.
Thanks in advance |
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To echo what's already been said all relationships are different and do things for different reasons. Every one of them though needs complete honesty.
My rules might not work with other and others might not suit my relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you meet another couple as a couple, what is the etiquette about one from each couple meeting separately? "
I don't think there is any etiquette that covers that, except for manners and honesty.
I have known couples who would make their primary partner aware of all separate meets and then other couples that just met as and when, not hiding it from their partners but not pre-planning it either.
It all comes down to what works for you in your relationship, different people handle their relationships differently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us playing separately is just an extension of swinging that's there for secure couples who are seeking something more intimate. That's the only difference. The rest... being honest, talking clearly and openly with all parties, seeking the clear consent of all parties, and respecting people's limits... it's all just the same as any other form of swinging.
So yes... if the woman from a couple played separately with your man without either of them asking you that's wrong imo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm going to premise this by saying I'm by no means an expert.
The rules agreed are going to be individual to those in the relationship.
Hubby and I opened our relationship jus over a year ago at his request. Not an easy transition for me as I considered myself hardwired monogamous but given our relationship dynamic I agreed to try.
I have actually started writing a simple agreement. But the fundamental principles are now drama and open and honest communication about what we're doing and who we're seeing. I started with a laundry list of what I am and I'm not OK with but it didn't feel right as people evolve over time. So instead we've discuss stuff openly and to take baby steps.
Not sure if that's helpful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" A point of clarification if I may, do you let the other half know your meeting or is it when asked?
I think my issue will be not knowing she's meeting but also know the first few times it will be difficult until I overcome my emotions but in a strange I am comfortable with it and know this works both ways.
Thanks in advance"
We wouldn't meet anyone without telling the other first. I'd consider that a massive breach of our personal agreements. But others do things differently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou everyone
I guess I think it's a bit rude that the female of the other couple didn't check with me..... So much for sisterhood
"
To he fair she's not in a relationship with you, your partner is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All many thanks for you views I think it a about know each other is meting so no secrets"
We always know when and where due to safety . We also see a picture of the other person so we could identify if things went wrong . For us it's about ..talk talk and more talk. Every couple has their own rules and boundaries . For us it's basic safety at all levels ..  |
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