FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > The 'saying no' etiquette at a club
The 'saying no' etiquette at a club
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No point dancing round any issue. Better to be up front and simply say 'no thanks'. Any rational person/s will accept it at face value. "
And what if people aren't rational or true swingers? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No point dancing round any issue. Better to be up front and simply say 'no thanks'. Any rational person/s will accept it at face value.
And what if people aren't rational or true swingers? "
There could be an issue then?! |
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"No point dancing round any issue. Better to be up front and simply say 'no thanks'. Any rational person/s will accept it at face value.
And what if people aren't rational or true swingers?
There could be an issue then?! "
Very unlikely. I've said no thanks to more people than i have played with and never had a problem. This includes people i have played with previously and those i have chatted/flirted with online.
If anyone does get arsy with you for turning them down just report it to the staff so they can deal with it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No point dancing round any issue. Better to be up front and simply say 'no thanks'. Any rational person/s will accept it at face value.
And what if people aren't rational or true swingers?
There could be an issue then?!
Very unlikely. I've said no thanks to more people than i have played with and never had a problem. This includes people i have played with previously and those i have chatted/flirted with online.
If anyone does get arsy with you for turning them down just report it to the staff so they can deal with it."
Very useful advice! Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chances are they'll feel more awkward than you.. trust me lol"
Possibly! I would be mortified! Although we're totally prepared for it. We understand that not everyone will find everyone attractive  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I dont want to play with someone who asks me I sometimes say "Thanks for asking but Im just taking a break now"
Sally"
See that to me says you may want to play with them later. I'd rather have or give a direct no thanks than be left dangling. If people can't handle rejection then that is their issue to deal with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When you say your not interested, shout it loud enough for everyone to hear and then point and laugh at them. "
Haha! This did make me chuckle. God, I hope this doesn't happen to us!! |
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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
I know I would prefer for someone to be honest with us and say "no" rather than reluctantly 'take one for the team'.
If they react badly that's their problem, not yours. Don't let it affect your night. |
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"So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid? "
How did you react when they expressed a desire to play with you? They might already know by your reaction. The key is not to give anyone false hope. It's difficult face to face to say no outright but even more difficult to say it a second time having not given a clear answer, it also causes resentment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid?
How did you react when they expressed a desire to play with you? They might already know by your reaction. The key is not to give anyone false hope. It's difficult face to face to say no outright but even more difficult to say it a second time having not given a clear answer, it also causes resentment."
I tried to be diplomatic and said that we were happy to have a drink and chat. However, I was careful to stress that we would see how things went and made no promises. They only booked tickets once they knew we were going so I got the impression that we were very keen to meet us! I am taking all this advice on board and, should they ask, we will politely decline x |
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"So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid?
How did you react when they expressed a desire to play with you? They might already know by your reaction. The key is not to give anyone false hope. It's difficult face to face to say no outright but even more difficult to say it a second time having not given a clear answer, it also causes resentment.
I tried to be diplomatic and said that we were happy to have a drink and chat. However, I was careful to stress that we would see how things went and made no promises. They only booked tickets once they knew we were going so I got the impression that we were very keen to meet us! I am taking all this advice on board and, should they ask, we will politely decline x"
Enjoy your evening |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I dont want to play with someone who asks me I sometimes say "Thanks for asking but Im just taking a break now"
Sally
See that to me says you may want to play with them later. I'd rather have or give a direct no thanks than be left dangling. If people can't handle rejection then that is their issue to deal with. "
Yep, being ambiguous to avoid conflict doesn't help anyone in the long run. Plus it seems to show a lack of assertiveness which is a turn of for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No point dancing round any issue. Better to be up front and simply say 'no thanks'. Any rational person/s will accept it at face value.
And what if people aren't rational or true swingers? "
Same rule applies. No means no. I've been turned down/knocked back....and more often had to say no thanks myself. Just play it with a straight bat! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Really sound advice everyone. I hate offending people and I can imagine it smarts being told no, but I would rather say that than regret an experience x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I flawed Mrs Freespirit by having the balls to tell a couple to their face "we're happy to be friends but we don't want to play with you".
This is both true, we are happy to be friends with swingers we don't want to play with, and friendlier than just saying no. It's also less misleading than any kind of excuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I flawed Mrs Freespirit by having the balls to tell a couple to their face "we're happy to be friends but we don't want to play with you".
This is both true, we are happy to be friends with swingers we don't want to play with, and friendlier than just saying no. It's also less misleading than any kind of excuse. "
We've had the 'happy to be friends' bit and we'd rather have a straight up no. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid?
How did you react when they expressed a desire to play with you? They might already know by your reaction. The key is not to give anyone false hope. It's difficult face to face to say no outright but even more difficult to say it a second time having not given a clear answer, it also causes resentment.
I tried to be diplomatic and said that we were happy to have a drink and chat. However, I was careful to stress that we would see how things went and made no promises. They only booked tickets once they knew we were going so I got the impression that we were very keen to meet us! I am taking all this advice on board and, should they ask, we will politely decline x"
Just say not thanks or if one of you wants to play with then say Sorry not for x but y would be happy to play.
You are lready worried by trying to avoid the issue do them and yourselves a favour and be polite but honest.
It is always best in the end |
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"So going to our first club tonight. We know a few couples who are also going. However, we already feel like one of them might not be our cup of tea. They have expressed a desire to play with us and now we feel like it might be awkward.
What's the etiquette in this situation? Is it best to be honest or just try to avoid? "
Be indirect but firm.
You are couple A, you want to play with B but not C.
If C approaches you in a play situation just say in a polite but confident voice "we're only looking to play with couple B tonight".
That's all that is necessary. If they are sensible they will be midly embarassed but you've said it in a face saving way so they should just say "ok no problem".
Maybe they have a major ego and react badly. In that case you can just repeat the line. |
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