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Has anyone else had a crisis like this?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So I've been seeing a guy regularly from here as fwbs, he knows the score that I'm in a relationship (open relationship, partner knows and approves, all good on that front) but wants to come out and hang out with some of my friends with me.

Originally I was cool with it, some of them know about the open relationship and some don't, but I'm happy to hang out as friends as well as just fucking cause I do enjoy his company.

One of my friends commented on how weird it is today though and I'm having like a major existential crisis about whether I should even be seeing him, let alone introducing him to my friends who know my partner???

Has anyone else (particularly those in relationships) ever suddenly doubted everything they're doing? How do you deal with it?

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By *rueone71Man over a year ago

Hiding in the Barnes

"So I've been seeing a guy regularly from here as fwbs, he knows the score that I'm in a relationship (open relationship, partner knows and approves, all good on that front) but wants to come out and hang out with some of my friends with me.

Originally I was cool with it, some of them know about the open relationship and some don't, but I'm happy to hang out as friends as well as just fucking cause I do enjoy his company.

Has anyone else (particularly those in relationships) ever suddenly doubted everything they're doing? How do you deal with it?"

Do you enjoy what are you in to??

Fuck what anyonelse saying

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Keep the intimate side discreet, the rest will just become gossip of what people are thinking.

I found my ex got a thrill from the secrecy, when it became public knowledge she got upset.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Keep both sides of your life separated.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Keep the intimate side discreet, the rest will just become gossip of what people are thinking.

I found my ex got a thrill from the secrecy, when it became public knowledge she got upset."

I think that's probably what I'm gonna have to do from now on, it's a uni student group who I'm never gonna see again cause I'm graduating so I think I'm gonna stick out the plans I've already made and then never try it again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whatever works for you is what works.

The ones who don't know about your open relationship will assume that you're either friends or the fruity ones will think you're seeing him. The worry there would be your partner finding out but he knows.

It's human nature to know half a story and then the other half gets made up with something juicy, very rarely is it positive.

As you say you're graduating so dont sweat it. You can't control the narrow minds.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I haven't experienced this I've never had a fwb and probably never will so bear that in mind but it might give you an insight in to how your friend sees things

Does your partner know and agree to you moving this relationship on a step, because that's what it seems like to me? Your fwb wants to become more like a boyfriend or girlfriend. If that's ok with you and your partner but not ok with your friend just avoid that friend when you're out with him.

I find that a friends comments only make me think something I'm doing is wrong if part of me already thinks it too.

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By *eerobCouple over a year ago

solihull

Not sure it's fair on your friends but most importantly is it going to affect your relationship with your husband, sounds like a very it could turn dangerously wrong, what about when fwb wants to come to X'mas dinner with your family etc.., and gets all Moody because he's not invited??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Keep the intimate side discreet, the rest will just become gossip of what people are thinking.

I found my ex got a thrill from the secrecy, when it became public knowledge she got upset.

It might also not be a bad time to find out how your partner feels about your hanging out with him outside of the sex especially as it is with other friends... xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As long as everyone involved (you, your partner, your other partner, their partners) are consenting, then I don't see how it's anyone's business. If your friend thinks it is weird, then that's up to them really.

I recently finished university (last summer) and lots of the younger people there thought it was weird to have more than one committed partner. I explained how I felt to them, answered any questions openly and honestly, and then if they still felt it was 'weird' just shrugged my shoulders and let them get on with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not sure it's fair on your friends "

Why is it not fair on your friends to introduce them to other people who are your friends?

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By *ussetdevilCouple over a year ago

Swindon

I keep my fwb as just that, separate from my friends as they know of him as a mate.

I don't like to confuse the lines between partner and fb, would be worried that he wants more from you as no regular fb would want to meet all yr friends!

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By *queeze1Couple over a year ago

close to Faringdon

Vanilla is one flavour

Non vanilla is another

Never mix the two !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks guys.

My partner's fine with it, we're long distance at the moment because I'm away for uni so he accepts that I need the company and attention as well as the sex, he's met the guys, they get on really well...

It's literally just my best friend who knows everything about the situation who can't just accept it and be supportive, all my other friends who know are fine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As long as everyone involved (you, your partner, your other partner, their partners) are consenting, then I don't see how it's anyone's business. If your friend thinks it is weird, then that's up to them really.

Thanks for sharing your experience, I think that's the attitude I'm gonna have to have!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Thanks guys.

It's literally just my best friend who knows everything about the situation who can't just accept it and be supportive, all my other friends who know are fine."

I'm not sure your friends role is to support you in something they don't agree with. I prefer honesty about how my friends feel it doesn't mean I think less of them or they me.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

If your friends know even a little about you they'll know you are shagging him within a few minutes, there'll be no way to hide it. It's up to you whether you an your better half are bothered about the gossip that will follow. Why you'd introduce someone like this to your circle of friends has me scratching my head personally - You might as well meet his family and go there for Christmas dinner.

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By *rnortholtMan over a year ago

Ealing way

It's all down to you at the end of the day, but I can understand why the blurring of so many lines has got your best mate confused.

Just think about it for a mo. You don't live with your partner but your FWB is close at hand and probably stays over. You like your FWB to be around and you sleep with them. To an outsider that probably sounds pretty close to what they'd call a boyfriend.

Then think of others you know at Uni who are away from their partners and basically cheat.

For your mate, who cannot really get inside your head, putting you and your situation in one box and the others at Uni who play away in an entirely separate one is not the easiest ask.

The fact everything is happening with your partners knowledge an consent is irrelevant. I would guess that what's she's struggling with is the idea you have two guys fulfilling very similar roles of being people who provide the companionship you need and sleep with you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In your position, I would be considering what constitutes a friend rather than my sex life which his nothing whatsoever to do with them.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

"I would guess that what's she's struggling with is the idea you have two guys fulfilling very similar roles of being people who provide the companionship you need and sleep with you."

To me it sounds like he's forcing the idea and she's flirting with danger as she's never going to see those Uni mates again. Seems more a relationship move than someone keeping things to casual fwb's. I think a pic of "awkward" is going to be uploaded sometime.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The fact everything is happening with your partners knowledge an consent is irrelevant. "

Well it's not, actually. I think if a friend can't understand the concept that everything is being done with consent, then perhaps they're not actually a very good friend? Or they're thick. Either way, I'd move on from their 'friendship'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i have times when i wish i had never heard of swinging and sex sites - i get over them eventually but often after hurting for a while - but its your life - youre in an open relationship so that is exactly how you are being - x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks for your opinions and support, guys!

Right now I am erring closer to the relationship side because obviously being away from my life partner I'm lonely and I like the company. My friends are usually all pretty accepting, so there's no problem there (and I don't care about the opinions of the judgemental people who hang around).

I had a chat with my friend again this morning and basically he was d*unk and trying to joke around, but instead came across as a massive dickhead!

All is well and knowing that my best friend isn't secretly judging me all the time makes me feel a lot better!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Originally I was cool with it, some of them know about the open relationship and some don't, but I'm happy to hang out as friends as well as just fucking cause I do enjoy his company.

Has anyone else (particularly those in relationships) ever suddenly doubted everything they're doing? How do you deal with it?"

If things like a friends comment gives you a crisis you are going to struggle on here

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