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Single lad vs. Swinging Male
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Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
There seems to be for you.
We seldom dig deeply enough into their lives to know whether they are swingers or have just come in on the offchance.
We are more interested in him as a person than his experience as a swinger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? "
Surely it's down to you guys not to let this happen. If you don't just want any jack the lad 'using' your gf then take the time to learn a little about them. Ask if they swing regularly. Ask questions and if your not happy with the answers then don't allow play to happen.
Poppy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We very much regard there is a difference, and will only play with men who are swingers, or at the very least interested in swinging. In our experience anything else doesn't work. We do find it quite easy to spot the single male swingers, although relatively aren't very many of them on Fab.
Mrs |
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? "
You're over thinking it somewhat I think. Long as he's respectful,polite,smells good etc. What's the issue in your eyes? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts?
You're over thinking it somewhat I think. Long as he's respectful,polite,smells good etc. What's the issue in your eyes?"
It's an issue if the guy is using the couple in order to get sex from the lady. Nothing worse that inviting a man to join us, and that man is just tolerating my husband being there. That is the main reason we only play with swingers.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We think that there is a difference. A single male who is a *real* swinger will build a rapport with my husband too and be mindful of the fact that he is entitled to nothing
Whereas the 'swinger tourists' we have seen in clubs are easy to spot since they are usually sniggering fools who think that the women in the couple are hungry for them because the husband is inadequate in some way
- Mrs. J - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? "
There can be a huge difference, it comes down to attitude. But equally many of the single men (and in fairness sone of the women too) don't have that attitude or tge right mindset |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We think that there is a difference. A single male who is a *real* swinger will build a rapport with my husband too and be mindful of the fact that he is entitled to nothing
Whereas the 'swinger tourists' we have seen in clubs are easy to spot since they are usually sniggering fools who think that the women in the couple are hungry for them because the husband is inadequate in some way
- Mrs. J -"
This  |
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You've got a choice at clubs to 'recruit' at or by the play areas or in the non-play type zones, such as a bar. People usually behave differently in these and I think you can suss out people easily at the bar etc, moving on to other people, where unsuitable guys show their colours. That way you don't have to feel humiliation or stop action once underway. Get the male half to actively screen at all times and use codes between you if someone is wrong.
A few minutes of chat should define if someone is inappropriate |
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By *andVCouple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
I think etiquette is the only real difference, because at the end of the day wether the guy is a swinger or a jack the lad they both may still wan't sex with your wife/partner but a hardened swinger will no how to approach it in a lot better manner which some guy of the street may not.
But the aim is still the same for all parties concerned. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think etiquette is the only real difference, because at the end of the day wether the guy is a swinger or a jack the lad they both may still wan't sex with your wife/partner but a hardened swinger will no how to approach it in a lot better manner which some guy of the street may not.
But the aim is still the same for all parties concerned."
I think it's more than ettiquete. Its whether the single guy is interested in swinging. If they are new to swinging, that's fine (although I would question whether we are the right couple for a newbie). But if a man is not interested in any of the things that the swinging lifestyle can offer, then I would question how it's possible to have a threesome with us - surely a man who is not a swinger, would just be looking for a fuck from me and will tolerate my husband's presence.
Mrs |
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Single female seeking NSA and exciting experiences here... I think there IS a difference and I always seek a single swinger type. They understand the lifestyle and the scene. Single guy type always try to push further or get involved in my private life in some way. |
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By *andVCouple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
It seems that to a woman it makes a huge difference then, because to a guy, swinger or not the aim is to have sex and have fun, and the social side is part of that. To a guy off the street the aim would be exactly the same, every single swinger before they got into the lifestyle was a guy off the street . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems that to a woman it makes a huge difference then, because to a guy, swinger or not the aim is to have sex and have fun, and the social side is part of that. To a guy off the street the aim would be exactly the same, every single swinger before they got into the lifestyle was a guy off the street . "
I think it makes a huge difference to a lot of couples too. In fact probably more so than single women. We will only play with guys who enjoy threesomes and group sex. We will not play with a guy who just wants to have sex with a female. Nothing wrong with many of those guys, but we feel they are of no use to a couple.
Mrs |
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By *andVCouple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
"It seems that to a woman it makes a huge difference then, because to a guy, swinger or not the aim is to have sex and have fun, and the social side is part of that. To a guy off the street the aim would be exactly the same, every single swinger before they got into the lifestyle was a guy off the street .
I think it makes a huge difference to a lot of couples too. In fact probably more so than single women. We will only play with guys who enjoy threesomes and group sex. We will not play with a guy who just wants to have sex with a female. Nothing wrong with many of those guys, but we feel they are of no use to a couple.
Mrs"
So you mean you only play with bi guys?! Because if not your confusing what I'm saying and mean!
I'm not saying that a guy of the street and a hardened swinger are going to act the same way, complete opposite actually, but the fact is that the only real difference is how they would approach it. Do you not think that a guy who's not in the lifestyle wouldn't like group sex or threesomes?! Everbody's entitled to there own opinion to you it obviously makes a bigger difference than it does to us. I anwsered the op's original question of is there a difference from a logical point of view. You say it makes a huge difference, but your not giving a reason why?  |
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"We very much regard there is a difference, and will only play with men who are swingers, or at the very least interested in swinging. In our experience anything else doesn't work. We do find it quite easy to spot the single male swingers, although relatively aren't very many of them on Fab.
Mrs"
I am in agreement, a single male swinger is like a lover and behaves as such, a single male in this environment will be confused and need some induction before he can operate, you will see it in his behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? "
Ask your mrs?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems that to a woman it makes a huge difference then, because to a guy, swinger or not the aim is to have sex and have fun, and the social side is part of that. To a guy off the street the aim would be exactly the same, every single swinger before they got into the lifestyle was a guy off the street .
I think it makes a huge difference to a lot of couples too. In fact probably more so than single women. We will only play with guys who enjoy threesomes and group sex. We will not play with a guy who just wants to have sex with a female. Nothing wrong with many of those guys, but we feel they are of no use to a couple.
Mrs
So you mean you only play with bi guys?! Because if not your confusing what I'm saying and mean!
I'm not saying that a guy of the street and a hardened swinger are going to act the same way, complete opposite actually, but the fact is that the only real difference is how they would approach it. Do you not think that a guy who's not in the lifestyle wouldn't like group sex or threesomes?! Everbody's entitled to there own opinion to you it obviously makes a bigger difference than it does to us. I anwsered the op's original question of is there a difference from a logical point of view. You say it makes a huge difference, but your not giving a reason why? "
Maybe I didn't explain myself very well. First of all we play with both straight and bi guys, though either way there must be a threeway dynamic. Secondly we feel that most guys on a Fab are not interested in swinging. A guy who is not interested in swinging might well have sex with me and put up with my husband being in the same room. If he is only tolerating my husband being there and would prefer to have me on my own, then we do not regard that as swinging and there is certainly no threeway dynamic. To answer your other question, would a guy who is not in the the lifestyle be interested in threesomes and group sex? I think most would not, or at best they might try it out of curiosity. There will of a course be some who are interested in swinging but haven't had the chance to try it. So our challenge on Fab has been to identify the guys who are either swingers or want to be swingers (less likely the latter) as opposed to the guys who are looking for a female to fuck. But more specifically we try to identify the guys who genuinely like threesomes - but in our experience most single men on the swing scene do like threesomes. Does that make sense? |
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By *andVCouple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
Sort off  I know were your coming from that a lot of guys wouldn't be into somebodys partner being there, and is just looking for a quick easy lay.
As the swinging dynamic isn't for everyone.
But I think when a single male or even a male in a couple puts themselves in a swinging situation I think the only real evident difference is in experience and etiquette, amd thats just an experience thing, because you may or may not have a regular guy use meet who may have been swinging for years and knows what to say and do. But when that giy very first started he would have been that random single guy of the street ao would he have been so inherrently different to what he is now? Or just more experienced.
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts? "
Yes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sort off I know were your coming from that a lot of guys wouldn't be into somebodys partner being there, and is just looking for a quick easy lay.
As the swinging dynamic isn't for everyone.
But I think when a single male or even a male in a couple puts themselves in a swinging situation I think the only real evident difference is in experience and etiquette, amd thats just an experience thing, because you may or may not have a regular guy use meet who may have been swinging for years and knows what to say and do. But when that giy very first started he would have been that random single guy of the street ao would he have been so inherrently different to what he is now? Or just more experienced.
"
Well that brings me to my second point, where I agree the understanding of swing etiquette comes with experience. So our first challenge would be to find a guy who genuinely likes swinging as opposed to wants a lady to fuck. But that would not be enough. We ideally would prefer a guy who is sufficiently experienced that the whole thing goes smoothly. But that's not essential. If he'd never done it before and we believed he really wanted it then who knows. We've never played with a total newbie though. I don't think we have the right personalities to show someone the ropes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interview a single male or single female to ascertain mindset by asking:
"If you had a partner, would you swing?"
I would   "
That is i would swing, not I would ask. |
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"Interview a single male or single female to ascertain mindset by asking:
"If you had a partner, would you swing?"
I would "
And that, I think, is the big difference between a swinger and someone just looking to get laid.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest for me it's not all about getting laid or having shit hot amazing sex it's about having fun, socialising, meeting a lot of great people and even making some awesome friends along the way. On the bonus side if you manage some of that shit hot sex the FABulous |
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To op yes have seen mainly young lads come in all giggley or giving it then big un or following ladies and clps about trying to chat the ladies up with out even greeting the partner
Good thing about smoking is when your in the smoking area and its you and them you can get a better feel for who they are was once asked what time the birds show up or wheres all the pussy at just kinda smiled to my self thinking oh dear |
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"Interview a single male or single female to ascertain mindset by asking:
"If you had a partner, would you swing?"
I would "
I'm married, but play as a unicorn (with complete permission, my husband plays separately too) - so the answer to that question for me is clearly a resounding YES
This is a question that sorts them out in my opinion! I've had countless single guys tell me it's all so hot etc etc.... BUT NO CHANCE they'd let any future wife of theirs do such a thing..... They quickly meet my block hand.
It's not about experience, it's about mindset and understanding. That's what sorts the swingers (experience irrelevant) from the jack the lads
(Can apply same logic to females too, using males for reference as discussion was started stating males) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interview a single male or single female to ascertain mindset by asking:
"If you had a partner, would you swing?"
I would
I'm married, but play as a unicorn (with complete permission, my husband plays separately too) - so the answer to that question for me is clearly a resounding YES
This is a question that sorts them out in my opinion! I've had countless single guys tell me it's all so hot etc etc.... BUT NO CHANCE they'd let any future wife of theirs do such a thing..... They quickly meet my block hand.
It's not about experience, it's about mindset and understanding. That's what sorts the swingers (experience irrelevant) from the jack the lads
(Can apply same logic to females too, using males for reference as discussion was started stating males) "
Hence the inclusion of females in the question.
I would love to be in a relationship with a guy who swings, hence, meeting single guys only. Sadly I have found those who talk the talk do not walk the walk.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interview a single male or single female to ascertain mindset by asking:
"If you had a partner, would you swing?"
I would
I'm married, but play as a unicorn (with complete permission, my husband plays separately too) - so the answer to that question for me is clearly a resounding YES
This is a question that sorts them out in my opinion! I've had countless single guys tell me it's all so hot etc etc.... BUT NO CHANCE they'd let any future wife of theirs do such a thing..... They quickly meet my block hand.
It's not about experience, it's about mindset and understanding. That's what sorts the swingers (experience irrelevant) from the jack the lads
(Can apply same logic to females too, using males for reference as discussion was started stating males)
Hence the inclusion of females in the question.
I would love to be in a relationship with a guy who swings, hence, meeting single guys only. Sadly I have found those who talk the talk do not walk the walk.
"
These men are no more honest than fab single men who do not declare their relationship status/cheat. It's deception.
Anyway I digress, back to the topic  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A single swinging person normally starts out as a single testing the waters of the scene, we all had to start somewhere to see if it was something we wanted to persue"
No one was a swinger without starting somewhere....single or couple. I guess if one doesn't allow newbies in then we'll all grow old and swinging will die out..... I don't think so really. Newbies can learn with newbies and swinging will still be alive and well in 30 years too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it'smore about mindset rather than any exexperience. Yes experience will help but only if the mindset is inline. I might add too that what's ones idea of swinging etiquette may be slightly different to another's, much like the variation in the way clubs are run and organised too. |
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Interesting catching up on the replies, and glad it's not just me feeling off (with this one lad) upon reflection I think it was the way he was also interacting with his mates in the club with them watching him chat up the gf as easy meat to use, as opposed to also talking to me as the male half. Shame as he really missed out!
Totally accept there's a learning curve for lads to go through to become a swinging male, but respect can be achieved from day 1 |
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts?
You're over thinking it somewhat I think. Long as he's respectful,polite,smells good etc. What's the issue in your eyes?
It's an issue if the guy is using the couple in order to get sex from the lady. Nothing worse that inviting a man to join us, and that man is just tolerating my husband being there. That is the main reason we only play with swingers.
Mrs"
Thats an if though..how would you know if that's what said man is trying to do?. So are you saying that a male straight swinger doesn't tolerate you man because he's going to get to sleep with you?. Tolerate as in what..is being fake by making conversation?. This could be done by a male swinger too is my point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a difference?!
Reason I ask is the GF has been chatted up/to lots of times in clubs, and we have 'entertained' a single male swinger from the scene before now
But, when a vanilla jack the lad pays his fee to enter this world and just expects to use my missus after a brief bit of patter; is there a difference???
Thoughts?
You're over thinking it somewhat I think. Long as he's respectful,polite,smells good etc. What's the issue in your eyes?
It's an issue if the guy is using the couple in order to get sex from the lady. Nothing worse that inviting a man to join us, and that man is just tolerating my husband being there. That is the main reason we only play with swingers.
Mrs
Thats an if though..how would you know if that's what said man is trying to do?. So are you saying that a male straight swinger doesn't tolerate you man because he's going to get to sleep with you?. Tolerate as in what..is being fake by making conversation?. This could be done by a male swinger too is my point"
What I mean by 'tolerate my husband' is that some men might put up with him being there if that's what it takes to have sex with me. But really they don't care whether he is there or not, or even worse would rather my husband would sod off and have me on my own. That is not the right ingredients for a threesome. However if we choose a male swinger to join us, then I would assume that man enjoys group sex and finds the dynamics exciting. I would say that the men we play with prefer sex that involves more that 2 people. But most importantly when they play with us, they genuinely want my husband to be there, because without him there is no theeesome.
Mrs |
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